CANDLE, Inc. is pleased to announce the dates for our newest Reality Tour Drug Prevention program site at Mars Home for Youth on Route 228. www.realitytour.org
Upcoming dates are: August 9th, Sept. 13th, Oct. 11th, Nov. 8th, Dec. 13th.
The program is suitable for parents with children ages 10+. We do accept groups and you are welcome to call our reservation number 724-679-6612 to make arrangements. Registration forms are online at www.realitytour.org.
We could use a few more volunteers at this site: . . .
Call 724-679-6612 to volunteer
Group Leaders are needed and the duties are that of an 'usher'. (Teens or adults - 1x per mo. 3 hrs.)
Butler and Mars sites are looking for addicts in recovery (1 yr min.) for speaker opportunities in our Q & A session. Parents of those afflicted by addiction are welcome to volunteer as well. We have 6 active parents in our Butler programs and several have been with us since the beginning ('03), stating that working with the program empowers them in the battle against addiction.
Over 2500 Butler residents have attended the program to date. We are working with 3 schools that are dedicating a grade level to the Reality Tour experience by promoting attendance to parents. In coming years all the upper grades of these schools will have a significant percentage of students and parents that have attended the program. Surveys show the experience is long lasting. We also now accept a school's disciplinary action students on a priority basis through our at-risk access. Schools must notify CANDLE of their intent to use the at-risk access.
By the end of the year the University of Pittsburgh's School of Pharmacology will have completed their research study of the Reality Tour for submission to the national registry of evidence-based programs in '08.
We have also opened a Reality Tour site on campus at Slippery Rock University, so in Butler County there are 3 locations. Across PA 16 communities are presenting the program and 4 are pending. We hope to bridge the gap between Butler County and the Reality Tour in downtown Pittsburgh in '08 by adding more sites in communities along the Rte 79 corridor.
Please fwd this notice to anyone you like. Call if you have questions.
Regards,
Norma Norris
Norma J. Norris
Executive Director
CANDLE, Inc.
www.realitytour.org
Ph: 724-679-1788
Reality Tour site at Mars Home for Youth
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Thursday, July 26, 2007
PIRATE GAME ROCKED (see photos)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, July 21, 2007
Click above link for more...
Type rest of the post here
New Post on Relapse Blog by Ed A.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, July 21, 2007
Click the link above to go to Sister-PSST Blog on Relapse Issues.
Type rest of the post here
Rules of the Road
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Thursday, July 19, 2007
My child has returned home recently from a 1 month rehab and 4 month stay at a halfway house. As a condition of returning home I suggested some changes to the baseline Conditions of Supervision that the probation officer (Lloyd) usually uses. We reviewed and adjusted the rules together to get to this final document before it was presented to my child. Names and specifics have been changed.
A lot of these changes were gleaned from other professionals and parents over the years who have shared their wisdom.
I have used a planning methodology called SMART in the past. It was an acronym for Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic Timely. I tried to apply these principals to all of the goals.
One of my favorite quotes is "Men plan, God laughs". I have annotated the rules so you can see how it is going so far.
--------------
These conditions of supervision my be amended at the discretion of the Probation Officer. We are expecting changes to be made in the short term (this leaves the door open if you forget anything)
COMMUNITY PROTECTION CONDITIONS:
1) Obey all laws.
2) Do not leave Allegheny County without the permission of the probation officer. Exception: in the company of his parents or with parents permission to a border county.
3) Advise the probation officer IMMEDIATELY of any change in address or telephone number.
4) Do NOT possess or employ firearms, fireworks, weapons, or other instruments of crime.
5) Adhere to the following curfew: 24 hour house arrest until further notice. Travel only with parents.
6) No driving until further notice. (this one is tough, it takes a lot of driving to support all of meetings and therapy and the house arresst means no rides from friends to meetings. It does help in establishing the goal of what do you need to do to get a car)
7) Socialize only with peers that the parents and Probation Officer approve of and DO NOT socialize with those that are known to use illegal substances or those who are known to commit crime. No phone, letters, email, IM, facebook, myspace messages or face-to-face with unapproved peers. Unapproved peers include but are not limited to: LIST UNAPPROVED PEERS HERE.
a) Males-until further notice (this one is very difficult to enforce - in discussions with the PO we decided to drop it after two weeks)
b) L
c) C
d) S
8) Call sponsor every day during the first phase of Probation; call other recovering peers each day; join a Home Group and attend Home Group Meetings.
ACCOUNTABILITY CONDITIONS:
9) Make contact with the Probation Officer daily including holidays and weekends via phone. Report to the probation officer as directed and agree that the probation officer may visit at any time.
10) Notify the probation officer within forty-eight hours of being questioned or arrested by a law enforcement officer.
11)
12) Do not possess or consume alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, or any other illegal drugs.
13) Submit to random Drug & Alcohol Urinalysis or saliva testing by parents or Probation Officer.
14) Submit to search by Probation Officer or parents if requested.
15) Complete community service at the mission trip 7/23-7/27.
16) Attend at least one recover related activity per day. Attend 12 step meetings from Prayer to Prayer.
17) Follow all discharge recommendations of
18) Make sure that a parent approves of all activities and plans. There should be no unapproved or unaccounted for time. Treat Parents with respect.
COMPETENCY CONDITIONS:
19) Accomplish the following educational and/ or vocational goals: to be determined
20) Complete a D&A Intensive Outpatient Counseling Program:
21) Enroll in and participate in an therapy or counseling approved by Probation Officer and Parents. Develop a written plan by 8/7/07 and review that plan with your support team. (this was designed to make sure they own their own health issues)
22) Attend one church service on a weekly basis at .
23) Establish a workout plan and visit the gym minimum 3 times per week.
24) Attend the drama workshops on Thursday night at .
25) Cell phone is only to be used for recover activities. Do not erase phone numbers from phone memory. Do not accept restricted calls. Provide phone to be reviewed when requested. Leave phone on kitchen table at night.
26) Do not use the house phone.
27) Do not use the Internet.
28) Asleep by midnight and up by 8 AM or as needed to make recovery commitments.
29) Make and keep all Dr. appointments. Take care of health needs.
30) Keep a day timer of daily commitments.
31) Move property from halfway house to home by 7/15
32) Assist with moving to upstairs bedroom. By 7/23
(these two were included so the child could own all of the responsibility of moving back home. This worked well - it gave a great focus for the first two weeks)
33) Help with weekly house chores and home repair projects as needed.
34) Keep your room neat and do your own wash.
35) Your are not to have more than $10 cash on you at any time.
36) Any cash you receive is to be transferred to your parent’s custody.
July 14th Meeting at Alliance Office (Parent Empowerment!)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, July 15, 2007
This meeting started at 9:05, pretty early for us, and by 9:10 we had 11 parents present. This was a great meeting- thanks everyone who showed up to help us out.
We took a break at 10:25 and we came back at 10:40 for a couple of versions of one role-play. We ran a bit over and ended out meeting at 11:45.
The focus of the meeting was empowerment of parents who are working with Probation Officers. Parents who share the blame with, or in some cases just assume the blame, get the power.
Only guilty people are effective. What are we guilty of? As parents, especially PSST parents, we are guilty of stopping at nothing to insure that our kids are given another day clean; we are guilty of going the last and extra last mile to see that our kids are supervised, especially when we can't supervise them ourselves. We are guilty of using every tool at our disposal, including when possible, the Juvenile Probation system to give our teens another day drug-free, guilty of changing our minds when we see that we made a mistake; guilty of "snitchin" to the PO, the school, the counselor, the teen's other parent, the other teens parents, the police, etc., all because we have come to believe that secrets keep us sick. We are guilty of working harder on our teen's recovery than he works on his own; guilty of enabling our teen from the consequences of his own decisions and guilty of no longer enabling him from the consequences of his own decisions even though he has come to expect that from us.
Yes, the teens are correct when they blame us. We send them to boot camp. We send them to The Academy sanction unit. We take thier cell phones. We take thier driving privellegeds away. We stand up in Court and ask the Judge to place our teen in the longest or most effective program and when our teen says, "you put me away!" we can say "yes, I had a lot to do with it."
We are guilty of loving our kids and being willing to fight this disease with every weapon at our disposal. Yes, we admit that. Let's move on.
Letter to self written by Teenager (as if she were her Mom.)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, June 29, 2007
Dear Suzie,
I know you may be hurt, confused and scared right now. But you have to understand the reason that I sent you here. I was running out of ideas, and I was scared for you. You were going down a dark and destructive path. I was afraid that I was going to lose you for good.
Please understand that this is not meant to be a punishment. I'm doing this because I want to save you from yourself. I am very proud of you and I love you very much. I want to see my beautiful daughter come back to life.
Please understand,
Love,
Mom
(Name changed and published with permission. When Mom was asked what she thought of the letter that her daughter wrote to herself she said, "I could have written every word.")
Surviving Shuman
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Monday, June 25, 2007
It seems that for years I have been threatening my kids with "you will go to Shuman!". When the behavior became so bad that the threats became a reality I found that I was very unprepared for what would happen while my child was there. These are my comments, tips and insights about surviving Shuman left as a future "heads up" for other parents. Please feel free to share your own experiences in the comments.
Details
Shuman Juvenile Detention Center
(412) 661-6806
7150 Highland Dr
Pittsburgh, PA 15206
I received several useful documents from Shuman after my child was no longer there. I have attached them as a pdf file for your review. Click here to download the file.
Visiting
You can visit your child from 7 PM to 8 PM every day. Leave everything you don't need locked in the car. Be inside the main doors about 6:50. Have a drivers license. They will give you a locker for your coat, keys and anything else that won't go through the metal detector. Be prepared to meet the other parents. Take about $4 worth of change if you want to buy your child a soft drink and a candy bar from the vending machines. Everyone goes through the metal detector, gives there name and is escorted though two locked doors to sit at a table in a common area. The children are allowed down to see you between 7:10 and as late as 7:20. At 7:57 you are warned that time is about up and at 8:00 PM sharp the children are called to line up and you are asked to remain in your seat. They count them, line them up and take them away. Then you are allowed to leave.
You can bring a deck of cards. Sometimes that helps to pass the time or when there is nothing to say.
You can bring a bible and leave it.
Be prepared to see scratches or bruises on the face. My child was in a fight both times she was there.
Be prepared to see your child in an orange prison style jump suit.
Be prepared for crying and all kind of horror stories about the guards.
Be prepared for your child to be a little jittery and nervous if they were heavy smokers.
Be prepared for collect phone calls. They can only call a land line phone, no cell phones. There is a pre-recorded announcement telling you the call is from Shuman.
Be prepared that your child may have done something so that you cannot visit. You will most likely find out when you get there.
Medicine
My experience with medicine is that you have to take it in the original prescription bottle. Ask to see someone from the nurses department and hand it to them directly. Call the nurses department the next day and ask if your child received their medication. If not, find out why and be persistent.
Positive Things
I knew my child was safe and did not have access to drugs.
They put my child in school by the second day she was there.
My child got excellent mental health support while she was there.
A lot of rehab facilitates will interview your child at Shuman and provide direct transportation to their facility if accepted.
Consider
You are not required to visit.
You are not required to accept the collect call.
Grand opening at Gateway Greentree benefits from lots of support from members!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Three first-time parents and eight regular members makes the grand opening a big success. People were so helpful and many brought goodies to eat. Gateway staff were also very helpful and encouraging; even the Regional Director lent a hand in helping us clean up from a coffee pot fiasco.
The room worked out pretty well being a perfect size and equipped with a kitchen down the hall. We had to play a bit with the air conditioner but we had an air conditioner. Really, we are very grateful to Gateway. Mary was the mover-and-shaker in this event and her help planning, setting up, and cleaning up afterwards was immense- thanks Mary!
Having an extra half-hour seemed to help us out:
6:15 Readings- announcements
6:30 - 7:30 sharing
7:30 - 7:45 Break
7:45-8:15 Role-play
8:15-9:00 discuss role-play, new member share, who did we miss, wrap-up.
We know that if we can start closer to 6:00 pm we will have more time, however, we seemed to have time for what we needed. Everyone helped with sharing the time so that we could hear something from just about everyone.
Role-play: "It doesn't matter what I say."
Setting: Visit by mother to her teenage daughter who has been inpatient treatment for 3 to 4 weeks.
Daughter: Mom, I've learned sooo much up here-Boy! This is what i needed. Hey, I "get it" now. I'm never going back to do all that drinking again. I've learned what I needed up here- but Mom- these other kids are such a$$%les! I can't stand it! Mom- if you spent one night in here you would know what I'm talking about! You wouldn't be able to stand it - trust me- it really sucks up here!
Mom: I'm sure it's hard to be up here honey. You know, I'm very proud of you for what you have accomplished here!
Daugher: Me too. I mean I've been working hard to earn trust with my therapists. They say I'm open- and that I do really good work. They "get-it" that I've really changed, but what bothers me is that you're never going to trust me again.
Mom: Well, it's going to take time. Can you tell me one thing that you've learned up here that will make a difference when you come back home?
Daughter: Oh there's lots of stuff- like People, Places, and Things. But it just seems that you won't give me any credit is all. I mean I hope I've earned back some trust- like you know I can have that six-hour off grounds pass this weekend- you know- and I was thinking that we could go down to that Greek Festival- and I just want to spend some time with you Mom- and hang out- and have fun- just me and you.
Mom: Well, yeah- we both like that kind of thing- maybe do a little shopping- looks like you could use a new pair of shoes.
Daughter: Exactly. And some of my friends are going to be at the Festival.
Mom: Ohhhhhhhhh, yeah- wait, hold on a minute. (showing face of concern.)
Daughter: What?
Mom: Well you know how we were just talking about People, Places and Things?
Daughter: Yeah, what about it? (Scrunches up face as if to say -'what can she be talking about?)
Mom: Well, honey - your friends are the People. You are supposed to stay away from them.
Daughter: MOM! (rolls eyes) I'm not going to drink with them! I'll be with you! I'm just going to wave at them. They need to see that I've changed my life. I want to show them that I'm happy not drinking. You just don't get it. My therapist gets it- she thinks it's important that I feel good about how I've changed my life- but you just don't get it and you don't trust me either. I'm not going to try to drink on my six-hour off grounds pass- that would be dumb!
Mom: Ok, ok, that's great and you're right honey, I don't have all the skills and training that your therapist has. I'm so glad that she sees such great improvement in you. You know, there are somethings I know, and some things I don't know.
Daughter: Well, I'm glad you can admit it. So we can go to festival?
Mom: (Moving in closer to her daughter and making strong eye contact) Absolutely not.
Daughter: Why not?
Mom: Well that was what I was trying to tell you. Your old friends are the People part of the People, Places, and Things. And come to...
Daughter: (Interrupting) That's what bugs me soooo much about you! You don't listen to what I'm saying. I'm just going to wave at them Mom!
Mom: Nevertheless, we won't be going down to where your...
Daughter: You just don't trust me- why don't you admit it?
Mom: You are right- trust will take time; but tell you what- you talk first. I'll wait. I won't interrupt you.
Daughter: It just doesn't matter what I say to you. That weird PO has you brain washed. I just wish you would listen more to what my therapist is saying and not that weird PO. You don't know about recovery Mom; you think you know- but I'm up here 24/ 7- I'm learning this stuff- you just don't know.
Both quiet for a few
Daughter: Well? Aren't you going to say anything.
Mom: If you're done and you won't interrupt me.
Daughter: Ok, talk. (rolling eyes again.)
Mom: (Moving a bit closer as daughter has moved back a bit) It's not acceptable that you go to places where your old friends are... (holding up hand to ward off interruption) you said you would not interrupt me.
I'm so glad that you brought this up now. I think this is going to be, if not the biggest issue, one of the most important issues and we need to address this now. Divorcing your old friends is going to be hard for you. It is not enough to just not be with them when they abuse drugs. It's important that you stay away from them all the time. That means face-to-face contacts, telephone, Instant Messages, notes, letters, and even text-messaging. No contact means no contact. You are so right to bring this all up now and I think that shows that you are really doing some good work up here. Ok, thanks for not interrupting.
Note: Mom makes sure that she gets to talk uninterrupted but after her daughter gives her the floor- she makes sure to thank her and give it back. This helps to establish good boundaries for good communication.
Daughter: They didn't say I can't be on the phone with my friends. You are such a witch! You're just making things up. I wish you'd listen to me Mom- but you never really listened to me- that's our problem and my therapist thinks so too- we can't talk because you never really listened to me. That's probably why I started drinking!
Mom: We do have trouble talking. I think we are doing pretty good right now.
Daughter: No we are not! We're not doing good because it doesn't matter what I say with you. Why do I even bother talking to you?
Mom: Look, you're right. In some ways it's not so important what you say- but honey, it is important what you do- and that's what I'll be looking at.
Drive My Car
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Thursday, June 14, 2007
Update - We are going on 6/26. Click here to register on line.
Not sure about travel arrangements yet.
-------------------------------------------------
Val is organizing a day trip to the 2007 Driving Skills for Life (DSFL) Summer Camp on June 26-28 at Consol Energy Park, Home to the Washington Wild Things. Current plans are to van pool up there so this would be a no cost event for you and your child other than snacks and misc. items. Your child needs a drivers license or permit to participate. Interested? Contact Val to sign up - more details follow.
The 2007 Driving Skills for Life (DSFL) Summer Camp will be held on
June 26-28 at Consol Energy Park, Home to the Washington Wild Things, in
Washington, PA. The Summer Camp is FREE to all participants and is
specifically geared toward newly licensed teens. At the camp, teens
will go through driving exercises in the area of hazard
recognition/crash avoidance, vehicle handling/skid control and
speed/space management. In addition, we will have motivational
speakers and sponsor exhibits to engage the teens over the three days.
Teens will gain experience behind the wheel under the direct
supervision and guidance of professional driving instructors.
Parents,
teachers and community leaders are also encouraged to attend.
The Camp is part of a year-long partnership called "Taking the Lead"
that DSFL has with KDKA-TV, Pittsburgh CW, GHSA and Westfield
Insurance.
"Taking the Lead" includes a number of public service announcements
broadcast on KDKA-TV, as well as half hour programming dedicated to
DSFL.
Grand Opening of The newest PSST only one week away!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Thanks to Mary Chalburg, our newest PSST sessions will be starting on Tuesday June 19th, from 6:00 to 9:00 PM at Gateway Greentree. We are scheduled to meet the First and Third Tuesdays of each month. The address is Gateway Greentree Office, 2121 Noblestown Plaza, Pittsburgh, PA 15205.
Mary contacted Gateway and made all the arrangements. Apparently, Gateway checked out this blog and they were very impressed with they read here.
Mary and I attended the Gateway Family night last week and talked to a room full of parents. With the help of two parents that volunteered to participate, we put on a role-play. Of course, we used an issue that the two parents brought up, which is in keeping with what we always do to try to "keep it real."
We thought it went pretty well and we are hoping for a nice turn out. However, we really could use the support of our regular members. So, if you can come on out this coming Tuesday, help Mary, Val, and I get this new one started!
Directions from Pittsburgh: Take Parkway West though the Fort Pitt Tunnels. Take exit 4A for PA 121 N toward Crafton. Turn left at T on Mansfield Avenue; then one block turn right on Poplar Street. Go 1/2 mile and turn right at the light on Noblestown Road. Go 3/10 mile and turn right up driveway; bear right at Y and follow signs to Gateway, which will be around the back of the office complex.
If you are coming from the opposite direction you get off at Greentree exit, make left off the ramp, and that puts you on Mansfield Avenue; then one block turn right on Poplar Street. Go 1/2 mile and turn right at the light on Noblestown Road. Go 3/10 mile and turn right up driveway; bear right at Y and follow signs to Gateway, which will be around the back of the office complex.
If you get lost call me at 412-861-6757.
PARKING IS NO PROBLEM!
Outreach Teen Location
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Monday, June 04, 2007
New location at Outreach Teen and Family Services in Mt. Lebanon 666 Washington Rd Mt Lebanon, PA 15228
The door to Outreach is right underneath the Stevenson Williams Co. sign, about the middle of the building. Click on the picture to the right to be connected to Google Maps. Soon, we will add this location to our other two located on the left side of this blog.
From 376 Monroeville: Merge onto 279S (Fort Duquense Bridge)
Take exit 5A for Banksville Rd (right after Tunnel)
Merge onto US-19 (Banksville Rd)
Turn left on McFarland Rd (at a Y)
Turn right at W Liberty Ave/US-19
Destination will be on the right
From the North: I-79 S toward Pittsburgh
Slight left at I-279 S (signs for I-279)
Take exit 5A for Banksville Rd (right after Tunnel)
Turn left on McFarland Rd (at a Y)
Turn right at W Liberty Ave/US-19
Continue to follow US-19
Destination will be on the right
From out by Pittsburgh International Airport:
Merge onto PA-60 S
Continue on I-279 N
Take exit 4A toward Mt Lebanon/Green Tree
Merge right onto Greentree Rd/PA-121
Turn left at Potomac Ave
Turn right at W Liberty Ave/US-19
Continue to follow US-19
Destination will be on the right
The New Normal
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Monday, May 28, 2007
I want my family to be back to normal. I want my daughter to stay in recovery and have a normal life. I hear the same thoughts echoed by other parents. The problem is that getting back to normal is not the same as getting into recovery and recovery leads us to a “new normal” that is not built on the dreams of our past but exists in the realities of our present.
I am reading 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Piper. The short version is that he is in a horrific auto accident, dies, goes to heaven, returns to earth and takes several years to recover. In chapter 14 he writes:
“Human nature has a tendency to try to reconstruct old ways and pick up where we left off. If we’re wise, we won’t continue to go back to the way things were (we can’t anyway). We must instead forget the old standard and accept a new normal.”
In Piper’s case he was talking about all the physical things he could no longer do. My experiences in living through the addiction/recovery process with a then adolescent and now young woman have brought me to the same place, an understanding of a “new normal” and making healthy plans to deal with it instead of focusing on returning to that old, romanticized normal.
For the last couple of years a lot of my thinking has been around getting the problem fixed, keeping her under control, stopping destructive behaviors. At this point she has been through several rehabs and placements and is living in a half way house. There really is no more coming home from rehab, dance team, sleep-overs, new jobs, boy friends or proms. There is a major focus on her part to control her own demons. I can help from time to time and provide some monetary and emotional support but besides that, there is not a lot I can do. Powerless.
She is taking a different path through life (though probably not intentionally) and because I have chosen to walk beside her it is now our new normal. And somehow describing it that way helps. It brings acceptance. Not a child to be disciplined but an adult that needs help. Not someone to control but someone to support.
Somehow I have it confused that my daughter’s addiction is about me when really it is about her. Talking with people in recovery always has an emotional impact on me. Hearing a friend of hers talk about everything she lost in one breath and plans for a new job in the next is an amazing testimony to the human spirit. And then I get it. It is the same for my daughter.
Watching my daughter deal with all of this at 19 is so different than at 16. Once they are out of the house the game changes - instead of trying to get them back home and keep them safe (in some ways trying to regain that lost “normal”) you start to, yet again, understand the reality of all of this and accept your role in the new normal.
This change in perspective for me didn’t happen overnight, it is an ongoing process. I am changing my actions of doing things for her to words of advice, “I used to do this for you, now you will have to….” . Each day I make the decision to walk besides her all over again. That’s because each day, all my instincts tell me that I need to fix her problems for her but I’ve learned that I can’t do that. That train is gone and there’s another one coming down the track. If I worry too much about the one that left, I’m not going to be ready to board the new one.
Letter to teen at Abraxas I
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, May 21, 2007
My Dearest Son,
Let me start this letter my saying how much I love you. By our visit last week, you are obviously angry with me. But please believe that no matter what, I will love you more than you can understand. You are my son and a major part of my life and my very being. I will do anything to help you, to get the rehab that you need, counseling that you need, any help that you need to stay off drugs and start your life anew.
You can be anything that you want. You are very talented and intelligent and I refuse to believe that God gave you all these gifts to waste on a life of drug abuse. You deserve a better life than such a life of drug abuse. And you deserve a long life. Not one cut short because of drugs. If you stayed on the path in February / March, you would be dead soon if not already. And there is no easy way out of your problems. There is no quick fix. So, take one step at a time and work through your issues. I know you have had some setbacks lately, but work through them.
I love you dearly and pray daily that you will be able to give up the drugs and continue to grow and develop into the man that you were meant to be.
It seems that you don’t understand the Abraxas program and it appears that you are trying to equate it to other drug rehab facilities that you have been in. However, places like Gateway and Ridgeview do not deal with the behavioral issues that long-term drug use causes. Abraxas does. One of your issues is that you have been deep into drugs for a long time. Sally at Gateway told us that once a teenager starts using drugs, emotional and maturity development stops. Also, extended drug use distorts people’s perception of reality and their sense of right and wrong. It also leads to anti-social behavior.
You started using drugs as a young teenager, and continued to use drugs through some critical years. This has affected your emotional and maturity development, distorted your perceptions, and distorted your sense of right and wrong. You have exhibited anti-social behavior and your defiance has become self-destructive. This process has continued through all of your teenage years and it has had a profound effect upon you. This is what Abraxas is doing for you: stopping the patterns of behavior that you have developed and getting you back on track to proper development. This needs to happen before anything else is effective, including drug rehab at places like Gateway.
I know you disagree with this and do not believe you fall into this category. You have mentioned that Abraxas is for teenagers with behavior issues, and that is not you. That all you have is a drug problem. However, your drug problem has continued long enough that behavior and perception issues have developed. I agree with you that you are not in the same category as most others there and some of those have severe behavior issues. . However, that doesn’t change the fact that you need to readjust your behavior, your perceptions, and get your development back on track. You need to develop your social skills and your coping skills. You need to understand your defiance and learn to control it. You need to stop your self-destructive behavior. You need to learn how to cope when things are not going well. You need to learn how to control your temper. You need to learn how to not feel out of control, be able to calm yourself and deal with your problems. And you need to learn how to do this without drugs. You need to develop whatever skills necessary to cope with life and move on with your life in a productive fashion. And you need to learn how to do this without drugs.
Part of this process is facing the behavior that you have exhibited and the things you have done. You need to deal with them, understand them so that you do not repeat them, and change those behavior patterns forever. You also need to get past the issues and guilt that you have because you have done these things. You need to work through these things and forgive yourself. You must do this in order to get past it and not repeat any of these actions, including drug use. You must come to terms with your past and take the time to forgive yourself. We all have forgiven and forgotten, and we just want you back, drug free and strong. We have all forgiven and we want you back, drug free and happy.
This is what Abraxas can do for you. It is behavior modification. It is undoing the effect the drug use has had on your development. It is stopping your anti-social behavior, teaching you how to deal with your defiance, and teaching you coping skills. It is readjusting your perceptions, and adjusting your sense of right and wrong. It is giving you life-management skills.
For example, you must stop excusing away your behavior because it is related to your drug habit. Your sister told me that you think your drug-using ‘friend’ received a light sentence because his forgery is related to supporting his drug habit. That is wrong. He received a light sentence because it was his first offense. I know that to be true, because I was there in the courtroom when his sentence was given and I talked to the Assistant DA about his sentence. If he appears in court a second time, his sentence will be much different, and if he appears a third time, his sentence will be severe. It will not matter that it was all for supporting a drug habit. The courts do not excuse away crimes because they were committed to support a drug habit. I hope you do not need to learn that lesson the hard way.
We have tried to help you with your drug use and provided a different array of professionals to counsel you. I have protected you from your mistakes relating to your drug use under the pretence that you would take the advice of these professionals. However, I was wrong. I was wrong to protect you from the consequences of your drug use. I know you do not believe that I protected you from anything. However, I stopped the High School from expelling you. I stopped the police from arresting you for Shoplifting and, hence, you avoided a sentence in Shuman. Your Father and I intervened when the police wanted to send you to Presley Ridge for several months over your drunken disorderly at Eat’N Park. I kept thinking that if you had the drug rehab, the counseling from professionals, that you would ‘see the light,’ the ‘error of your ways,’ but I was wrong.
I do think that you tried to leave the drugs behind, but you always returned to your destructive behavior and your drug abuse. The help that you were getting was not enough. There is no easy way out of this and it will take time. I hope that you use your treatment time wisely:
* You need to learn how to take advice from people.
* You need to drop your defiant self-destructive ways.
* You need to take the time to understand the reason why you used drugs in the first place. Then, you need to change that part of yourself. Perhaps your thrill-seeking need drove you to life on the edge and that drove you to drug abuse. You must control that part of your personality. You must learn why you started drugs and why you continue to relapse and change that behavior.
* You must reverse the damage that extended drug use has done to you in terms of your personality development, perception of reality, and your maturity development. You must take the time to regain the things that you have lost and get yourself back on track.
* And you may not believe this either, but your behavior changes when you are relapsing and probably just before you relapse, i.e., you start the destructive behavior patterns, the dissociation with reality, the irresponsible behavior, and the defiance. That is what must stop and Abraxas can help you.
We are with you every step of the way. We will be there for you! We will provide whatever is necessary to get whatever help you need; to send you to the schools that you want to attend, to help you get the education that you need, to continue to provide for you, to help you get you established and back on track.
You too must step up and accept responsibility for yourself. We will continue to provide for you, and those things that you want that are above and beyond, you will work for and provide for yourself. You must appreciate what it means to work for something that you want, as opposed to having it handed over to you. You must step up and assume responsibility for yourself.
As I mentioned earlier, the biggest mistake we made was protecting you from the consequences of your behavior, and we will no longer do that. We will help you with what ever you need to better yourself, to stay off drugs, to build a constructive life for yourself. However, we will allow you to deal with your mistakes of drug use. We will be there with you, but you must deal with them and accept the consequences.
You also need to recognize when you need help before the consequences hit. You need to ask for help if you feel yourself slipping, and not wait until you are in trouble. You need to start thinking things through and stopping yourself when your actions do not have a good ending. You need to think about what you are doing, understand the impact, and stop your behavior if there is a chance for negative consequences. You need to start thinking things through.
We will get you all the help that you need. We will go anywhere and spend anything to get you all the help you need. However, if you insist on drug abuse and if you refuse any help, I will do what I need to do to stop you. I will do whatever I need to do to avoid that day that I am called to the morgue to identify your body. You cannot comprehend how painful it is for your family to know that you can engage in Russian Roulette with your life; that you would choose this destructive drug-addicted life over anything else; that you would choose Heroin over anyone else. So please don’t any more.
Well, I will close now. I have been working on this letter for a few weeks, which is why I haven’t written for awhile. We will be back up on September 18th. Always remember how much we love you and how proud we are of you for the progress that you are making.
Myths About Drug Use by Tim McDowell
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, May 18, 2007
Tim McDowell is a Student Assistance Coordinator and Licensed Social Worker at North Hills High School. He has written this brutal eye-opener about misconceptions that people have about teenagers and drug abuse. The assumptions that we hold about drug use have EVERYTHING to do with the actions that we take to address this life threatening disease of addiction in our teens.
Ø You can change adolescence with a talk. Wrong- No cure for adolescence, no magic talk will change adolescents from being curious, or invincible risk takers. You had better appeal to something else.
Ø Kids use drugs because they don’t know that they are dangerous and illegal. Wrong - Kids know, but don’t care. They think they’re invincible and will never get caught.
Ø You can scare kids into not using drugs. Wrong – Kids are invincible and “IT NEVER HAPPENS TO THEM”, always someone else. They “know” they will be smarter and not let it happen.
Ø Some counseling is better than nothing. Wrong - You don’t put a band-aid on a broken arm. It may pacify your conscience, but its not helping your kid.
Ø You can shame kids into not using drugs. Wrong - Drug use brings on enough shame. There’s already a perceived inability to overcome this. They need professional help and support.
Ø You can control your teen’s drug use. Wrong – You have zero control over your child’s drug use, but you have complete control over what you will accept or not. Draw a line in the sand. If you’re walking on egg-shells, You’ve already lost control. Let the professionals help you get it back.
Ø You should handle your family’s drug use discreetly. Wrong - Shout it from the rooftops. Take advantage of every possible resource or professional available. Have the entire community keeping an eye on your kid. If you are clear that no shame is deserved, you aren’t embarrassed to speak up.
Ø You can make your kid want to get clean. Wrong - They have to be uncomfortable and hurting enough to want something different. That’s where you come in.
Ø When things get bad, we’ll get him into a treatment program. Wrong – Treatment may not be an option. Insurance companies may say “not bad enough” or can be put on 3-month waiting list.
Questions – You can email Tim McDowell at mcdowellt@nhsd.k12.pa.us or call him at 412.318.1422
