Hey Dad, can I have another nugget? Posted by:Rocco--Monday, May 03, 2010

Hey Dad, can I have another nugget?

Summary of the May 1 PSST Meeting

It was a warm and sunny Saturday.

A lot of spring stuff was going on all over;
people preparing for the Pittsburgh Marathon, people doing yard work and getting their gardens ready for summer, people out repairing and painting their houses, people flying kites and people cruising in big green Cadillacs.

At the Eastern Probation Office in Wilkinsburg there was a lot of action taking place at the Saturday morning PSST meeting restoring and healing parents from the distress and difficulties caused by their teen’s addiction.


Val, Kathie and Lloyd were there as well as 8 parents (including 3 dads - YEAH!).

We were thankful to have an experienced and supportive couple checking in as well as some clued-in parents returning to discuss their current situation and how they are handling their teens.

Several of us have been able to reach the point, as one dad put it, of “Flying above the turmoil” that our teens tend to create. When they begin to realize that even their best manipulation skills don’t have the same enabling effect anymore they begin to “get it”. They are no longer in control. Flying above them is a good tool to gain back control of our homes and to stop enabling our kids.

We talked about how this is similar to a mouse in the maze. The mouse is used to getting nuggets to eat whenever they push on the bar at the end. One day when their nugget doesn’t pop out anymore they become agitated and they push the bar harder and harder. I think we have all experienced this pushing from our teens. This is when it becomes very important not to give in. By NOT giving them even one little nugget we reinforce that the power has returned to the parents. It doesn’t mean they won’t keep pushing. But when they continue to push for one more little favor, be prepared as our dad above is. He now replies to his son, “So when are you going to start working on that ‘Recovery Favor’ for me again?”

Another parent gave us all some insight in to the twisted logic of the teenage drug user. Her son doesn’t understand why coming home from a party late and drunk, qualifies as grounds to keep him from attending his prom later on this month. After all his girl friend has already bought her dress and he already put down $100, or was it $20, or no it was $50 on the limo. As in "Mom you are always so confused!"

After some discussion it was suggested that he could go to the prom if and only if his mom drives them to and from the prom, that his mom is a chaperon at the prom and that he doesn’t even think of attending an after-prom party. And just to be perfectly clear - There will be no use of drugs or alcohol (YES you do need to emphasize that). We all agreed that there is a good chance that he will not accept these terms but then “going or not going” becomes his decision.

Finally our experienced dad explained how we all need to adjust our own behavior, our own lifestyle and our perception of our teenage drug abusers. As he explained “It is not that the addict doesn’t care. It is not that they are not ashamed of what they are doing. It is not that they don’t want to recover. It is that their addiction causes them to be so narrowly focused on their primary goal of getting their next high that they don’t see that their lives are unmanageable.”

We need to accept that this is not just “their” problem. This is the whole family’s problem. That this is our reality and we need to adjust our way of life if our child is going to recover. Three items that are indispensable for us and our teen are honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. If we can achieve these we are well on our way.



That is why PSST is here. To provide the help we need, to gain the skills required and to get the assistance we need to get back the power to save our kid’s lives.


We look forward to seeing a lot of you at our next PSST meeting this coming Saturday May 8 at Trinity Lutheran Church 2500 Brandt School Road, Wexford, PA 15090.