No Resolution – Just Change (written by Roxie) Posted by:Jenn--Friday, January 10, 2014

"Happy New Year”, Roxie declares to the parents of PSST!

I hope some of you have obtained humorous, as well as understanding insights into my family from my writings last year; while others may have become bored as bed bugs tolerating the sadistic saga of Roxie and Lenny. I was a mom trying to change a son who considers ‘change’ as a form of currency to cop Copenhagen snuff. I have appreciated the opportunity to express myself with a venue of parents who love their kids and pray for their sobriety. Many concepts, methods, and communicative techniques from PSST worked when Lenny was a younger lad.

He’s taller now, very muscular, bull-headed, and determined to continue his death-defying drug abuse lifestyle more than ever before. I am no longer the mommy playing table tennis with him at rehab. Additionally, I am no match against the demonic drugs and alcohol that made my son resemble a madman. Drug abuse’s effect on my entire family was like being stampeded by wild stallions with sharp hooves, while lying face up on a trail with our eyes wide open and arms at our sides.

I thank my Higher Power that the dust finally settled, the wounds I received are slowly scabbing over, and my eyesight has become intuitively insightful - 20/20. Unknowingly, all family members play their own dysfunctional role in an alcoholic household. It is unfortunate. The only person who missed his role-play at my house was my older son who married while in college, and moved out before Lenny let loose.

Coincidentally, the Chinese New Year for 2014 is designated as the Year of the Horse. Roxie’s is out of the saddle at the ‘Not’ OK Corral, and Lightning Lenny has no one to ride him while chomping at the bit. I have blogged about letting Lenny go so many times that even I became tired of the horse manure. Lenny would not move out and the situation needed to change. I looked in the mirror and realized that I did not need to let Lenny go. I needed the courage to change myself and leave the Corral.

Paradoxically, as Lenny was helping me shove my clothes in the backseat and trunk of my car, he said, “Don’t forget to stop by sometime. And when you do, bring a case of water ‘cause I’m always dehydrated.” We can lead our teen colts to water, but we cannot make them drink from parents’ washbasin of wisdom.

May your new year be happy, blessed, and calm. Personally, I am determined to ‘choose’ to be happy, although I am still going to miss my family. Through the support of many friends and a dear mom, I hope to be blessed enough not to be too stressed. There is a calmness that came to rest on my life after I left, for I had been praying about ‘when to leave’ for months. ‘Tis not through my strength that I’ve come this far, for to God be the glory.

“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

       – Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple