Role-plays from 2-7-09 PSST designed to heighten awareness rather than skills. Part-One Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, February 09, 2009

We took a break after the brief updates. When we returned I challenged each family to allow me to role-play their teen while they played the parents. This time our goal was to heighten awareness. I asked people to hold off on comments or questions until I had role-played each family. We had eight parents representing six families.


I explained to everyone that I was not going to necessarily say the things that their teen would say. Instead, I was attempting to say what their teen would say if he were being honest. As it turned out, this is what teens might say if they were brutally honest. You might think of this as a "what if your teen really sees things this way" role-play!

Sometimes I feel that even though we have come a long way with our teens we still suffer from some denial. We still have trouble seeing the naked truth, the way it really is without the benefit of the doubt that we always give our teenagers.

At this point I expect some of you readers are asking, "How would you know what our teens are really thinking? Can you read their minds?" Well no, of course I can't read minds. However, I can read behavior. Paying attention to behavior is a better way to read people than paying attention to what they say. Still, I would be the first to admit that I can be wrong. Even if I am off a bit on one or two of the teens, I can present a side of things that a parent should consider.

One parent said this to me after the exercise: "As you were going around the room role-playing with the other families, it's real easy to see what's going on with the other families. The tough thing is to see what's going on in my family." Yes, when it comes to our own families, we have blinders on. When it comes to other families we see clearly. What we hope is that we can see our own situation in other peoples.

18 yr-old son: You guys need to stop.
Father: Stop what?
18 yr-old son: Stop trying to wake me up for school.
Mother: You need your education- you're almost graduated.
18 yr-old son: Yeah, but I don't care about school- I don't really need an education.
Father: You need to finish school because we say you need to finish school.
18 yr-old son: Well I'm not going to do it.
Father: Then we'll put you out.
18 yr-old son: Oh yeah, that'll happen.
Father: It will happen- you just watch.
18 yr-old son: Are you high?
Father: What are you talking about?
18 yr-old son: You seriously think that she [pointing at Mom] is going to let you throw me out? That's not going to happen.
Father: Really?
18 yr-old son: Really. There is no way she is going to let you throw me out. I know that. Mom
knows that. And Dad, you know that too, so why do you even say stupid things like that?
Mom: You might push us to do it.
18 yr-old son: Yeah, right, sure. Listen, you guys can't even let Lloyd sanction me at the Academy. You know you keep telling him not to do that. All I have to do is threaten to run away and you guys can't let him do that. And you never take my car off of me even though you own it. And I still have my cell phone. So, when I see you can't do anything to hold me accountable I sure as hell know that you aren't going to throw me out- so please for all our benefits- just stop it. I'm embarrassed for you both.
[silence]
18 yr-old son: See, look at it this way. You made me give up drugs. And I lost all my friends, but I gave up drugs. Now you want to control everything. Sorry! You won on the drugs thing and I got 17 months clean, but I resent that you are making me finish High School. I work. I do fine. You guys need to stop trying to wake me up - and hey, if you don't then I'm going to really start being a night mare for you in the morning. You ain't seen nothing yet!
Father: Oh I believe that!

I'm going to stop here and save the other role-plays for part-two of this post. As always, role-plays written in this blog are inspired by the ones we do in group but they are never the exact role-plays. Special thanks to the parents who provided this scenario.

Let me end this post with the following: If you have a rule you must enforce it. If for any reason it is not possible to enforce it then get rid of it.