Building a Relationship with your Child’s Probation Officer Posted by:Jenn--Tuesday, June 18, 2013

At a recent PSST meeting, we talked about effective communication between parents and their child’s PO, and the importance of having an effective – not an adversarial - relationship.  The group generated a lot of ideas about what has worked for them.   

 

If you have ideas that you’d like to add, please include them in the Comments for this article.

 

The list below includes suggestions made at the meeting, along with additional ideas from Lloyd & others. 

 

1.     Don’t keep secrets from your child’s PO or therapists.  Let your child know that you will not keep secrets.

2.     Keep the PO informed.  She/he is not a mind-reader & only knows what you tell him/her.

3.     Be open & up-front in your communications.  Do not BCC the PO’s boss (or anyone else) on emails, as this will destroy trust. 

4.     Phone calls & texting can be valid ways of communicating with your child’s PO, but use them wisely & sparingly, since neither creates a permanent record.  Communicate important info in writing (via email) to inform your child’s PO, therapist(s), & placement contact (where appropriate). 

o   Using email keeps everyone on the same page, ensuring that all interested parties receive the same information. 

o   It also keeps a paper trail for you of what’s happened, any requests you have made, any actions you have recommended, etc.  Of course it also keeps a trail of responses you have received.

o   Using bullet points can help to keep an email focused and easier to read, especially when you have multiple issues/topics to raise.

o   If you find that you have a lot of questions in your email, and the questions require more than yes/no answers, consider that it might be better to meet with the PO in person.  You can always summarize the results of that meeting with a follow-up email.

5.     Develop a relationship with the PO.  Don’t allow it to become adversarial.  Honey draws more flies than vinegar.  Be sure to express your appreciation for things that the PO has done to help you & your child.  Sometimes you may have to change your own perspective to work better with the PO.

6.     It’s difficult to build a relationship with someone completely via email.  Sometimes you just need to meet with the PO face-to-face.  

7.     Remember that the PO has other clients too, and other priorities assigned by his/her boss.  Even so, your child is your top priority and squeaky wheels do get more attention.  Don’t feel bad about advocating for your child to have services, whether it is from Probation or from other agencies.

8.     Be respectful of the PO’s time.  Don’t create emergencies where they do not exist.  The PO might need a day or so to call you back.  She/he might not work on weekends.

9.     If you don’t know what actions are appropriate for you or your child in a particular situation, don’t be afraid to ask for advice or help.  If the PO recommends an action that does not seem right to you, tell him/her, “I am not comfortable with that.”

10.     Remember that every PO is human & makes mistakes.  Don’t expect perfection, but do expect that the PO might try to fix an error that she/he made.

11.    If you cannot get a response from the PO, even after repeated contacts where you have specifically requested a response, then it's probably time to contact his/her boss.  Do this only as a last resort.  You may even want to let the PO know that you are planning to do so (but don't make idle threats!).