If you can still pretend, you can still change. Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, February 12, 2012

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People don't change because they can't imagine themselves changing. It's a wall that each of us puts up. That way if we don't try to change we can't fail at it.

While change is the most difficult thing that each of us do, it's also a very simple thing. That is to say it's not rocket science. It's easy to understand the idea of change but difficult to implement change. That's where pretending can help.

Think of children. One of their primary play activities is pretend. Pretending prepares us for real change; however, as we get older we cease pretending.

Consider our teens in inpatient. We are of course disappointed when we see our teenager "pretending" to change. We know our teen is full of it; however if we realized that "pretending" is the first step to taking down the barrier to change, then we might feel different about it. Pretending helps the teenager to imagine the actual change thereby making it possible, but of course not guaranteed.

The same principal can work for us. Parent's who are beginning to attend PSST sometimes can't imagine themselves standing up to their own teenager. Try pretending. Try pretending that you are that really tough parent that you admire at PSST. What have you got to lose?

If you do try pretending keep this in mind. Just like the teen in the rehab, it doesn't help him if he just pretends now and then. He has to attain a consistency to his pretending or else it won't fool anyone. Once he attains that consistency, he can actually trick himself into real change. By pretending consistently he has really imagined himself changing. It's a case of: "from time to time is a waste of time."

Therefore, if you do try pretending, try to be consistent with your change. After a month you can look back and evaluate. For example, if you tried to use "nevertheless" and "regardless" each time that your teenager tried to manipulate you then pretend that you will do that for a month. You don't have to be perfect with it but continue the effort consistently.

I think most of us agree that we need to be ready to change before we can change. Some people would disagree with that. Some people would say that a change of behavior comes first and the change of behavior actually changes the way you think and feel and viola, you become ready. Either way, you don't really have to even feel "ready" if you're just pretending to change. And, you can make it fun if you try. Wasn't pretending always fun when you were a child?

For some it will be difficult to pretend. Some will become focused on the question, "But what comes next?"

This is the crux of the matter. If you focus on "what comes next" you successfully stop yourself from changing. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am and the change process if stifled.

There is a saying in 12-step: "More will be revealed."

I love that saying because it works just as well for people of faith as it does for the Agnostic. You don't have to think that your higher power is the agent revealing "more" but you can if that fits with your faith. However, it's also possible to believe that "more will be revealed" because that is simply the way the universe works. The experience of being alive is that one thing is revealed after the next. Like an onion, layer after layer of things being revealed to you. It's not possible for everything to be revealed at one time. Just imagine that! We would be so overwhelmed.

In other words don't focus on what happens next. Let tomorrow take care of tomorrow. Tomorrow you will be in a better position to see things clearly. If I can borrow from the Bible:

John 21:6 He said, "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some." When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.

What would you like to change the most but don't think you're ready? Cast out your net. Pretend. Do it every day for a month. Then see what's in your net.

If you can still pretend you can still change.