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Quote of the Week
"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
Lloyd originally created this post on March 14, 2012. The topic of how to deal with your teen using your car while s/he is not behaving responsibly (using drugs, for example) is one that resurfaces regularly in our parents' group meetings. This article provides some excellent insights on how to address that problem. Jenn
We have talked at PSST many times about the "Agree with One or Two Things First" technique. This is the technique where you look for things to agree on when you are discussing a contentious topic with your teenager, instead of automatically looking for the reasons why your teen’s reasons, expectations or demands are irrational (or even downright ridiculous). Finding a way to agree with our teenagers can help to defuse a potentially explosive situation, reinforce our boundaries, and model adult behavior, while taking steps to build greater intimacy with our teens.
A PSST mother once offered me the best reason why more parents don’t adopt this technique more readily. "I want to be genuine. This doesn't feel genuine."
That's right. This approach will not feel genuine. In fact, let's face it – it feels phony. I don't have a good response for that one.
Any approach that is new will feel phony. The only thing that is going to feel genuine is the same old approach (and I might add, the same old approach that has NOT been working). Add to that the fact that the "Agree with One or Two Things First" technique purposely leaves some things out of the conversation until later, which of course adds to the feeling of being phony.
Keep these 3 things in mind:
1. Keep to your boundaries. Don't mislead, don't over-agree. Just agree
with a "slice" of what your teenager is saying and don't offer too
much agreement if it would take you outside of your comfort zone.
For example, if he is excited about
getting his license at age 18, and is pressuring you about letting him drive
your car, agree that being 18 is a BIG deal. Agree that driving is really fun. Agree that having a license and not having a
car to drive would be really frustrating. Agree – if you believe it – that he
will eventually become a good driver
If you're not sure about that last one,
then don't offer it. Be careful however not to agree that he needs to have access
to a car as part of growing up, because unless you agree with that, it's not
only phony but it's misleading and deceitful.
2. When you are pressured to give an
answer – give one. That is the perfect time to not pull any punches. If you
stick to your boundaries, what could be more genuine?
Teen: So, you're saying that as soon as I get my license, you’ll
let me drive your car?
Mom:
Well, I'm not comfortable saying that.
Teen:
Well that's what you and Dad have been promising me for months!
Mom:
We have?
Teen:
Yeah, you said that I could get my license, and then I could drive your car.
Mom:
You are right, we did agree with you that once you turned 18, you could get
your driver’s license on your own. We
knew that you wouldn’t even need any help from us to do that.
Teen:
So, that means you'll let me drive your car, right? After all, what good is a license if I can’t
even drive?
Mom:
Yes, I see you're point and it's a good one – if I agreed with you that you
could get your license when you turned 18, then why wouldn't I want to let you
drive my car?
Teen:
Yeah, exactly!
Mom:
I'm sorry. I think I misled you. But I'm really happy that you are bringing
this up so we can talk about it. I think it's important for me to be clear with
you about this.
Teen:
OK? So? What? Tell me already!
Mom:
I have a little problem with this part.
Teen:
What?
Mom:
You're not going to like my answer because it's not the answer that you are
looking for, and we know that it's a big challenge for you to hear an answer
that you don't like. A huge challenge especially because this driving thing is
going to be so important for you.
Teen:
I knew it. You were just lying! You were never planning to let me drive your
car at all. There's no sense in us talking about this anymore.
Mom:
Yeah, this is going to be a tough one for you. Let's talk about it later - good
idea.
Teen:
I already know what you're going to say anyway.
Mom:
Yes, I've noticed that.
Teen:
Noticed what?
Mom:
You're very good at predicting what your dad and I are going to say about
things. You know us really well and even when we don't want to come right out
and say something, maybe because we fear that it will upset you- you still do
an excellent job of "reading" us.
Teen:
See, I knew you wouldn't let me drive your car.
Mom:
You're right. And you probably know
exactly why we feel that way too. I bet
none of our reasons would surprise you.
In summary, try to think of the
"not genuine" issue as being more an issue of timing. You're just
giving him the same information while you continue to agree with a lot of the
stuff that he is saying- but your boundary is that you are Not Comfortable with him driving
your car just because he got his license, and that does not change.
3. Buy some time for yourself.
You don't have to know exactly what to say as soon as your teen pressures you.
Teen:
So, I can drive your car as soon as I get my license, right?
Mom:
Wow! Good question. I'm not sure what to say about that one.
Teen:
What does that mean?
Mom:
Well, you just surprised with that question, that's all.
Teen:
Why? I’ve been telling you for months, that as soon as I turned 18, I was going
to get my driver’s license. So of course
I need a car to drive!
Mom:
I wasn't even thinking of it that way – I mean with you disappearing from our
house for days at a time, being truant from school on a regular basis, and not
testing clean on your drug tests, I just didn't even think that was something
you’d be expecting.
Teen:
Well, that’s ridiculous! Why would I
even get a license if I can’t drive your car?
Mom:
Yeah, well that’s a good question.
Teen (changing tactics):
I think it would be good for me to have a car to drive.
Mom:
How's that?
Teen:
Well, if I have something to look forward to, like driving your car, I could
probably be more responsible and, you know, I could stay off drugs better if
thought you'd take the car off me anytime I tested dirty.
Mom:
Oh, so what you're saying is that if you had a car to drive, that would be the
answer to a lot of the troubles we've been having?
Teen:
Exactly. So can I?
Mom:
Oh I really don't know about all that, but what you say is interesting and I
have to tell you son, I have never looked at it that way before.
Teen:
What do you mean?
Mom:
Well, I've only thought of you driving my car as another problem-area; I've
never ever thought of you having a car as a solution to a problem.
Teen:
You can count on me! I’ll go to school
every day. I’ll stick around on
weekends. And I will definitely stop
using drugs.
Mom:
I’m so glad you understand the behavior that we expect from you.
Teen:
So, I can do it then, right?
Mom:
You want an answer right now on that?
Teen:
Yeah.
Mom:
Just like that?
Teen:
Just like that. I'm tired of having to wait all the time for answers.
Mom:
It's true. It's seems like most of the time all the adults in your life are
saying, "I'll get back to you on that one." That's got to be
frustrating.
Teen:
It is. So, just tell me already, before I get really mad.
Mom:
OK, well [moving in closer and lowering her voice.] As much as I like your
courage for even suggesting that driving my car could be an answer to our
problems, I'd have to say it would be a cold day in hell before I let you drive
my car anytime soon. Ok? That straight up enough for you?
Teen:
Why not? Give me one good reason!
Mom:
Ok. But you are so good at reading us you probably know what I'm going to say.
Teen:
You're going to say I have to prove that I'm responsible first before you trust
me with all that responsibility of driving your car.
Mom:
Wow!
Teen:
Wow what?
Mom:
You just said it better than I could. Nice going. You just surprised me again!
Teen:
I'm not stupid.
Mom:
I completely agree, Son. You are not
stupid. You know exactly what we expect
from you.
Teen (storming off): There’s no use even talking to you!
Note:
All this started because Mom said, "I'm not sure what to say." It's
OK to not know what to say all the time and while we parents feel that way a
lot, we rarely say it to our teenagers. Now, ask yourself, what could be more
genuine? Also, it's a paradoxical thing that as soon as you say, "I'm not
sure what to say about that" a response starts forming in your brain and
soon you have lots to say about that!
Read More......
In March 2016, as part of wider Administration efforts to
expand access to treatment for people with mental health and substance use
disorders, President Obama authorized creation of the Mental Health and Substance
Use Disorder Parity Task Force. The Task Force will focus key Federal agencies
on the work of ensuring that Americans receive the coverage and treatment that
they need. More information on the task
force can be found here.
The Task Force wants to hear from patients, families,
consumer advocates, health care providers, insurers, and other stakeholders on
their experiences and/or difficulties with accessing mental health and
substance use services and coverage. Share your comments, experiences, and
recommendations with the Task Force. Or, submit your comments by
sending an email to parity@hhs.gov. The Task Force will present its findings and
recommendations in a report to the President by October 31, 2016.
Read More......
The National
Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) reports the following:
- People who began using addictive substances before
age 15 are nearly 7 times likelier to develop a substance problem than
those who delay first use until age 21 or older
- Every year that substance use is delayed during the
period of adolescent brain development, the risk of addiction and
substance abuse decreases
Can making a
pact with your child encourage him/her to stay off drugs? Jim Huger, founder of Parents and Children
Together (PACT), believes that it can.
Click here to read about his proactive rewards-based approach to keeping children off
drugs.
This post is
not intended to be a recommendation for subscribing to the service that Jim
Huger created, since at this time I am not personally aware of anyone using it. Instead, it presents a concept that could be
of interest to many parents of pre-teens and teens.
Read More......
Due to scheduling conflicts, there will NOT be a PSST meeting on Saturday, May 21st in Greentree.
Please consider joining us for our next meeting on Saturday, June 4 in Wilkinsburg!
Read More......
The cake says it all . . .
Thanks for your support, wisdom and guidance over the years!
Read More......
Good Luck, Abby!
Posted by:Jenn--Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Come join us at the next PSST meeting, to wish Abby success in whatever her future brings her - she is moving to Colorado!!
Our meeting will be on Saturday, April 16, at the usual location for that date (Sts Simon and Jude Church on Greentree Road).
Read More......
Click here to read an article by Cathy Taughinbaugh about
the common mistakes that parents make when they realize their child is using
drugs. This is not a list meant to “shame”
parents! They are called “common”
mistakes because they are the kind of things that parents instinctively do, often
with the best of intentions, but sometimes unknowingly. So let’s start by identifying those actions/thoughts. By perusing this list, parents (and other
loved ones) may realize that they need to start (or stop) doing certain things,
because those actions may be hurting themselves, as well as their relationship
with their child.
Here are a few examples from the list:
- Feeling
that your child’s drug use is a teen rite of passage that they will grow out
of.
- Continuing
to worry constantly about things you can’t control and making yourself
miserable.
- Feeling
guilty for something you didn’t cause.
- Never
praising or rewarding for what your child does right, because after all, he is
using drugs.
- Not
allowing your child to take responsibility for the consequences of their use.
- Waiting too
long to get outside help, because you think you can handle it.
Read More......
It's Only Pot
Posted by:Jenn--Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Today’s parents may have mixed thoughts about their teenagers' use of marijuana. They may have personal
memories of smoking pot when they were growing up, or they may have had friends
who smoked, yet all of them (well, most of them) grew up to be responsible
adults. So why don’t their children deserve
this same rite of passage, while their parents “look the other way”?
To add to this dilemma that parents face, the legalization
of medical and recreational marijuana in various states raises even more questions
about what behavior is acceptable.
Click here for an article by Dr. Jim Mastrich, who discusses the significantly increased
potency of today’s marijuana, and the implications of that for the teenagers
who are using it. Below is a quote from
the article:
High school kids who are “experimenting” with today’s
marijuana are much less likely to know how to manage the effects of such a
powerful substance and are likely to bite off more than they can chew.
Click here for an article that discusses the impact of the decriminalization of marijuana
on current attitudes about the drug. Many
experts believe that use of marijuana will increase significantly if people believe
that it’s safe for anyone to use. A
quote from the article:
People forget that marijuana can be addictive. It actually
changes the physical chemistry within your brain.
Read More......
Remember when synthetic marijuana, also called K2 or Spice, was all the
rage? And it turned out to be a hallucinogen
that was eventually banned under federal law?
There’s a new kid on the block called kratom, an herbal supplement that may
be brewed and served in drinks, or purchased as a powder in convenience stores
or on the internet. Click here to read an article from the New York Times that describes the emergence of this
new drug. Below is a quote from this article:
“Some users embrace kratom as a natural
painkiller and benign substitute for more dangerous substances that, in most
states, is legal. But its growing popularity and easy availability are raising
concerns among substance abuse experts and government officials who say it is
being furtively marketed as a way out of addiction, even though it is itself
addictive. Worse, some of those experts say, kratom can lead some addicts back
to heroin, which is cheaper and stronger.”
Read More......
AA warns the alcoholic about the stinkin’ thinkin’ that
can lead a person to relapse. But this
type of negative self-talk is not reserved exclusively for alcoholics or drug addicts. Negative thought patterns can lead the
average person to self-pitying, self- destructive behaviors. How can we escape the downward spiral? Click here to read an excellent article about
how to tame your inner critic.
The author of the article suggests an approach to achieving Learned Optimism, "where you dispute and refuse to allow negative self-appraisals to influence your decisions and actions. You, instead, will come to expect positive outcomes."
What a
wonderful message to start us out on the right path for the new year!
Read More......
Feeling
stressed out as the holidays approach?
You haven’t finished buying gifts for your family, the store didn’t have
that perfect sweater in your spouse’s size, you dropped your phone and the
screen broke, the garbage disposal ground to a halt, you already got a credit
card bill that was twice what you were expecting, you just had a big fight with your mother-in-law, and the big project you are working on at work is giving you
major headaches . . . what else could go wrong?
First
of all, just breathe.
Now,
consider the following tips, from the Positivity Blog:
1. Slow
down.
2.
Appreciate the little things instead of focusing on perfection.
3.
Give a bit of joy to someone else.
4.
Focus on what is most valuable.
5.
Just accept how you feel right now.
For
more detail about these tips, please click here.
Read More......
Good News!!
Pittsburgh's Parkway East will now be OPEN during the weekend of Dec 4-6. The closure is now slated for the following weekend (to prepare for the Greenfield Bridge implosion).
It is likely that Penn DOT delayed the closure so that it would not interfere with our PSST annual holiday celebration at the Wilkinsburg location. Thank you, Penn DOT!
Read More......
The PSST 12th Anniversary / Holiday Celebration will be held on Saturday, Dec 5, 2015 at our Wilkinsburg meeting. Invitees include all PSST parents (both current attendees and alumni), in addition to all Wesley Spectrum therapists and Juvenile Probation staff who have been part of the PSST family.
Please put the date on your calendar, and plan to join us! Feel free to bring a food item to share - in the past, attendees have brought holiday goodies, pastries, a hot breakfast/brunch item, fruit, crackers & cheese, chips & dips, etc.
Read More......
Opioid Overdose Myths
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, November 12, 2015
What
should you do when someone overdoses after using opioids (e.g. heroin)?
Sometimes figuring out what NOT to do can be as important as what TO do. Below
are a few of the common myths regarding opioid overdoses. For more myths, along with explanations of
why they are bad ideas, click here.
- Let them sleep it off? Never!
- Put them in the shower or bath?
No!
- Once they are breathing again, don't worry, they’ll be OK? No!
The same
website gives the following recommendations for what you SHOULD do if you think
that someone is overdosing on opioids.
- Call 911
- Give rescue breathing
- Give Narcan/naloxone, if available
- Never leave the person – wait for help
Read More......
Earlier this month, our own Allegheny County parents of the year were honored at the Juvenile Justice Week awards ceremony in Pittsburgh. It was heart-warming to see them accompanied by their son, as well as by several of their supportive family members.
Click on "Read more . . ." (below) to read their well-received speech and to see more photos from the event.
My name is Tracey
and this is Scott and we are here tonight to humbly accept the award for
Allegheny County parents of the year.
When Lloyd
Woodward, my son’s probation officer and head of the parenting group that we go
to - PSST (parent survival skills training) - told us on a conference call that
we had been nominated, we had polar opposite reactions. His was, Oh, no no no
no no and I said “Yes”!.
He said no,
because we are surrounded by a team of incredible people; Lloyd, Kathie, Abby,
Justin and every parent from our PSST group that laughed, cried, supported,
advised and empowered us from our first meeting until tonight.
I said, “yes”! because I am grateful for the
gifts that this group has given to us and what we have become thru this
program.
With their
help, we gained the knowledge, confidence and skills to enable us to learn
enough to help our son to become a man that he - and we - can be proud of.
When your
child chooses the wrong path, you feel many things: hopelessness, failure,
fear, anger and guilt. You look for help and if you are fortunate enough in an
unfortunate situation, you are paired with people that rally around you in a
way that takes some of those feelings away.
You are no
longer alone. If I had been lucky enough to meet these people earlier on, I
don’t feel that our situation would’ve spiraled so far out of control for my
family, because the knowledge that we have gained has changed us so much.
My son first
got into trouble at 15. If I knew then what I know now, he would still be
chained in my basement with just enough slack to do laundry. At that point, it
was just the two of us living together with his dad living close by. We were
newly divorced and couldn’t put our own feelings aside to help our son. We both
blamed each other for our “polar opposite” parenting styles. We were so wrong. Do you know how I now know that? Our son
continued to get into more trouble. It became more than “call an attorney”
trouble. It became “find a direct line to Jesus trouble”.
Wesley
Spectrum, Lloyd Woodward, Michael Santicola, and Judge Tranquili stepped, or
should I say, “jumped in”. That is when we started with meetings with Wesley
Spectrum and what led us to PSST.
Our son was
placed in Shuman (where he learned to value clothes that fit and shoes that
cover all of your feet). From there he went to Abraxas (where he learned that
whichever way you choose to run in any direction, you will get nowhere). And
then to Liberty Station (where he learned that maybe my mom’s cooking isn’t so
bad) to Glen Mills schools (where he learned that it can be beneficial to tuck
your shirt in and keep your pants pulled up). Please know that this is an
attempt at humor of what Jake has learned throughout his multiple placements.
You don’t take a tour from Shuman to Glen Mills without making more mistakes
though and without learning where you do not want to be.
Time will
tell for all of us. Is our son perfect yet? The answer is no. Are we? His
parents? Well, we are getting this award. J I do know that he continues to learn and so do
we, with every meeting, every text, and every email that we share with “Team
Jake”, as Kathie penned us at the very beginning. Team Jake consists of others
of whom I have to mention; my sister Pam, who has loved my son as her own since
he was born and throughout his time in facilities has provided him with
letters, love, support and enough books to fill a library. And my Mother Jean,
who has loved him so fiercely and who would never let me give up on my son.
I guess I
should also thank my son’s father for what he has become throughout these last
few years. He has shown a level of commitment and love to our son that I have
not seen duplicated. It took a lot of work to get us to this point
and I am lucky to have him as the one to have walked this tightrope with me and
as the father of my children.
I could not
have done this without the support of those 3 either.
If I may go
back, 5 minutes after that congratulatory call from Lloyd, I called my sister
Jennifer to tell her and of course I downplayed “parent of the year” because to
me that said that I had done an exemplary job at parenting and that could not
be further from the truth, but Jen, who is a social worker in Cleveland, said
to me, “Hey, it’s easy to parent a good kid.” And that said to me that
sometimes, you just need to do the best that you can with what has been given
to you and created by you, and to recognize when what you have previously done
that hasn’t worked and that has led to your situation needs to be fixed.
Hopefully, this is now the path that we are all on.
In closing,
an old African proverb states, “It takes a village to raise a child”. All of
you are my village and I am forever grateful.
Read More......
We’ve
been hearing from a number of people who cannot make it to Lloyd’s retirement
celebration this coming Saturday, but would like a way to send their personal
well-wishes to Lloyd. If anyone wants to write a note for me to print out
& include with a group card for Lloyd, please email to Jenn at psst.jenn.brad@gmail.com by noon on Friday,
Oct 16th.
Read More......
Lloyd is Retiring!
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, October 12, 2015
Even when you know a change has been coming for some time, somehow
it’s still a mini-shock when the change actually happens.
Lloyd has decided to retire, and this Saturday will be his
last PSST meeting (Greentree). We invite
all PSST parents, current & past, to come to our meeting on Saturday at 9am
to wish Lloyd our congratulations & best wishes in this new & exciting
stage of his life’s journey.
P.S. There will be
cake, of course!
Read More......
At Saturday's PSST meeting, Steve and Tammy (their blog names) were celebrated as the 2015 Parents of the Year. They will receive their award on Thursday, October 8 at the Allegheny County Awards Ceremony. The event starts at 6 p.m, and is held at the Family Court House, located at 550 Fifth Ave., Pittsburgh (the Old Allegheny County Jail).
Although divorced, these parents have formed a team who strive to assume a non-enabling approach to parenting. They have attended Parent Survival Skills training regularly to improve parenting skills. Both have progressed with increased communication skills, consistent limit setting, and relationship building.
Both have participated in role-playing designed to help increase skills. Both parents have helped other parents in PSST to improve their parenting skills. Additionally, they have worked and significantly improved their relationship with their son through therapy provided by Wesley Spectrum.
Five months ago Tammy and Steve were proud that their son, after completing both an intensive placement program and a halfway house program, was receiving clean drug tests, doing well in a part-time job, and getting excellent reports from High School. It appeared that their son had turned the corner. Then, Tammy became aware that their son was still participating in serious criminal activity. Working together they confiscated illegal material, took pictures of the evidence and reported him to the Probation Department.
Their son is now undergoing additional treatment at a new placement facility. Both parents continue to work closely with the Probation Department concerning discharge planning and continued relationship building. Both are anxious to have their son returned home and believe that this time he has really turned the corner; however, both also remain cautious that cutting his treatment short now might interfere with the hoped outcome.
From all the PSST parents and professionals, we congratulate Steve and Tammy on a job well done. Although they still have an arduous road to travel with their son, the skills and commitment they have developed at PSST will help them continue to support their son's efforts while remaining strong and unenabling.
Read More......
Please join us on Saturday, October 3rd at our Eastern Probation Office in Wilkinsburg from 9 - 11 a.m. as we announce this year's Allegheny County Parent of the Year.
We all know that each and every one of the parents who regularly attend PSST are real-life Parents of the Year, but only one family can be officially recognized at the annual awards ceremony. The Parent of the Year is selected for their acts of bravery in addressing their child's drug use and/or criminal behavior, demonstrating non-enabling parenting skills, and for being a role model to other parents.
At the PSST meeting, there will be cake, of course, and a very special guest speaker who will talk about his experience in the justice system and his life in recovery. We hope all PSST parents, old and new, will be able to attend.
The official award will be given at the Family Court House, located at 550 Fifth Ave., Pittsburgh (the Old Allegheny County Jail) on Thursday, October 8. The event starts at 6 p.m. (try to get there at 5:30) and runs about 2 hours. Please come if you can and support our PSST Parent of the Year and to hear their personal story.
Read More......
Our Son is in Jail
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Narcotics Anonymous tells us that continued drug use is a
sure-fire path to institutions, jail, and/or death. Our son Dylan is continuing to follow that dangerous
journey.
After 4 years of spending a high percentage of his time in
juvenile placements, it appeared that Dylan was trying to turn his life
around. He expressed interest in going
to college. He spent 6 months in ¾
housing and accepted his 6-month clean tag with pride. Unfortunately his 2 separate attempts at college
failed, due to drugs (alcohol, marijuana) and poor choices for friends. And now, his most recent actions have landed
him in the county jail for assault and attempted robbery. We expect that he will serve some prison time
for these felony charges.
How are we reacting to Dylan’s actions?
After our initial shock, we were left with strong feelings of
disappointment and sadness that he would make such choices, choices that are so
completely foreign to our family’s values and beliefs. We are so grateful that no one was badly
injured or killed. We still love Dylan,
and will help him when he gets out of prison, but only if he commits himself to
making serious lifestyle changes.
Are we obsessing over what he did?
We refuse to drive ourselves crazy by obsessing over what he
did, why he did it, and how much time he will spend in prison. As one of our PSST parents said at a recent
meeting, we are not distancing ourselves from our son, but instead, we are
separating ourselves from his actions and his drama.
Did we post bail?
Dylan is
angry with us because we are not willing to post bail. The judge said
that he would require Dylan to live at home if he were out on bond, but if
Dylan keeps the same circle of friends, as well as his adventurous spirit and
lifestyle, it would put significant strain on our family. We know that following our rules just isn’t
part of Dylan’s current playbook. We believe that he would skip bail to avoid doing prison time (he ran away from juvenile placements twice), leaving us stuck with a huge bill.
Did we hire a lawyer?
After much
deliberation, and talking with many people in our extended support group, we
decided to hire a lawyer. The charges
against Dylan are serious felonies. A
public defender would probably do just fine, but we feel more comfortable with
a private lawyer of our own choice, who will keep our family’s best interests
in mind. We know that there will be consequences
for Dylan’s actions, but we’d like them to be as fair and reasonable as
possible.
Are we sorry that Dylan is in jail? Do we worry ourselves sick every night about
his safety?
No, instead we are grateful that he is safe, because at this
time in his life he is a danger to himself and to others. We know where he is. He is safer in jail than he was on the
streets. Dylan is fun-loving and
generous and intelligent, but he also thinks that he is street-smart and (of
course) invincible. He has no idea how
naïve and impressionable he really is.
Read More......
As part of the annual Allegheny County Juvenile Probation awards ceremony scheduled for Thursday, October 8th, a new Parent(s) of the Year will be announced. Will it be a PSST parent this year??
The awards ceremony begins at 6pm, and lasts about 2 hours. It is held at the Family Court House, 550 Fifth Ave., Pittsburgh, PA (the Old Allegheny County Jail) on the second floor. In addition to various awards presentations, there will be a keynote speaker for the event. Speeches from the Parent(s) of the Year and the keynote speaker are always well worth the investment of time. Hope you can make it!
Read More......
If an addict relapses, does that make him/her a failure?
Science says NO. In fact, research
shows that relapse rates for chronic diseases such as asthma, high blood
pressure, and diabetes are very comparable to those for drug/alcohol addiction. Just as patients with asthma and diabetes
relapse, by failing to take prescribed medication or engaging in behaviors that
are risky in light of their disease, so do drug addicts.
It is common for addicts to relapse, and it may happen multiple times. Literature about addiction tells us that the
best way for an addict to avoid relapse is to understand what his/her personal
triggers are, then try to avoid or minimize those triggers, while reinforcing
new recovery-focused behaviors. Common triggers
are emotional stresses (such as frustration or anxiety) and being around
people/places/things that remind the addict of using. If an addict has already relapsed, s/he may
need help to accept what happened as a temporary setback, to view it as an opportunity
to examine what triggers caused the relapse, and to put renewed emphasis on
treatment (such as support group meetings or therapy).
Click here for an article published in
everydayhealth.com that gives excellent advice to family members on how to
support the addict who has relapsed. One of my favorite quotes from this article is Hold addicts accountable for their recovery from the relapse, just as it was important to hold them accountable for their addiction in the first place.
Click
here for an article in Psychology Today entitled “Why Relapse isn’t a Sign of
Failure” that discusses how drug-related cues can lead to relapse. The author also explains how being in
recovery creates new habits/triggers for recovery, and how Over time
the addict subconsciously dissociates the cue from the past reward of using and
associates it with the new reward of sobriety.
Read More......
Give your weekend a powerful start! We will be OPEN for our regular PSST meeting in Wilkinsburg on Saturday, Sept 5th from 9-11:30am. There will still be plenty of "weekend" left to enjoy with family & friends . . .
Read More......
Click here for an insightful blog posting about one family’s experience with their son’s
heroin addiction, titled “7 Truths About My Addict That Took 5 Years To Learn”.
Although the family clearly went through
many years of heartbreak, the good news is that their son has been clean and
sober for the past 5 years!
Below is a synopsis of the father’s “seven truths”, but I highly recommend that you read the blog posting to get the full effect of his insights.
Parents Are Enablers
I Cannot Fix This
My Addict Is A Liar
My Addict Is A Criminal
Others Don’t Want Them Around
Life Will Not Be The Same
Homelessness May Be The Path He Chooses
A sample from the author's commentary:
I once wrote a letter to my son about using drugs. I used the analogy of him standing on the railroad tracks and a train (drugs) is blasting down the tracks and blaring its horn but he hears nothing. I told him it was my job to knock him out of the way and take the hit, that’s what fathers do. I understand now, I was wrong. All that would do would leave me dead on the tracks and he would be standing on another set of tracks the next day.
Read More......
Apartment Hunting
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, August 12, 2015
My 19-year-old son Dylan is looking for an apartment, and is
hoping to share with a friend who is 20. Both of them have juvenile
records - neither has any credit history – and both have spotty work histories
at minimum wage jobs. Neither of them has a car, so they need to be near
public transportation. Dylan plans to get a job, but does not have one
yet. His friend just got a full-time job at a fast-food restaurant.
Both of them drink & get high (marijuana), but seem to be functional – they
don’t live with me, thank goodness.
I suspect that many of you have had experience with your own
children leasing apartments, and I’d love any tips from you. I definitely
don’t want to co-sign for a 12-month lease. Do you have suggestions/warnings? (And
wouldn’t you just love to be their landlord?)
Read More......
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