The most wasted day of all is that on which we have not laughed.
--Sebastien R. N. Chamfort
When we first started going to Twelve Step meetings we were often stunned to hear so much laughter. But we soon learned that a good hearty laugh or a joyful smile is as important to our recovery as all the serious issues we explore.
Learning to laugh is part of our growth. It recognizes our shared experiences and helps us feel closer to one another. It also reminds us we are able to smile again, and that a better perspective on life is returning.
We only have today to live, and we are getting better today, so why not smile and enjoy it? Why not open ourselves up to a good laugh and let it push our pain or sorrow out? Now that we are once again choosing how we feel, we have the power to opt for joy.
Today I am grateful for my ability to laugh and share laughter and fun.
Laughter - It's Good For Us ~ Contributed by Joan
Posted by:Sally--Monday, October 03, 2011
OCT 1 WILKINSBURG MEETING SUMMARY
Posted by:Rocco--Sunday, October 02, 2011
"WELCOME TO THE PSST ZONE" -- OCT 1 PSST MEETING IN WILKINSBURG SUMMARY
This week’s PSST Meeting was held in Wilkinsburg. We had the expertise of Val of Allegheny Juvenile Probation and Kathie T, Jocelyn and Michelle of Wesley-Spectrum. Lloyd called in sick [hope you're feeling better]. We also had the pleasure of welcoming Julie an intern for Juvenile Probation form Cal U.
Visiting this week was April Wateska a counselor from Phoenix Rising. Thanks for attending April, we appreciate your input and hope to see you again.
There was also an overflow crowd of understanding and compassion with the presence of 26 concerned parents, some regulars, some returning alum and some new parents.
Many of us were here to celebrate the Allegheny County Juvenile Probation Parent of the Year announcement [more on that later].
EDITOR'S DISCLAIMER: This is an attempt to summarize our latest PSST meeting. We don’t always have the chance to get it done quickly and we sometimes cannot read Rocco’s handwriting [or even imagine what it was he was trying to write] so, Please feel free to edit, elucidate, correct, amend or add to our summary as required in the comment section below. We will not be offended.
Max did an excellent job at keeping the meeting on track as our group leader this week.
ANNOUNCEMENTS
- Val invited everyone interested to visit the Juvenile Justice Week Open House on Wednesday Oct 5 and to the Awards Ceremony on Thursday, Oct 6 at 6:00 p.m. The celebration will take place in the 2nd floor waiting area of the Juvenile Court [use the Ross Street entrance]. This is when the Parent of the Year Award will be presented to one of our outstanding PSST Parents for acts of bravery, excellent command of PSST skills, for showing a lot of growth, and for reaching out to other parents --- click on Allegheny County Juvenile Probation Parent-of-the-Year to read more.
- Wilma reminded us about the live workshop on Oppositional Defiant and Anger Issues in Children and Adolescents at the Embassy Suites at the Airport on November 11, 2011. CLICK HERE if you wish to look at the information online.
- Max encouraged anyone that needs more support to attend the S.0.S. Chapter of Families Anonymous. They meet on Tuesday evenings from 6:00 p.m. until 7:30 p.m. at Gateway Squirrel Hill. (Forbes Ave.) This twelve-step program focuses on helping parents become less co-dependent. All are welcome to attend these helpful meetings. Once again there is No Cost and No Commitment.
LET’S TALK - because of the large turnout we went around to do short introductions so we could get back to those with more to discuss.
Max began by telling us that her sons Michael and David are doing well. Michael, 19, is doing well in his recovery and is working his way towards having his own place to live.
Kitty also has two sons, Carlyle and his older brother Cat, a heroin addict that recently relapsed. Kitty told him that he could no longer live at home. More on this later.
Vera has been with PSST for a month. Her 16 year old son Tommy is a friend of Kitty's son Carlyle. Tommy is currently in an Inpatient Recovery Facility (IRF) and is an angry teen. He has a pass this weekend and Vera is concerned about how it will go. Vera says he has had problems for about two years. She doesn't understand why he acts the way he does, she wants to help him and save his life. Like most of our kids at this stage Tommy doesn't think he needs any help and is not accepting his recovery and is blaming everyone else especially his mom.
Thanks for coming to PSST Vera; please keep coming to our meetings, we are here to support you.
Tess and Danny’s 18 year old son Linus has been in an Inpatient Recovery Facility (IRF) since July and has over 60 days of clean time. He is doing okay and will be going to a 1/2 way house before returning home.
Olivia and John, Parents of the Year 2009, returned for a visit and to help us celebrate the 2011 Parent of the Year. Their son, Jarred is about to turn 21, has a job, his own place and is doing very well. Thanks for returning guys. It was great to see you and helps our current parents to see that there is hope.
Cheryl and Jim have an son, 18, Andy who just experience what the Adult Justice System is all about. He spent 5 weeks in the county jail. Val and Lloyd worked with Cheryl and Jim to get him back into the juvenile system and after a brief stay at Shuman Andy is in a IRF. As Jim noted they will not bail Andy out of his trouble but they will continue to get him whatever help he needs to work on his recovery.
Ruth is a single mom and relatively new to PSST. Her son Bo, 13, is in a IRF and is clean for 6 months. Please keep coming to PSST Ruth ans keep on praying. The combination can be a powerful tool.
Jenn and Brad have a son, Dylan currently in an IRF. They have been with us at PSST for about 10 months now and have become a good example of how to turn your life back to normal. Dylan is coming along well in his recovery.
Violet has a 19 year old son, Sal. Sal has been through a few IRF's and is currently attending his second year of college. Violet has stood up in court and stood up to counselors and to anyone that she didn't necessarily agree with to make sure her son received the best care that he could. Violet is our PSST Poster Mom for NOT being "Pathologically Compliant to Authority Figures".
Kathy is new to PSST. Her 18 year old son Cody is 5 months clean from heroin usage. he is attending meetings regularly and was proud to be given the key to his home group. Please keep coming to PSST Kathy, we will do what we can to support you.
Brigitte and Francois’ 17 year old son Pierre has been home from his IRF for 5 weeks and has had some issues. Never the Less, some alert actions by Brigitte has helped to get him to where he needs to be. He is doing well this week.
Becky's son Syd completed his IRF came home and relapsed and is in another IRF. This is very common. Our teens usually don't volunteer to go into their first inpatient program and it sometimes takes a few more times before the accept their recovery. Becky and Tom understand this and are handling it well.
Sally and Rocco's 19 year old son Cisco is currently in an adult 1/2 way house and is doing very well in his recovery and working towards finding a life skill so that he can eventually live on his own. He has a very good 6-step plan laid out and had a minor infraction this week. Because of this he did not get his weekend pass but was able to accept it and deal with it very maturely. Something that even a year ago he would not have been able to do.
Wilma's son Bam Bam completed his IRF this summer but was not ready to buy into his recovery. To make it tougher his dad, Fred, was acting as his prime enabler. Mary was shocked, but happy, when she received a recent call from Fred saying that he had had enough and had called the police on Bam Bam. Mary worked her best PSST skills to get Bam Bam into a Mental Health Facility. She let everyone know clearly that she while she understands that her son is allowed to sign himself out of the facility that she will not allow him to return home.
Jane another of our PSST Strong Moms has been with us for almost one year now. I remember meeting Jane at our informal "between the meetings" meeting at Crazy Mocha last October. Her son Elroy was out of control and about to turn 18. She wanted to get him into the juvenile system to get him into his recovery. Like Wilma, Jane had to do this with very little to no cooperation from her husband. Elroy also went through an IRF and a 1/2 way house but was not ready to work on his recovery. He is now back into a second IRF for the last month.
Jennifer's son Maxwell, 18, is currently in an IRF and has worked his way past the 1st phase. He is getting his first home visit since May and is hoping to reunite with his family.
Emily has a 16 year old son, Jerry. Jerry recently was assigned probation has been in an IRF for about one month. Emily is not sure if Jerry is ready to accept his recovery yet but he has his first home pass this weekend.
George and Gracie have a 19 year old son Ronnie. He relapsed this summer and checked himself into a recovery facility. He is attending 4 NA Meetings and a counseling session weekly. They feel he is doing okay but needs to stay focused. Their concern now is that Ronnie has got a job and will have more money to handle. They are Cautiously Optimistic.
Daisy has a 16 year old son Ozzie. Daisy is a single mom and an inspiration to us at PSST for how she has turned her own life around, helped her son in his recovery and reached out to so many of us here. Ozzie is another teen who did not accept his recovery and is in his second IRF. Daisy told us that she had her first good family session with Ozzie last week and is looking forward to another one this weekend.
LET'S TALK SOME MORE
Following a break for some celebratory cake for the 2011 Allegheny County Juvenile Probation Parent of the Year we reconvened for some more talk for those parents that needed it.
Kitty's older son, Cat, a heroin addict, has been clean for most of the year and was home for about 2 months before relapsing. Cat told him that he needs to check himself in to a recovery program and that he can not live at home while he is using. When she presented all of the evidence she found at home he basically went off blaming Kitty for everything from his using to his latest relapse. At this point he is not accepting help and she is not sure where he is.
Her younger son Carlyle sort of took her to task. He told her that Cat had been using in the house and that she needs to do something with him. He said that it is not good for his own recovery to have his older brother using at home. He asked her if she could ACT 53 him or something.
As much as Kitty would love to be able to do something; once our children are over 18 there is little that we can do to "make them" get help. They are legally adults and can check themselves into and out of programs. We can only be there to help them if they ask for our help.
Carlyle is doing well and has a hearing next week to determine if he can get off of home detention.
You know, looking at Kitty at the PSST meetings you wouldn't know that such a petite woman has such big shoulders...
...thanks so much for being part of PSST, thanks for the flowers and thanks for helping us. We will continue do what we can to support you.
Wilma is another lady with big shoulders. Until just recently she was pretty much carrying on the fight to help her son's recovery with no support from her husband, Fred. Fred finally had enough and called the police on their 14 year old son Bam-Bam. This has resulted in Bam-Bam entering a Mental Health facility.
Wilma is pursuing an ACT 53 hearing to get Bam Bam additional help. Bam like many of our kids has been making a case for himself. Since coming out of Inpatient Recovery he has refused drug testing, he will not go to meetings and he has stopped therapy.
Wilma mentioned that he had a text on his cell phone from someone asking for the money that he owed them. When asked why Bam still has a cell phone she told about how his counselor "suggested" that he should be able to "earn" his cell phone back and how Wilma should sit down with Bam's "friends" and get to know them.
Wilma now understands that a cell phone is not a good thing for teenage addicts and she has always known that Bam's "friends" are not good for him; Never-the-Less, when a counselor "suggest" these kind of things our teen addicts only hear "I am allowed to have a cell phone, my counselor said so!" and "What do you mean I need to stay away from my friends, my counselor said I can hang out with them!"
As we have mentioned before one of the first new skills that parents of teen addicts need to work on is NOT to be "Pathologically Compliant to Authority Figures". This is one of those things that we all need to learn to unlearn.
As Val K suggested we know our kids better than anyone and if a counselor "suggest" something that doesn't sound right to you, do not hesitate to let them know that you "are NOT comfortable with that!"
But with the counselor's suggesting and no support from Fred, Wilma was left to carry on the struggle pretty much on her own.
You have done well Wilma and hopefully with Fred on your side you will be able to do a lot more. Thanks for being a big part of PSST.
Violet is going through a phase of recovery similar to the one that Sally and I find ourselves in. Our sons have been though several years of their own recovery and have had ups and downs but they appear to be ready to move on in their lives.
We realize we "need to detach", we understand "how to detach" but we don't know "how to let go" of our fears, our own anger, out mistrust...
...as others said, our inner voice says trust him "but" then maybe if we prepare for the worst we won't be hurt as much if he falls, kind of like a post traumatic syndrome for recovering parents. We will heal but there will be scars that no amount of plastic surgery will ever fix.
Like all recovery processes, healing takes time. Healing is a long gradual process and our goal is progress, not perfection. Take your time Violet, make a little progress one day at a time.
Jim and Cheryl are also experiencing what others have. Addiction is a family disease. Their older son, Kyle, has asked them to choose him or Andy. He fears that they are being overly manipulated by Andy.
Fear and anger are two very big parts of codependency and very tough to get over.
Jim and Cheryl of course cannot and will not "choose" to abandon or keep either son. It will again take time to heal these relationships. They will talk to Kyle's heart and not his head. They will try to encourage him to detach from his fear and his anger and show him that they are okay themselves.
Jim and Cheryl, you guys have shown us how well you can reach out to others and especially to your sons. Like everything else healing the family will take time. As I noted above look for progress and not perfection. We here at PSST will be here to encourage and support you two."
STAY TUNED – THE PSST ZONE WILL BE CONTINUED
Parent Skill: The Secret Weapon #1
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, October 02, 2011
Parents have a secret weapon that is fairly easy to use, free, and parents have almost unlimited amounts. It isn't a silver bullet. It won't solve a lot problems by itself; however, it will give you the edge. Using this technique liberally, along with the other parenting skills could actually effect a change in your teenager.
The reason why is that this secret weapon is all about relationship building. Hit "read more" to see if you've guessed what skill this is.
Physical contact. You might call this one the Vitamin Skill because like a vitamin, it won't cure you of a disease but taken regularly it can help you fight off diseases or heal yourself faster.
When you first meet someone you know that except to shake their hand it's not really appropriate to hug, put your arm around them or even to take their hand outside of a shake. Why? Because when you first meet someone you know that you don't know them that well. Having physical contact with someone implies that you know them better. This is the universal symbol that two people have a somewhat close relationship. Of course being close enough to hug someone doesn't mean that you are life-long buddies or BFF. It does suggest a casual intimacy or an easy going friendship. Every time you hug someone you reaffirm that you still have at least a casual intimacy if not more than a casual intimacy.
The reverse is true too. If you aren't comfortable touching someone, whether or not that someone is one of your children, you reaffirm that you are not close or casually intimate. If you see someone and never touch them, that can mean business only please.
Some things happen in early adolescence that naturally decrease physical contact between parents and teenagers. First, teens often don't want that hug or that hand on their arm. They feel they've outgrown that. It's age appropriate that they see themselves as moving past all that; however, they really haven't outgrown the need for touching because people never outgrow it.
Your teenager might come right out and challenge you by saying that you are too "touchy feely" and please back off.
The flip side of the coin is that as a parent you feel betrayed when your teen develops a drug problem, and all the various behaviors that come along with it. Parents can build up resentments. Suddenly you are not as comfortable going to the hug. Also, people hate rejection. parents are no different. If you keep going to the well and it's dry, then you stop going to the well.
The point of this post is to encourage parents to see this physical touch thing as a challenge. The quick fix: hug your kids every chance you get. If you have to, sneak up on them and give them a quick-hug. Sneak up on them and give him/ her a back rub. Sneak up on him/ her and touch his arm. Don't allow your teenager to discount your involvement. Hug anyway although if the teen resists, you won't be hugging too much or for too long, but don't let the your teenager's rejection stop you from continuing to try the next time!
Become a ninja hugger. Sneak up on them and become master of the quick hug. If they confront you, just agree with them that you want so much to hug them that it's practically impossible to do stop- sorry. On some level the teenager will like that. The only caution is not let the hug last too long, especially if the teen is resistant.
The big exception to this might be male adults, step parents especially, hugging teenage girls. It's still recommended but more sensitivity to a teen's plea to stop might be in order so the wrong idea doesn't come across.
Hugging not only can change a teen's attitude towards the parent, but hugging can improve the parent's attitude towards the teenager. Both can feel the warmth. It might not feel warm when you do it but just keep it up regularly and see if you don't feel differently.
Stay tuned for Secret Weapon #2, coming soon. Read More......
Allegheny County Juvenile Probation Parent-of-the-Year to be announced!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, September 28, 2011
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| What last year's cake would have looked like except that Lloyd let the plastic wrap touch the icing. It still tasted good :-) Click "read more" to see another cake! |
Once again, a parent from PSST will be named Allegheny County Parent of the Year! The award will be given on October 6th, but the fun happens this Saturday, October 1, at our Eastern District Probation Office where no doubt we will celebrate as we always do- with CAKE!
This year's winner was nominated by numerous people including parents. This year's winner won for acts of bravery, excellent command of PSST skills, for showing a lot of growth, and for reaching out to other parents. Those nominating felt that this year's winner stood out for those reasons; however, it is also true that this award could have been given out to many other PSST parents who also act bravely, study and use the PSST skills, show a lot of improvement and reach out to other parents. In some ways, everyone who attends PSST wins (again this year!).Click here to see pictures from last year's Parent of the Year Award.
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| We can't announce the winner on the blog until after October 6th. If you know who won remember "mums" the word! |
Seminar on Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Posted by:Sally--Wednesday, September 28, 2011
On November 11, 2011 there will be a live workshop on Oppositional Defiant and Anger Issues in Children and Adolescents at the Embassy Suites - Airport with Program Director Jay Berk Ph.D.
Wilma plans on bringing fliers to this Saturday's meeting. CLICK HERE if you wish to look at the information online.
Wilma Tells Us: Fred Comes on Board
Posted by:Sally--Sunday, September 25, 2011
They say that it gets worse before it gets better but its only getting worse.
I updated Bam Bam's status last week. It feels like a decade ago.
Wednesday 9-21 started like any other day-Bam Bam didn't go to school, badgered Fred for money (it started at $5) and escalated to Bam Bam punching a door with his broken hand, punching out Fred's lawn tractor-which doesn't work now and we dont' know if it can be repaired, and threatening that the next thing he punches will be Fred's face. What was different is that FRED CALLED 911.
I was terrified and elated when he called me at work to tell me he called the police. He finally DID IT! When I got home there were two squad cars and a third came shortly after. Now we had THREE COPS at our house. They said they couldn't arrest Bam all they could do was write a citation and he would have to pay restitution. I said I wanted him to go to Shuman but they said no they couldn't and had a bunch of reasons which I don't remember. In hindsight, should I have pushed them?? I don't know.
One of the officers was a former EMT and because of the violent situation that had started over really nothing and Bam Bam's psych issues he suggested calling the ambulance and having him evaluated which we agreed to.
We spent 10 HOURS at hospital number 1. Bam begged me to stay with him so I stayed with him in psych holding. I was prepared, though, to leave at the first sign of any aggression. He was the only adolescent there. When asked by the psych nurse what I wanted I told her he can't come home he needs help. She asked me several times if I was sure (I think she wanted me to change my mind) but I told her "I was not comfortable taking him home.)"
What would he do then? We had already had experience taking him home and before leaving the parking lot of the hospital Bam Bam was using abusive language and throwing things. I wasn't making that mistake again. Bam of course worked very hard at trying to change my mind but I held firm. Fred was in total agreement with Bam not coming home. He waited in the general emergency waiting area. While talking with Bam and the nurse for our interview and intake Bam Bam admitted to relapsing "once" the week before, however, based on his behavior over the last 6 weeks or so I was suspecting him of using. We had given him two urine screens that I felt he had manipulated somehow but couldn't be sure. They both came out negative.
I then bought oral saliva drug tests that Bam Bam refused. He told me I was trying to trick him! I think he knew his goose was cooked as he wouldn't be turning away from me to give a sample, I could watch him the whole time. There would be no "I can't pee in front of anybody' or Not in front of my Mom!" He also admitted to taking niacin (Fred found large white tablets in Bam's string bag when he went home to pack a few things for his stay at Hospital 2 and Bam said that was the niacin and our friend the pharmacist concurred). Bam's Bam's behavior prior to this episode was constantly needing money, hanging out with his same people, places things and of course his new "friend" Cueball who we suspect of stealing beer from us and also Bam's new $350 glasses. I called the counselor at school to see if the glasses were in Bam's locker. the locker was completely empty. She told me that kids will sell their glasses for the frames. And this is what I think happened-he either sold them for money, traded for drugs or Cueball stole them. Not matter what the truth they are gone and Bam doesn't have any glasses! When I mentioned Cue's name to the counselor she said we should be concerned that Bam Bam is associating with him.
Finally transport arrived so that we got to Hospital 2 about 12:30-1:00 Thursday morning. We were exhausted!
He was allowed to call Friday night and of course says he is o.k. there is no reason to be there, etc. I had already talked to the PA earlier in the day who brought up possible DAS (Diversion and Stabilization) program. now that Bam Bam has medical assistance there are no roadblocks to treatment that is denied under our primary insurance. Hallelujah!
Saturday I went myself to visit. I took Bam some McDonald's and he tried to work me during the whole 10-15 minute visit. I didn't bring up any possible treatment scenarios as I needed him to hear it from the staff. I just told him we had our meeting with the counselor on Sunday and see what he said. Later on Saturday I picked Fred up after the PITT game and he talked the most he's talked about all of this. One thing that was different is that he is not falling for Bam Bam's games anymore. He talked about how he let Bam Bam use him for money, rides, believing his lies. I felt sad for him but so glad that FINALLY we are together on this.
Sunday we had our family meeting with the therapist. The therapist and doctor are recommending the DAS program. Bam DOES NOT WANT THIS. He wants to come home and be with his family. that is all he needs along with maybe some rehab. he DOES NOT get that he also has mental health issues that need to be dealt with and it's the usual what do we do first? Mental health or D&A? to get dual dx treatment has been a nightmare for us and I am considering dropping his primary insurance so that we don't have so many problems getting him proper treatment.
Because of his escalating violent behavior (which he does not see) he needs to go. The therapist said that Bam is making poor decisions (drugs, alcohol, stealing, etc) not really in touch with reality, etc (I should tape these things) he strongly recommends the DAS. Fred mentioned to the therapist when we were leaving how Bam had been asking about his BB guns and without blinking an eye he said Bam was going to sell them. Fred never thought of this, wouldn't want to think this but is believing it now. Later on we went to visiting, took McDonald's, and Bam Bam was telling us he does not think he needs the DAS. He'll go back to therapy all he needs is to come home. We told him if he didn't follow the treatment plan he WAS NOT COMING home. He was shocked. Later on the nurse called twice to tell me he was agitated, had punched something and was asking for something to calm him down and again that she had to call the doc. What Bam didn't tell us earlier was that he had told staff and patients that he didn't agree with anything that was recommended and that he was going to scale the fence (i'd like to see this) and run off. What that got him was level 2, not allowed to leave the unit.
Also on Sunday Bam is getting text messages from somebody he owes $20. I texted back "???" and this kid texted back that Bam should bring the $20 to school Monday Hmm, wonder what that's for??? Today the kid texted "YO" so I guess he's going to be waiting awhile before he gets paid back!
Today, Monday. Bam's ACT 53 went without a hitch. His case was continued and we didn't have to appear before the judge. The judge didn't even want to hear the gory details so it was uneventful.
Fred and I filled out a juvenile court allegation form to press charges against Bam Bam for this latest episode. This time it's both of us, not just me and hopefully Bam Bam will get probation. We both really think he needs the added court supervision. He is getting more out of control.
I also talked with the social worker at the hospital and a referral was sent to the DAS program even though as of yesterday Bam said he wouldn't go. DAS is voluntary so he is going to have to agree. i did let her know that if he refuses he is not coming home and cyf will then have to get involved. If he does agree I am also working on alternative transportation from one place to the other. Yesterday we were told that we have to get him there. however, we have had him in the car trying to jump out, throwing things, grabbing the steering wheel so I told the social worker that I don't think we can safely be expected to transport him unless he was unconscious and/or handcuffed in the back seat! I am working on private ambulance which of course our primary insurance doesn't cover but Gateway might. The Social worker also said she will look into alternatives.
So that is where we are today.
Wilma
Diversion and Acute Stabilization Program ~ Information Provided by Wilma
Posted by:Sally--Sunday, September 25, 2011
Diversion & Acute Stabilization Program
The Diversion and Acute Stabilization (DAS) Program is an acute treatment facility that provides an alternative to inpatient hospitalization for children and adolescents; ages 9-17. The program features basic psychiatric assessment and medication monitoring, intensive individual, family and group therapy, case management services during the course of treatment, educational services and organized activities that will prepare residents for integration back into the community or in some situations to stabilize prior to moving on to another level of care.
Emphasis in the DAS Program is placed on a Cognitive Behavioral Therapeutic model. This model allows us to engage residents in a safe environment that provides them with insight to precursors for behavioral and psychiatric issues that manifest acutely. The DAS Program includes all aspects of the Sanctuary Model in providing trauma informed care during a resident’s stay.
The environment affords the client a more homelike and comfortable environment where the adolescent can be evaluated and participate in the therapeutic setting. The program will continue to be licensed under the 3800 Regulations for Children and Youth Providers and is overseen by DPW and OMHSAS.
The twenty-five bed facility is staffed 24/7 with an ideal complement of clinical and front-line staff with access to all the amenities that the campus has to offer, including recreational and
Mission Accomplished! Thank you PSST volunteers!.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, September 23, 2011
It was a great evening. It was what a PSST meeting on the road might look like. Mr. Chip McClellan from CISP was an excellent host. We were offered dinner as well with Cheese Cake and of course I never met Cheese Cake I didn't like.
I provided an introduction. Next all Six volunteers took a turn sharing their story. Then we met the parents from CISP. Then, it was time for PSST role-plays and we were pleasantly surprised to find CISP parents wanted to be in the role-plays! All three role-plays were done with CISP parents playing their teenagers. Our PSST parents demonstrated.
We look forward to seeing some of the parents we met at one of our next meetings.
Type rest of the post here
Read More......
How a Child's Own Reasons For Change Can Lead to the Most Success
Posted by:Sally--Monday, September 19, 2011
INTERVENE
I thought that some of you might be interested in reading this article from the blog “Intervene”: Teens Only Listen to One Person…Themselves: How a Child’s Own Reasons for Change Lead to the Most Success Click Here
Lisa
Bam Bam is Out of Control - by Wilma
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, September 19, 2011
Bam Bam is Out of Control
I just spent 4 days in heaven (the beach) and came back to he!!. Bam Bam was discharged from placement on July 1st and it has been a roller coaster ride.
He has not been following any of the recommendations of his discharge. He doesn't participate in any recovery activities such as going to 12 step meetings. He doesn't think he needs to do this. He stopped going to counseling even though according to the ACT 53 case manager he can't do this. He initially refused to return to his psychiatrist for medication management when she called him out as exhibiting drug seeking behavior when he started trying to dictate what medication to take. I tried to find him a new psychiatrist but it was virtually impossible to find an adolescent psychiatrist that participates with our insurance. His dad stepped up the plate and got him back in with the former psych (while I was away) when Bam realized he wouldn't be able to get any medication for his ADHD and anxiety. I did take him to the doc appt as Fred doesn't know or understand the different meds.
Bam is also hanging out with all of his old friends and a new one that my gut is telling me is trouble. He also still hangs out at Eddie's house a lot. And he is planning to go to Homecoming with a female friend of his who is always stealing her mom's car, staying out all night and generally causing her parents much grief. Two years ago after homecoming I found out later she and her two girlfriends had gotten hold of a couple "handles" and were so drunk that one of the boys thought that one of the girls was going to die. She is the friend I always suspected of bringing vodka in water bottles to Bam's 15th birthday party.
So much for avoiding people, places and things.
Last month at a meeting with our agency svc coordinator Bam stated that he wanted to be independent from us. All three of us looked at him like he'd grown another head! He said he just wanted to be independent so we couldn't make him go to court. I told him he would need a full-time job and to find an apartment. He reminded me he was only 17 but I told him that didn't matter he would not be living with us. After this incident I told him he would have to find his own doctor. I have done two home 12-substance drug tests that have been negative. He had refused to do them at Juvenile Court which was the stipulation at his last hearing but we compromised with the case manager to do them at home. He is supposed to give the sample in front of his dad but he turns his back to him. I think he is up to something but not sure what. I had given him an alcohol test and the color change was only on the sides of the test strip making me suspicious that he didn't saturate the test strip thoroughly but I am sure he was drinking.
He started school last week and has hardly been in school. Day 1 he was there all day. Day 2 he was having trouble with his hand so Fred picked him up from school and took him to the e.r. for an x-ray. Lo and behold he had a hand fracture that had started to heal. As near as we can figure this was from him punching a storm door the day he had asked for independence and then I told him he wasn't selling his clothes for spending money. He was really pi$$t that day. He took a brand new shirt with tags that didn't fit him and ripped it in half. I had told him that day and before that he wasn't selling clothes that he did not purchase for spending money for who knows what. Days 3 & 4 he went to school but then went to the principal’s office wanting to come home after he'd been in school an hour or so. He'd been having anxiety attacks. The principal felt since it was a medical problem Fred needed to bring him home. This was how Fred got him into the psych office. Day 5 Psych appointment and then didn't go to school. He wanted to go back to his old school for senior year and we agreed. Went through the whole process to re-enroll him, the counselors worked it so he could be a senior and would graduate with his class. He texted me last week he wasn't going back to his old ways, he likes school. However, today he told me he wants to go our school's alternative program for school. And I have to mention also that when he isn't getting his way about anything he tells me he isn't going to school, so I tell him he will need a full-time job and apartment. He was supposed to start a job last week but has to wait until the hand is fully healed. Also can't take gym (he has to take 11 and 12 gym) due to the broken hand. He also needs/wants money all the time!
Today I accidentally discovered the back screen door to our basement was open. When I went to check it out I discovered that the inside back door was unlocked. Now, we always keep our doors locked so someone (Bam Bam???) left it open for himself or someone else. Fred checked his beer supply - he had left half a case in the basement fridge not thinking about anything - and it was gone. Bam Bam denies any knowledge of it. This is the second time in a month this has happened. Do these kids think we are so stupid not to notice a whole 1/2 case of beer is missing?? After the first time we didn't keep a key by the basement door so Bam and his friends couldn't go in or out that way. We think he used the key by our front door upstairs to unlock the basement. I was at the beach and Fred doesn’t have a clue how long the door was unlocked and the beer was gone. We also haven't noticed anything else missing. However, Fred has an extensive sports collection so I think it would be difficult to tell if anything is missing. I think he finally is going to be more careful. He hardly ever drinks beer but on these two occasions he was careless. I am for changing the locks but Fred doesn't think a key is floating around out there. We will see. Also while I was gone Bam wanted in my bedroom (I keep the door locked at all times - even though you can pop it with a bobby pin, it is a deterrent especially when we are home.) He told Fred he wanted a necklace and that it would be o.k. with me. Fortunately, Fred didn't fall for that story. I don't know how many times I have to tell him Bam is not allowed in the bedroom - I keep things hidden in there from Bam Bam. I also have some jewelry missing (fortunately only one good pair of earrings) that hasn't surfaced and, after catching Bam in my jewelry box last year, I think he stole some of it but of course I have no proof. Brigitte, if you are reading this, I know I would like it if Bam had an ankle bracelet to keep him out of my room!!!
And lastly, I think he was involved in shoplifting a pair of pants recently. He came home and asked his dad for $37 for pants his friend Cueball picked up for him but there was no receipt or bag. And of course Fred gave him the money. We both are suspicious of this incident but again have no solid proof.
So, we wait. His ACT 53 hearing is September 26th so I can only hope that the judge keeps his case open. Bam worries about going to court and being sent away again so that is the only leverage I have right now. I hope that it is enough.
Wilma
DOING NOTHING IS NOT A SOLUTION - A note from Daisy, a PSST Mom
Posted by:Rocco--Wednesday, September 14, 2011
DOING NOTHING IS NOT A SOLUTION - A note from Daisy, a PSST Mom
I just wanted to share something that was said to me this morning.
There was a 20 year old boy in my neighborhood that was shot in the head in his own living room and killed the night before last. The boy has been involved with drugs for several years.
My brother-in-law called and said, “I just wanted to tell you that (the boy being killed) is the fruit of doing nothing.”
I am not suggesting that his parents did not love him because I know his mother and I know how much she loved him; but she did not have the tools to do what needed to be done.
This just reconfirmed to me that we have no choice but to do everything we possibly can to save our kids as hard as it is and as much as it hurts us.
Once again I just want to say that I am so thankful for all of the support we get from PSST parents and Probation and Wesley Spectrum.
I, for one, know I could not be able to do it without their help and/or without my faith. So thanks again, Val, Lloyd, and Kathie T.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Thanks so much for your note Daisy and all that you have done for us at PSST, in your participation, in sharing your faith and as an example of how a single mom can alter the cycle of addiction.
For anyone reading this that has a teenager abusing drugs/alcohol and not sure of what to do; Please come to our next PSST Meeting. This is a potentially deadly game they are playing and doing nothing is NOT a solution.
"...as hard as it is and as much as it hurts us" it is what we do for our children and our families.
YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED
Posted by:Rocco--Monday, September 12, 2011
AN INVITATION TO ALL VETERAN PSST PARENTS
We were very happy to have Ken, a veteran PSST Parent, return to our Wexford Meeting and would like to extend our thanks to him for taking the time to return and share his story with us.
We would like to extend an invitation to all long time PSST Parents to join us at a future PSST Meeting at their convenience.
As Ken, and our other long time parents, know it usually takes a lot of our time and effort before our children accept their recovery and begin to work their steps earnestly.
We generally acknowledge that we are in this for the long term, never-the-less, at times it is very tiring and it can seem hopeless. It is always helpful to hear from others that our efforts are worth the time and energy we are investing.
A lot of our veteran parents have made it to meetings in the past and we do appreciate the time and effort it takes to spend a Saturday morning with us. We don't have balloons but we do have a lot a of good coffee, good food and good conversations to share.
Thank you all for your support and we hope to have other PSST Parents return to share their stories.
Type rest of the post here
WHEN THE JUVENILE BECOMES AN ADULT ~ by Jim
Posted by:Sally--Saturday, September 10, 2011
I AM 18. I AM AN ADULT. DOES ANYBODY CARE? - Jim
As Cheryl and I (Jim) have walked life’s path with our teenage addict, Andy; we’ve learned (much to our dismay) to navigate through the Juvenile Probation system.
Although, some may think that the “system” is harsh (reference Shuman), we’ve always found that it is very understanding (sometimes too much so) and eager to provide some form of program or assistance in an attempt to put our juveniles back on the right track.
This world of forgiveness and “do-overs” creates a cocoon of false security that it will always be this way for the juveniles, no matter what they do or how much trouble they get into.
Is this wrong?
I think not, because it gives the juvenile a chance to learn from the errors of their invincible, hormone driven ways without a permanent record.
Then comes their eighteenth birthday, a day of reckoning as they “legally” pass into adulthood. They cross this threshold without seeing or feeling the removal of the cocoon, nor our ability (as parents) to effectively intercede on their behalf. It is a cruel and rude awakening.
Suddenly, all of our past warnings of what life in adult jail would be like become their reality. Andy’s endless eye rolling and heavy sighing (are you done preaching yet?) are replaced with his tears and fears.
Tears that are shed during the daily fifteen minute collect calls and having to cover his face to hide his emotional weakness from his fellow inmates. Our once supposed self proclaimed tough street kid is now nothing but a scared little boy. So far out of his element, he is often afraid to leave his cell.
The newly incarcerated “adult” spends awhile in denial that this new “burden” is going to stick and hope that somehow they will once again escape with a slap on the wrist and a pat on the bum.
Denial gives way to anger that we as parents are not rescuing our little angels as we’ve done in the past…in a large part because we cannot and another part that we will not!
Anger turns to self loathing because of their (finally, now apparent to them) stupidity to have broken the law. Finally, deep remorse sets in. They have nothing to do but expend every waking hour contemplating their future, or lack of it. Their new despair anticipating the worst possible fate leads them to periods of great depression.
I’ve never been to the Allegheny County Jail, but recently I’ve talked to enough people that have been inside to believe that it is as nasty and gruesome as it is purported to be. Andy wouldn’t even submit a visitors list to be approved because he didn’t want us to see him there.
He now realizes after experiencing the adult system that nobody in jail cares about him as an individual.
Nobody cared when they stripped searched him.
Nobody cared that he didn’t shower or brush his teeth for five days while he waited in processing.
Nobody cares that he doesn’t have basic hygiene products.
Nobody cares that they only issued one inmate jumpsuit and underwear to him.
Nobody cares that he has to do his laundry while showering and hang it in his cell to dry.
Nobody cares!
I have lived my life believing: “Everything happens for a reason, it is always for the best, it just may not seem like it at the time.”
As we continue to learn the adult justice system (again, much to our dismay), we will continue to try to help Andy to the extent that the system will allow us.
The only positive aspect to this experience may be Andy’s negative memories in jail will override his desire to break the law in the future. Andy tells us that he would rather die than live in the jail.
Lesson learned? Only time will tell.
WE REMEMBER ~ SEPTEMBER 11, 2001
Posted by:Rocco--Friday, September 09, 2011
WE REMEMBER ~ SEPTEMBER 11, 2001
We remember and pray for the innocent victims of September 11, 2001.
We remember and pray for the survivors of September 11, 2001.
We remember and pray for those who lost loved ones on September 11, 2001.
We pray for our fire fighters, police, EMT, rescue workers, nurses, doctors and all public service personnel and for their loved ones that support them.
We pray for our U.S. Military men and women that dedicate their lives to protecting our freedom and for their loved ones that wait for their return.
We pray for our great nation; that tragedies, though terrible, bring us closer together not tear us apart, and continue to show the love and compassion we Americans are all capable of.
We pray for those who are tempted to think that violence accomplishes anything of lasting value in this world, in our country, in our cities, in our towns, in our neighborhoods or in our homes.
We pray for the peacemakers in the world. 
MAY GOD, WHO IS PEACE, BLESS AMERICA
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon,
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console,
not so much to be understood as to understand,
not so much to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.
