Transfer of Power from PO to Parent Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, February 22, 2009

Is it possible for the Parent to benefit from the power that the PO has? Can the parent actually become more powerful by allying themselves with the PO? It may sound like a harebrained question at first, but to become more powerful as a parent keep the following tenets in mind:


1. Keep no secrets with your teen regarding his success following his Conditions of Probation. Sometimes it seems like the right thing to say, "if you do that again, I'm telling your Probation Officer." However, this implies that you will keep some things secret. Secrets keep us sick.

When your teen accuses you like this: "I tired of you threatening me with my PO!" reply "I talk to your PO all the time! Do you expect me to keep things secret from him? I won't do that. I am not here to keep secrets for you."

2. Have frequent and regular contacts with your teen's Probation Officer and /or attend Parent Survival Skills Training regularly, which is sponsored by Juvenile Probation. Make sure your teen knows that you have regular contact with Probation.

3. Play an active role in your teen's hearings. It is good for your teen to see that you stand up in Court, tell the truth, and if appropriate ask that the Court hold your teen accountable.

4. Take an active role in disciplining your teen. Don't leave it up to the Probation Department unless it is a very serious infraction and the consequences are automatic. Take the lead. Hold your teen accountable without the PO's help when possible, but always report openly to the PO about what has occurred. Suggest discipline (such as a week-end in the sanction unit) that you think will work and don't be afraid to ask the PO to be stricter than he planned to be. If your teen sees that you are using the Probation Officer as a tool he will glimpse that you are the agent of power, and the power will flow from the PO to you. On the other hand, taking a passive role in discipline insures that only the PO will receive the power and not the parent. Practice phrases such as, "I spoke with your PO, and he agrees with me that we need to blah blah blah."

As we say in group: If you want the power take the blame: if you take the blame you get the credit.

In other words, be the bad guy. Don't try to make the PO out to be the bad guy and you have no influence. You do have influence, that is to say that you do have power. Don't deny that you have power.