WHAT DO YOU THINK? - The following letter (credited to Nar-Anon) was read at our Gateway YYAP family session. It led to some lively discussion by the teens and their parents. 
So What Do You Think? Send in your thoughts and opinion in the comment section at the bottom of this post or to sallyservives@gmail.com
AN OPEN LETTER TO MY FAMILY
I am a drug addict. I need help -- from a doctor, a psychologist, a counselor, from an addict who found recovery in Narcotics Anonymous, and from God.
Don't solve my problems for me. This only makes me lose respect for you.
Don't lecture, moralize, scold, blame, or argue -- whether I am high or loaded or not. It may make you feel better, but it will make the situation worse.
Don't accept my promises. The nature of my illness prevents me from keeping them, even though I mean them at the time I make them. Promises are only my way of postponing pain. Don't keep switching agreements; If an agreement is made -- stick to it
Don't lose your temper with me. It will destroy you and destroy any possibility of you helping me.
Don't allow your anxiety for me make you do what I should do for myself.
Don't cover up for me or try to spare me the consequences of my using. It may reduce the current crisis, but it will make my illness worse.
Above all, Don't run away from reality as I do. Drug [or alcohol] dependence, my illness, gets worse as the using continues. Start now to learn, to understand, to plan for recovery [yours as well as mine]. Find Nar-Anon [or PSST] whose group exist to help the families of drug-abusers.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Cisco's comment: Some of the parents felt there were too many "Don'ts" in the letter for them and not enough for their teen. I found this as a good message for all parents, and families, of addicts to end their codependent behavior. Dwelling on your addicted loved one's issues all of your busy days and all of your sleepless nights can ruin your health, your marriage and your family.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Posted by:Rocco--Tuesday, July 05, 2011
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2 comments:
I can't tell if this was supposed to have been written by a drug addict or not. If it was written by an addict - wow, those are some powerful statements about the addict needing to take personal responsibility, and the parents needing to detach with love! So even though there weren't many Don'ts for the addict, implied in it were a lot of DO's for the addict.
One of the Don'ts I liked especially was "Don't accept my promises" - very insightful, that recognition that the addict may have honorable intentions, but that s/he is often unable to keep them. For the parent, it supports the adage "Trust, but verify."
Jenn
This is a tough one: Don't lecture, moralize, scold, blame, or argue. We cover it somewhat when we urge parents to stop debating- but I know that not lecturing is more my challenge - although it would seem that teenagers think anything I say is lecturing, almost by default, if I'm saying it - it must be lecturing. I could do less of it I'm sure. Great letter- thought provoking. Thanks Rocco for posting.
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