IT’S THE FRIENDS, STUPID - written by Max Posted by:Jenn--Monday, January 07, 2013

(Initially written by Max on 12/2/12)

About 2 weeks ago, I got a call telling me my 17 year old son David was picked up with his friend (who I will name Doofus) for smoking weed in an alley. They saw the cops coming and of course they ran. Later David found out that had he held still, the officer was just going to give him a trespassing citation; but because they ran, and had to be chased, they were charged with misdemeanor possession of weed and paraphernalia. Doofus went to big-boy jail as he is 18. David was just shackled to a chair after getting his prints and mug shot taken. He was pretty rattled, and realized that he had better shape up.
 
David immediately started to look for jobs, swore off weed, and started coming home directly after school. He even told us we could test him, because he knew he may be ending up in an outpatient drug program. We barred Doofus and another kid, Dumbo, from the house. We told our son, we know we can’t control you, but we can control our home. We talked about how he had too much time on his hands and that he needed to work, and only started smoking again because he was bored, which he agreed with. Mel and I could see how bad he felt, and realized, this was the best punishment, the natural consequences of getting caught, facing probation, etc.

Some of you veteran PSST folks may remember that Mel and I sent David out of state to 2 different schools, to keep him physically away from these situations – he was doing REALLY well, had matured, hadn’t smoked weed, was doing well in school, made better choices in friends, and was lovely to live with at home. Because of this, we allowed him to give a shot at our local high school, where his grades are good (for him) and he met a nice girl friend who we feel is a good influence. HOWEVER, he also met his new friends, Doofus and Dumbo. Doofus seemed like an ok kid; he was going to Community College, was polite and respectful in our home, and spent a lot of time with us. Dumbo, on the other hand, looked suspicious. Mel and I brought this to David’s attention. David's reply – “he doesn’t do stupid stuff when he is with me”.

Last night, we got a call from the police . . . again. I thought it had to be a joke, David wouldn’t be THAT stupid twice in one month. But, he was with Doofus and Dumbo and another kid I had never heard of before, who I will name Gumby. It seems that Dumbo and Gumby were walking down the street followed by Doofus and David. A woman with a few bills hanging out of her pocket was walking in front. Dumbo and Gumby approached her, grabbed her money, and ran. David and Doofus didn’t know what to do and started to run out of obvious fear, but the police were on it immediately, hauling all 4 idiots into the station.
 

According to police reports, it appears that David had the misfortune of just hanging with these people. However, as Lloyd pointed out to me, “just being there” makes one guilty and therefore held responsible. I am relieved that David wasn’t an instigator or participant, because I really never saw him as a kid who would rob. Smoke weed in an alley, yes. Assault another person, never. But, while waiting for the police report, I wondered . . . maybe I didn’t know him after all, and we had a much bigger problem on our hands.

So, believe it or not, I am happy this morning after no sleep because, even though my son is in Shuman, and has 2 charges pending, he is under 18 and we have a bit of time to work with him. I am grateful this morning because Lloyd had the dubious honor of calling me from Shuman with the information, and took a bit of extra time to talk with me. I am blessed with so many of you from PSST who answered my email of last night so promptly, when I asked for Val’s contact information. And, I am thankful for my dear friend Daisy whom I called immediately. How many of us have friends that we can call to say “my kid is in Shuman” and have the other person empathize, counsel, and not judge? Only someone who is really PSST!!!
 

Thanks Everyone. Will keep you updated.
 

Sincerely,

Max and Mel