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Quote of the Week
"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
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This article was originally written and posted on the blog on Nov 10, 2009, and is just as relevant today. As we discussed in today's PSST meeting, finding a way to agree with our teenagers can help to defuse a potentially explosive situation, reinforce our boundaries, and model adult behavior, while taking steps to build greater intimacy with our teens.
Won't you give me three steps, gimme three steps mister......gimme three steps towards the door! The method that we often cover at PSST is three simple steps. Keeping things simple is one of the primary goals of skills training at PSST. Some say that these are not really three steps- but what we hope is that you will keep three things in mind when you interact with your oppositional defiant, drug abusive, willful teenager.
The First Step is to agree with only a part of what they are saying; however, for the part that you have chosen to agree with - agree wholeheartedly with it. In other words, don't just say a quick agreeing statement followed by a "but" because that "but" negates the agreeing part.
If you are reading this and thinking, "Sometimes there is nothing that I can agree with" then I challenge you to look that statement over again. There is practically always something that you can affirm, even if it's the fact that your teenager has not lost their sense of humor. I refer back to one thing that Deb Cohen said at our last PSST, that interventions are best built around the strength of a teenager ( strength-based) and when you find a small part- or a large part- of what a teenager says that you can build on, you are off to a good start at formulating an effective response.
The Second Step is to put your spin on the agreement. Turn it into your own talking point. Twist- not in a disrespectful or facetious manner but in a matter-of-fact way, just put your spin on it. We will give examples below. When thinking of this- it may be that the First Step and the Second Step are really one step because the part of the thing that you are agreeing with is often the same as the "twist." It may be that the reframing that we are looking for is really formed by the choice of what part of the thing you will agree with.
The Third Step is to hold your ground. This is often aided by starting with the phrase "nevertheless" or "regardless." These two words are truly power-words. Other words can be used; however, these two serve the purpose of keeping the speaker on track without making a judgment. For example, one can say "whatever" and that would also serve the purpose of keeping the speaker on track, but it carries a negative connotation or judgment of the thing that the other speaker was trying to use as a distraction. Just saying nevertheless and regardless does not hint at any judgment of the distraction- it just keeps the speaker on track. Another way to say it might be, "Even if that's true," and go back to the talking point but it's probably easier just to say regardless or nevertheless.
The door: I liked the analogy of "Gimme three steps, gimme three steps Mister, give me three steps towards the door" because we should not forget that these little interactions do not have to go on and on and on. Say it- mean it- and move on. Don't linger too long in an unproductive interaction because by lingering you give the impression that this issue is still up for debate. An exception to this is the technique we cover at PSST where you say, "Ask me again, ask me again." This is not really a contradiction however because when you move to the "ask me again, ask me again" maneuver, the subject is truly as closed as if you had simply just walked away.
Fluidity: We notice at PSST when we are role-playing this technique that we are often going back to step one. That is because teenagers continue to change what they are saying. When they see that they can't manipulate the parent one way- they quickly move to another angle. At that point it is possible to agree quickly with some part of the new angle- twist it- and land with a nevertheless just the same way. In fact, it's good if the teen keeps changing the angle because it is a demonstration that they get it that the original angle is closed. Eventually there will be no angles left.
Example:
Son: Dad I need twenty bucks to go to the movies tonight- you can't really get in for less, after you buy popcorn and soda.
Dad: I know!!!! It's ridiculous how expensive it is to go to the movies. In fact, it cost more for snacks sometimes than you paid to get in!
Son: Right, so can I have the money?
Dad: No, I'm not giving you twenty bucks for the movies tonight Son.
Son: Why not?
Dad: I'm not feeling it tonight Son. I have twenty bucks but I don't want to let go of it.
Son: That sucks- you are always so stingy. I mean I'm not saying you're the cheapest dad in the world, but you're up there in the top ten! And you know for sure that I'm not trying to buy drugs or anything and you still won't give me the money.
{This last comment allows two choices for what to agree with. You can go with the "yes I'm cheap" or you can go with the "I know you're not trying to buy drugs." The first one always works while the second one only works if the teen has been doing some good work on his recovery." }
Dad: I think you are exactly right Son- I trust that you would spend the money at the movies and it didn't even cross my mind that you might spend it on drugs. I know you did that two months ago when I gave you money- but I think you grown up a lot since then, and you seem so much more involved in your recovery now that I trust that you would not be buying drugs with the money.
{The twist here is to mention in a non-threatening way that in fact it was only two months ago that this young man did misuse money. Sometimes the twist is mild and it only allows you to mention something in a positive way but it still brings it up and puts it squarely on the table.}
Son: Right! I'm going to meetings every day- I call my sponsor, I go to my home group- so I deserve to go to the movies!
Dad: You deserve much in my book! My goodness- you've done some great stuff. And you're showing a lot more maturity- I mean hecks- just a month ago, when you didn't get your own way you had a really tough time with that- temper tantrums- and all kinds of stuff. But now you seem much more able to accept "No" for an answer- I think that's one of the biggest things that I've seen change in you.
{the agreement is that he has done great but the twist is that he is much more able to accept not having his own way. Now if he does not accept not having his own way in regards to the $20, he has just proved that he has not changed- it's up to him but the twist provides productivity}
Son: Great. So give me the money?
Dad: Aaaa- no- regardless Son, I'm just not generous today. Maybe I'm a bit on the cheap side like you said.
Son: So, when you see me suddenly relapse cause I'm getting so frustrated what will you think then? You'll probably wish you just gave me the money huh?
Dad: You're right again. I'll feel horrible if you relapse. I'd be scared for you and very disappointed too - especially cause it seems like you're really trying to stay clean this time.
{He is threatening us with a relapse- this is not a good sign as to where he is with his recovery; however, we will jump back to step one and it's easy as pie to agree at any time that a relapse is horrible and, yes, we will feel bad about it when it happens- then we twist by repeating what we already said that he seems to be doing things right this time and that would really make a relapse sad. By twisting in this direction we are taking this threat of a relapse to the bank and this is not where our young man wants us to go- now read down where we continue to twist this threat of relapse into some uncomfortable territory]
Pause
Dad: Sounds like you're really worried about relapsing.
Pause
Dad: I think that's something else that you do differently. Before- you never talked about urges and relapse prevention. But now I hear you being concerned about relapsing- you're talking about it- and you seem to know that you're not out-of-the woods with your recovery. You are often walking a very thin line between relapse and staying clean- and at least you're aware of it and you're talking about it. Good for you, Son.
{Now our twist has him walking a very thin line. This is not a person that we are going to hand $20 bucks too but we don't have to say that because we weren't giving up the money anyway but he will see that we are turning this threat back at him and he is going to have to try to do some damage control or back pedaling with this threat- which is fine- we hope that he does get off the threat thing}
Son: I'm not going to use Dad!
Dad: Oh I'm sorry. I thought that's just what you were saying- that you were worried about relapsing. [This is often the case with reframing or twisting. We are helping him to see what he is saying.]
Son: I'm just asking you how you'd feel if I relapsed because you didn't give me the 20 bucks that's all.
Dad: No matter the reason Son, I'll feel terrible if you relapse- like I said, I'll be worried that you might die and I'll feel disappointed. But, you're saying that you are NOT going to relapse over the 20$ so I guess I don't have to worry about that today then? I feel a bit better now that you put it that way!
{rather than argue about whether or not he threatened to relapse, we just go with the new statement instead and agree with that- in other words, back to step one}
Son: I'm not gonna use! [Looking angry] But I meant how would you feel if you thought that a relapse was your fault?
{He can't completely let go of that threat so we agree and twist it again}
Dad: You're right on the money with that Son! I'd feel worse even. In fact, I've really asked myself that a lot.
Son: What do you mean?
Dad: Well, you know, as a parent it's hard to wonder if I was a better parent if you wouldn't have become an addict. Like, you know I used to let you get what you wanted no matter what it was, cause I didn't want to see you have a tantrum. You know what I'm talking about. And I look back and I ask myself if that wasn't a large part of the problem- that I just didn't want to deal with you flipping out, breaking stuff, yelling at me, threatening me and stuff like that. Well, I'm not saying I caused your addiction, but I could have made better decisions and for goodness sakes I could have said "No" to you more often. Well, I don't know if you're noticing, but I'm working on that today.
Son: Yeah, so this is just you saying "no" for the sake of saying "no."
{that is so perfect we can simply agree and not bother to twist it. He expects us to deny that we are saying no for the sake of saying no but really it is part of the reason that we are saying no so just agree and move on.}
Dad: Yes! I think that is a good enough way to put it.
Son: [Glaring!]
Dad: listen, I got to run- if there's something else we can chat later OK? Call me if you need me Son. Oh, and I am proud of the changes you're making in your life- you know that, right?
{he's not coming at us with any new angles, so we take the opportunity to move towards the door}
Son: yeah.
It may appear as though this three-step thing takes a lot of thinking fast on the feet. Well, it does and it doesn't. Since the teenager keeps coming at you from different angles it does take some thinking; however, the themes keep repeating. After a while, you've heard them all and your responses stay the same. Once you've practised this with your teenager you'll begin to see how these themes repeat and you'll be ready with your agreement/twists. Then follow that up with a nevertheless or regardless if appropriate and head for the door!
Dad: later!
Note: The picture used is from Wikipedia. This post references the lyrics from Gimme Three Steps by Lynyrd Skyrnrd. No profit is made off of this picture or off of the link to the lyric and is only used here with reference given to source.
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The Beacon
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, October 25, 2014
I
remember coming to PSST for the first time almost 4 years ago, worried about so
many things. These were dark times for
our family, and at the time, we could see no light at the end of the
tunnel. One of the worst fears I had,
after all we had been through with our son, and how much heartache might still
be ahead of us, will he tear our family apart?
And can I – will I – still be able to love him? Looking around the room, I asked myself, what
about all of these parents? Many of
their children had been in multiple placements, physically attacked their
parents, damaged their property, stolen money or property from their family, relapsed
multiple times, been arrested by the police, and had generally put their
parents through hell and back. Can they
– do they – still love their children?
What
have I seen in our PSST group since then?
The love is so fierce, that it’s strong enough to knock you over. Clearly, there is a lot of pain and
heartbreak wrapped up in that love. So
many sleepless nights, gut-wrenching confrontations, and bitter tears
shed. We don’t get to experience joy and
pride in quite the same way that other parents do. We have changed our expectations – we are proud when our child earns his GED, or sticks with a new job for more than a month. We are proud when our child accepts the
consequences for violating a home contract, is clean for 30 days without a
relapse, or makes a conscious decision to go back into rehab. It’s certainly not what we expected or hoped
for as parents, and it’s definitely not what we were prepared for.
I
still remember PSST parents Jim & Cheryl dealing with a very public and
troubling situation with their son. It
would have been so easy for them to skip that week’s PSST meeting, but they
came and shared their story. I was so
glad that they did, because their strength in the face of adversity was knock-you-over
inspiring. What hit me the most was Cheryl’s
final comment – no matter what their son did and how much he disappointed them,
even if he ended up on death row, they would still be his parents who would care
for him and love him forever.
We
don’t really expect our children to see, understand, or appreciate the depth
and commitment of our love for them. Most
“normal” children don’t either. However,
what is special for our children is that our love for them has survived
crushing pain, and our commitment to them is forged in repeated disappointment and fear for their very lives. And if they really caught a glimpse of it, they
might think we are crazy, foolish, or just plain idiotic for caring so
much. Don’t get me wrong, we may get so
angry with our children at times that we can hardly bear to see them, and at
some point, we may even decide that it’s not good for anyone involved for them
to live with us.
But
the love is there, shining brightly – a strong, unwavering beacon for them
should they someday see it and decide to follow it home.
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"First of all, let me preface this by saying that getting and staying sober has been, by far, the best decision that I’ve ever made. There is no doubt in my mind about that.
But I’m also going to say something else that might not be what other people in recovery want to put out there, but what I have found in my experience to be completely true.
Sometimes, sobriety sucks.
* * * * * * *
And absolutely, sobriety is a lot of work. But the result of that work is miraculous. I have amazing relationships, I have a life with meaning, I have an active spiritual life. The juice is completely worth the squeeze.
So yea, sometimes sobriety sucks. But you know what? Sometimes LIFE sucks. That’s just the nature of existence – there are ups and downs on the rollercoaster. The point is to make the most of the ride."
For the full post, written by Deanna de Bara, click here.
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As many of you already know, the 2014 Allegheny County Parents of the Year are our own Francois and Brigitte.
Each year this award goes to the parent(s) who have used the parenting skills of PSST and who also have given back to other parents in a substantial way.
Congratulations to this year's winners, who brought their family back from the abyss, as they faced their sons' drug use and behavioral health issues, and made some very difficult choices along the way. They have much to be proud of & grateful for, as their family has made significant progress. During their journey, Francois and Brigitte also provided very helpful advice to other parents via Yahoo Groups emails, as well as through their participation in PSST meetings and role plays.
Since many parents were unable to attend the awards ceremony in Pittsburgh, the text of their acceptance speech is included with this posting. Just click "Read More" at the bottom of this post to read their speech.
Brigitte:
Although Francois and I were singled out as this year’s recipients, this is a shared award among many brave and talented people. The sole reason we are even standing here today is that parents and professionals, many of them from PSST, were there to help us when we most needed it, and we are forever grateful for the guidance, empathy, and encouragement we received.
We are the parents of three boys. When our oldest son, Pierre, was 16, we started to notice changes in his friends, grades, and attitude. By the time he was 17, we could no longer deny his behavior problems and drug use. He was volatile, stealing from family members, flunking classes and refusing to go to school. The rest of us walked on eggshells around him; he was out of our control.
We insisted that he go to an outpatient drug program. Unfortunately, the program didn’t make much of a difference in our son’s drug use or behaviors, but it was there that Francois and I discovered a very powerful weapon, the PSST group. We went to our first meeting the next week and were shocked to find that there were so many other parents dealing with similar issues.
Over a three year period, our son ended up in multiple placements and rehabs, two stints at a halfway house, and two years of probation. He lost his driver’s license, was arrested for possession, could not keep a job. Eventually, he was asked to leave our home because of his drug use.
At the same time, our youngest son, Serge, who is on the autistic spectrum, was suffering from serious mental health issues and had become physically and verbally abusive. He was hospitalized 6 times in a two-year period and he was also out of our control. Our family was in crisis and falling apart. There were daily battles and power struggles. There were tears, threats, accusations, holes in the walls and broken doors, and plenty of sleepless nights. We were dealing with two out-of-control children and trying to protect our middle son from the chaos. Those were what we fondly call the dark years.
Francois:
During the dark years, though, we had a guiding light. We went regularly to PSST meetings and tried to learn the skills we were so lacking. We worked on setting firm boundaries and stopping enabling behaviors. We made tough decisions, like having our son arrested to get him into treatment. We learned from other strong, skillful parents who also made tough choices. We mourned with parents who lost their children to drug overdose. We learned from role plays and from the wisdom of the professionals. Two of the most helpful skills we learned were: 1) that strong parents can still be respectful, kind, and loving even when they hate what their child is doing and 2) parents need to take an honest look at their own behaviors and ask themselves if they are helping their kids or enabling them. All the while we were learning and growing, so were our children.
This story has a relatively happy ending. It’s not the kind of perfect, happy ending you find in a movie. It’s a real-life happy ending. Today our oldest son is 20 and living on his own. He has been working at the same job for close to a year and is learning that his choices in life come with consequences, both good and bad. Our youngest son, now almost 17, has been home for six months after extensive treatment at a residential placement, and is doing quite well with no physical altercations. We are amazed to think of where we were three years ago and where we are now as a family.
Our family is working to heal old wounds and resentments, to forgive and to accept, and care for each other again as a family. From the bottom of our heart, we want to thank the parents of PSST who supported us, the judges, probation officers, and police who helped keep our family safe and get our children the treatment they needed, the therapists who worked with all of us, and a special thank you to a very unique group of people: Lloyd Woodward, Val Ketter, Kathie Tagmyer and her team, and Jerry Stradford. Lastly, we thank our boys, Pierre, Jacques, and Serge, who have shown incredible perseverance and a willingness to grow and change. This award is for all of us.
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The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is looking for parents who
might be interested in their volunteer parent coach program. Cathy Taughinbaugh,
a certified Parent, Life and Recovery Coach, has been participating in this
program for over a year and has found it to be a powerful support system for
parents who are struggling with their child's drug or alcohol use. It's a great
way to give back and help other parents.
Looking for Experienced Parents to Help Support other Families
Facing Drug or Alcohol Problems with their Kids
Have you or someone you know had personal experience with a drug
or alcohol abusing child and want to use that experience to help other families
facing similar problems? We are looking for 8-10 experienced parents in the New
Orleans, Los Angeles, Boston, and Pittsburgh, PA areas who are interested in
getting free, specialized CRAFT ((Community Reinforcement and Family Training)
training to learn how to be a volunteer parent coach. Your first-hand
experience understanding the impact of drugs and alcohol on a family is an
incredibly valuable resource for other families. Wouldn't you have benefited
from someone listening and helping you who had walked in your shoes?
Please
respond to Cathy Taughinbaugh at contact@treatmenttalk.org
immediately to learn more.
The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids and the Center for Motivation and Change is
offering this CRAFT-Based Peer Support parent coach training in New Orleans,
Los Angeles, Boston, and Pittsburgh, PA this fall. Materials and training are
provided at no cost to you. You are not required or expected to have a
professional background in substance abuse, just your own personal experience.
After the training, you will become part of a national group of parent coaches
(Parent Support Network) who help and support the many parents who feel
hopeless, alone, and ashamed of their child's disease of addiction.
The
trainings in the 4 metro areas will be provided by an experienced local
psychologist, a specially trained parent coach 'mentor' and a professional
staff member from the Partnership. CRAFT has been proven to be effective in
helping families encourage their adolescent or young adult child toward healthy
change. This training will also enable you to be a more effective communicator
with your own children and family. Together we can learn to support each
other.
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Come celebrate with us! As part of our regular Wilkinsburg PSST meeting on Saturday, October 4th, we will also be announcing the Parent(s)
of The Year for Allegheny County.
Each year this award usually goes to the
PSST parent(s) who have used the parenting skills of PSST and who also have
given back to the PSST group in a substantial way.
The official award will be presented on
Thursday, October 9th at the annual county awards ceremony, which
begins at 6 PM (and lasts about 2 hours).
The event is held at the Family Court House, 550 Fifth Ave., Pittsburgh,
PA (the Old Allegheny County Jail) on the second floor. Please consider coming to the county awards ceremony to support our PSST
parent(s) receiving this award!
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In its 25th year, Recovery Month promotes
the societal benefits of prevention, treatment, and recovery for mental and
substance use disorders. This year’s theme, “Join the Voices for
Recovery: Speak Up, Reach Out,” encourages people to openly speak
up about mental and substance use disorders and the reality of recovery, and
promotes ways individuals can use to recognize behavioral health issues and
reach out for help. Recovery Month spreads the positive
message that behavioral health is essential to overall health, that prevention
works, treatment is effective and people can and do recover.
I could not imagine a life without alcohol. It was my
everything – until it ripped me apart. ~ Ellie
I am so thankful for each day I am sober and I would never
take back anything. I am the person I am today because of my experiences. I am
not ashamed to say I am in recovery…for life. ~ Meghan
Helping people find sobriety and community has filled a
hole in me that I was trying to fill with alcohol. My life is anything but
boring and best of all, it’s fun. ~ Amanda
Today my life isn’t about hiding and getting what I want, it
is about helping people, sharing my passion for recovery and hope! ~ Elizabeth
Recovery has given me the chance to become who I was always
meant to be, and to help others do the same. ~ Beth
One Day at a Time is used in all 12-step programs and even though it may be an
old and dusty bumper sticker slogan, I noticed this really works for me
especially when I choose to stay in the moment. ~ Pilar
For more information about National Recovery Month, click here.
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On Saturday, Sept 27, 2014 from
10am-2pm, the US Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) will hold its 9th
national “Drug Take-Back Day” to enable patients, caregivers and pet owners to
properly dispose of unwanted prescription drugs and over-the-counter
medications at no cost.
Since launching the nationwide Drug
Take-Back Day effort in 2010, the DEA has collected more than 3.4 million
pounds (1,733 tons) of prescription medications.
Help to protect our young people (and
others) from overdoses and/or accidental ingestion of prescription medications. Help to keep our water supply safe – don’t flush
unwanted medications down the sink or toilet!
For a searchable list of collection sites nationwide, click here.
The following additional information
about the importance of proper disposal of unwanted prescription medications is
taken from the Pennsylvania Resources
Council website. The
mission of the PRC is to lead and
promote individual and collective actions to preserve Pennsylvania’s
environmental resources for each generation.
There are numerous reasons why
prescription and over-the-counter pharmaceuticals become unwanted or unneeded.
Many people stop taking drugs due to side-effects, their lack of effectiveness,
or quicker recovery periods than anticipated. And medications often reach their
expiration dates before they are completely used. But people are also being
prescribed and buying more drugs, per-person, than ever before in this country.
On a national level, estimates point to upwards of 200
million pounds of pharmaceutical waste being generated each
year. Over the past few years, pharmaceuticals and endocrine disruptors have
been detected in growing amounts in surface and drinking water sources around
the country. This issue has been increasingly covered in scientific literature
and the mainstream media. A series of Associated Press stories brought the
issue to the national spotlight in 2008.
In addition, prescription medications
have become the drug of choice for teens and other age groups. Each year, tens
of thousands of our children and adults die or become critically ill from
overdoses and/or accidental ingestion of prescription medications. Citizens,
scientists, political leaders, law enforcement, and health care professionals
are expressing concern about the proper disposal of pharmaceuticals; the old,
widely-touted advice to flush these materials is no longer acceptable. But few
practical and readily-available solutions currently exist for the safe disposal
of unwanted pharmaceuticals. As early as 2006, however, some waste management
boards and sanitary and wastewater authorities began offering pharmaceutical
collection events in states around the country including Maine, Washington,
Minnesota, and California among others.
President Obama signed
the "Secure and Responsible Drug Disposal Act of
2010" into law on October 12, 2010. The law removes a key barrier to
creating statewide programs that allow residents to safely return and dispose
of leftover medications. The legislation is intended to support the
creation of medication take-back options that reduce prescription
drug abuse and reduce the amount of pharmaceuticals getting into the
environment. Once the new law is implemented, providers of medication
take-back programs will have more options for where and how they set up
programs that accept controlled substances, such as OxyContin, Vicodin, and
Ritalin.
Currently, only law enforcement can
accept narcotics and other controlled substances from residents. The intent of
this federal law is to authorize other convenient community return locations –
like pharmacies – for secure disposal of controlled substances. Currently
pharmacy take-back programs (the legality of these vary from state–to-state)
around the country can only accept the return of over-the-counter medications
and prescription medications that are not controlled substances. However,
controlled substances make up about 11% of prescription drugs sold.
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Support Groups
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, September 13, 2014
Why do I need a support group?
There is no need to stay isolated and alone with our fears. In fact, it is proven that when we reach out to others and share our experiences, we get stronger. When we are stronger, the addicts in our lives have a better chance of recovery.
When one person in the family is addicted to drugs and alcohol, we all get sick. And while we cannot control the choices our children make, we can control the choices we make. But how would we know what the choices are, what works and what doesn’t work, if we don’t participate in a forum where we can learn about what has worked for others? ~ Lauren Springer
For the rest of Lauren’s article, click here.
We are able to feel both supported and challenged in a group experience. As the group bonds and trust develops, people feel safer to speak honestly with each other. In groups we can both get and give. Both feel good. The experience of past loss, damage or trauma (whether from our family or from other relationships), may have profoundly affected our self- concept. A group can become a "family" that responds to us very differently, and can give us a corrective experience that impacts us emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. We can also learn that conflict is part of being in relationship, and can be tolerated and worked through. We can't rationalize our negative feelings away, but I believe we can slowly heal as we learn to take in the love and acceptance that emerges in a group. ~ Wendy Fennell
For the rest of Wendy’s article, click here.
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NAMI
Southwestern Pennsylvania Announces New Class For Parents and Caregivers of
Children with Mental Health Disorders
Pittsburgh, Pa. -- NAMI Southwestern Pennsylvania is
offering, for the first time, the NAMI Basics Education Program
for parents and caregivers of children and adolescents with mental health
issues. This six-week series of classes will begin in Squirrel Hill on
Monday, Sept. 15 from 6:30 to 9 p.m. at the Children's Institute of
Pittsburgh.
Offered at no charge to participants, the course will cover information
about ADHD, Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Oppositional
Defiant Disorder, Anxiety Disorders, Obsessive Compulsive Disorders,
Schizophrenia and Substance Use Disorders.
It will teach coping skills such
as handling crisis and relapse; basic information about medical use in the
treatment of mental illness in children; listening and communication
techniques; problem solving skills; and an overview of the mental health
and school systems' roles in treating children with mental health issues.
The course will be taught by two
trained teachers who are also parents of individuals who developed mental
illness as children.
"This course provides a
meaningful experience for parents and caregivers of children with mental
health issues," said Christine Michaels, executive director of NAMI
Southwestern Pennsylvania. "It introduces them to a community of
people with shared life experience, which is equally important as the
education and skills training they will receive in the class."
"We hope parents and other
caregivers will take advantage of this unique opportunity," Michaels
added.
###
NAMI Southwestern Pennsylvania provides recovery focused
support, education and advocacy to individuals and families affected by
mental illness. More information is available at www.namiswpa.org or by calling (412)
366-3788.
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Speaking after Robin
Williams' recent death, his widow said, “ . . . it is our hope the focus will
not be on Robin's death, but on the countless moments of joy and laughter he
gave to millions.”
One of Williams’ many contributions
was his willingness to speak publicly about his battle with substance abuse. After 20 years of sobriety, in 2006 he sought treatment for alcoholism. During an
interview with Good Morning America, Williams explained
that falling back into alcohol abuse was "very gradual."
"It's the same voice thought that … you're standing at a precipice
and you look down, there's a voice and it's a little quiet voice that goes,
'Jump,'" Williams told Diane Sawyer. "The same voice that goes, 'Just
one.' … And the idea of just one for someone who has no tolerance for it,
that's not the possibility."
When asked why he relapsed, Robin answered: "It's
[addiction] — not caused by anything, it's just there … It waits. It lays
in wait for the time when you think, 'It's fine now, I'm OK.' Then, the next
thing you know, it's not OK. Then you realize, 'Where am I? I didn't realize I
was in Cleveland.'"
For the full article, click here.
Read More......
Detaching with Love
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, August 11, 2014
So far we are experiencing the ups and downs of
Pebbles’ and Dina's attempts with sobriety and 12 step programs. They recently
decided to live together with Dina's boyfriend, which we strongly advised
against. The results were quickly disastrous and the attempts to pull us in
were a struggle to avoid. They are both adults now, although even at age 20,
Pebbles is only an adult in legal terms.
Dina's maturity has been curtailed from years of drug abuse so that even
at 31, she is just a young teen at best.
We have told them so often how smart they are and how
skillful they can be, so we feel we need to give them the dignity to use their
skills to work this out, and use the resources available to get through this
explosion that has recently occurred. As two addicts who think they can live
with 12 step, picking and choosing what they want to use, and with strong
emotional ties with each other, their lives have become a head-on
collision.
It is so difficult not to run to the scene and pick up
the wounded, then take them home to nurse them back to health. But we have done
this so many times, only for them to regain their strength and then walk out to
begin their dangerous lifestyles again. It is so difficult to know that if
nothing changes, change does not occur. So it begins with us to be the change
and let them work this out. Having your two children fighting each other is
more heartbreaking then when they have their own separate issues; but it is
what it is. We just hope we all learn a lesson from this.
We are trying to use our PSST phrases to reply to them
when they call to report what the other is up to and to generally complain
about each other. We always dreamed of a loving family with sisters that are
close and supportive. But right now their addiction is controlling their
thoughts and behaviors, and we have to allow this to run its course. We are
powerless over what their relationship is and will be. They are angry that we
are not getting involved and picking sides. They feel we are being unfair.
Having supportive meetings to go to where there are
parents dealing with similar issues, along with the PSST blog, keeps me from
isolating and falling into a deep depression. Learning to find other interests
to keep me busy does not mean that I have abandoned my daughters, but allows
them to live their lives as I live mine.
When I first attended meetings, I was asked what I did
for fun. I hated that question. I wasn't having any fun. I was feeling
obligated to be in the trenches with my daughters. Slowly I have tried several
hobbies and interests until I found what worked for me. After being laid off
and having too much time on my hands, I have found a part time job where
training took up a lot of my focus. I
have friends through PSST and other groups to share good times at art
festivals, movies and baseball games.
The girls survived without my constant focus and I
think it is better for all of us that I take better care of myself. Maybe by
example they too will do the same, in their own time.
Betty
Read More......
Kathy Radigan, who is a blogger and published
author, as well as the mother of three children, explains why she wrote a
letter to her son about underage drinking:
So many parents take it as a
foregone conclusion that their kids will engage in any manner of risky behavior
. . . But, I want him to know where I
stand on engaging in behaviors that are at best risky and at worst illegal or
life threatening. I never want my son to
say that I wasn’t clear about my feelings . . .
Here is a quote from the letter to
her son:
Your father and I are so proud
of the man you are becoming. We love you so much that we don’t care if you hate
us. That’s our gift to you, we are your parents not your friends.
Click here for the full article.
Read More......
Did you
know that liquid nicotine, an e-liquid used in e-cigarettes and personal vaporizers,
is a powerful neurotoxin, unregulated by federal authorities?
Click here
for an article about liquid nicotine from the New York Times, “Selling a Poison
by the Barrel.”
Here are some excerpts
from the article:
Tiny amounts, whether ingested or absorbed through
the skin, can cause vomiting and seizures and even be lethal.
Toxicologists warn that e-liquids pose a
significant risk to public health, particularly to children, who may be drawn
to their bright colors and fragrant flavorings like cherry, chocolate and
bubble gum. A teaspoon of even highly diluted e-liquid can kill a small child.
Read More......
Here's a photo of our own Abby, rappelling down the
side of a building as part of the Shatterproof Challenge held in Pittsburgh in July. Shatterproof is an organization whose mission is to provide support for prevention, treatment and recovery associated with drug addiction.
Abby, you are our hero(ine)! Wonder if rappelling down a building is listed in the book "101 Natural Highs"?
Read More......
101 Natural Highs
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Those of you who have a Kindle might be
interested in Cathy Taughinbaugh’s e-book “101 Natural Highs for an Amazing
Drug-Free Life”. It’s normally $2.99, but is currently on sale for $0.99. The
sale ends on Saturday, July 19th. Click here for more information about the book.
In the book are reminders and new ideas particularly targeted toward someone in recovery, who needs to fill the hole left by his/her
drug or alcohol use. This book also appears to be useful for those who are looking for ways to "take care of themselves," while dealing with a family member who has a drug or alcohol dependency.
Here
are some reviews from Amazon:
"101 Natural Highs is a treasure trove of
ideas that bring joy, meaning and enjoyment into anyone's life."
"Engaging,
not too long, and a reminder that there is so much a person can do without
drugs or alcohol."
Read More......
In 2008, our oldest son had been arrested for beating up a kid and taking his iPod, along with another boy. We were totally in shock. We never imagined he would break the law, especially in this manner. We already knew he was experimenting with weed and alcohol, and was disrespectful of us at home, but we had worked with 2 different family therapists and were very involved with school counselors and school social workers. We thought we were on top of things. At about the same time, our youngest son was starting his own rebellion with weed, skipping school, bad friends, disrespect.
Between the two of them, one or the other was sneaking out of windows at night to joy ride in my car without a license, coming home drunk or high, hanging out in unsafe neighborhoods with parents that would smoke weed with them, owning a gun, and lying constantly, and we never really knew all of this was going on until after the arrest. We were manipulated at every turn, but were so overwhelmed, we didn't realize it. When we did, we had no skills to deal with it. I was humiliated, felt judged, embarrassed, sad, frightened, anxious, and had no person I could confide in -- until I found PSST, on the internet.
I
called the number and Lloyd answered. He explained how the group worked, and
urged me to come to a meeting. I was very worried I would be the only
"normal" parent in the room. I was sure if parents went to this
group, their kids must really be "bad" and the parents probably
weren't very savvy, like I thought I was. I attended a meeting and it changed
my life.
I
noticed with a bit of surprise and relief that the parents were just like me.
My sons were just like their kids, and some were actually friends of my boys. I
was no longer ashamed, and I certainly didn't feel judged. It stopped me from
feeling helpless and gave me the tools to be pro-active and in control of my
home and myself. I learned these things in the most supportive atmosphere with
the best junk food. I knew everyone understood how I felt. I had gained the
greatest friends in the process. I was hooked, and I went to every meeting,
every location, every month for a solid 2 years.
It
was at PSST that I acquired my arsenal of weapons: "I'm not comfortable
with that", "Would you like to ask me again?", "I will not
keep your secrets", "You aren't going to like what I'm going to
say" and my personal favorite "YOU'RE RIGHT! I AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT
THAT!" I was shocked that they worked so well and so quickly with our
boys. Mel & I learned we were so afraid of their big reactions, that we
avoided confrontation at all costs. But the cost of doing nothing was huge.
We can't say
enough about how important PSST is for a parent in our position. I tell anyone
I meet with a similar issue to come to a meeting and read the blog. Role-plays
and insights from the group’s leaders are invaluable teaching tools. The advice
we received helped us out of limbo and into action. We had access to some of
the most empathetic, generous and truly caring mental health professionals we
have ever dealt with. We know of no other group or place that offers the help
to parents we received from PSST and we are forever grateful.
Our current status:
Our elder son Michael is living in
an apartment with his very lovely girlfriend, and continues to be enrolled in a
CCAC trade program. He is looking for a job (to supplement his landscaping job
which is very part time) and not having much success. We’ve tried to help with
advice and contacts. His response : “Thanks, I appreciate your help, but if you
help, it won’t be my accomplishment. I want to do this myself”. Wow.
Our younger son David just
graduated from high school and walked in commencement, which is something we
honestly didn’t know would happen until finals were over. He continues to work
on the line in a nice restaurant, getting more hours and gaining more
experience. He plans to go to culinary school, but we all agreed he should just
work for a while to be sure. His goal is to move into an apartment by the
spring of 2015. The worst thing I can say about him living at home is that he
doesn’t clean up after himself (his bedroom is scary) to my standards...but he
is otherwise pleasant and reasonable.
We are truly proud of both of
them.
I still use PSST-isms almost every
time I communicate with either boy, while continuing to work on myself; to not
enable, to not hover, to not sweat the small stuff, and to keep in mind that
they have their own identities and personalities and are not merely extensions
of us.
Max
Read More......
Our recent PSST meetings have had a recurring theme about creating and maintaining intimacy within the family. Click here for an article that defines intimacy and basic steps for achieving it, and here for an article that discusses how to cultivate ongoing relationships with your adult children.
As stated in the first article,
“Intimacy
is a dance. It deepens or is eroded by every interaction we have.
The good news is that every interaction you have is a chance to shift onto a
positive track and deepen your connection to your loved ones.”
Read More......
The Shatterproof Challenge Pittsburgh rappelling event has been rescheduled for Tuesday, July 15. All additional information requested by the Pittsburgh
Dept of Building Inspections has been provided, and the City has approved the event. Shatterproof stresses that Over the Edge has hosted over 400
rappelling fundraisers and has an impeccable safety record. (That should make Abby feel better.)
For the initial blog posting about this event, check out this link.
Read More......
The following information is from an article published by the ABC News Medical Unit. For the complete article, click here.
According to the American Association of Poison Control Centers, in 2002 there were 2.4
million toxic ingestions, and more than half of these occurred in children
younger than 6. Children aged 18 to 36 months seemed to be at the highest risk,
and in these little bodies, just one pill can be deadly.
Even more worrisome is the
fact that, after taking some of these pills, a child can appear perfectly fine
until it is too late. "Within two
hours, we have seen patients go from ingestion to death -- even after taking
only one to two pills."
Even when parents make a
habit of keeping medicines out of their children's reach, children seem to be drawn
to pill bottles when they are out for only a short amount of time. There have also been cases where
a visitor to the home drops a pill, or when children find pills on the floor in
a hotel room, in which case parents bring them to the emergency room having no
idea what they took.
For these reasons, parents should recognize the high risk of accidental
ingestions and be prepared to act. Call 911 immediately, experts say, or call
the Poison Control Center at 1-800-222-1222. Parents should be prepared to
take their child to the hospital immediately, and bring the bottle
of whatever the child took. Importantly, new
guidelines from the American Association of Pediatrics urge against the use of
Ipecac or any other mechanism to induce vomiting.
Fortunately, once children
are in the emergency room, doctors can rapidly respond, as some medications
have antidotes, reversal agents or supportive therapy.
Below are seven common medicines that can lead
to emergencies when accidentally ingested by kids.
- heart
pills
- muscle
rubs
- prescription
pain medications
- aspirin
and oil of wintergreen
- depression
drugs
- topical blood pressure patches, eye drops, and
nasal sprays
- diabetes drugs
Read More......
We invite you to share your story with us - using, of course, "pen names" to maintain your family's anonymity. Knowing that we share many of the same experiences, heartaches and joys can be very helpful to others in the same situation. How are you coping with your child's addiction? What do you need help with? Let's support each other!
Send your story to gopsst@gmail.com.
Read More......
Happy Father's Day!
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, June 12, 2014
When I was a boy of
fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man
around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had
learned in seven years.
~ Mark Twain, "Old Times on the Mississippi", Atlantic Monthly, 1874
Dad
© Karen K. Boyer
He never looks for
praises
He's never one to boast
He just goes on quietly working
For those he loves the most
His dreams are seldom spoken
His wants are very few
And most of the time his worries
Will go unspoken too
He's there.... A firm foundation
Through all our storms of life
A sturdy hand to hold to
In times of stress and strife
A true friend we can turn to
When times are good or bad
One of our greatest blessings,
The man that we call Dad.
Read More......
At a recent PSST meeting, someone
mentioned the 5 Love Languages, as presented in the book by Gary Chapman: words
of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical
touch. You may be aware that the 5
languages pertain to the relationship between husbands and wives, but you may
not know that these same languages are relevant to your relationship with your child
as well.
It’s easy to tell when a
teenager wants to be loved. Getting the message across is another matter
entirely. In addition to the obvious generation gap, many parents and children
face a sort of language barrier as well. The 5 Love languages of Teenagers is
an invaluable tool for analyzing a teen’s love language and expressing your
affections in an effective way. The search for love in a teenager’s life can
lead to disastrous results. But if you can speak the right language, the
difference can seem miraculous.
If you go to the website http://www.5lovelanguages.com/, look
under the words Discover your Love Language, where you will see the words Click
Here to Begin. You and your spouse can choose
to do the profile for yourselves, but you can also choose to do it for “My
Child”. In either case, the assessment
will score your rankings of the 5 Love Languages. You will see the following if you
choose to do the assessment for your child:
The Love Language Profile for Teenagers is designed to give you
a thorough analysis of your teenager’s emotional communication preference. It
will single out their primary love language, what it means, and how you can use
it to better understand them during this stage of their life. Invite them to
take the assessment and share their results with you. Not only will you show
them that you care, but that you are also striving to be a better parent.
You may want to first take the profile yourself, selecting the
statements you believe most accurately describe your teen. Then once they have
also taken the assessment, compare your results with theirs. This can make for
a lively and constructive conversation.
Read More......
What do gravel, puppy chow, lemon drop, spice, molly, purple
drank, and bromo dragonfly all have in common?
Their innocuous names are in direct contrast to their
possible side effects. Yes, they can
make their users feel happy, excitable, perhaps even euphoric. Yet they can also lead to hallucinations, paranoia,
seizures, convulsions, aggressive behavior, emergency room visits, even
death.
These drugs are all part of the emerging drug scene. According to the Regional Organized Crime
Information Center:
New drugs are
emerging at an unprecedented rate as manufacturers of “legal high” products use
new chemicals to replace those that are banned. These new chemicals take the
place of heroin, morphine, and amphetamines. These drugs are highly accessible,
touted as legal, and perceived as safe. However,
despite the popularity in designer drugs and legal high products, the abuse of
heroin and prescription painkiller medication is still trending throughout the
country.
If you want to increase your awareness about these drugs, click here for more information about emerging drug trends and the dangers they pose to our children and our communities.
Read More......
Our own Adventurous
Abby is going to rappel from the side of the Westin at Liberty Center in
Pittsburgh on June 25th. Abby
is looking forward to this as a thrilling opportunity (most of us would
consider it to be terrifying!) to participate in the nationwide Shatterproof
Challenge. The Challenge will raise
awareness and funds for Shatterproof, a 501(c) organization devoted to ending
the stigma of addiction; providing families with critical information and
support; bringing evidence-based approaches to bear on prevention, treatment
and recovery; and changing public policy.
Shatterproof has an impressive list of board advisors & partner
organizations (including the Clinton Foundation, Marriott International, and
the National Hockey League).
Read More......
Happy Mother's Day
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, May 10, 2014
In whatever way you can, no matter how difficult your family's situation may be right now, try to find a way to celebrate your love of life and of your family!! (You owe it to yourself.)
Read More......
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