We had eleven fa
One regular mom quoted Alexander Pope and said hope springs eternal... and this is true.
Hope springs eternal in the human breast: Man never is, but always To be Blest. - Alexander Pope
Our HOPE is OUR BLESSING!
We will work through all of this and we will continue to fight the good fight.
Ethyl was there and brought some inspiration. (Read the post about her daughter Lucy who is now in the Navy). I was pleased that our other son, I will call him Frodo, came along to shed some light on how a sibling feels and lives with the fact that their home is in turmoil because of a teenager's addiction with drugs.
At any rate, we took our break when the meeting should have ended and then Rocco and Frodo and I had to go but I heard that several parents stayed on to do some great role playing.
Thanks again to our fearless leaders, Lloyd, Val and Kathie who we enjoy spending our Saturday's with to learn how to be good parents to children who have addictions.
A Summary of our April 3rd PSST Meeting
Posted by:Sally--Sunday, April 04, 2010
Emily's Progress - Or Lack of It.
Posted by:Sally--Wednesday, March 31, 2010
-Ernest Hemingway
I encourage any readers who have a bit of wisdom or a thought on this to post it.
Protect Our Doubts - by Paulo Coelho
Posted by:Sally--Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Rocco was thinking of Emily's mom and Emily's Progress and we both thought these words of wisdom were apropriate.
Protect our doubts, because Doubt is a way of praying. It is Doubt that makes us grow because it forces us to look fearlessly at the many answers that exist to one question.
And in order for this to be possible...
Protect our decisions, because Decisions is a way of praying. Give us the courage, after our doubts, to be able to choose between one road and another. May our YES always be a YES, and our NO always be a NO. Once we have chosen our road, may we never look back nor allow our soul to be eaten away by remorse.
And in order for this to be possible...
Protect our actions, because Action is a way of praying. May our daily bread be the result of the very best that we carry within us. May we, through work and Action, share a little of the love we receive.
And in order for this to be possible...
Protect our dreams, because to Dream is a way of praying. Make sure that, regardless of our age or our circumstances, we are capable of keeping alight in our heart the sacred flame of hope and perseverance.
And in order for this to be possible...
Protect our enthusiasm, because Enthusiasm is a way of praying. It is what binds us to the Heaven and to Earth, to grown-ups, and to children; it is what tells us that our desires are important and deserve our best efforts. It is Enthusiasm that reaffirms to us that everything is possible, as long as we are totally committed to what we are doing.
And in order for this to be possible...
Protect our "us"; Because Life is the only way we have of making manifest Your miracle. May the earth continue to transform seeds into wheat, may we continue to transmute wheat into bread. And this is only possible if we have Love; therefore, do not leave us in solitude. Always give us Your company and the company of men and women who have doubts, who act and dream and feel enthusiasm, and who live each day as if it were totally dedicated to Your glory.
Amen
Paulo Coelho - Brazilian lyricist and novelistIn 1996, Coelho founded the Paulo Coelho Institute, which provides aid to children and elderly people with financial problems. In September 2007, Coelho was named a Messenger of Peace to the United Nations.
A Walk in the Park with Cisco and The Beagle
Posted by:Sally--Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Cisco had another three hour pass on Saturday; Rocco was out of town on business so I trekked out on my own to see him. Well, I wasn't completely alone, I took The Beagle with me. The Beagle is good company for a long drive but I will make a mental note for next time not to share my happy meal with The Beagle because he does get car sick.
Max and Mels Terrible Adventure
Posted by:Sally--Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Our younger son, David, is 14 1/2. He was always a kid with lots of nice friends, kids with involved parents. Even as he moved from elementary school to middle school, the friends he chose always seemed to have a home with a parent who was paying attention......
With a cell and house number I could (and did) call. He played lots of sports: was on 2 baseball and 2 basketball teams. Was the star pitcher. Was a pretty good golfer. He was a "sought after playmate" according to teachers. He was always having friends over, meeting them at the field for games, going to summer camp, ect. All parents whose homes he frequented told me what a great kid he was - always a pleasure and always welcome. School was a slightly different matter; he was diagnosed with ADHD as a young kid, and as having mild dyslexia in about 3rd grade. Because of this, school was always difficult & stressful. I have had hired tutors for him for after school support since 1st grade, and he always responded well to them, and did better because of them. Homework was always a hassle, for the aforementioned reasons. Because of these issues, and because of David's older brother Michael's poor experience with the public high school, we decided last year that a boarding school would be the best option for David's high school. We planned to find one that provided built in academic support for his learning needs, and some built in behavior modification for his somewhat oppositional demeanor. This is still in the works...
Max and Mel's Terrible Adventure, Part II
My husband Mel, son Michael and I were sitting at dinner one night at the beginning of this school year, last fall. David was to be home for dinner, but was late (again) - he had been not coming home for dinner more and more lately. He also had a new crew of friends that Mel and I weren't too thrilled with. They were from a different neighborhood, and from homes that suddenly didn't have numbers that anyone would hand out. The parents didn't seem to care if they met me or knew who I was. We had been talking to David about this, and tried to encourage him to reconnect with some other friends, while understanding a teen's need to try new people, and not be told with whom they can hang out. The phone rings. It's Officer Jones saying he has David in the squad car, that he was high, that he had confiscated marijuana from his possession. I drove to the exact house in the exact neighborhood that I knew this took place. Was told we would be receiving something in the mail. Took David home, screaming my lungs out at him all the way - not the best choice, I now know, but the only thing I could think of at the moment. We grounded him. Took away his telephone. Forbid him to hang out with these undesirable friends...we did our best to sit on him, punish him, limit him socially. David didn't seem to be as rattled about this incident as I expected he would be. So my plan was, when we got something in the mail, I would jump in and make sure he got what he deserved. It seemed to take forever, but finally something arrived that happened to have Val Ketter's name on the letterhead. BINGO. I called and said "I need help with this kid -- he needs to be rattled - can we get him a PO or something, so he understands the seriousness of this situation?" And, that is how I found PSST. Not long after, Val hooked us up with David's PO, Larissa. Larissa is a tough woman, who made sure David knew that it would take her very little to send him to Shuman, which thankfully frightened him. She made David sign a contract to go to rehab at Gateway, to attend school, and to get periodic drug tests. He signed.
Max and Mel's Terrible Adventure, Part III
David went to one-on-one counseling for D & A at Gateway as instructed. He did not stop smoking Marijuana, as his test results clearly showed, so he was referred to the Adolescent program, 3 days per week, 3:30 - 7pm. He started skipping school with these newfound friends, hiding in my basement, breaking in through the basement window when they couldn't get in the house. Smoked pot in the house (out the window), left evidence around. I had him taken to the Magistrate for skipping. He was disrespectful to him, and was therefore given a double fine. Lost a text book for $100. Stole money from us. His accumulated debt, which started with fees incurred by the first incident, now hovers around $1000. We have given him lots of opportunities to work it off, but he refuses. Refuses to be grounded by us ("I don't care, I'm leaving anyway"). He has not played a sport, not even skateboarded. Doesn't want to go to camp this year. His oppositional behavior has become more pronounced, not adjusting his attitude for teachers, principles, magistrates and certainly not his parents. At Gateway, his THC counts rose. He is now considered "Partial", 3 days per week, 3:30 - 9pm,. Refuses to go to AA/NA meetings, which are required. On Wednesday the 24th, David informed me he was suspended from school the following day because he did not attend his after school detention (which, by the way, he received from accumulating several lunch detentions, those received because he either talked back to a teacher, disrupted the class, refused to pull up his jeans, etc). I said he was officially grounded at that time through the day of his suspension. He said "no I'm NOT" , and jumped out of the car (not before asking me for money, to which I said "no") and slammed the door. Mel and I attended the family meeting at Gateway anyway, even though we knew he wasn't going to be there, and discussed with the group our situation. Everyone in attendance - the therapists and other kids said, "he needs to be kicked out of the house, the locks changed, and not allowed back in unless he is willing to follow house rules." He simply hasn't had serious enough consequences to shake him up. Mel and I were ready - we had enough.
Max and Mel's Terrible Adventure: The Final Showdown
With the help of the PSST group and the very brave parents who came before us - along with the guidance and help of the great people at Gateway, we had our final showdown, last Thursday, March 25th. We could never, ever have done this without knowing others who have been through it as well, and lived to tell the tale.
David "came home for a shower" after staying out Wednesday night, even bringing with him his most egregious friend. We stopped him in his tracks and said - "We cannot tolerate your behavior and lack of cooperation any longer. You are no longer allowed in the house unless you plan to follow the house rules. Otherwise, if you go, be prepared to stay out. We are changing the locks today. If you break in, or try to break in, we will call the police". He left.
Even though we feel confident that we did the right thing, the best thing for him in the long run, we are sad, worried, and unsure of what to do next. We haven't seen nor spoken to him since last Thursday. We are hoping that he tires of running from house to house, and will want to come home. I am looking forward to some much needed support from anyone who has been there, done that - as well as talking it out this coming Saturday.
Who is the big dog at your house? Featured technique: use of "NOW"
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, March 25, 2010
Here's the basic idea: if we can do something to get our teenager's behavior where we want it, without punishing and without bribery or inappropriate rewarding, then we are way ahead of the Who's In Charge Game.
Of course, you can threaten to take his cell phone or his Halo video game if he doesn't clean up his room but then you are into punishment. Of course, we sometimes need punishment in order to hold our teenagers accountable; however, it is much better if we can hold our teenager's accountable without punishment. One way to do this is by saying and meaning the word NOW.
Dad: Son, I need these dishes and glasses carried downstairs.
Son: I'll get it later Dad, I'm busy playing this game [substitute watching this show or texting this girl].
Dad: [Dad moves in closer to his son so that he is about a foot away but he keeps his voice low and calm and he has good strong eye-contact] Not later Son; I need you to do it now.
Son: I said I was busy Dad I'll get it in a minute![Son is getting a tad louder at this point]
Dad: Regardless, Son I need this carried down now. [Dad is using strong eye contact and now he is narrowing the gap, only about 10 inches from his son now and as he leans in to confront his son you can feel the power. When we did the role-play in group we could all feel the power. You might call it the Power of Command.]
At this point Dad is committed. He must stick with it until the dishes are carried downstairs. He has invoked the sacred word, "NOW" and if he invokes this word and then does not see the task through, then the word may never work the same for him again. It's magic will wane.
Therefore, DO NOT USE THIS WORD unless you really mean it and are prepared to drop everything and stay with your teenager until task is accomplished. No threats are necessary and in fact, threatening at this point might be counter-productive and cause unnecessary resentment.
Threats are overkill. Likewise, once a teenager carries the dishes and glasses downstairs do not follow that up with a lecture or with a punishment. It does not help at that point to say, "See wasn't that easy, don't you wish that you just did that on you own without me having to point it out." That' s sort of rubbing the teenagers' nose in it if you will, and it is now much more gracious to say, "Thanks Son, I appreciate that." Once the teenager has carried the stuff downstairs you are free to give him some positive verbal reinforcement.
The reason that threats and punishments are not necessary is that the Dad has one huge advantage over the teenager. The teenager really really wants the Dad to go away so that he can resume his texting, TV watching, or game playing. Dad, on the other hand has nothing better to do at the moment except stand there and get close to his son's face and keep repeating:
Dad: I want that carried downstairs now Son.
Son: Why? Give me one good reason that crap has to be carried down now.
TRAP ALERT: Yes you have a million good reasons for wanting that stuff carried down right now but don't give him anything other than that's just the way you want it done. That's it. Otherwise, he will debate you endlessly and probably win.
Another benefit: using the NOW word and having your teenager comply means that you are the dominant in-charge adult at your house. Now your teen will have accepted that. The more you do this kind of thing the more you establish yourself as the boss. This means that you now speak with the voice of someone who is in charge. More important issues like curfew, drug abuse, hanging with old friends, and disrespectful behaviors are going to be easier to approach because you now speak with the voice of authority. Does that mean these issues won't come up? Of course not. These issues will continue to come up but now you as a parent have the dominant stance and that's going to give you the edge. You are the big dog.
Consider the other way: You nag nag nag your teenager to bring those cups downstairs. He says "OK later," but he never does it. The dishes stack up until one of two things happen. Either all your dishes are now in your teenager's bedroom or you go in and take them downstairs for him. Either way, he is in the dominant position of power and you are in the submissive position. Now you get bigger issues such as curfew, drug abuse, and hanging with old friends.
Who ever said "don't sweat the small stuff" wasn't working with defiant teenagers. It's important to sweat some, but not all, of the small stuff. It keeps you eating out of the big dog dish so to speak.
A Mom's Insight into Missing Memories Part 2
Posted by:Rocco--Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Here is the next part of a mom’s missing memories. Lori shared this in 2008. Her story touches all families of teenage addicts.
Losing a Teenager and Gaining an Adult - by Lori
"When dealing with a teenage drug addict, you will find many typical teenage events that never happen and many memories that will never be. And regardless of how much we try to force them to be, they still will never be. And there are still many more memories that are painful and we would rather forget…"
To continue with Lori's story, use the link below or click on the title of this post above:
Losing a Teenager and Gaining an Adult - Part 2 of 6 - by Lori
Each week I will post the next entry or you can link to them through the PSST blog.
Thank you Lori - This helps us understand and cope. We are just now going through this realization ourselves at this time.
Rocco
A Letter of Commendation from a Grateful Parent
Posted by:Sally--Monday, March 22, 2010
From: Ethel PSST Parent
To: Judge Kim Eaton Subject: A heartfelt thanks, Kim
Date: Thu, Oct 22, 2009 10:58 Pm
Attachments: Numerous pictures of Lucy at Graduation and in Navy uniform.
Hi Kim, I hope this can be one of the success stories that make the sometimes-depressing job of presiding over Family Court worth it.
Permit me to thank you. And share. And gloat a little (as a mom).
Lucy graduated Navy Boot Camp a week ago. Had I known the Navy would do in 8 weeks that which I could not do in 18 years, I would have relaxed a little more over all those years. LOL.
Please count us as a “success story.” That never would have happened without so many wonderful people in the Allegheny County Court system.
It was a rough, difficult 16 (or so)years.
You were the first one- who took me on as a client, who believed in my story. And then gave me an affordable way to do this. I never heard an attorney say, “You know this system by now and can handle it on your own. You don’t need to rack up more attorney fees.” Very grateful for that.
Then Lynn Redick from Act 53: Years later, when the fall-out of our divorce really set in, and Lucy went off the deep end; she saved our lives.
Lloyd Woodward, Juvenile Probation Officer extraordinaire. His Boss Val Ketter- they saved our lives. They started the Parent Survival Skills Training (PSST).
And especially Kathie Tagmyer (family therapist) from Wesley Spectrum. There are no words to express my (and Lucy’s) gratitude for how she has helped. She is now working closely with Lloyd and Val with PSST.
All four of them have gone above and beyond the call of duty for me and so many other parents and their children. If there is any award they can be nominated for or more importantly, any funding PSST can receive to help them do their wonderful work, please let me know. I would go to any length to see that they are recognized for what they do. I could also muster dozens of other parents to do the same.
All of you brought this family through some dark days.
Now for the good part: Lucy graduated Navy Boot Camp last week. She is firmly and happily ensconced in Gulfport MS training to be a Seabee. She is a sailor through and through. It is astounding to me that only 2 years ago; this was the daughter who would put cigarettes out in her palm to see if she was drunk enough.
I have always believed a picture is worth a thousand words. I am attaching 2: one before and one after. The first is the day she is leaving for Boot Camp. The second is Navy Boot Camp graduation day. I wish I had a photo from the really dark days- pre Act 53 and rehab. It was much much worse.
You, Lynn, Kathie, Lloyd, and Val will always be carried in my heart. If there is ANYTHING I can do to repay this gift, let me know.
BTW, Lucy’s father also came to her graduation. He was actually tolerable. Without Kathie’s intervention, I don’t think he could have been there for her.
Ethel
Summary of March 20th PSST Meeting in Mt Lebanon
Posted by:Sally--Sunday, March 21, 2010
The resoluteness and mindfulness of the parents as they spoke about their teenagers this Saturday was so inspiring to me. I think one particular single mom taught me about tough love and made me realize that I was feeling sorry for myself and my son in our situation. The firm love and dedication of another couple was so apparent that I left the meeting with a new outlook.
As always the meeting helped me tremendously. I wish all parents with issues were there to experience it. Eight parents attended and we were lead by Lloyd, Val and Kathie. After we got an update of each family's situation we learned and laughed with some role-plays.
We were made aware that April 20th is "GET HIGH DAY". Also, on April 17th Jim Musiol from DTx will speak at our Mt Lebanon meeting. He will inform us on what kids do to get a negative reading on drug tests. Parents who attend PSST may purchase drug tests from Jim. These are very accurate drug test used by many agencies and will be sold at a reasonable price. Check out the website http://www.1stepdtx.com/
Looking for a Few Good Men
Posted by:Rocco--Wednesday, March 17, 2010
We like bumper stickers. The other day we saw one that read:
“Real Men Don’t Ask for Directions”
Sally laughed at me for laughing at it. Well just let me say that if I ever do get LOST, I will ask for directions. Regardless, until I have crossed more than one state line or burned an entire tank of gas, then I am probably not LOST. I feel that I am going exactly the way that I intended to. I will circle around for hours, while saying things like, "Hey, I know we’re in the right neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11" and "Hang on, it looks like I've found a new way to get there." I will even admit that a few weeks back I “found a new way to get there” while ignoring my GPS.
This tendency has been labeled as a stubborn thing, a pride thing, a “lack of trust” thing, a childish thing or a macho thing.
Whatever it is, it is definitely a “Man Thing.”
About a year ago I had to admit that we were totally lost. We were in desperate need for new directions on how to navigate this whole teenage addiction thing. We have been attending PSST meetings since then. We have learned some new skills, taken back control of our lives and have our son on his way to recovery. We have met a lot of caring and concerned people, both professionals and our fellow parents.
Something that we have both noticed though is that the parent that is attending the meeting is typically the Mom. And that is okay. Nevertheless the meetings usually have about 4 or 5 women to each guy. In addition to the case of the Single Mom there are probably other reasons for the Dads not making it in; work, appointments, younger sisters and brothers to care for and, from our very own experience, not wanting to leave our son and our home unprotected. Hopefully this shortage is not a stubborn thing, a pride thing, a “lack of trust” thing, a childish thing or a macho thing.
We would like to have a few more good men attending our PSST Meetings on Saturday morning from 9:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. You are cordially invited to sit in, discuss, contribute, consider some ideas, ask questions, express your point of view and help develop some innovative solutions.
Maybe you can even (shudder at the thought) pick up some new directions.
Free Professional Training Conference
Posted by:Sally--Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Reducing Risk: Understanding the Adolescent Brain
Wondering why teens and adults don't see eye to eye?
This free conference may help.
Searching for better strategies to protect adolescents?
Looking for effective ways to prevent alcohol, tobacco & other drug use?
Register now for a one day conference for school professionals including: counselors, SAP coordinators, administrators, health teachers, curriculum specialists; and for tobacco prevention and cessation specialists; community providers; student assistance program professionals; health professionals and other adolescent gatekeepers. This training will be conducted by the Director and staff of Addiction Medicine Services, Western Psychiatric Institute & Clinic, UPMC, including two Commonwealth of PA approved Student Assistance Program CAT (CAT) Trainers. CEU Credits are available to participants: Act 48 – 5 credits, CAC / CPS, NBCC, LSW/LCSW/LPC/LMFT.
Training conferences will be held in four locations : April 7 (State College), April 14 (Stroudsburg), April 20 ( Westmoreland Co. Community College ), and April 23 (Clarion).
For additional details or to register, go to: www.tobaccofreeallegheny.org
The Pennsylvania Department of Health Division of Tobacco Prevention and Control, the Bureau of Drug and Alcohol Programs, and the Department of Education, Division of Student and Safe School Services are jointly sponsoring this training, which is endorsed and supported by the Student Assistance Program (SAP) Interagency Committee.
Participants will receive a copy of the National Institutes of Health (NIH) curriculum series: The Brain: Understanding Neurobiology through the Study of Addiction and related evidenced based materials, as well as a copy of Pennsylvania ’s 100% Tobacco Free Schools Toolkit. Included with the NIH curriculum is a CD Rom containing lesson plans and other materials for use in the class room.
Conference Faculty:
· Cele Fichter DeSando, MPM is the director for prevention at Addiction Medicine Services, Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic (WPIC), UPMC as an author, and national conference presenter with more than 25 years in the field, Ms Fichter-DeSando is an oft- requested trainer on addiction-related topics.
· Marge Modro, MS, CPS is a Commonwealth of PA approved Student Assistance Program trainer for Addiction Medicine Services, WPIC, UPMC. Ms Modro is certified as a Pennsylvania prevention specialist and holds national certification as a crisis management trainer and receives high praise for her evidenced-based trainings.
· Susan Tarasevich, Ed.D is a nationally recognized leader in the design, implementation and evaluation of Student Assistance Programs and is a Commonwealth of PA approved Student Assistance Program trainer for Addiction Medicine Services, WPIC, UPMC. Dr. Tarasevich is sought after for her expertise in the strategic application of research-based principles.
Phyllis Zitzer
Public Health Program Administrator
Division of Tobacco Prevention and Control
Bureau of Health Promotion and Risk Reduction
Pennsylvania Department of Health
625 Forster Street Room 1032 Health & Welfare Building
Harrisburg , PA 17120-0701
Phone: 717-783-6600 Fax: 717-214-6690
Email: pzitzer@state.pa.us
www.health.state.pa.us
A Mom's Insight into Missing What Didn't Happen
Posted by:Rocco--Monday, March 15, 2010
A few years ago PSST parent (who we know as Lori) was compassionate enough to post the story of her teen's drug addiction. She wrote about the consequences of his addiction, not just his consequences, but the whole family's.
Losing a Teenager and Gaining an Adult - Part 1 of 6 - by Lori
“I describe the events leading to my realization that I had lost my teenager to drugs and the steps I took to cope with that realization, get my son help, and rebuild my family with our new adult son in drug recovery. I am offering my story to help raise the awareness of the teen drug problem, to help destroy the stereotype of the drug addiction as being an inner city issue, and to share some of the lessons I have learned with the hope that they may benefit you and your family...
...I still need my son to be 9 years old, because I am still waiting for all those teenage things that have yet to happen. I am still waiting for a relationship with my teenage son. Helping him with high school projects, driving him to school because he missed the bus, talking about his friends, a girlfriend, seeing him at school events, helping him pick a suit for the prom, having those special moments with him when everyone else has gone to bed, hanging his senior pictures by his sister’s, talking to him about who to invite to his graduation party and watching him grow into a man. I picture myself spending time with him talking about life, talking about what he wants from life, spending weekends with him visiting universities, and watching him begin to realize his dreams. I am still waiting for those moments. And I continue to search my memory for these events, but they never happened. How can he be 21 years old?"
To start Lori's story, use the link below or click on the titile of this post above:
Losing a Teenager and Gaining an Adult - Part 1 of 6 - by Lori
Each week I will post the next entry or you can link to them through the PSST blog.
Thank you Lori - This is a big help to us. We are just now going through this realization ourselves.
Rocco
A Summary of the PSST - March 13th Meeting
Posted by:Sally--Sunday, March 14, 2010
A lot was accomplished at the PSST meeting at Trinity Lutheran Church in Wexford this past Saturday. We had eleven parents show up; three of which were new to the meetings. As they told their stories about their teenagers the regular attendees understood well. We also had congratulations for one parent who we haven't seen in a long time. She came to tell us the good news about her son. He graduated from college and has been in recovery for a few years now. Val, Lloyd and Kathie enlightened us with their practical knowledge and helped us through some rough dicisions with their genuine concern.
The role plays really sharpened our ability to deal with our teenagers. They were played out well by several parents. We went over the following techniques: NeverTheLess/Regardless, I'm NOT Comfortable with That, Ask Me Again Ask Me Again. We learned to agree with something the teenager is saying and then twist the conversation around to what they need to hear. One mother in her role-play used the very effective "I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe." routine. We learned also how important our body language is when speaking with our teens.
Rocco and I attended the PSST meeting and then we moved on to Gateway YES to pick up Cisco for his first three hour pass. Lloyd commented on Rocco and my dedication in attending his PSST meeting on the same day that Cisco had a pass. Heck, Rocco and I were there to be empowered. Once again, we were! We used most of the techniques listed above in our three hour visit with Cisco. The visit went well. I will have to get you caught up on Ciscos's story when I get a chance. All is well, hope to see you at the next meeting.
Sally wrote great summary of our March 13th (see above) and I would like to add a couple thoughts.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, March 14, 2010
1. I will do anything I can to keep you safe.
2. I will not keep secrets for you.
3. I will call the police, your PO, the school, neighbors, your friends parents, or anyone else I think can help me keep you safe from drugs.
These are a few of the messages that are on the Talking Points brochure. Another parent in group mentioned something like, "If you walk out that door I'm going to be on the phone with every parent of each of your friends and I'm going to tell them that you don't listen to me, that you continue to do illicit drugs, and that they should really take a good look at what their teens are up to." This was not a roleplay, but this is what she actually told her teenager who was trying walk out the door. He didn't go.
Also, Lori was at our meeting. This is her pen name and if you would like to read some of her writings on our blog, Rocco just reprinted the first of a six part series that Lori wrote a while back. Also, you can put "Lori" in our search window in the upper left hand corner. One of the things she said at our meeting in response to a parent who was asking "Why did my teen say ______?" Paraphrasing her response: "Your teenager just wants to manipulate you. You take what he said seriously and respond in a thoughtful manner. Meanwhile, as you are talking to your teen, all he hears is "Blah, blah, blah" and what he's thinking is "How can I get 20 bucks off this bi!@#." It was a funny moment.
At one point Lori was telling a new parent that she needs to be more concerned about her teens drug problem than she is about the possibility that he might have a juvenile record. Of course, at PSST we agree with that; and yet, we appreciate that parents are concerned about the possibility of a juvenile record.
Val pointed out that Consent Decrees carry no Juvenile Record and that teens with Misdemeanors can have their records expunged just by going downtown to the Family Court House and signing a piece of paper. I think this is a good subject for a separate post. At the least we should add that to the Should I get My Teen a PO post.
