HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS (OR NOT) by Sally and Rocco
Having a young family member in placement during the holiday season is agonizing.
Sometimes it is far too much and parents “surrender”. They sincerely want to practice the "tough love" discussed at their parent meetings, never-the-less, maybe this year is not the year.
With a lot of guilt they invite their addict child home for “just a few hours” on a home pass.
No judgment here and no opinion; We simply know this “invite” happens.
If you decide to have your addicted child home, please live with your decision. It is important to set realistic boundaries and reasonable expectations in your heart and in your head. Your “guest” child is very sick. Keep that fact close during their visit.
Remember that your child is no longer the cuddly little kid that rolled down the steps in their footie pajamas just a few short years ago. Those days are gone and it takes inner strength and effort to be able to accept that fact.
Acceptance is one of our many holiday “side dishes” as parents of addicts.
Your child has become both physically and mentally altered by their addiction. For your parental perspective to remain clear this must be understood. Keep in mind that ultimately the responsibility of their recovery belongs to them. Plain and simple, the call is their burden.
For those who are struggling with the decision to have them spend a few hours at home with you, we only pray and hope that it works out well. Clearly set and discuss your expectations and your rules with them prior to the day of their visit.
Along with the sweet potatoes and cranberry sauce you will want to serve up a side order of “boundaries” for your holiday table. Keep the rules realistic but enforce all of them. Their visit is number one a “Family Visit” - No friends and no phone calls.
If they can’t agree with your rules you want to reconsider your invitation. Once they are at home be aware that if they are having difficulties meeting your rules and expectations that you are permitted to end their visit early. Good or bad - discuss their visit honestly with their counselors.
If you opt to have your child suffer their own consequences of spending their holiday away from home, we wish you continued strength as we know this decision cuts your heart like a razor.
Either way; joy does not come easily but we sincerely wish you peace and strength this Holiday Season.
If you need to discuss this or other issues please come to our next PSST Meeting.
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