The Changing Faces of Addiction Posted by:Jenn--Friday, April 12, 2013

Switching Addictions with Lascivious Lenny – by Roxie

Lenny’s twin sister, Lena, hears him talk openly at home about his sexual exploits or lack thereof. “He’s only a regular teenage boy,” she remarked. I began to contemplate on whether she was right. Yet, my heart says she is incorrect. I am afraid that Lenny’s addictive personality is taking him in a new direction.

While searching for information regarding his drug addiction, I discovered a 2010 letter written by world-renowned Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski, the 1972 founder of Gateway Rehabilitation Center. “I doubt that there has been any time in our history that there has been as grave a threat to the morality of our people and to the stability of the (Jewish) family as the plague of addiction to internet pornography. If it were possible to restrict access to the internet, this would be ideal. Unfortunately, this cannot be achieved and we must deal with the reality.”  For the full letter, please visit www.guardyoureyes.org.

That’s my Lenny, spot-on. A week before he was released from placement back to our home on February 27^th, Lenny nonchalantly told me “I’m switching my addiction from drugs to sex. I’ll be sober, and that’s what you want. I’m going to need condoms so if you don’t buy them, you know what can happen, don’t you?”He was holding me responsible for his safe sex practices. He has condoms in his room next to a red lighter, but Roxie did not buy either. Apparently, he is having sex and smoking cigarettes out of my view. Irrefutably, I am not a smoking voyeur since it irritates my eyes immensely.

Since Lenny has returned home, I have caught him twice in three weeks on pornography websites because he forgot to delete the computer history. I don’t consider it normal teenage activity like Lena. I believe it is part of an OCD / addiction / impulse-control disorder that can take over his life like drugs. These days, folks can die from sex. No joke.

Lenny having sex, with or without protection, evokes the same ‘butterflies in the stomach’feeling for me, as if he was using drugs or alcohol. He told me the truth, but it was a different kind of truth. I am able to deal with substance abuse, but not his sexuality.

I have become a co-dependent mom by lying to lasses for my Lenny. “He’s busy,” I stated on the phone as he suggested. I knew emphatically that he was with two other ladies on an outing. I stunned myself at the willingness to engage in double-dealing deceitfulness, for I thought I had healed over his past suicide attempt over a romantic breakup two years ago. That is why I lied for Lenny.

I remember the crisis so vividly. Lenny’s girlfriend dropped him like a bad habit after he cheated on her. Crying and distraught, he grabbed a butcher knife and sat in the broken living room chair, sticking the inside of his left wrist until blood began to slowly come to the skin surface. My brown rug absorbed his globulin like a vampire in ecstasy. I was terrified to get close to him; for fear that the skimming of the knife would turn to sawing of an artery. The ambulance took him away to a psychiatric hospital for observation. He was diagnosed with ADHD, not sexual addiction.

If Lenny is willing to take his life over sex, then it is a manipulative, sexual addiction. The scheming suicide attempt helped me to be dishonest for his future sexcapades. I did not want him to die, so I will lie to his sweetie pie.

He asked me,“Would you rather me get high or have sex?” I didn’t answer. Honestly, I’d like him to have a daily dose of saltpeter with Concerta chased with vitamin-fortified spring water.

If I was back in counseling at his placement agency, I would be told that I am experiencing thinking errors that need to be stopped immediately. I cannot continue to enable or cover up for Lenny’s sexual indiscretions. This teaching moment, based on a heart- wrenching suicide attempt, is for Roxie to learn from and begin change.

If you are concerned about finding internet pornography in your home, you can visit Dr. Twerski’s website recommendation at www.guardyoureyes.org, or read the article on Teens & Internet Pornography at http://psychcentral.com/lib/2010/teens-and-internet-pornography/.