Are You A "Balloonatic" ? - by Jessica Posted by:Sally--Monday, February 20, 2012

BALLOONATIC - The overwhelming feeling that addiction issues have filled your home like a Macy's parade balloon.

Recently I was asked by our wonderful Wesley Spectrum Family Therapist, Jocelyn, to draw a picture representing Herman's "size" relative to the other four rabbits, Roger and myself in our family circle.

It was then that I realized that Herman, who is now "out" about having no interest in working his recovery program, is significantly larger in size than the rest of us.

The image of a huge Macy's parade balloon came into mind, because he completely fills up our home presently, making everyone else seem so small and unnoticeable, not to mention difficult to navigate around in our daily lives.

I also think it is fair to say that an addict who sees no need to be in recovery in order to stay clean, is very much like a large parade balloon; both are full of hot air/gas, and can float out of control do damage without controls in place.

That being said, I started to do some thinking. I found the similarities with guiding a giant helium parade balloon and coexisting with an addict not working a recovery program remarkable.

To guide a Macy's balloon:

50 to 100 volunteers who have had extensive training (because some balloons are more difficult to handle than others) are required. It would be more than helpful if we had 50 to 100 volunteers, but we have six; Roger, the various therapists, one very experienced, strong (wind tested) P.O., Lloyd, and me. I think this group might exceed the power of 100 volunteers, or at least we tell ourselves so.

You must be at least 120 pounds. For our balloon, you must have strong intestinal fortitude. No light weights could handle this stuff.

You must be in good health. This is another important requirement for our balloon. Thus the need to attend support groups like PSST, along with the other various ways to keep your self physically, spiritually, and mentally healthy. I took up running, because along with the obvious mood and health benefits, it is almost impossible to cry and run at a good pace. It works for me.

Now on to planning for the parade route.

For the Macy's parade, a few team leaders are required. A police officer marches along with each balloon. Once again, the similarities are striking. We also have two leaders, Roger and me, and our P.O. marches along with us. In handling our Baby Herman balloon, we have become almost invisible. Let's face it, how many people actually notice the balloon handlers?

Typically, handlers are dressed up in outfits that coordinate with their balloon. Much like the losing of oneself when you only see yourself as the parent of an addict who is headed for relapse. So the handlers/parents hold onto the ropes and guide the balloon, while trying to prevent a mishap. Many accidents happen, your balloon could collapse, and then you find the need to carry it. Your balloon could also crash into a building or injure a handler or an innocent spectator.

Of course true "Balloonatics" are not discouraged or dissuaded by this. We set up guidelines or contracts to help keep the balloon, the handlers, and the spectators safe.

Our Baby Herman "balloon" is one of the more challenging types. He carries around him, the atmosphere of using, think Pig Pen from the Peanuts comic strip.

It consists of:

1) denying the need to go to 12 step meetings, making excuses for why they are not for him

2) fantasizing and reminiscing of his glory days using, and thinking about using in the future

3) desperately waiting to reconnect with old using friends and go to old using places. Any new friend possibilities are discarded as "losers"

4) Addict mentality, the lying, over confidence,defensiveness, mood swings, and self centered point of view - think "dry drunk"

Eventually Herman will relapse. We cannot predict when, but given his lack of working any recovery program, we know a big windy rain storm is headed our parade route.

We Balloonatics will continue to hold onto the ropes, trying to prevent an accident, and guiding Herman as he works and goes to school. This is the best we can do as far as preparing him for his "discharge" from our home in 189 days. As seasoned balloon wranglers, we have a contract in place. We may find ourselves letting go of the ropes sooner than 189 days, if our rope burn gets unmanageable.