Grand opening at Gateway Greentree benefits from lots of support from members! Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Three first-time parents and eight regular members makes the grand opening a big success. People were so helpful and many brought goodies to eat. Gateway staff were also very helpful and encouraging; even the Regional Director lent a hand in helping us clean up from a coffee pot fiasco.

The room worked out pretty well being a perfect size and equipped with a kitchen down the hall. We had to play a bit with the air conditioner but we had an air conditioner. Really, we are very grateful to Gateway. Mary was the mover-and-shaker in this event and her help planning, setting up, and cleaning up afterwards was immense- thanks Mary!

Having an extra half-hour seemed to help us out:

6:15 Readings- announcements
6:30 - 7:30 sharing
7:30 - 7:45 Break
7:45-8:15 Role-play
8:15-9:00 discuss role-play, new member share, who did we miss, wrap-up.

We know that if we can start closer to 6:00 pm we will have more time, however, we seemed to have time for what we needed. Everyone helped with sharing the time so that we could hear something from just about everyone.

Role-play: "It doesn't matter what I say."

Setting: Visit by mother to her teenage daughter who has been inpatient treatment for 3 to 4 weeks.

Daughter: Mom, I've learned sooo much up here-Boy! This is what i needed. Hey, I "get it" now. I'm never going back to do all that drinking again. I've learned what I needed up here- but Mom- these other kids are such a$$%les! I can't stand it! Mom- if you spent one night in here you would know what I'm talking about! You wouldn't be able to stand it - trust me- it really sucks up here!

Mom: I'm sure it's hard to be up here honey. You know, I'm very proud of you for what you have accomplished here!

Daugher: Me too. I mean I've been working hard to earn trust with my therapists. They say I'm open- and that I do really good work. They "get-it" that I've really changed, but what bothers me is that you're never going to trust me again.

Mom: Well, it's going to take time. Can you tell me one thing that you've learned up here that will make a difference when you come back home?

Daughter: Oh there's lots of stuff- like People, Places, and Things. But it just seems that you won't give me any credit is all. I mean I hope I've earned back some trust- like you know I can have that six-hour off grounds pass this weekend- you know- and I was thinking that we could go down to that Greek Festival- and I just want to spend some time with you Mom- and hang out- and have fun- just me and you.

Mom: Well, yeah- we both like that kind of thing- maybe do a little shopping- looks like you could use a new pair of shoes.

Daughter: Exactly. And some of my friends are going to be at the Festival.

Mom: Ohhhhhhhhh, yeah- wait, hold on a minute. (showing face of concern.)

Daughter: What?

Mom: Well you know how we were just talking about People, Places and Things?

Daughter: Yeah, what about it? (Scrunches up face as if to say -'what can she be talking about?)

Mom: Well, honey - your friends are the People. You are supposed to stay away from them.

Daughter: MOM! (rolls eyes) I'm not going to drink with them! I'll be with you! I'm just going to wave at them. They need to see that I've changed my life. I want to show them that I'm happy not drinking. You just don't get it. My therapist gets it- she thinks it's important that I feel good about how I've changed my life- but you just don't get it and you don't trust me either. I'm not going to try to drink on my six-hour off grounds pass- that would be dumb!

Mom: Ok, ok, that's great and you're right honey, I don't have all the skills and training that your therapist has. I'm so glad that she sees such great improvement in you. You know, there are somethings I know, and some things I don't know.

Daughter: Well, I'm glad you can admit it. So we can go to festival?

Mom: (Moving in closer to her daughter and making strong eye contact) Absolutely not.

Daughter: Why not?

Mom: Well that was what I was trying to tell you. Your old friends are the People part of the People, Places, and Things. And come to...

Daughter: (Interrupting) That's what bugs me soooo much about you! You don't listen to what I'm saying. I'm just going to wave at them Mom!

Mom: Nevertheless, we won't be going down to where your...

Daughter: You just don't trust me- why don't you admit it?

Mom: You are right- trust will take time; but tell you what- you talk first. I'll wait. I won't interrupt you.

Daughter: It just doesn't matter what I say to you. That weird PO has you brain washed. I just wish you would listen more to what my therapist is saying and not that weird PO. You don't know about recovery Mom; you think you know- but I'm up here 24/ 7- I'm learning this stuff- you just don't know.

Both quiet for a few

Daughter: Well? Aren't you going to say anything.

Mom: If you're done and you won't interrupt me.

Daughter: Ok, talk. (rolling eyes again.)

Mom: (Moving a bit closer as daughter has moved back a bit) It's not acceptable that you go to places where your old friends are... (holding up hand to ward off interruption) you said you would not interrupt me.

I'm so glad that you brought this up now. I think this is going to be, if not the biggest issue, one of the most important issues and we need to address this now. Divorcing your old friends is going to be hard for you. It is not enough to just not be with them when they abuse drugs. It's important that you stay away from them all the time. That means face-to-face contacts, telephone, Instant Messages, notes, letters, and even text-messaging. No contact means no contact. You are so right to bring this all up now and I think that shows that you are really doing some good work up here. Ok, thanks for not interrupting.

Note: Mom makes sure that she gets to talk uninterrupted but after her daughter gives her the floor- she makes sure to thank her and give it back. This helps to establish good boundaries for good communication.

Daughter: They didn't say I can't be on the phone with my friends. You are such a witch! You're just making things up. I wish you'd listen to me Mom- but you never really listened to me- that's our problem and my therapist thinks so too- we can't talk because you never really listened to me. That's probably why I started drinking!

Mom: We do have trouble talking. I think we are doing pretty good right now.

Daughter: No we are not! We're not doing good because it doesn't matter what I say with you. Why do I even bother talking to you?

Mom: Look, you're right. In some ways it's not so important what you say- but honey, it is important what you do- and that's what I'll be looking at.