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Quote of the Week
           
  "If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~  Martin Luther King, Jr.   
  
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  Submitted by Kathie T 
(original internet source unknown)
  
There are two types of people in 
the world: those who choose to be happy, and those 
who choose to be unhappy. Contrary to 
popular belief, happiness doesn't come 
from fame, fortune, other people, or material possessions. Rather, it comes from 
within. The richest person in the world could be miserable while a 
homeless person could be right outside, walking around with a spring in every 
step. Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy. They maintain a 
positive outlook on life and remain at peace with themselves. 
The question is: how do they do 
that?
It's quite simple. Happy people have good 
habits that enhance their lives. They do things differently. Ask any happy 
person, and they will tell you that they: 
  
1. Don't 
hold grudges 
Happy people understand that 
it's better to forgive 
and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive 
feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, 
including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has 
wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you'll gain a clear conscience 
and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life. 
  
2. Treat 
everyone with kindness Did you know that it has been 
scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform 
a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and 
lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and 
respect also allows you to build stronger relationships. 
  
3. See problems as challenges 
 The word "problem" is never part of a happy 
person's vocabulary. A 
problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a 
challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a 
dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge. 
 
  
4. 
Express gratitude for what they already have  
There's a popular saying that goes 
something like this: "The happiest people don't have the best of 
everything; they just make the best of everything they have." You will have a deeper 
sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what 
you don't have. 
 
  
5. Dream 
big 
 
People who get into the habit of 
dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don't. If you dare to dream big, 
your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state. 
  
6. Don't 
sweat the small stuff Happy people ask themselves, 
"Will this problem 
matter a year from now?" They understand that 
life's too short to get 
worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will 
definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life. 
 
  
7. Speak 
well of others Being nice feels better than 
being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and 
resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think 
positive, non-judgmental thoughts.  
  
8. Never 
make excuses 
Benjamin Franklin once said, 
"He that is good for 
making excuses is seldom good for anything else." Happy people don't make excuses or blame 
others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes 
and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.  
  
9. Get 
absorbed into the present  Happy people don't dwell on the past or worry 
about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in 
whatever they're doing 
at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.  
  
10. Wake 
up at the same time every morning  Have you noticed that a lot of 
successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every 
morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you 
in a calm and centered state. 
  
11. Avoid social 
comparison Everyone works at his own pace, 
so why compare yourself to others? If you think you're better than someone else, 
you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better 
than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You'll be happier if you focus 
on your own progress and praise others on theirs.  
  
12. 
Choose friends wisely  
Misery loves company. That's why it's important to surround 
yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. 
The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about 
yourself.  
  
13. Never seek approval from 
others
 
Happy people don't care what others think of 
them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. 
They understand that it's impossible to please 
everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone's approval but your 
own. 
  
14. Take 
the time to listen Talk less; listen more. 
Listening keeps your mind open to others' wisdoms and outlooks on the 
world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more 
content you feel.  
  
15. 
Nurture social relationships A lonely person is a miserable 
person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy 
relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or 
significant other. 
  
16. 
Meditate  
Meditating silences your mind 
and helps you find inner peace. You don't have to be a zen master to 
pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime 
they need to calm their nerves. 
  
17. Eat 
well Junk food makes you sluggish, 
and it's difficult to 
be happy when you're 
in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body's ability to produce 
hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to 
eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.  
  
18. 
Exercise Studies have shown that exercise 
raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your 
Self Improvement and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment. 
  
19. Live 
minimally Happy people rarely keep clutter 
around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and 
make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that 
Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because 
they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items. 
  
20. Tell 
the truth Lying stresses you out, corrodes 
your Self Improvement, and makes you unlikeable. The truth will set you free. 
Being honest improves your mental health and builds others' trust in you. Always be 
truthful, and never apologize for it.  
  
21. 
Establish personal control Happy people have the ability to 
choose their own destinies. They don't let others tell them how 
they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one's own life brings positive 
feelings and a great sense of self-worth.  
  
22. 
Accept what cannot be changed  Once you accept the fact that 
life is not fair, you'll be more at peace with 
yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you 
can control and change it for the better.  
  
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Family Fun
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, April 01, 2013
 
 
 
 
 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 
 
 
 
 
Looking
for ways to have more fun with your family?  
 Here
are some ideas...     
   
1) Plan an adventure together- having a
game plan for fun ensures special excursions and activities don't get put off
for 'someday'. 
 
2) Turn your home into a fun zone - making
room for games, creativity and plain old hanging out can make a house a home. 
 
3) Celebrate the little things - look
for excuses to add a dose of happiness to otherwise ordinary weeks. 
4) Narrow the gap between playing and
learning - make time for curiosity and exploration. 
 5) Fill their lives with sweet surprises- kids
thrive on routines, but it's often the unexpected joys that they truly
treasure.  
 6) Find the silver lining- use a
look-on-the-bright-side mind frame to banish disappointment and turn it into
delight.  
 
7) Make work and chores
feel like play - tackle household chores
with a party spirit-- If it's gotta get done, let's make it fun!
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 I don't normally post things but I just wanted to maybe
offer a little encouragement to anyone struggling with not being sure what to
do to help their child.   
Three years ago I attended my first PSST meeting.  I listened to the parents of kids who got
involved in the juvenile court system on their own and also to parents who
pressed charges against their kids in an effort to get them help.  I remember thinking I could never be the one
to press charges against my son--I loved him far too much to do that.    
After several months of the downward spiral my son was
on, I decided pressing charges and getting the help of the courts was my only
hope--I loved him too much to do nothing.   
After three placements and a lot of tears and a lot of
prayers, we are in a good place today. 
Peace has replaced all the chaos in our home and I am enjoying every
minute of it.   
I am sharing this conversation with my son yesterday to
reassure every parent that deep down our kids appreciate the help we are trying
to give them.  
My son:  Mom, you
are really a great parent, I  couldn't
ask for a better mother than you. 
Me:   Thanks.  Why  do
you say that?    
My son:   Because
after everything I had done and how much I hurt you, you still loved me enough
to help me.   
  
Daisy 
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Life After Rehab
Posted by:Jenn--Friday, March 15, 2013
 
 Take Care of Yourself After Your Teen Returns from Rehab ~ by Roxie 
 
The whole
family has been awaiting this wonderful next chapter in Lenny’s 17-year-old
life as he comes home to live with the family permanently. We were so excited,
anxious with anticipation of his long over-due presence in our otherwise boring
household. We are very proud of his clean journey, thus far. Yet, Lenny has a
way of livening things up while returning to his own room / man-cave. 
“You
bull******* the counselor by never using the talking rules at home. You’re a
liar,” he stated, after I vehemently tried to persuade him to attend an NA
meeting close to home. “We can attend one five minutes away in three hours
instead of going to the one 45 minutes away in 15 minutes,” I rationalized. “I
have plans tonight,” he said. “This sucks. I don’t have money for ice skating -
drop me off to put in job applications – I’m hungry – buy me face wash – go get
dressed to take me to the meeting, and hurry up,” he demanded.
I retreated
to my bedroom again, similar to what I did when he was living at home before. I
did not cry, though. What did I expect? Love stiflingly thick in the air, the
smell of cookies in the oven while Lenny offers to clean up the kitchen after
the dough rose. My happy home is Lenny’s handy home – roof, food,
bathroom, clothes, internet-connected X-box, laptop, Facebook, webcam, cable in
three rooms with a big screen TV. Quite handy for someone who left our home
with nothing, and moved back with expensive tennis shoes and high-end placement
clothes purchased at fashionable Plato’s Closet.  
 
It should
have been my special time of growth while Lenny was gone. I mentally matured,
but I feel that now will be a major time in my life for change. I think
I hit bottom while Lenny was away, chugging my own sorrow until I became
chock-full of emotional up-chuck. I am more confident now, taking charge over
issues with Lenny, and coming into my own.  
 
I promise to
support Lenny physically, spiritually, financially, and emotionally. I will be
at every school meeting to encourage his 12th grade graduation. He
will obtain free rides to meetings from me, three to seven days a week.
Cooking, cleaning, and attempting to converse with a quiet voice will be
a forceful, deliberate part of my day. It ain’t easy. In order to take care of
Lenny, Roxie has to take care of herself. Consequently, I need to engage in the
following activities to stay empowered while Lenny is at home:  
 
1.     Attend a Parent Support Group meeting
such as PSST. A treasure trove of knowledge is within each parent that
attends meetings, especially PSST (Parents Survival Skills Training). When
Lenny was in placement, the meetings provided information for me on how to deal
with him being away. Now, my ears are attentive for advice on what to do since
he has returned home. The key is to give and gain support in a group setting
while maintaining your own sanity through talking with others.  
 
2.     Find something you love and just do
it! Whether it is
working out at the gym or taking time to read a great novel, find an activity
that makes you feel good about yourself. It will bring out the best in you, and
keep your mind from wandering to negative, unpleasant thoughts of ‘what if’
scenarios. As soon as those thoughts begin, turn the treadmill up to the 20 mph
steep hill climb, or begin to speed read; depending upon the activity. Let your imagination take you to a
happy place. 
 
3.     Share your thoughts with a close
friend. The last few years could have made you feel like you have
lost your mind. Don’t fret, you did. Find a friend to confirm that your
feelings are normal. If that person loves you, they will never steer you in the
wrong direction. Do not be embarrassed to seek validation. 
 
4.     Determine it is OK to make mistakes. No one is perfect, including my
dysfunctional family as we attempt to change. Make those heart-felt
raising-your-child blunders, admit them privately or within the family, and
move on. Do not wallow in parental guilt. 
 
The above
list sounds so selfish, like a “me, me, me” statement; making myself an idol.
As parents of addicts, we need to become selfish in order to help our children.
If we fall apart, who is going to be there when and if they crumble? We are
saving their lives by taking care of ourselves. 
 
The way I
perceive Lenny conditions my behavior towards him; with the decisions
eventually affecting Lenny. I resolve to build our family’s hopes,
accomplishments, and dreams for his future. I purposely consider him in
recovery, in his right mind, with him choosing the correct path for a worthwhile,
meaningful life. 
 
I have a
strategy to strengthen Lenny outwardly and within. He will accompany me to the
gym so we can both become empowered, purposely fortified, and confident in our
life’s journey together. I will take him to an NA meeting afterward. He may
even be the speaker, based on the assertiveness and courage garnered at the gym
with his mom, Roxie. 
 
            “The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain
too cheap, we esteem
too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the
man that can
smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow.”       ~   Thomas Paine 
  
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Sharing The Load
Posted by:Brigitte--Monday, March 11, 2013
 
Submitted by June Cleaver
  
A young man went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the initial interview, and now would meet the director for the final interview. The director discovered from his CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent. He asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" The youth answered "No". "Who paid for your school fees?"  "My father passed away when I was one year old; my mother paid for my school fees." he replied.  "Where did your mother work?"  "My mother worked as clothes cleaner."
The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect. "Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?" "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Besides, my mother can wash clothes faster than me." The director said, "I have a request. When you go home today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning."
 The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back home, he asked his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to her son. The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother winced when he touched it. This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes every day to enable him to pay the school fees. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his education, his school activities and his future. After cleaning his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother. That night, mother and son talked for a very long time. 
Next morning, the youth went to the director's office. The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, when he asked: "Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?" The youth answered," I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes. I know now what appreciation is. Without my mother, I would not be who I am today. By helping my mother, only now do I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done on your own. And I have come to appreciate the importance and value of helping one's family." 
 
The director said, "This is what I am looking for in a manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired." 
 
This young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and worked as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.  
 
A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop an "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, they may be successful for a while, but eventually they would not feel a sense of achievement. They will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying our children instead? 
 
You can let your child live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch on a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your child learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done. 
 
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It's official - Justin is now a probation officer!  Here are a couple photos from the special day: 
 
 
Swearing-in ceremony  
on March 1, 2013 
Justin, Kelly, and adorable Rania 
celebrate the special occasion 
 
 
  
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PUC (just for fun)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, February 17, 2013
 
 This is an excerpt from Prairie Home Companion that aired 2-16-13.  Click read more to listen.  Turn your volume up. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Click here to listen to audio.  
 
Prairie Home Companion Link 
 
Click To hear segment five (that includes the PUC story) from the original page (better audio) with opportunity to donate to Prairie Home Companion.  (set counter to 101:50) 
 
 
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The following article addresses the effects of oppositional behavior on families and contains many useful PSSTisms often used in our role plays.  
I think Number 4 was written for me; I tend to lecture until my kids are nearly comatose. 
  
 
  
by Kim Abraham LMSW and Marney  Studaker-Cordner LMSW 
  
  
How many times has this gone  through your head? Your “difficult” child—the  defiant one who’s constantly  acting out and upsetting everyone—has just done it  again. Maybe he’s called his little sister a foul name, smashed your favorite  framed family photo, or screamed in your face. In a moment of defeat, you think, “What if there’s no hope? What if  he’s just a ‘bad seed’—the bad apple of the  family?”
 
While many parents have “gone there” at one  point or another,  understand that  this really is a false statement, because all  children  are inherently born  good. They come out innocent, but simply have   different personalities. At  times, it can appear that  everything your child is doing is negative: his  attitude, the way he treats you  and others, and the way he handles his  problems. That’s when those negative  thoughts get stuck in our heads. As  parents, these thoughts can get us into  trouble because we can unconsciously  begin to reinforce, through our own  behavior, the idea that our child is a bad  person. But that’s not the case.  Remember, it’s not your child who “turns bad,” it’s his behavior that is  inappropriate.  
  
If your child was born with a moody  or impulsive temperament, and a tendency  to take risks, he has characteristics  that lead him down paths that are more  difficult than other kids might take. Know  that when you have a child who’s  impulsive, who is a risk-taker, who gets bored  and frustrated very easily, he  has a lot of work ahead of him. He will simply need  more practice and help in  learning how to problem solve and cope when things  don’t go his way or when  he’s bored. 
  
What motivates kids to  misbehave, act out and be defiant? 
Power and control 
Revenge: “You hurt me; I’m going to hurt you.” 
Attention 
They’ve given up: “I just want to give up and be lazy. I don’t want to do homework. I don’t want to do chores.” 
They want you to give up: “Please stop caring if I’m going to be successful. I’m going to wear you down so you’ll stop giving me consequences and holding me accountable.” 
 
We understand how hard it can  be to parent all your kids when one of them  seems to influence the others to  misbehave, tries to grab the power from you  and take control all the time, or  simply makes everyone in the family miserable  with their behavior. It does not  have to be that way.  
 
6 WAYS TO LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD 
1. Don’t make an example of your child. Don’t ever  make an  example of a child by saying things like, “Don’t ever act like your  sister!” Along the same vein, don’t ask your defiant kid, “Why can’t you be  more like  your brother?” Avoid those comparisons and any of these types of  comments  altogether. Comparisons only breed discontent. After all, your child  can’t turn  himself inside out and be his sibling; it’s not fair to ask it of  him and will  only make him feel frustrated and hopeless. Instead, build on each  child’s good  qualities individually. 
  
2. “It’s not fair!” Prevent trouble by maintaining the  mindset that  rules are established for everyone, and no one is exempt. With  defiant kids,  it’s often hard to set limits and give consequences, because they  react so  strongly and try to wear you down by negotiating, screaming, or  refusing to  comply. As a result, some parents will give up and  stop trying,  which will cause the other kids to say, “That’s not fair! Why  doesn’t Michael  get his phone taken away when he stays out past curfew?” Just  remember, the  limits should be the same for everyone. You may find that you’re  spending more  time responding to and enforcing limits with that acting out or  ODD kid,  especially at first.  But rules are for  everyone and no one is  exempt. Make it real simple on yourself. 
 
The reason for doing this is  simple: If you give your defiant child  exemptions to the rules and  consequences, you will perpetuate the myth that  they are entitled and that they  are unique and above the law—and that’s exactly  what criminals believe. Don’t stop setting those limits and holding them   accountable. It’s very, very important to let your child know that rules and   boundaries pertain to everyone.  
 
3. Parroting bad behavior. Another  reason to stay the  course with your acting-out child? If your other kids see she’s  getting away  with breaking all the rules, sometimes they will start copying.  Here’s the  bottom line: There should never be motivation for a sibling to copy  another  sibling’s bad behavior. Period. If there is motivation, then you really  need to take a good look at that and  figure out why. 
 
Here’s an example: Let’s say  there’s a thief in your town that robs a bank,  gets caught and goes to jail. Others  hear about it and say, “I’m not going to  try that.” They know if they get  caught, they’re going to go to jail. Now let’s  say the bank robber got away  with it. The police caught him, but they let him  off and said, “We don’t know  where you hid the money so we give up.” Some  people might be tempted to go rob  the same bank if it was that easy, right?  There’s no consequence and he got  away with all that money. The same goes for  your kids. So there should be no  motivation for any sibling to want to copy bad  behavior. 
 
If you’re doing your job as a  parent and your child is given a consequence,  your other kids look at that and say,  “Every time my brother misbehaves he  loses all his privileges to the  electronics in the house. I don’t want that to  happen to me.” 
 
4. Keep it short. When giving your child a consequence,  be  swift, consistent, and use as few words as possible. One of the things that  we  try to tell parents is “Do less talk and do more action.” We use the police  as  an example: If you get pulled over for speeding, how many words does he say  to  you? Usually three: “License and registration.” 
 
What would you do if he stood  there and gave you a half hour lecture? Would  you respect him? Would you even  really listen? Would you care what he was  saying? Chances are you wouldn’t want  to hear what he had to say, you would not respect him, and you’d want to get away from him. The only thing  that means  anything to you is the fact that you were delivered an action—the  consequence  of the ticket. That is how your child feels about you. Just deliver  the  consequence the way a police officer would a ticket. 
 
Will your child say, “Okay, you  caught me—you’re right. Sorry.” Probably  not! We also remind parents about what  we as adults do when a policeman stops  us. We make excuses, we lie, we pretend like  we didn’t know we were speeding,  we cry, we negotiate. We do all this  ourselves, yet we get mad at our kids when they do it with us—but remember, it’s human nature. Just be  businesslike and  objective, and deliver that ticket. This gives you that  detachment and  objectivity that you really need, because otherwise you can get  sucked into the  arguments or the excuses. 
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Written by Ralph
 
It has been a while since I have written an article for the PSST blog.  As things settle down, it is easier for the parents of our teens to cope, and for me I haven't needed to express my feelings in a story.  However, I wanted to write about an issue for some of the parents that are over the hump, but still living with on-going survival. Jessica Rabbit's recent story about Herman coming home for a couple hours of advice reminded me of this and Ed's relapse last summer. 
 
Understand that Ed and Alice and I are in a much better place now than before.  Ed seems to be reliving some of the mid-teen years that he missed.  He works on his recovery, but in his own way and with people his own age.  (We can't want it more than he does!)  Of course, he does this within the bounds of our contract, which is very specialized and tough on specific areas.  Life is going smoothly at the Kramden home thanks to recovery and PSST. 
 
Ed doesn't want to be a drug user or use alcohol, but his experience tells his mind that he does and he still fights that all the time.  You wouldn't know that to see him, nor does he talk about it, but it's still there. 
  
  
But that's why relapse is still a dark knight, flying over our children, wanting them to go back to the old ways.  The Bible/Torah book of Proverbs (Proverbs 26:11) graphically warns that foolish people will return to their folly.  It is no different for our teens who are battling former substance abuse. 
Late last spring, Ed was doing great at following our rules and being accountable.  He was also asking for more freedom, and we assumed, more responsibility.  Alice and I agreed to give him a lot more rope.  He had earned it, we believed.  A family friend also found Ed a summer job making good wages.  It required much more independence on Ed's part.  Needless to say, you have probably heard the story at a PSST meeting of how his summer ended -- it didn't end well, and it was only July.  Ed ended up skipping work, hanging out with old and bad friends while telling us he was at work, drinking alcohol, and finally "running away" again.  I call it running away, but it was really being a county away from where he said he was, after being fired from the job for not showing up.  It was a great opportunity to let the dark knight in. 
As is bound to happen, Alice and I found out about this when one of his old friends left his car on the road dead and the police called to have it removed.  Ed was once again hiding in Weedville, and it only took me about 20 minutes to find where he was hiding.  For two or three more days, he hid and then ran from us when we approached him to discuss coming home.  Alice and I were much more angry than frightened.  We had experience with Ed running before. 
On Sunday morning, when Ed knew we would be in church, he came back.  To his credit, he didn't break in when he found all the doors locked.  Our neighbor, who had been clued in that Ed was on the lamb again, called at the end of church services and we rushed home to have a talk with him.  He admitted that he had relapsed on alcohol, but had not done any drugs.  He saw this as a good thing, and Alice and I were PSST enough to not argue about it.  His relapse was real, but his recovery had kept him from the worst possible outcomes and brought him home very humble.  It also helped a lot that Alice and I had run through the scenarios of his return for the last two days and knew our bottom lines and consequences.  We discussed our thoughts with Ed calmly, outside on the back porch. My body language told him that we weren't going in to the house and neither was he, in a kind and gently fashion, until the actions and feelings were talked out or at least put on the table for future discussion.  After an hour or so, with Alice getting us lemonades and sandwiches at one point, Ed was put on parental house arrest, but welcomed home. 
House arrest isn't fun for anyone, though, and it drove Alice up the wall -- when the teen can't leave the house without a parent or relative, then the parents don't have much freedom either.  We had to adjust schedules and Alice and Ed were both going stir crazy.  But, we didn't give in, and didn't want to get caught giving a consequence that we couldn't live with.  Alice and I were putting on our strong fronts, no matter how crazy we felt.  Ed knew that he had to earn trust again, so even though he didn't like it, he was accepting of it all.  Eventually, Ed earned enough trust back to leave the house on his own again and then made it to his adult contract at 18. 
 
Now to the moral of this story:  Relapse often does happen and can happen even when a teen is being good and has lots of clean time.  Ed had over two years of clean time when he relapsed.  He still likes to count his clean time from his drug use dates, but I'll give him this:  Ed now has a clean date and a sober date -- the sober date is just much newer.  Your son or daughter will probably relapse, too, so be calm and be prepared, and most of all, be really, really PSST! 
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