Losing our son, Cisco on September 1st devastated us. Even with the tremendous outpouring of love and concern from so many dear friends and family, at times, one stands alone with their grief. And even though people say "You did all that you could possibly do to help him through his addiction" it is natural to ask "What if?" it is normal to wonder if you played your cards differently would he still be with us here today. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and have come up with one thing I would have said to Cisco more often.
It is not that I needed to tell him that I loved him anymore times than I did. I truly believe he knew that. There was not more of a need to discipline or to stop enabling.
If I had one more day with Cisco, I would spend a lot of that day encouraging him. "You could do it Cisco, you can beat this nasty disease. I am not saying it will be easy Cisco, however, take one day at a time sometimes you will need to take one moment at a time."
I am only beginning to realize how difficult it is to overcome a strong addiction. Now I see that once this vile and pestilent habit, we call addiction, has its victim by the jugular, the victim is in for the struggle of his life.
Both Rocco and I did spend time encouraging Cisco, however, Cisco was in a tremendous struggle which paled our efforts.
If I had one more day with Cisco I would spend it carefully listening to him and I would gently interject many words of encouragement. I would hug him around his broad chest with both of my arms for a long, long time and before I let him go I would say, "Please, know Cisco, that in the deepest, quietest place in your heart, there is One who can get you through this addiction and give you the strength to see you through."
2 comments:
Sally, I can't begin to imagine how much you must miss your son. I appreciate you writing this because it makes me pause and think, what else can I say to my son? Did I tell him recently that I'm proud of him, or did I encourage him? Thank you for sharing your story.
Brigitte
Thanks for your comment. My hope was that this would help parents realize what a struggle our addicted children are going through. I am glad it made you pause and think.
Yes, I miss him more than you know.
Sally
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