Two websites about huffing and sniffing inhalents Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, September 20, 2009

Lloyd,

I found these two websites useful in my search for more information about the dangers of inhalant abuse. I thought you may want to pass them on through the PSST site. I believe parents of children in recovery need to be very aware that this is a problem and be in the know about the dangers.
Thanks,

Anonymous

(Note: the Alliance for Consumer Education in the top right is a link to their video about huffing. )

http://www.inhalant.org/

http://www.inhalants.com/

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New Wexford Meeting Place! Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, September 18, 2009

Trinity Lutheran Church at 2500 Brandt School Road has agreed to sponsor our Second Saturday of each month PSST meeting. This provides us with larger facilities. We want to send out a special thank you to Trinity Lutheran Church for helping us out at this time. Please come out to support us at our new location on Saturday October 17th. This location is 2 miles from our old location at The Alliance Offices. You actually drive to the left past this spot pictured and enter right through the next driveway where it says YMCA. (see driveway to right). We meet in the educational building in the rear, which you can see at the center of this picture above where the cars are parked. If you click on the photo it zooms in so you can see a bit better. This is a really nice place for our meeting- we can make coffee and have plenty of room.

Thanks to the Alliance for providing us with meeting space for several years. We have enjoyed an excellent location.

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Sally finds the right tools to get the job done. Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Cisco was moved into the shorter session at Gateway - this change started today. Betty from Gateway said part of the reason this happened is because of insurance reasons but she explained to Cisco that if his behavior is not good she will make sure he gets back into the long session again.

He is doing well and his drug tests have come out negative but he is still trying to weedle his way into getting his own way on certain things.

He started smoking in the car on the way to Gateway last week with the excuse that "he needs to have a cigarette and at least he isn't smoking at school like the other kid that got suspended for smoking in the bathroom". They do have a calming effect on him so we let him smoke but try to keep it to a minimum. We will work on smoking cigarettes at a later date but now we are choosing our battles.


You suggested that I stop the car if he wants to smoke and let him suffer the consequence if it makes him late. I did that today. He was ready to light up and I told him not to; he insisted so I stopped the car and said, "If you need a cigarette have one but you are going to be late." He had one and he was late. He told me Betty makes the group stay later if they come in late. They did keep them about 10 minutes longer than they were supposed to and I hope it was for that reason.

The other struggle is getting control of the radio/CD player in the car. Before I picked him up from school I cleared his CD's out of the front seat and tossed them into the trunk. Before I even drove away he wanted to know where his CD's were. When I told him they were in the trunk he begged me to get them out and I said no. I said " I am a 50+ year old lady who sometimes needs quiter music." I said we would compromise and listen to a "young radio station".

I have been reading the PSST Never the Less blogs and found the one on YELLING very helpful because at times I have gotten into shouting matches which were completely counter productive. I am proud to say that I stayed completly calm and rational even when Cisco was angry in the car today. He was angry and unhappy and swore some. Since I stayed calm he was willing to share with me that he had talked to his X-girl friend and he told me the things she said that made him angry. I sympathized with him and his anger melted away.

Sally

(image from Creata Card licensed software)

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Thank you for empowering us at this weeks PSST-by Sally Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, September 12, 2009

Dear LLoyd and Val and Kathy and Cathy,

The Parental Survival Skills Training session was so helpful today. It has energized and refreshed me and I am ready to start our third week of having our son (let's call him Cisco) home after his 90 day stay at Ridgeview. Rocco (alias for my husband) and I learned a lot and some lessons which we learned at prior sessions have been reinforced.

Cisco was at an NA meeting this morning and came home happy. He told us that is going to be his home group and asked me to make him cookies for an upcoming occasion. I said 'consider it done, just tell me your favorite type of cookie.' He said, "Make snickerdoodles and mom, There were only women at today's meeting but it went well and that is going to be my home group". I think he can relate to women who are in recovery.... you see Cisco is adopted and sometimes Rocco and I are probably so different from his natural parents.

Even tho' he has been with us almost since birth he knows that his natural mom had a drinking problem. My take on this is that he relates to these women and they help him see that yes, his mother 'gave him away' but he realizes thru these other women that she is a good, loving women who has a disease which is called addiction. It is a cunning, deceitful and powerful disease AND added on top of that is the fact that society places a stigma on the disease of addiction. So it is harder for a person to admit that they have the disease AND family members would rather stay in denial about a member of their family having this disease. It is easier that way since the stigma makes the outside world judgemental instead of sympathetic.

Cisco has not found a sponsor yet and it would not be good to have a sponsor of the opposite sex. Last week there was a man there and he was thinking of asking him.

One time you or someone at Ridgeview mentioned that when someone has an addictive personality and stops using drugs they need to find a substitution. Well, Cisco helped Rocco and I build a shed which ended up being a two weekend project. We promised him that he could get a tattoo and yes, he did help a lot and yes, he now has a tattoo. He SAID several times, that he will get only one more which will be in honor of my Mom, his Gramma who passed away two summers ago.

You may say, why in God's world would you as a parent, sign for a tattoo for your under aged child? Rocco and I reasoned it out from past experience with Cisco and knew that if we did NOT go along with it this strong-willed child would find a way to get one and it may be at a place with unsterilized needles. After all, several years ago, both of us and his gramma could not talk him out of getting his ears pierced and he simply had a friend stick a needle in his earlobe!

The red flags started going up when we were in the tattoo parlor because Cisco said, maybe he will get MORE tattoos. I do not want this to be a substitute for his drug addiction. Rocco and I with everyone else's help who is involved needs to help him find other substitutions. Such as work, relationships, music, art or any other positive venue.

So we will work on that and for now on when he helps with major projects around the house the money has to go for something more substantial. I also have decided to make CD's for our commute to Gateway, Squirrel Hill, where Cisco is in the IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program). He is starting to monopolize the CD player with his music. His taste in music has improved BUT Rocco and I still have a better selection of popular music which he needs to be reintroduced to.

Remember; Rocco and I are good parents to healthy children and now with your help we are learning how to be a good parent to a child who is an addict. Thank you so much for all your help and for listening to my lengthy email. Will you please pass this on to Kathy T. and Cathy C. ?

Sincerely,

Sally

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Yelling Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, September 10, 2009

Yelling is counter-productive. Not only is it not an effective way to discipline your teenager, but it causes resentments. Causing resentments is not the best way to manage a teenager who may be on the verge of being out-of-control. Why does it happen so often?

I believe that it is because the yelling becomes the discipline. In other words, there is no discipline or accountability. We just rip em a new one. That'll teach em. Unfortunately, this does not usually teach them much, other than this: if you're feeling mad go ahead and yell and blame other people. Once our teenagers have learned this lesson we can be sure that we will at some point have them yelling and blaming us. How can we cut down on the yelling?

First: admit that yelling is not effective. Period. It just doesn't work for you- except that maybe you feel better because you blew off some steam. But what did it do to change your teenager's behavior? Admit that it must be all about making you feel better because it is not helping your teenager's behavior.

Second: become aware of when you are yelling. Pay attention to what precedes a yelling outburst. Try to see it coming so that you can strategize how to avoid it. Ask your teenager to point out to you when you are yelling. That's a favor that most teens would be more than happy to perform.

Third: Follow a strategy to change your yelling. For example, hold your teenager accountable for his behavior. Theodore Roosevelt wrote, "I have always been fond of the West African proverb: `Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.'' Do less yelling at teens and do more holding teens accountable. Ground them. Take their cell phones. Take their license. Take their computer time. Suddenly, you will feel less like riping them a new one because you sort of did that already.

Fourth: Move in closer- make good eye contact- and talk slowly and quietly- and really mean what you say. Your teenagers will be surprised. You might be surprised too at how effective and powerful this is. Also, if they are yelling at you they will find that it is difficult to continue to yell once someone moves in on them an inch or so and starts talking slowly.

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