This year Juvenile Court featured PSST in the Annual Report Card. Some comments from PSST members were published. Here is one, although the actual comment used in the report card may have only been a line or two off of what you read below:
"What I hoped to accomplish by attending psst meetings was to develop some coping skills to deal with the constant battles my son and I engaged in. It became so frustrating finding myself constantly arguing, gritting my teeth, throwing and often breaking things to the point it was literally damaging my health, and I'm certain it wasn't good for my son either. Although I haven't made as many meetings as I would like, the ones I have attended have helped me more than I can even explain.
"By listening to other parents (who all share similar problems) and by role playing (which is always quite funny) I have learned unique ways of cutting off a confrontation before it ever has a chance to get off the ground. What I didn't expect was the calming effect it left on me afterwords. Yes, the arguing has just about stopped in my home, because I have learned to change the way "I react." Role playing with other parents and acting out your teen can be so funny, (but always totally voluntary). But when you bring this home alone and get a chance to use what you have learned, it is so rewarding.
"What would have been a big blow-out, now feels like a small victory for me. Instead of walking away with clenched teeth and high blood pressure, I often have a hard time holding back laughter. So not only do I deal with difficult situations better, my stress level has been cut down to near nothing!
"I also see a huge difference in my relationship with my son, now that the yelling has stopped, and he sees who is really in control. We seem to be able to communicate better and I also see my calmer behavior overflowing onto him. If you can spare the time, a PSST meeting is a lot of fun and will be beneficial to you, your child or any other family member who has been worn down by the arguing. It is also a great place to just vent, because everyone in this room understands exactly where you're coming from and knows how it feels to have been pushed too far from the stress of a teen." Robin
Thanks very much for sharing Robin. Your comment means a lot to us.
We would like to hear from as many parents as possible. What has PSST helped you accomplish? What has the group meant to you? Please share your comments about PSST here, or if you would like email lwoodward@court.allegheny.pa.us with your comments and I will post. Each comment is priceless and may help other readers decide to take in a PSST meeting.
What I accomplished by attending psst meetings by Robin.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, August 06, 2007
Thanks everyone for the Birthday Cake!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, August 04, 2007
I was so surprised to see a Nevertheless Birthday Cake today! What a wonderful surprise and a perfectly stunning and delicious cake. Yummmmm.
And boy did that cake go fast. I had one piece left to take home to my very cake-critical wife, and she even said it was compellingly delicious, including the icing. Very moist- it was just so good and it's a toss up between this one and her regular bakery, which is the only place she ever buys from.
Those of you that know me, know that I was easily as excited by the appearance. Who thought of putting one of my favorite words, "Nevertheless" on my cake is a genius! Thanks a Million! I was thinking- "Wow- the Power on the Cake!
Speaking of power, boy could I feel it at the meeting today! Today, we had three new parents. Our veteran parents really reached out to the newcomers and shared a message of hope and optimism. Yes, it can be a long fight- but things do indeed get better as time goes on. Several parents shared a testimony of how our recommended techniques work to help deescalate arguments, avoid distractions, and keep us in control. The technique that seemed to get a lot of attention today was Agreeing With And Adding Your Own Twist.
"Yes, you are right, I do want the Court to place you because as long as I can see that you might hurt yourself with drugs and criminal activities, I will always want you in a safe place." Or "Yes, you know, maybe you can't trust me- Nevertheless, I"ll change my mind and whenever I get new facts to take into consideration. In fact, probably the only thing you can trust about me is that I will always act to keep you safe if I think you are in some kind of danger, and if that means calling the police, your Probation Officer, or your school- then I'll do it even if it means I've changed my mind about things."
Anyway, it was a good meeting, a nice role-play albeit the juvenile portrayed was a tough nut, but with all the help of everyone in the room, we came up with a good plan. And boy that cake was great!
Gratitude (and the three things you might owe your child.)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, August 03, 2007
The last time we met at Eastern, the theme of the group was Gratitude. A lot of good things were said. Mary suggested that I post about it- I thought it was a good idea- but here two weeks have flown by, we meet at Eastern again tomorrow, and I'm just now getting to it...
Time really does fly by, don't you think? In no time at all, our situations will have completely changed. Our teens will no longer be teens. We will be significantly older. And all the memories that we are making now will be just that- memories.
Recently, I turned a year older. These last few years, I have not enjoyed seeing the next birthday come. I think I'm just way to old to want to be a year older. This year for me was different. Maybe I am over the hump now and another year just doesn't matter. When you are my age its' like if you are really dirty, covered in mud, and wet down to your bones, and you see a mud puddle coming up. Why even walk around it? With all the dirt I got on I figure I'll just walk right through. Maybe another birthday just doesn't matter if you are already in your late fifties. What's one more?
On the other hand, maybe that's not it at all- forget the mud analogy. Maybe it was all the gratitude talk at that meeting two weeks ago that did it. Anyway, I felt grateful for this birthday. It means that I got to enjoy another year on this earth. That's not something that is given out to people each year. Some of us will never get another year. For some of us- our time has run out.
And as I mentioned on the Coffe House Nation blog, I felt Jessica B's presence at the Pirate Game. The empty seat was next to her closest friend. And she was only 18. And she will not be around another year. It's just hard for me to regret getting one more year older, when that intelligent, beautiful talented young lady will never see 19.
So, lately I think I have been thinking a lot about my blessings. About my grandchildren for example. And about my grown up kids. And about my family. Don't get me wrong- I have regrets- but they don't really seem as big as they did last year.
Of course, we want our teenagers to be grateful. It's important. For one thing, look at all the damn stuff we do and we did for them! They ought to be grateful! They owe us that, don't they? And secondly, we know if they loose their gratitude, they can't stay clean. So, we get scared when they show this sense of entitlement- that the world owes them everything! Just because. Just because we brought them into this world I guess.
But where do they get off with that sense of entitlement anyway? Where did they learn it? Who did they get that off of? TV? Friends? Drugs? Wonder if they get any of it from us? You see, many of us have that sense of entitlement too. We have it when we face our kids. "After all I've done for you- you do this to me?" For example, when a teen relapses, this is often what parents say or at least think to their kids.
I wonder sometimes if it would be easier to have a oppositional defiant child who grows up to have many issues including drug addiction or if it would be easier to have a Downs syndrome child who lives to teen years. Either condition can lead to fatality at an early age. Both conditions must cause a lot of stress on the family. Apples and oranges? Perhaps. But I think for some people, the Downs baby would be easier even though it would in so many ways be more heart-breaking. The difference, I think, is that a parent would know that the Downs baby did not choose to be that way. They are innocent. But the drug addict- he chooses to hurt his family, the same family that has given him so much and sacrificed so heavily. He can go on to live a normal life - but he chooses to be a drug addict.
So, I don't have an answer to that one. I know, I know, I have the radio shack reputation- you got questions- Lloyd has answers. But some of this is just hard to wade through. What are we grateful for when our oppositionally defiant drug addict teenager just won't get it? How do we keep the focus on our own gratitude, when he keeps relapsing?
And now I am reminded again of what Ed B http://relapse-psst.blogspot.com/2007/07/if-addict-is-going-to-relapse-there-is.html said at our Greentree meeting about a month ago. He asked himself what it was that he owed his son, who also struggles with this disease of addiction. He only came up with three things. First: unconditional love. As Ken mentioned at a recent meeting, this really means that one refuses to withhold love in an effort to control his addicts drug abuse.
Second: Responsibility. I like to think of this as accountability. The parent refuses to enable his son out of the consequences of his addicition. Consequenes help us learn. We learn from failure in a much more effective way sometime than we learn from success. So, a Parent allows their child to fail especially if he is active in his drug addiction.
Third: lead by example. Indeed, demonstrating a good example of a healthy person in pursuit of happiness is a gift to your child. A gift that by the way, may keep giving long after you are dead, because we never really forget our parents and we study them with an intensity that we usually do not show for other people.
This last is where we can demonstrate gratitude. It is so much more powerful to be grateful and to show your teenager that you are grateful for whatever your blessings are, than it is to motivate them to be grateful by lecture or talking them into it.
As Mary pointed out, Gratitude is contagious. So, is a lack of gratitude. They are both contagious. Let's decide which we want to attempt to pass on to our teenagers. And then let's get moving. We have today. Tommorow isn't promised. Either we might not be here- or our teenager might not be here.
If you have read all this, you may be saying "that's easy for you to say, you don't have the cross that I have to bear." Well, you don't know the other person's cross though do you? We all have them. They just come in different forms.
Anyhow, let me close this by telling one really big thing that I am grateful for. YOU. All of you. all of you have taught me so many things in our meetings and outside of our meetings too. As your child's Probation Officer I keep learning off of you all daily. People sometimes ask me why I choose to work every Saturday morning when I don't have too. They might not understand. I love going to work on Saturday Mornings. It's the best part of the week, and I am very lucky to get to work with all of you wonderful people. You are all the best- you are my heroes. You toil endlessly to save your children's life. What better thing is there to do? Yes, they pay me- but if money was no object- I would do this just for fun and for personal growth. So, to all of you terrific parents out there- thanks.
Reality Tour site at Mars Home for Youth
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Thursday, July 26, 2007
CANDLE, Inc. is pleased to announce the dates for our newest Reality Tour Drug Prevention program site at Mars Home for Youth on Route 228. www.realitytour.org
Upcoming dates are: August 9th, Sept. 13th, Oct. 11th, Nov. 8th, Dec. 13th.
The program is suitable for parents with children ages 10+. We do accept groups and you are welcome to call our reservation number 724-679-6612 to make arrangements. Registration forms are online at www.realitytour.org.
We could use a few more volunteers at this site: . . .
Call 724-679-6612 to volunteer
Group Leaders are needed and the duties are that of an 'usher'. (Teens or adults - 1x per mo. 3 hrs.)
Butler and Mars sites are looking for addicts in recovery (1 yr min.) for speaker opportunities in our Q & A session. Parents of those afflicted by addiction are welcome to volunteer as well. We have 6 active parents in our Butler programs and several have been with us since the beginning ('03), stating that working with the program empowers them in the battle against addiction.
Over 2500 Butler residents have attended the program to date. We are working with 3 schools that are dedicating a grade level to the Reality Tour experience by promoting attendance to parents. In coming years all the upper grades of these schools will have a significant percentage of students and parents that have attended the program. Surveys show the experience is long lasting. We also now accept a school's disciplinary action students on a priority basis through our at-risk access. Schools must notify CANDLE of their intent to use the at-risk access.
By the end of the year the University of Pittsburgh's School of Pharmacology will have completed their research study of the Reality Tour for submission to the national registry of evidence-based programs in '08.
We have also opened a Reality Tour site on campus at Slippery Rock University, so in Butler County there are 3 locations. Across PA 16 communities are presenting the program and 4 are pending. We hope to bridge the gap between Butler County and the Reality Tour in downtown Pittsburgh in '08 by adding more sites in communities along the Rte 79 corridor.
Please fwd this notice to anyone you like. Call if you have questions.
Regards,
Norma Norris
Norma J. Norris
Executive Director
CANDLE, Inc.
www.realitytour.org
Ph: 724-679-1788
PIRATE GAME ROCKED (see photos)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, July 21, 2007
Click above link for more...
Type rest of the post here
New Post on Relapse Blog by Ed A.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, July 21, 2007
Click the link above to go to Sister-PSST Blog on Relapse Issues.
Type rest of the post here
Rules of the Road
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Thursday, July 19, 2007
My child has returned home recently from a 1 month rehab and 4 month stay at a halfway house. As a condition of returning home I suggested some changes to the baseline Conditions of Supervision that the probation officer (Lloyd) usually uses. We reviewed and adjusted the rules together to get to this final document before it was presented to my child. Names and specifics have been changed.
A lot of these changes were gleaned from other professionals and parents over the years who have shared their wisdom.
I have used a planning methodology called SMART in the past. It was an acronym for Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic Timely. I tried to apply these principals to all of the goals.
One of my favorite quotes is "Men plan, God laughs". I have annotated the rules so you can see how it is going so far.
--------------
These conditions of supervision my be amended at the discretion of the Probation Officer. We are expecting changes to be made in the short term (this leaves the door open if you forget anything)
COMMUNITY PROTECTION CONDITIONS:
1) Obey all laws.
2) Do not leave Allegheny County without the permission of the probation officer. Exception: in the company of his parents or with parents permission to a border county.
3) Advise the probation officer IMMEDIATELY of any change in address or telephone number.
4) Do NOT possess or employ firearms, fireworks, weapons, or other instruments of crime.
5) Adhere to the following curfew: 24 hour house arrest until further notice. Travel only with parents.
6) No driving until further notice. (this one is tough, it takes a lot of driving to support all of meetings and therapy and the house arresst means no rides from friends to meetings. It does help in establishing the goal of what do you need to do to get a car)
7) Socialize only with peers that the parents and Probation Officer approve of and DO NOT socialize with those that are known to use illegal substances or those who are known to commit crime. No phone, letters, email, IM, facebook, myspace messages or face-to-face with unapproved peers. Unapproved peers include but are not limited to: LIST UNAPPROVED PEERS HERE.
a) Males-until further notice (this one is very difficult to enforce - in discussions with the PO we decided to drop it after two weeks)
b) L
c) C
d) S
8) Call sponsor every day during the first phase of Probation; call other recovering peers each day; join a Home Group and attend Home Group Meetings.
ACCOUNTABILITY CONDITIONS:
9) Make contact with the Probation Officer daily including holidays and weekends via phone. Report to the probation officer as directed and agree that the probation officer may visit at any time.
10) Notify the probation officer within forty-eight hours of being questioned or arrested by a law enforcement officer.
11)
12) Do not possess or consume alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, or any other illegal drugs.
13) Submit to random Drug & Alcohol Urinalysis or saliva testing by parents or Probation Officer.
14) Submit to search by Probation Officer or parents if requested.
15) Complete community service at the mission trip 7/23-7/27.
16) Attend at least one recover related activity per day. Attend 12 step meetings from Prayer to Prayer.
17) Follow all discharge recommendations of
18) Make sure that a parent approves of all activities and plans. There should be no unapproved or unaccounted for time. Treat Parents with respect.
COMPETENCY CONDITIONS:
19) Accomplish the following educational and/ or vocational goals: to be determined
20) Complete a D&A Intensive Outpatient Counseling Program:
21) Enroll in and participate in an therapy or counseling approved by Probation Officer and Parents. Develop a written plan by 8/7/07 and review that plan with your support team. (this was designed to make sure they own their own health issues)
22) Attend one church service on a weekly basis at .
23) Establish a workout plan and visit the gym minimum 3 times per week.
24) Attend the drama workshops on Thursday night at .
25) Cell phone is only to be used for recover activities. Do not erase phone numbers from phone memory. Do not accept restricted calls. Provide phone to be reviewed when requested. Leave phone on kitchen table at night.
26) Do not use the house phone.
27) Do not use the Internet.
28) Asleep by midnight and up by 8 AM or as needed to make recovery commitments.
29) Make and keep all Dr. appointments. Take care of health needs.
30) Keep a day timer of daily commitments.
31) Move property from halfway house to home by 7/15
32) Assist with moving to upstairs bedroom. By 7/23
(these two were included so the child could own all of the responsibility of moving back home. This worked well - it gave a great focus for the first two weeks)
33) Help with weekly house chores and home repair projects as needed.
34) Keep your room neat and do your own wash.
35) Your are not to have more than $10 cash on you at any time.
36) Any cash you receive is to be transferred to your parent’s custody.
July 14th Meeting at Alliance Office (Parent Empowerment!)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, July 15, 2007
This meeting started at 9:05, pretty early for us, and by 9:10 we had 11 parents present. This was a great meeting- thanks everyone who showed up to help us out.
We took a break at 10:25 and we came back at 10:40 for a couple of versions of one role-play. We ran a bit over and ended out meeting at 11:45.
The focus of the meeting was empowerment of parents who are working with Probation Officers. Parents who share the blame with, or in some cases just assume the blame, get the power.
Only guilty people are effective. What are we guilty of? As parents, especially PSST parents, we are guilty of stopping at nothing to insure that our kids are given another day clean; we are guilty of going the last and extra last mile to see that our kids are supervised, especially when we can't supervise them ourselves. We are guilty of using every tool at our disposal, including when possible, the Juvenile Probation system to give our teens another day drug-free, guilty of changing our minds when we see that we made a mistake; guilty of "snitchin" to the PO, the school, the counselor, the teen's other parent, the other teens parents, the police, etc., all because we have come to believe that secrets keep us sick. We are guilty of working harder on our teen's recovery than he works on his own; guilty of enabling our teen from the consequences of his own decisions and guilty of no longer enabling him from the consequences of his own decisions even though he has come to expect that from us.
Yes, the teens are correct when they blame us. We send them to boot camp. We send them to The Academy sanction unit. We take thier cell phones. We take thier driving privellegeds away. We stand up in Court and ask the Judge to place our teen in the longest or most effective program and when our teen says, "you put me away!" we can say "yes, I had a lot to do with it."
We are guilty of loving our kids and being willing to fight this disease with every weapon at our disposal. Yes, we admit that. Let's move on.
Letter to self written by Teenager (as if she were her Mom.)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, June 29, 2007
Dear Suzie,
I know you may be hurt, confused and scared right now. But you have to understand the reason that I sent you here. I was running out of ideas, and I was scared for you. You were going down a dark and destructive path. I was afraid that I was going to lose you for good.
Please understand that this is not meant to be a punishment. I'm doing this because I want to save you from yourself. I am very proud of you and I love you very much. I want to see my beautiful daughter come back to life.
Please understand,
Love,
Mom
(Name changed and published with permission. When Mom was asked what she thought of the letter that her daughter wrote to herself she said, "I could have written every word.")
Surviving Shuman
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Monday, June 25, 2007
It seems that for years I have been threatening my kids with "you will go to Shuman!". When the behavior became so bad that the threats became a reality I found that I was very unprepared for what would happen while my child was there. These are my comments, tips and insights about surviving Shuman left as a future "heads up" for other parents. Please feel free to share your own experiences in the comments.
Details
Shuman Juvenile Detention Center
(412) 661-6806
7150 Highland Dr
Pittsburgh, PA 15206
I received several useful documents from Shuman after my child was no longer there. I have attached them as a pdf file for your review. Click here to download the file.
Visiting
You can visit your child from 7 PM to 8 PM every day. Leave everything you don't need locked in the car. Be inside the main doors about 6:50. Have a drivers license. They will give you a locker for your coat, keys and anything else that won't go through the metal detector. Be prepared to meet the other parents. Take about $4 worth of change if you want to buy your child a soft drink and a candy bar from the vending machines. Everyone goes through the metal detector, gives there name and is escorted though two locked doors to sit at a table in a common area. The children are allowed down to see you between 7:10 and as late as 7:20. At 7:57 you are warned that time is about up and at 8:00 PM sharp the children are called to line up and you are asked to remain in your seat. They count them, line them up and take them away. Then you are allowed to leave.
You can bring a deck of cards. Sometimes that helps to pass the time or when there is nothing to say.
You can bring a bible and leave it.
Be prepared to see scratches or bruises on the face. My child was in a fight both times she was there.
Be prepared to see your child in an orange prison style jump suit.
Be prepared for crying and all kind of horror stories about the guards.
Be prepared for your child to be a little jittery and nervous if they were heavy smokers.
Be prepared for collect phone calls. They can only call a land line phone, no cell phones. There is a pre-recorded announcement telling you the call is from Shuman.
Be prepared that your child may have done something so that you cannot visit. You will most likely find out when you get there.
Medicine
My experience with medicine is that you have to take it in the original prescription bottle. Ask to see someone from the nurses department and hand it to them directly. Call the nurses department the next day and ask if your child received their medication. If not, find out why and be persistent.
Positive Things
I knew my child was safe and did not have access to drugs.
They put my child in school by the second day she was there.
My child got excellent mental health support while she was there.
A lot of rehab facilitates will interview your child at Shuman and provide direct transportation to their facility if accepted.
Consider
You are not required to visit.
You are not required to accept the collect call.
Grand opening at Gateway Greentree benefits from lots of support from members!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Three first-time parents and eight regular members makes the grand opening a big success. People were so helpful and many brought goodies to eat. Gateway staff were also very helpful and encouraging; even the Regional Director lent a hand in helping us clean up from a coffee pot fiasco.
The room worked out pretty well being a perfect size and equipped with a kitchen down the hall. We had to play a bit with the air conditioner but we had an air conditioner. Really, we are very grateful to Gateway. Mary was the mover-and-shaker in this event and her help planning, setting up, and cleaning up afterwards was immense- thanks Mary!
Having an extra half-hour seemed to help us out:
6:15 Readings- announcements
6:30 - 7:30 sharing
7:30 - 7:45 Break
7:45-8:15 Role-play
8:15-9:00 discuss role-play, new member share, who did we miss, wrap-up.
We know that if we can start closer to 6:00 pm we will have more time, however, we seemed to have time for what we needed. Everyone helped with sharing the time so that we could hear something from just about everyone.
Role-play: "It doesn't matter what I say."
Setting: Visit by mother to her teenage daughter who has been inpatient treatment for 3 to 4 weeks.
Daughter: Mom, I've learned sooo much up here-Boy! This is what i needed. Hey, I "get it" now. I'm never going back to do all that drinking again. I've learned what I needed up here- but Mom- these other kids are such a$$%les! I can't stand it! Mom- if you spent one night in here you would know what I'm talking about! You wouldn't be able to stand it - trust me- it really sucks up here!
Mom: I'm sure it's hard to be up here honey. You know, I'm very proud of you for what you have accomplished here!
Daugher: Me too. I mean I've been working hard to earn trust with my therapists. They say I'm open- and that I do really good work. They "get-it" that I've really changed, but what bothers me is that you're never going to trust me again.
Mom: Well, it's going to take time. Can you tell me one thing that you've learned up here that will make a difference when you come back home?
Daughter: Oh there's lots of stuff- like People, Places, and Things. But it just seems that you won't give me any credit is all. I mean I hope I've earned back some trust- like you know I can have that six-hour off grounds pass this weekend- you know- and I was thinking that we could go down to that Greek Festival- and I just want to spend some time with you Mom- and hang out- and have fun- just me and you.
Mom: Well, yeah- we both like that kind of thing- maybe do a little shopping- looks like you could use a new pair of shoes.
Daughter: Exactly. And some of my friends are going to be at the Festival.
Mom: Ohhhhhhhhh, yeah- wait, hold on a minute. (showing face of concern.)
Daughter: What?
Mom: Well you know how we were just talking about People, Places and Things?
Daughter: Yeah, what about it? (Scrunches up face as if to say -'what can she be talking about?)
Mom: Well, honey - your friends are the People. You are supposed to stay away from them.
Daughter: MOM! (rolls eyes) I'm not going to drink with them! I'll be with you! I'm just going to wave at them. They need to see that I've changed my life. I want to show them that I'm happy not drinking. You just don't get it. My therapist gets it- she thinks it's important that I feel good about how I've changed my life- but you just don't get it and you don't trust me either. I'm not going to try to drink on my six-hour off grounds pass- that would be dumb!
Mom: Ok, ok, that's great and you're right honey, I don't have all the skills and training that your therapist has. I'm so glad that she sees such great improvement in you. You know, there are somethings I know, and some things I don't know.
Daughter: Well, I'm glad you can admit it. So we can go to festival?
Mom: (Moving in closer to her daughter and making strong eye contact) Absolutely not.
Daughter: Why not?
Mom: Well that was what I was trying to tell you. Your old friends are the People part of the People, Places, and Things. And come to...
Daughter: (Interrupting) That's what bugs me soooo much about you! You don't listen to what I'm saying. I'm just going to wave at them Mom!
Mom: Nevertheless, we won't be going down to where your...
Daughter: You just don't trust me- why don't you admit it?
Mom: You are right- trust will take time; but tell you what- you talk first. I'll wait. I won't interrupt you.
Daughter: It just doesn't matter what I say to you. That weird PO has you brain washed. I just wish you would listen more to what my therapist is saying and not that weird PO. You don't know about recovery Mom; you think you know- but I'm up here 24/ 7- I'm learning this stuff- you just don't know.
Both quiet for a few
Daughter: Well? Aren't you going to say anything.
Mom: If you're done and you won't interrupt me.
Daughter: Ok, talk. (rolling eyes again.)
Mom: (Moving a bit closer as daughter has moved back a bit) It's not acceptable that you go to places where your old friends are... (holding up hand to ward off interruption) you said you would not interrupt me.
I'm so glad that you brought this up now. I think this is going to be, if not the biggest issue, one of the most important issues and we need to address this now. Divorcing your old friends is going to be hard for you. It is not enough to just not be with them when they abuse drugs. It's important that you stay away from them all the time. That means face-to-face contacts, telephone, Instant Messages, notes, letters, and even text-messaging. No contact means no contact. You are so right to bring this all up now and I think that shows that you are really doing some good work up here. Ok, thanks for not interrupting.
Note: Mom makes sure that she gets to talk uninterrupted but after her daughter gives her the floor- she makes sure to thank her and give it back. This helps to establish good boundaries for good communication.
Daughter: They didn't say I can't be on the phone with my friends. You are such a witch! You're just making things up. I wish you'd listen to me Mom- but you never really listened to me- that's our problem and my therapist thinks so too- we can't talk because you never really listened to me. That's probably why I started drinking!
Mom: We do have trouble talking. I think we are doing pretty good right now.
Daughter: No we are not! We're not doing good because it doesn't matter what I say with you. Why do I even bother talking to you?
Mom: Look, you're right. In some ways it's not so important what you say- but honey, it is important what you do- and that's what I'll be looking at.
Drive My Car
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Thursday, June 14, 2007
Update - We are going on 6/26. Click here to register on line.
Not sure about travel arrangements yet.
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Val is organizing a day trip to the 2007 Driving Skills for Life (DSFL) Summer Camp on June 26-28 at Consol Energy Park, Home to the Washington Wild Things. Current plans are to van pool up there so this would be a no cost event for you and your child other than snacks and misc. items. Your child needs a drivers license or permit to participate. Interested? Contact Val to sign up - more details follow.
The 2007 Driving Skills for Life (DSFL) Summer Camp will be held on
June 26-28 at Consol Energy Park, Home to the Washington Wild Things, in
Washington, PA. The Summer Camp is FREE to all participants and is
specifically geared toward newly licensed teens. At the camp, teens
will go through driving exercises in the area of hazard
recognition/crash avoidance, vehicle handling/skid control and
speed/space management. In addition, we will have motivational
speakers and sponsor exhibits to engage the teens over the three days.
Teens will gain experience behind the wheel under the direct
supervision and guidance of professional driving instructors.
Parents,
teachers and community leaders are also encouraged to attend.
The Camp is part of a year-long partnership called "Taking the Lead"
that DSFL has with KDKA-TV, Pittsburgh CW, GHSA and Westfield
Insurance.
"Taking the Lead" includes a number of public service announcements
broadcast on KDKA-TV, as well as half hour programming dedicated to
DSFL.
Grand Opening of The newest PSST only one week away!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Thanks to Mary Chalburg, our newest PSST sessions will be starting on Tuesday June 19th, from 6:00 to 9:00 PM at Gateway Greentree. We are scheduled to meet the First and Third Tuesdays of each month. The address is Gateway Greentree Office, 2121 Noblestown Plaza, Pittsburgh, PA 15205.
Mary contacted Gateway and made all the arrangements. Apparently, Gateway checked out this blog and they were very impressed with they read here.
Mary and I attended the Gateway Family night last week and talked to a room full of parents. With the help of two parents that volunteered to participate, we put on a role-play. Of course, we used an issue that the two parents brought up, which is in keeping with what we always do to try to "keep it real."
We thought it went pretty well and we are hoping for a nice turn out. However, we really could use the support of our regular members. So, if you can come on out this coming Tuesday, help Mary, Val, and I get this new one started!
Directions from Pittsburgh: Take Parkway West though the Fort Pitt Tunnels. Take exit 4A for PA 121 N toward Crafton. Turn left at T on Mansfield Avenue; then one block turn right on Poplar Street. Go 1/2 mile and turn right at the light on Noblestown Road. Go 3/10 mile and turn right up driveway; bear right at Y and follow signs to Gateway, which will be around the back of the office complex.
If you are coming from the opposite direction you get off at Greentree exit, make left off the ramp, and that puts you on Mansfield Avenue; then one block turn right on Poplar Street. Go 1/2 mile and turn right at the light on Noblestown Road. Go 3/10 mile and turn right up driveway; bear right at Y and follow signs to Gateway, which will be around the back of the office complex.
If you get lost call me at 412-861-6757.
PARKING IS NO PROBLEM!
Outreach Teen Location
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Monday, June 04, 2007
New location at Outreach Teen and Family Services in Mt. Lebanon 666 Washington Rd Mt Lebanon, PA 15228
The door to Outreach is right underneath the Stevenson Williams Co. sign, about the middle of the building. Click on the picture to the right to be connected to Google Maps. Soon, we will add this location to our other two located on the left side of this blog.
From 376 Monroeville: Merge onto 279S (Fort Duquense Bridge)
Take exit 5A for Banksville Rd (right after Tunnel)
Merge onto US-19 (Banksville Rd)
Turn left on McFarland Rd (at a Y)
Turn right at W Liberty Ave/US-19
Destination will be on the right
From the North: I-79 S toward Pittsburgh
Slight left at I-279 S (signs for I-279)
Take exit 5A for Banksville Rd (right after Tunnel)
Turn left on McFarland Rd (at a Y)
Turn right at W Liberty Ave/US-19
Continue to follow US-19
Destination will be on the right
From out by Pittsburgh International Airport:
Merge onto PA-60 S
Continue on I-279 N
Take exit 4A toward Mt Lebanon/Green Tree
Merge right onto Greentree Rd/PA-121
Turn left at Potomac Ave
Turn right at W Liberty Ave/US-19
Continue to follow US-19
Destination will be on the right
