Online resource, Empowering Parents- Bridgette Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, January 12, 2012



Click this caption to go to online newsletter

Hi all,

I don't know if any of you are familiar with the late James Lehman, but his practice sends out a free newsletter for parents, mostly dealing with oppositional behavior. They advertise a program that they sell, but there is no obligation to buy anything. I've found some of the articles in the newsletter to be helpful, lots of PSST stuff in it.

Bridgette

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What Goes UP . . . written by Brigitte Posted by:Jenn--Monday, January 09, 2012

NEWTON HAD IT RIGHT

What goes up, must come down, especially when you are dealing with drug-addicted teens. Pierre has proven this theory repeatedly since he came home from inpatient 5 months ago. He has only been clean for a span of 6 weeks at a time. Relapse, consequences, relapse, you get the picture. Most recently, he tested positive on a home screen and swore on his mother's life (YIPES!) that he was innocent and something was wrong with the test. Took him to the dr. to get a gas chromatography test and it was . . . positive. I was ducking lightning bolts and black cats the whole week.


He is back on home detention, spends weekends at Shuman resort, no car, no phone, no friends. He has outpatient treatment daily and goes to NA meetings 3-4x/wk. The good news is that he is not abusive or defiant and we are not missing money. He treats family members and counselors respectfully and even went to his grandmother's house and cooked her dinner. The bad news is, well, that could change at any time if he continues to use. His goal seems to be to get off probation, not weed. Francois and I feel that a third round of inpatient may be around the corner. Either that or, when he turns 18 in May, he moves out and tries out his fantasy life of working, living with "friends" and smoking weed when he wants to. That may be the epiphany he needs to see life without the safety net. I wish we knew the best route to take.

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Bam Bam Goes to Court - by Wilma Posted by:Sally--Monday, January 09, 2012

BAM-BAM HAS HIS DAY IN COURT - By Wilma

Well today Bam Bam had another hearing in court again for ACT 53 and the charges we filed.

The paperwork we had gotten in the mail for the charges said it was for a "Pre-trial" conference. We had this in November and nothing really happened. I thought it would be the same today and that we would have to wait another couple months for some action but fortunately it wasn't.

Bam was not happy and his face showed it but he did not have any outbursts in court.

The cast of characters included the judge, TWO attorneys for Bam - One for ACT 53 and one for the charges, a D.A., the P.O., me (Fred stayed in the waiting room), our H.S.A.O. coordinator and the ACT 53 case manager.

I was prepared, after talking with ACT 53, that Bam most likely would not be going into placement as his dual dx program had said in a letter he was making moderate progress. Also, our judge doesn't like to send kids to placement. (I wish we had Judge Daisy from PSST)!

There was a lot of back and forth among the lawyers and the judge. The lawyers and PO had a few things more to iron out and the judge left for a little break.

Then he came back and we continued. The DA really wanted to send Bam to placement however the P.D.'s and the judge really didn't want that. They got testimony from ACT 53 and then asked me to speak.

I led with the statement that Bam was out of my control and that I was fearful for our lives. That got notice from the judge and he asked me to continue. So I went through the Thanksgiving weed ordeal and how Bam told me if I didn't give him money to pay people for the weed they would kill/hurt him and me. I talked about how Bam IS NOT following any guidelines from when we were in court before, mentioned him becoming verbally abusive when I wouldn't give him money or a check.

I was asked EXACTLY what Bam said so I told them how he called me a f##ng piece of s#!!.

I also talked about the text messages on his phone that seemed to me that he not only is using but dealing. I also explained that he isn't going to school like he is supposed to. I mentioned the "x-box/i-pod incident" from April where Bam told us people might be coming to shoot us and our house so we took him to file a police report.

I also said that I was concerned that Bam is using weed and I don't know what else and taking (5) psychiatric drugs.

The judge was not happy with Bam and made it very clear to him. I was asked what I thought would happen today and I did say I thought with everything that was happening Bam would go to placement but you could tell that IS NOT what the judge wanted.

The DA tried many times to get that to happen. She did seem very convinced that he was in trouble. I wonder if the police would have done something when I found the weed and took it to them if it would have made a difference?

There had been some talk about the ankle bracelet so when they said Bam wasn't going to placement I asked if he was getting an ankle bracelet and the judge ordered one.

So the verdict that came down today is that Bam Bam is going to have a consent decree, probation, an ankle bracelet, court ordered D&A re-evaluation, community service, some fines to pay and court ordered family based counseling.

We were supposed to have family based counseling before this but I found out last night that Bam wouldn't give permission to his outpatient counselor to fill out the form for referral. Even though the judge said at our last hearing that we were supposed to have it.

Bam-Bam was ordered by the judge to have a drug test before we left court. When we went for that Bam was saying of course he couldn't do it. As we had to wait for the male screener he said he was hungry so I took him to the little cafe.

When we came back he said he just wanted a positive and to not have the test but he was told no way. Then he asked if he could just go talk to the judge! I thought we were going to be there until 4:30 but someone said he had to do it or go to Shuman.

Anyway, I was on the phone calling Verizon to set up the line for the ankle bracelet and they came up with an oral swab test which he did. And it was positive.

I could have said I didn't want to bring Bam home but I honestly did not want to get into an ordeal with CYF. I was already drained and exhausted from just getting him to court and going through the hearing. It's so difficult being the parent and the person filing charges.

Yesterday Bam told me and his counselor he wasn't going to court. She told him a warrant would be issued for his arrest and a deputy would come for him but he didn't care.

On the ride home he told me he wasn't going, I said a deputy would come for him and he said he would just shoot him. I asked how was that happening and he told me he could get a gun if he wanted to! (I did tell this to the judge).

I think he was just trying to show he was in control of the situation but thankfully this morning we had no problems getting him to court.

So, for now, we wait and see.

Wilma

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Is the Skinner Box broken? Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, January 08, 2012

A lab rat in a Skinner Box, a controlled environment designed
to reinforce desired behavior, photographed in 1964 by
 Lina Neen/ Time and Life Pictures/ Getty Images.
Click here to go to source.

Things tend to get worse before they get better. The time frame is an individual thing; however, one pattern seems to hold true: as parents quit enabling the teenager's behavior regresses. One way to look at it, is that the teenager is trying, using his old methods but at a higher level of intensity to remain in control.

One can see this same behavior in laboratory rats who have been trained to push a bar. When the scientist changes things so that the reward is no longer dispersed when the bar is pushed, the rat will go crazy at first pushing the bar with abandon. Eventually, he learns that pushing the bar, no matter how hard, no matter how fast, is to no avail. Until he "gets it" he does what he knows best: push, push, push.

Dispersing the reward is called reinforcement. There are two types of reinforcement: "Intermittent Reinforcement is given only part of the time the animal gives the desired response. It is often used instead of Continuous Reinforcement once the desired response is conditioned by Continuous Reinforcement and the reinforcer wishes to cut down or eliminate the the number of reinforcements necessary to encourage the intended response."- Intermittent Reinforcement Wikipedia.

Which type of reinforcement do you think is more powerful? Continuous or Intermittent?



If you said Continuous you would be right. But wait. If you said Intermittent you would also be right. It's a trick question. In the beginning Continuous Reinforcement is more powerful in shaping new behavior. However, Intermittent Reinforcement is more powerful in setting behavior.

We are interested in extinguishing negative behaviors in our teenagers. We are also interested in shaping new behaviors. Let's look at extinguishing negative behaviors first.

If there has been only Continuous Reinforcement, which means that every time the teenager acted out he got what he wanted OR he got serious attention then his behavior would theoretically be easier to extinguish than if he was only Intermittently Reinforced.

Take teenager Joe. He got what he wanted OR he got serious attention every time he acted out- it was Continuous. Suddenly, his parents went to PSST and when they returned home after the meeting, they immediately quit enabling. They completely quit capitulating AND they quit giving serious attention because they also quit arguing about things. Theoretically, teenager Joe's acting out behavior would be easier to extinguish than teenager John, who only got what he wanted OR got serious attention one out of three times that he acted out. Teenager John's behavior should be significantly harder to extinguish.

Think of it this way. The rat who has had Intermittent Reinforcement knows that the bar only works part of the time. To him, it's not that weird that it's not working because there have been other times when it didn't work. The rat who got something every time he pushed the bar can more easily see that the bar is broken. It always worked before, now it doesn't, therefore it must be broke. This rat's bar pushing behavior is extinguished faster.


What does this have to do with extinguishing teenager's negative behavior?

It is relevant because of this: most parents that begin to attend PSST don't stop enabling immediately after the first time they attend. The process of change might begin right away but it's not an overnight change. That sounds normal enough. Change is after all perhaps the hardest thing we humans do; however, by changing over time the parent is actually now switching from what might have been Continuous Reinforcement to Intermittent Reinforcement. The parent is now unwittingly, "setting" the negative behavior making that behavior harder than ever to change. In other words, the parent is paying for inconsistent application of a new parenting technique.

Now lets look at shaping new behavior. Continuous Reinforcement is actually the best and once established, changing to Intermittent Reinforcement to "set" the behavior. Now it becomes more important than ever to catch the teenager doing something right, and then reinforcing it every time the parent sees that behavior, at least for a while.

For example, you see your teenager being nice to his younger sister with whom he usually fights and argues. You make your move. You approach him and say, "Joe, I'd like to speak to you alone please." Joe probably wonders if he is in trouble. Once you get him alone it might go like this:

Parent: Joe, I saw what you did.

Joe: What? what did I do?

Parent: Well, you surprised me.

Joe: I did?

Parent: Yes, you did. When you told Julie that if it was that important to her to watch Survivor on TV, then she could change the station even though you were watching one of your favorite's DR. Who. That was very mature. Very adult. I'm impressed.

Joe: Oh, really?

Parent: Yes, I think that was a huge thing for a big brother to do for her little sister. You were being a great big brother Joe.

Joe: Not really.

Parent: Oh?

Joe: Naw, I saw that one before and it's not one of my favorites. I really thought Survivor might be more interesting.

Parent: Nevertheless.

Joe: No, I'm just tired of Dr. Who, that's all, don't make such a big think out of it.

Parent: Ok, OK, I hear you. Very modest about it huh? Good for you cause that also shows me you're growing up Joe.

Joe: It does?

Parent: Yes it really does. I remember a time when you would have argued with Julie about that even though you might not have cared what you watched. You would have tortured her just for fun.

Joe: Yeah, you're right.

Parent: Look, I didn't want to embarrass you- that's why I took you aside, but I just want you to know that I see what you're doing, OK?

Joe: OK, can I go now? I want to watch Survivor.

Parent: sure, [big hug and the parents holds it for a half second longer than usual and then gives her teenager an knowing look before she unhands him and he scampers away.

OK, what happened here? First, the parent's mission was accomplished: This parent caught the teenager red-handed doing something right.

Second, the teenager didn't want to accept any credit. This parent is shaping behavior, and this teenager was not comfortable with the new label, "adult", and resisted. This teenager might not want to see himself the way that parent saw him.

Third, the parent used a power word, "nevertheless" to seal the deal. This parent continues to see the teenager in the new way- mission accomplished again, i.e., catch the teenager doing something right.

From what we said above, now the parent needs to follow this up by catching the teenager in other acts of "adult behavior." Obviously, the approach is going to streamlined:

Parent: Hey,

Joe: what?

Parent: You're doing it again aren't you?

Joe: Doing what?

Parent: Acting all grown up.

Joe: What the hell does that mean?

Parent: You took out the garbage.

Joe: That's my job.

Parent: I know. But usually I have to nag you half to death and tonight you did it without me becoming a total bi&ch. Nice move.

Joe: [blushing a little] ha ha you're funny.

Parent: Sometimes. Right now I'm serious as a heart attack.

As we mentioned above, at some point you wouldn't reinforce every positive act, but in the beginning it is more effective in shaping behavior to acknowledge things.

Keep in mind that this parent has accepted the mission of catching the teenager doing something good. This parent has accepted the challenge. There has to be some things the teen does that is a step in the right direction and the parent is going to find those acts and reinforce them. Other parents are going to miss those acts.

Let's be clear. Continuous and Intermittent Reinforcement of good behavior is only one tool in the box. If you teenager is still actively using drugs, then catching them doing something right isn't going to get him to quit drugs and fly right; however, it is a skill that some parents never develop and that can hurt in the long run.

Notice that the parent in this scenario only rewarded with praise and attention. Some people believe that attention is the most powerful reinforcement known to man. Some parents get into the rut of only really giving serous focused attention to their teenager when they do something wrong. That's a recipe for disaster. Positive attention giving is very important. It is also important that the parent sees the behavior first before they apply the reinforcement although as we saw above, the parent can loosely interpret "good behavior."

For example, if while a teenager is exhibiting negative behavior, such as not doing his chore, and the parent approaches the teenager and has a discussion about why he doesn't do his chores and does he realize that is he doesn't do his chores the whole family will never get to go to Disney Land, then he is not effectively applying these principals. First of all, the attention is applied when negative behavior is happening and that reinforces that negative behavior. Secondly, the positive materialistic reward is also applied (talked about) when the negative behavior is rearing it's ugly head. It is bribery. Bribery doesn't work to good because the good stuff either happens when the behavior is bad or the good stuff is talked about (introducing the idea of the reinforcement) when the bad behavior is happening- so unwittingly the parent is reinforcing the wrong behavior.

To summarize: when a parent begins to stop enabling and yet they still do enable part of the time, they have moved into Intermittent Reinforcement, which makes it even more difficult to help that teenager change their behavior. People don't change overnight but it just so happens that inconsistency is expensive.

Secondly, when shaping new behaviors it is the parent's challenge to catch the teenager doing something good and applying positive reinforcement right then. Once again, consistency is helpful here but only in the beginning. Once the behavior is established it's better to only acknowledge the good behavior part of the time.

No one changes overnight. Still, let's start by changing our awareness. What is happening when you give attention to your children? Do you give more attention to the negative behavior or more attention to the positive behavior? Are you inconsistent? Do you not enable nine times out of ten and suddenly find that you are too tired to fight the good fight and you just give in this one time and let them have their way even though you know it's not the right thing to do? That's human nature but the inconsistency is going to cost you and it's going to be expensive.

Take the challenge. How many good things can you catch your teenager doing? Can you be consistent? That's one heck of lot of good parenting if you can pull it off? It's easy to write about but the real challenge is to go out there in the real world and execute the plan.

Let's finish with this quote for teachers based upon Skinner's work:

"Implications For Teacher in the Classroom:

"The interesting thing that Skinner discovered about intermittant reinforcement and maybe one of Skinner's most important discoveries was that behavior that is reinforced intermittantly is much more difficult to extinguish than behavior that is reinforced continuously.

"This is why many of our student's undesirable behaviors are so difficult to stop. We might be able to resist a child's nagging most of the time, but if we yield every once in a while, the child will persist with it." (Crain, 187) Therefore, when we begin to teach a desired behavior it is best to begin with continuous reinforcement, but if you wish to make a desired behavior last it is best to switch to an intermittent schedule of reinforcement."



Footnote: Drug abuse is also an example of Intermittent Reinforcement: perhaps the teenager didn't have too much fun on three of his LSD trips, maybe even he had a lousy time, but if that fourth time turned out to be an absolute belly laughing until your sore highly euphoric time then the behavior is learned. Or even though part of the trip (the coming down part) might have been not so hot, the fact that there was a tremendously fun part earlier in the trip means that intermittent reinforcement has set the behavior.

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A Recipe Posted by:Jenn--Sunday, January 08, 2012

No, it's not a recipe for saving your child or saving your sanity, but it's a recipe that has been asked for repeatedly at PSST meetings. Peanut butter bon bons!! (Thanks, Alice, for your recipe for an easy-to-make and delectable treat!)

Download Peanut Butter Bon Bons recipe in a Word document.

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Two steps forward... Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, January 04, 2012

The better our teenagers do on probation, in recovery, and in their lives- the more we expect. However, the ebb and tide of the recovery process usually, if we are lucky, gives you two steps forward and one step back. If we aren't lucky, then one step forward and two steps back. As we often say at PSST, we learn from failure.


Also, sometimes we have to make the same mistakes over and over until we get it. In recovery people talk about "getting sick and tired of being sick and tired."



The positive thing for most of the teenagers of our parents that come to PSST is that when our teenagers make mistakes, they usually don't get away with it. We apply consequences for bad decisions. We allow the natural consequences for bad decisions to take place, refusing to rescue our teens from the predicaments in which their bad judgment or drug abuse has put them. That helps the learning from failure thing to work.

One question that comes up a lot is this: Why, if they knew they would probably get caught, do they do it anyway? And searching for that answer sometimes leads one to surmise this: there must be something bothering them, that if we could just figure out what that is, and sort of fix it, address it, treat it, whatever it, and then they would not relapse.

Let's look a bit closer at this logic. They relapse. Therefore we didn't get to the real issue. "None of the rehab people were able to get my teen to talk about what was really bothering him. If he could talk about what was really bothering him, if someone could just get him to talk about it- he could stay clean." What makes this logic a tough nut to crack, is that there is some truth to it.

Yes, indeed there are issues galore. No, the teenager had not talked about all the issues. Would it help his recovery if someone could help him talk about all these issues? Probably. However, in recovery from highly addictive drugs, we must factor in one other huge thing to this equasion: EUPHORIA.

The extreme high that the addict feels is such a powerful reinforcer that it can outweigh the certain consequences that will follow. At the time the teen wants to get high, he doesn't care about the consequences because he knows that for a short time he will experience the bliss of drug use. The drive to get high can also be more important than whether or not certain issues have been resolved.

So, what are we left with? Are we powerless over our teen's recovery from addiction? Yes, of course. Only our teenager can decide that they want to change their life.

But are we powerless over our own parenting activities? Hopefully not. We can send powerful messages to our teen addict by the actions that we take or fail to take. And sometimes that can help. For example, since we know that recovery from highly addictive drugs happens more often when the addict is working a strong 12-step recovery program, we can devise parent-strategies geared to enhance or support the recovery process. Can we work our teenager's recovery program for him? Of course not. But if we know that our teenager is not serious about his recovery, we can see the relapse coming down the road. If a parent chooses not to address this- then all one can do is wait for the relapse. Of course we all know how risky that can be. Each relapse is not only devastating in so many ways but each relapse runs the risk of death.

If the addict is taking two steps back, they're pleading for rescuing can accelerate. As the addict becomes more and more desperate to continue his addiction he needs a prime enabler. This can be misinterpreted by his loved ones who are also his potential prime enablers. In other words, it can look a lot like the addict finally 'gets it' when, in fact, all he really gets is that he has to be more insistent, more urgent, and more manipulative in order to keep getting enabled.

Keeping in mind how powerful euphoria is, the consequences, both those provided by parents and/ or by life has to be at least equally as powerful. If it doesn't cost the addict anything, he will not change.   Even if he has epiphany after epiphany, he may continue to abuse drugs and participate criminal activity.

"People change because they feel the heat, not because they see the light." (Ed from Gateway Greentree.)


It all comes down to this: the actions that a parent takes to stop enabling are the most important acts of love. Sometimes it's actions and sometimes it's just doing nothing at all except not rescuing. In either case, stopping enabling could be the hardest thing one does, watching while the addict tumbles and/ or spirals out of control.

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New Years Resolutions Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, January 01, 2012

Click here to go to original cartoon.


I resolve for 2012...

1. To stop having too large of an opinion of myself. I am not able to answer every one's problems. I am not that powerful even though sometimes I wish... I have to let people struggle with their own problems and offer help only within certain limits, and remember that if I'm trying to work on some one's problems harder than they are working on their own problems, something is wrong.


2. To remember to have confidence in people. When I assume that I'm the only one that can help, then not only have I exaggerated my own place in life but I have cast a vote of no confidence in others. They can rise to the occasion. They will find a way and especially they will find a way if I stop trying so much to find it for them.


3. To have faith that things are working out the way they are supposed to work out. This is part of Desiderada by Max Ehrmann: "Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

4. To set an example for my loved ones by taking better care of myself. I can be healthy, work out more, eat less, offer more love, and still do it while protecting myself with good boundaries from the people that I love. Remember that unconditional love does not mean that I have to be a door mat.

I will remember that it is often better to say "no" and feel the guilt than say "yes" and feel the resentment.

5. To remember to learn from everyone. Everyone has something to teach. I need to focus more on what I can learn from others rather than on what I can teach. It's nice to teach but the lucky ones are those of us that never stop learning. It's ironic that our teenagers are often our best teachers, even though what we learn from them may not always be what they intended to teach.

6. We say it all the time, but this year I'd like to do a better job of accepting things I can't change. When I close a door it helps God know that I need a window.

7.  To remember that the only person I can REALLY change is myself. And no doubt, that is "the universe unfolding as it should."

8. To appreciate what I have. Focus more on that and don't let a longing for what I don't have take over.

"A grateful addict won't get high." Hopefully, a grateful co-dependent won't enable. To finish this thought I once again will quote from Desiderada:

 "Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful."

9. Don't focus on should-a, would-a, or could-a. My daughter taught me this when she was ten years old but I think I need to work on it some more. Of course I have regrets but I can't wallow in the past without missing the present.

The important thing is did I recover from the mistake, did I admit the mistake, did I make any amends on the mistake, and did I learn enough from making it that I didn't keep making the same one again and again? This is what will show my character.

Dude #1 who just made it into the afterlife: Wow! I think I'm in heaven! Or not. It's hard to tell. What do you think?

Dude #2 who just made it into the afterlife: I dunno. Look at that sign, man!

Sign says: "All ye who would enter here must leave all regrets at the gate. If you can not leave all regrets here, you must carry them with you until you learn to leave them behind."

Dude #1: I knew that was important! Aaaaaaaagh. I tried to leave my regrets, daaarn it I just knew this was important!  Now it's going to keep me out cause I never could quit wishing that things had worked out differently. I made so many mistakes, garsh, what am I going to do now!

Dude #2. Just drop em now. It doesn't look like it's too late!

Dude #1. I used to like that Sinatra song, you know where he casually sings, "Regrets, I've had a few - too few to mention." What does he mean by that? How can he drop em if he can't even mention them? I've got regrets, too many to mention so I never really did get that song.

Dude #2: Well, we've got another chance now to just drop em. I'm going in. I must have done OK if I got this far. Good luck, man, I'm going over.

Dude #1: [watches Dude #2 walk over the threshold and disappear] Ohhhhh crap, I should have gone when he went, now I'm all alone. I don't know what to do I'm afraid I'm carrying too many regrets to just 'drop' them now! Oh darn, I should have dropped these all along like we're supposed to do- now I'm afraid I just have too many. I'll never drop them all right here- but I'm going to try.

[Dude #1 sits down, makes a list of all his regrets. It takes up fifty pages. He reads each one of them and makes conscious decision to let each one go. He even imagines a pair of wings around each regret and he then visualized each regret flying away. Finally, he believes that he has purged himself of all regrets. It has taken three days. He stands up and tries to walk into heaven. He hits an invisible barrier and bounces back, trips and lands on his rear-end. Suddenly he hears Saint Peter's voice.

St. Peter: You are still regretful!

Dude #1: No! I let each and every regret go. I'm sure I got them all!

St. Peter: Just one big one here that apparently you couldn't let go of.

Dude #1: Was it leaving my first wife? That was a HUGE mistake and I paid for that one the rest of my life.

St. Peter: No, you visualized that one flying away- good job on that one.

Dude #1: Was it betting my house that the Pens would win the Stanley cup without Crosby? That one was really stupid.

St. Peter: Nope- you managed to get rid of that one!

Dude #1: Aaaaaaaagh, I don't know, it could have been any one of a hundred! Was it that relationship I had with my secretary years ago?

St. Peter: H'mm, interesting enough, you don't seem to regret that one too much at all! No, apparently, you aren't able to stop regretting that you carried all these regrets with you for years!

Wishing PSST and everyone a challenging meaningful exciting intense year that has enough exhilaration to balance out the disappointing things. I hope you all feel more alive and that each one of you smell the opportunity to find or remember that special thing in yourself that you value.

I wish you all to be surrounded by loved ones when you feel lonely, to be alone when you feel crowded, and to be at peace with yourself and with God, whatever your conception of him (or her) happens to be.

If you would like to share one of your resolutions or comment on these nine, please do so.

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COURAGE in 2012 Posted by:Cheryl, Jim, Andy + 3 Stooges--Friday, December 30, 2011

"What we need to overcome adversity in 2012 is a seven-letter word. Can you guess what it is?
William Ward said "Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records."
If you have it, you can slay your giants too. But first have you guessed what the seven letter word is?
Of course, it is COURAGE!
Courage challenges the unbeatable, dares the unthinkable and achieves the unattainable.
Dare to get out of bed with a positive attitude.
Dare to begin again with grace after a moral failure in your life.
Dare to back up and apologize to somebody you have hurt.
Dare to do what is right when everybody else is doing what is wrong.
Dare to dream even when life seems like an unending nightmare.
You can defeat any giant in the New Year, IF you will but have the courage to pursue your dreams!
Max Lucado said, "Concentrate on God and your giants will tumble. Focus on your giants and your feet will stumble."
excerpts from message to USMC 2/9 families from Navy Chaplain in Afghanistan 12-29-2011

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The Video "Deception": Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, December 29, 2011

Juvenile Probation partnered with The Alliance to make this video several years ago. Michael Bartlett produced and directed.

Special thanks to all the courageous individuals that made this video possible and especially Jessica, may she rest in peace.

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Don't Drink and Drive or Allow Anyone to Drink and Drive Posted by:Rocco--Saturday, December 24, 2011

Important Public Service Announcement

Have a Very Happy Holiday Season

PLEASE DON'T DRINK & DRIVE

We posted this last December and feel it is important enough to re-post.

This link needs to be passed onto everyone who has keys to a vehicle (especially our troubled teens).

This is one of the most intense Public Service Announcements ever made.

It was made by the "Transportation Accident Commission" of Australia.

Australia should be complemented on having the courage to "Show it like it is" to all drivers and to air it on TV...it is very moving and very life like...it has a very strong impact.

CAUTION: THIS AD CONTAINS VERY STRONG CONTENT
- IT SHOWS THE RESULTS OF DRINKING AND DRIVING GRAPHICALLY!




Click on the full-screen view at the bottom right corner of the screen.

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Parent Alert – New Dangerous Synthetic Drugs Posted by:Rocco--Monday, December 19, 2011

Fake Cocaine is Newly marketed as 'Cosmic Blast'
- from addictionsearch.com

Editor's Note: As we had warned previously; as quickly as authorities can outlaw these imitation drugs, the greedy manufacturers and dealers [this includes your friendly neighborhood smoke shops and convenience stores] will develop a different formula so they can keep raking in money on the backs of our families and children.

Parent Alert – New Dangerous Synthetic Drugs
- from The Alliance @ www.drug-alliance.org

New synthetic drugs are now being marketed in Pennsylvania.

A new product named, “Jewelry Cleaner” (synthetic cocaine) is on the shelves of head shops and some convenience stores. It comes as a power in a vile.

Two that we know of are called “Eight Ballz” and “Cosmic Blast.”

There are probably others. These are very dangerous chemicals and can cause hallucinations and body temperature increases up to 108 degrees.

Disguising drugs by marketing them for other use is beginning to be big business and the drug dealers continue to roll in the cash while many of our young people become sick, addicted, and sometimes die.

Drug dealers are continuously coming up with new ways to create substances that can be used to get high. Synthetic drugs like the newest version of cocaine are circulating and this one is labeled 'Jewelry Cleaner'.

Disguising drugs by marketing them for other use is beginning to be big business and the drug dealers continue to roll in the cash while many of our young people and adults become sick, addicted, and sometimes die.

The new synthetic cocaine that's circulating today is called Cosmic Blast that contains MDPV which is a hallucinogen and Naphyrone. MDVP is a designer drug that's structured similar to MDMA and is found in the dangerous bath salts that people have been abusing in the past year.

People have died using bath salts and some by taking their own lives. It's just a matter of time before the newest version of synthetic cocaine begins to take hold and destroy more lives.

Naphyrone is a crystalline white powder that can be found under the brand name MRG-1 or Energy1. Naphyrone is a stimulant drug that has similar effects to mephedrone. According to a Toxicologist Naphyrone can create changes throughout the body that last for days.

These changes in the body can cause a person's temperature to reach as high as 108 degrees. If your brain reaches temperatures that high it can fry your brain and you will never be the same.

The other form of synthetic cocaine that has made headlines for the past year is Bath Salt that's marketed under names like Ivory Wave, Purple Wave, Red Dove, Blue Silk, and Vanilla Sky.

The dangerous fake Bath Salt also contains the hallucinogen MDVP and Mephedrone. These new designer drugs mimic the effects of cocaine and because when they first come out they're legal many of our young people want to see what they're like.

Many people have been taken to the emergency room or called poison control due to the symptoms they receive when using fake bath salts to get high.

The synthetic designer drug causes your heart rate to increase and beat rapidly, intense hallucinations are experienced, and intense paranoia sets in. Due to the paranoia and hallucinations some people have even taken their own lives.

I worry about our young people today because they're so inquisitive, trusting and naive. They don't realize that drug dealers depend on them and their curiosity to make themselves rich.

Drug dealers don't care if a young person ends up in the emergency room, if they overdose, commit suicide, causes an accident or dies.

They bank on the fact that there's a lot more young people out there just as curios, willing to take risks, and just as trusting.

All they care about is not getting caught, getting people addicted, and spending their cash.

It's sad to think that many young people will try this synthetic cocaine Cosmic Blast just to see what it's like and they'll never be the same again if they live through it.

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Request for Parent Volunteers Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, December 17, 2011

At a recent PSST meeting, Lloyd (of “What Would Lloyd Say” fame) asked for a few parent volunteers to form an informal committee to act as liaison between PSST and other organizations, such as CISP, who may seek parents to speak at a meeting, participate in a panel discussion, host a booth/table at a conference, etc. A committee member would be responsible for talking with the contact from the other group, then preparing an email and/or a short notice for the PSST blog with the details (what, where, when, why, . . .) and asking parent volunteers to help out.

In the past, Lloyd (“WWLS”) would coordinate these requests, but due to scheduled and unscheduled parent rescues, crisis interventions, mundane court paperwork, and various close-encounters of the weird kind, the requests sometimes fell through the cracks until shortly before the event, at which time Lloyd would exclaim “OH NO … (or something similar) … that event is tomorrow night …!”, then frantically call for parent help. In an effort to reduce a small amount of the stress on Lloyd (gee, hasn’t he done a lot of that for all of us?), help is needed. Any volunteers??? Please contact Brad and we will muddle through this together.

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WHAT I HAVE LEARNED AT PSST Posted by:Rocco--Thursday, December 15, 2011

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED AT PSST

Our good friend and PSST Mentor Ken wrote a post in January 2007. He summarized what families of addicts felt as "What I Wish I Would Have Known...".

WISHES

Ken, I hope that you don't mind but I am taking the liberty to re-post it as:

"What I Have Learned at PSST"

I have learned that...

...I wasn’t alone through all of this and there is a good support system out here. When I reached out and had a chance to talk with others I realized I wasn’t going crazy.

...taking care of myself is just as important as helping my addicted child recover. I had to get better so the cycle of enabling could be broken.

...Addiction occurs in any type of family. It is not just something that happens in dysfunctional families. That being a role model or even a great parent role model is not enough to stop the disease of addiction.

...the longer I wait to get help for my child to begin their recovery process the better the odds that my child will be hurt, hurt someone else, get arrested or die.

...this disease has a huge impact on the entire family; it is very important to make sure that everyone gets the help they need as soon as possible.

...it is extremely important to see that everyone involved in a child’s recovery (all parents, family members, counselors, probation officers, school officials and others) are on the same page and updated at all times. Never agree to keep secrets, not even little ones.

...there is a strong spiritual component to recovery from this disease; church can be a significant resource for me, my spouse or partner, my child and my family. Our recovery comes from faith in a Higher Power.

...I need to “Let go and Let God” as soon as I am able (the sooner the better). I cannot want someone's recovery more than they do. Recovering from the impact of addiction in the family is a process that takes time and is different for each person.

...my addicted child will go toterrible lengths (lying, manipulating, stealing, violence, threats, running away and much worse) to obtain drugs. Valuables need to be removed from my child’s grasp before the family heirlooms end up in the pawnshop never to be seen again.

...there is a difference between encouraging my child and enabling my child. Enabling can result in spending hundred or thousands of dollars on drugs and replacing/repairing items over the years. I understand now that I must NEVER pay my child's fines or restitution. Even as a minor it is their personal responsibility to either pay off the their court costs or to work them off with community service.

...I enabled my child to use drugs when I lied for him, made excuses, paid his fines and protected him from other consequences. Codependency allows your heart to rule your decisions instead of your brain. You are not helping your child by protecting him from the consequences of his actions no matter what your heart tells you.

... I actual learned how to feel good about my child being in jail or placement because he was safe, warm, fed and not using drugs. If he is out on the streets or at a "friend's" house I don't know what he is getting.

...I FINALLY learned to listen to that little whisper from my heart that told me my child was using drugs. Do not dispose of, or destroy, drugs or drug paraphernalia that you find. Bag it, label it, date it and put it in a safe place where your child cannot get to it. Save it to use as evidence to get your child into the system A.S.A.P.

...I need to watch for the standard warning signs: dropping grades, withdrawal from sports and school activities, disappearance of old friends (the “good kids”), new friends who have first names only, no parental contact, missing items (i.e. DVD players, video games, cameras, jewelery) increased secret activities, not being where they told you they were, sneaking out...etc...and act on them.

...I need to step up and be the parent, not my child's BFF. He will hate me for a time, and will let me know it in many ways, and that is okay. I will do whatever it takes to keep him alive and clean and I will let him know that in many ways.

…this IS NOT “Just a Phase”, NOT "Just marijuana",NOT "Just alcohol", or NOT "Just an adolescent right of passage.” Understand how to distinguish between normal teenage behavior and drug related behavior.

...I accept that drugs are available in ALL communities and schools (lower, middle and upper class - Drug Dealers are Equal Opportunity Destroyers). Unfortunately most parents, are Ignorant of the drug problem with a capital “I” in our community and schools. We need to educate ourselves about street drugs, their potency and symptoms of use, as well as the potential for the abuse of prescription drugs, over the counter medicines and other chemicals that we have in our homes.

...I need to listen to the clues given by teachers and the school principal. Many people knew or suspected my child’s drug use before it was acknowledged at home.

...drugs are literally everywhere including churches, schools, recovery meetings, rehabilitation centers and places of employment.

...I will not waste my time having long circular arguments with my child. When they tell me that I cannot give them one good reason for my decision(s) I will agree with them. "You're right! I could explain my reasons until I turn blue and you would never get my logic. So I will not waste our time. Thanks so much for pointing that out, you really know me better than I thought."

...even when I tried to make my child safe by “grounding” them that drugs could easily be “delivered” to the house.

...when they will not take a simple "No" for an answer I will use the PSST Ask Me Again Method.

"Can I go out?"

"No, but listen, this is the fourth time that you ask so I know it is really important to you to keep asking, so go ahead and ask me again."

"Huh? Can I go out?

"No, but if you really need to, please, feel free to ask me again."

"Oh, I get it, that's more of that PSST $#%@ again. You guys are like $@#% zombies or something..."

...no matter how much I loved my child, how much I cried, how much I hurt, how much I bribed, how much I punished, I couldn’t make my child stop using drugs.

...I know now and accept that treatment is not a one-shot deal and it is not a cure.

...recovery from addiction is a really long process (sorry to say but it can be years not months) and that after abstaining from drug use it takes an addict a long time for my child to catch up with their peers intellectually and socially even though they want so much to be normal.

...all recovery meetings are not the same and I need to shop around to find the right program for my child. I now realize that I know my child better than anyone else and I have a right and a voice in their recovery process. I am my child's best advocate. I will stand up for them when they are accepting their recovery and do everything I can to get them the help they need when they are using.

...to never gave up on my child. Recovery takes time. “Just for today” are watchwords. What a difference the years make! There is not a good reason to give up hope (discouragement and anger are part of the process - use outside resources to help yourself - do not try to get through this on your own).

...I can challenged the educational professionals at school more. There is a truant officer at some schools to support efforts to keep your child in school but you have to ask. There are alternative education programs and other resources at schools that you are paying for but you have to ask.

...I can Question the doctors and the experts more. Addiction can masquerade as depression. The age of your child is an issue in treatment. Techniques that work well with a 23-year old may not be appropriate for a 13-year old.

...I can Learn about Act 53, a government funded program to involuntarily court order a child into treatment without a criminal record. File for Act 53 A.S.A.P.

...I am not afraid to contact Juvenile Probation authorities and file charges against my child. Getting him into "the system" can give you the support that you need to get him the help that he needs to begin his recovery. Yes he WILL meet other users, drug dealers and thieves but guess what? He already is best friends with other users, drug dealers and thieves - check his cell phone contacts regularly.

...that cell phones are drug paraphernalia and my child does not need a cell phone. My child has access to numerous cell phones anytime he wants to manipulate - er, um, that is - contact me. If for some reason they have to have a cell phone I have the right to read text messages and check contacts on a regular basis and have a right to confiscate the phone at any time (even if they paid for it). I do not allow drug paraphernalia in my home and I will save the text messages and contact numbers as evidence to file charges against my child.

...any access to the internet is to allowed ONLY under my close supervision when I allow it (this includes cell phones, I-Pads and X-Box Live). Your child may need access to the internet for a school project but you have a right to observe them while they are on the internet (They can access drug purchases including K-2, how to beat drug test and how to use other mind altering substances for example).

...I know that drug tests can be manipulated. Go ahead and type it into Google.

...that there are other parents going through exactly what I am going through and they are willing to listen to me, help me and support me at PSST.

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Delicious Ambiguity - By Sally Posted by:Sally--Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Delicious Ambiguity - By Sally

CISCO LEAVES HOME - THE NEXT CHAPTER

On Monday the Fifth of December Rocco and I kept our promise to Cisco.

Cisco has been living at home since October 17th. He is holding down a full time job and seemed to be getting it, however, the weekend preceding that Monday Cisco went to a bonfire and relapsed.

With Rocco's quiet and unfaltering strength we were able to keep our promise....

...We had told Cisco (19 years old) before he re-entered our home from placement that he cannot stay in our house and use drugs or alcohol. After a couple of days of discussion and planning Cisco let us know that he needed his freedom to "do it his way". He could not live under our house rules. So Rocco asked Cisco to pack his bags. Rocco offered Cisco a ride to Resolve, back to his halfway house or 'where ever'. He gave Cisco a medical card, his bus pass and a hug and Cisco was gone.

The interesting and hopeful thing about this is our ability to detach from working Cisco's recovery. I think letting go was easier for me because Rocco handled all the tough stuff. I kept myself busy with other things. Rocco worked from home all that Monday and dealt with Cisco. Luckily, it was a busy time for me at the office and I kept focused. I also had a paper to write for a college course so I immersed myself in that.

This is the first time in five years that I changed my priorities. Cisco's addiction and/or recovery always was number one. In the past, I never was able to focus on a critically informed paper well enough to receive an excellent grade. Now I can.

I am hopeful because I truly know what "Detaching with Love" means. I have spoken to Cisco this week but I am not enabling him. As far as I know he is clean. Cisco has all the tools and contacts that he needs to stay clean; he now needs the desire. The desire not just to stay clean; Cisco needs the desire to work his recovery. There is a significant difference.

I am certain that if Rocco did not ask him to leave.... he would have stayed here and spiraled downward.

It is rather ironic after five years of counseling, placements and therapy that he needs to lose the comfort and safety of his home to stay clean and find his own way on the road to his recovery.

He still has his job and he is living one day at a time.

"Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.” Gilda Radner

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