Type your summary here Type rest of the post here
Read More......
Meeting cancelled. Sorry for last minute notice. Roads are still treacherous and advisory is to stay home this morning
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, January 03, 2015
Meeting cancelled. Very sorry for late notice. Roads are treacherous
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, January 03, 2015
winter advisory icy roads Type rest of the post here
Read More......
Recovery Slogans for the New Year
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, January 01, 2015
Recovery slogans are deeply rooted in the real life
experiences of millions of recovering people.
Although often overused and sometimes not fully appreciated, they do not
lose their truth. The following recovery
slogans have been found useful in the personal recoveries of many people.
A good way to start off the new
year, by thinking uplifting thoughts!
- First Things First
- Live and Let Live
- Let go and let God
- Time takes time
- One day at a time
- Cultivate an attitude of gratitude
- Misery is optional
- God never made no junk
- Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less
- Live life on life’s terms.
- You can’t think your way into a new way of living . . . you have to live your way into a new way of thinking.
- The key to freedom is in the Steps
- If you don't want to slip, stay away from slippery places
- If you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got.
- If you sit in the barber's chair long enough, you'll eventually get a haircut.
- Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.
- HALT = don’t get to Hungry, Angry Lonely, Tired
- Your worth should never depend on another person’s opinion
Read More......
Well-Deserved Recognition!
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, December 22, 2014
The PA Juvenile
Court Judges’ Commission recognized the Allegheny County Drug & Alcohol Unit with an award
for the county's court-operated program of the year! We applaud the group for their services to
the community, and personally appreciate all they have done for our families.
Our own Val & Lloyd are in the center of this photo.
Congratulations to all!
Read More......
Congratulations to all!
A bakers-dozen to keep in mind before taking your teenager on a home pass
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Tuesday, December 09, 2014
 |
| How to Search a Teen's Room |
A bakers-dozen to keep in mind before taking your teenager on a home pass from an inpatient drug treatment program.
1. Friends: Home passes are not to spend with friends. They are for family. Make that clear before you start the home pass. If your teenager has a problem with that then don't take him on the home pass. Some institutions make this clear to parents and some do not. This is a chance to flex some parent-muscle and demonstrate that things are going to be different from now on. If your teenager won’t commit to making this a family-only pass then postpone it until he is ready to make that commitment. This is a powerful way to send him the message that he is not in charge anymore.
2. Home passes are triggers for teens. Supervise your teenager every minute or as close to that as you can: Consider that some teenagers are going to get high on home passes and some will even smuggle drugs back into the placement. One girl that I used to work with went was on a home pass from Abraxas. She went out to get the mail. Unknown to her parents, she had already arranged with a friend to have some Heroin dropped off in the mail box. She went back to Abraxas high, smuggled heroin into Abraxas and got busted. The Mom was shocked. "I was with her every minute." Going out to the mail box has happened on other cases as well. Ask yourself this, “My teenager never used to want to go out to get the mail- wonder why he wants to do it this time?” Don't underestimate your teen. A home pass is a big relapse trigger.
Some institutions drug test after home passes and some only do it if it is requested by the PO or by the parent. Request one.
3. Check your teenager’s bedroom and other areas of the home with a fine tooth comb before you bring him back home: Often this is when parents find drugs and money. Not only drugs but money should be confiscated because it was probably drug dealing money. Sometimes they hide things in the basement too. If you can arrange with your local police to do bring a drug dog into your house that is a huge help. You might be surprised even if the dog doesn’t find anything he might “pause” at certain regular hiding places. Now you know where your teenager used to hide drugs.
Especially, if your pass is rather short and your teenager insists that you bring him back home even if for only a brief time, perhaps because he is home sick, be suspicious. Be very suspicious.
4. Take him to a 12-step meeting: Choose a meeting labeled "Open." This means that non-addicts (probably that describes you) are also allowed in the meeting. Go into the meeting with him but if he chooses a discussion group then let him enter that himself. Be there when he comes out of the discussion group. Ask him what he liked about the meeting. Try to get him to chat about his experience. See what your teens reaction is towards the meeting in general because this is a good way to get a read on how serious your teen is about his recovery.
5. Don't allow your teen to be in charge of the home pass and this starts with written expectations: Show your teenager that you are not afraid to assume some leadership. You don't have to go the mall and walk around aimlessly. That is where he will run into peers. Anytime you suspect that your teenager wants to go to a certain place because he will run into peers, don't agree to go.
In fact you don't have to listen to loud music in the car unless you really like that kind of thing. Who is really in charge? If your teenager insists that you do what he wants because he has been cooped up in a rehab and it's only fair tell him he doesn't have to come on the home pass. Once again, it's time to show who is in charge. If you allow your teenager to be the one in charge on the home pass he has every reason to think that once he is released back home he will be in charge then too.
Write down all the rules of the home pass and review them with your teenager and his counselor before you begin the home pass. If your teenager balks at your rules then postpone the home pass. The very act of postponing the pass will send a strong message to your teenager that he is not in charge of you anymore.
6. Decide whether or not you are going to let your teenager smoke cigarettes on the home pass and stick to your decision. This is a values thing. For example, your teenager is not allowed to smoke cigarettes in the institution where he is placed (unless he is in an adult rehab or over 18 and placed in a halfway house); therefore, don't allow him to smoke when he is off grounds because he is still a resident of that institution and he should continue to follow the rules. This is often a big point of contention. It is another place that parents can flex some parent-muscle.
Exceptions to this smoking rule might be if one of his family smoke and plan to smoke in front of him. That might be cruel. Also, if he is 18 or over, the placement might not care if he smokes on his home pass. Check with his counselor and see how the institution views this before you decide.
If it has been bothering you that your teenager smokes cigarettes, especially if he is not old enough to purchase them himself, then this is not the time to go soft and buy him a pack. Send him a message that says, "I don't approve and I will not enable you to smoke. Don't smoke on the home pass and if that is going to be a too difficult rule for you to follow, then don't take the home pass- just stay here in the placement where you can follow the rules."
7. Don't try to make every moment a teachable moment: Your teen gets plenty of that in the placement. Give him a break. Relax. Try to have a little fun. It's OK if you do something that he likes to do, like a movie or eating out at his favorite place. This might sound like a contradiction to #5, the "don't let your teen be in charge" but it's not. You are in charge and you should certainly plan to do some things that your teenager likes to do but, once again, if it looks like he is trying to use that to hook up with old friends or if they think they can torture you with some sort of music in the car that you hate- that's a different story!
8. Consider the music your teenager is listening to on the home pass- does it have a negative message? Then don't permit it. Confiscate it. At an outpatient drug treatment program teenagers formed small groups and were asked to come up with relapse triggers. While they all came up with somewhat different lists, one item that was on every list was music. Music generates powerful memories and emotions, which can lead to relapse. If the message of the music is pro-drug abuse then it is the last thing to which your teenager in recovery needs to be exposed. It’s also another chance for a parent to send a powerful message about who is in charge and by so doing flex some parent-muscle.
9. Don't be afraid to make your teenager angry. This is the time to take the bull by the horns. If your teen can't handle a bit of supervision, and he flips out, then you carry that information back to the counselor. Now you've generated some therapeutic grist for the therapy mill. In other words, now the therapist has something important to discuss with your teenager. Likewise, if your teen decides not to go on the home pass, then the therapist can raise his eyebrows and pay attention to the fact that your teen doesn't even want to go off grounds unless he can call the shots. Oops, that doesn't sound like someone who is ready for release, does it?
Some teenagers assume that they can treat their parents disrespectfully on a home pass. Stop that behavior if you can and report that information back to his counselor following the home pass. For example, sometimes it happens in the car right after the parent picks up the teenager. It might involve yelling, screaming, name-calling, or using an inappropriate tone of voice. Stop the vehicle. Don’t start again until there is an understanding that you are NOT comfortable driving the car with that kind of behavior going on. Consider returning your teenager back the institution early if you cannot trust that they will conduct themselves appropriately.
10. Don't keep secrets. If your teenager asks you not to tell his therapist that he has done something, e.g., smoked, saw a friend, has a fight with you, ran off without supervision, failed to attend a 12-step meeting, or just about anything else that he thought it important enough to ask you not to report on- DON'T do it. Secrets keep us sick and, once again, if you keep secrets on home passes, he has every right to expect you to keep secrets once he is released back home. This is where he will try to guilt you. "Awe you're going to ruin everything! Just when I worked so hard! You don't want me to come home at all, do you?” Teenagers put a guilt trip on parents in order to get their own way. Maybe that worked before he went away to placement. Now it’s time to show him that doesn't work anymore.
Sometimes it seems like keeping a secret will help you and your teenager to become closer. Perhaps. However, it is comes with a price to high to pay, e.g., you won’t be the one in charge anymore. Instead you’ll be a co-conspirator. Ask yourself if your teen needs a co-conspirator or a parent willing to be the unpopular adult in charge? Harry Truman is quoted as saying, “The buck stops here!” The secrets should stop here too because they only hurt your teenager and your relationship with him in the long run.
11. Teenagers sometimes engage in sex. Make sure it isn't happening on your watch. I once had a girl return to placement after a home pass and she told the staff that thought she was pregnant. She wasn't (phew) but it brought the whole matter up of what she was doing on her home pass. Her mother said that she knew her boyfriend didn't use drugs and she thought it would be nice to give the couple some alone time. Not! Her pass was deemed unsuccessful and her mother, who had assured everyone that she supervised her daughter 100 percent of the time, was embarrassed.
12. Put your big ears on. While you don't want to allow your teenager to be "in charge" of the home pass, neither do you want to be in charge of what he is saying or what he is feeling. Try listening closely and rephrasing what it is that you are hearing so that your teenager can hear what he is saying. This is a chance for you to get a good look into what your teenager is thinking and that kind of intel is invaluable for the entire team that is working with your teenager. If you come off the home pass with new information then that home pass was probably worthwhile.
Be in charge of the comings, goings, tasks, and activities performed on the home pass. Don’t try to be in charge of everything your teenager says or thinks. That will backfire.
A good phrase to remember is this: "Tell me about that." Follow that up by actually listening. Caution: The more you listen the more you may wish to debate. Don't debate with your teenager. Let your teen know before you start the home pass that you are not interested in debating. Listening is not debating. Following the rules is not debating. You can stick to the rules, listen to your teenager and then follow that up with "I'm glad you told me your side of that. Yes, you make a good argument but you know you have always been able to make a good argument. This home pass is chance to show us that you can follow the rules, so we are going to stick to the contract that we have prepared and that we all have agreed."
13. Give some positive feedback to your teenager if you find that he is acting more grownup. Sometimes the behavior on a home pass is so nice that you wonder who this teenager is and what have they done with your real teenager! That’s great. Mention it. Tell your teenager that you see big changes in him. Label his behavior “adult.” Tell them that you respect all the hard work that he has done in placement and really like the changes he has made.
Summary: Teenagers use guilt, intimidation and lying to vie for power. If you want be the one in charge of your teenager don’t wait until he or she is released from the institution. Start being in charge on off grounds passes and home passes. Let your teen find out that you are not as easily manipulated anymore. Let him know that the buck stops here.
Other home pass posts:
Home for the Holidays by Rocco and Sally
Scoring the Home Pass by Lloyd
Rocco's comment below suggested Where's Wendell's/ Wendy's stuff post.
or just put "home pass" in our search window in the upper right hand corner of this blog. Read More......
Don't beat yourself up
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Tuesday, December 09, 2014
This came up at group last Saturday. I just want to post this link. In general, this approach works well with complainers because, when we complain about everyone else, underneath this we are upset with ourselves.
The Dangers of Sizzurp
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, December 03, 2014
Doctors are warning
of a cough syrup concoction called "sizzurp" that young people are abusing to get high. The addictive
mix is made using soda, candy (often Jolly Ranchers), and prescription cough syrup. Also known as
“purple drank,” “syrup” and “lean,” the mix has been glorified in songs and internet
videos.
“This is a very dangerous drug,” says Dr. Robert Glatter
of Lenox Hill Hospital in New York. “It can lead to seizures and essentially
lead you to stop breathing.”
Thanks for sharing this information, Wilma! (Wilma said that her son's friends post about sizzurp.)
Thanks for sharing this information, Wilma! (Wilma said that her son's friends post about sizzurp.)
Read More......
Finding Hope ~ written by Jim
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Despite life’s everyday trials and tribulations, Cheryl and I (Jim)
have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving and Christmas season. Our
entire family is enjoying good health. Our granddaughter (who became the glue
in repairing several family “tears” that addiction had ripped open) is now a
beautiful toddler. Our third son, a Marine, is safe on U.S. soil for this
holiday season.
In particular, we are so blessed our son,
Andy surpassed his thirty-ninth month of sobriety. We are living a reality that
at one point we would not have allowed ourselves to even dream it would come to
pass. When your addict emerges from the darkness of addiction, everyday is a
blessing.
For anyone reading this that has an addict
still struggling, remember to just work to keep him/her alive for another day. Even
in the face of overwhelming despair, there is always hope…always!
I saw recently saw this poem online and
thought it was appropriate for the journey of an addict and hope.
Recovery Poem
There's a time I
remember, A time I had Fun
No stress and no
worries, When I was Young
Many moments of
joy, Hanging out by the Sea
Many moments of
Freedom, Many places to Be
As I grew Older,
Some friends that I Met
We all started
Using, For that I Regret
As Time went by
Quickly, I used & Drank More
I soon Realized,
It's the Booze I Adore
Problems with
Family
And friends all
the Time
My pain and my
suffering
These faults are
all Mine
The fun I once
Had
Seems so distant
and Far
My reality of
Life
Was a lost
distant Star
My pride and my
Ego, So shameful to Be
This life I
Created, Just wasn't Me
Relapse and
Rehabs, Were right in my Sight
My future I
Created, Did not look that Bright
My soul wanted
Out, Like a cough from my Breath
Jails,
Institutions, And then there is Death
I woke up one
Day, To get the help that I Need
To start from the
Beginning, Just like a Seed
To Grow more in
Spirit, Have faith and I'll See
The true unseen
Beauty, That lies inside Me
There's a time I
Remember, A time I had Fun
I want that all
Back, It has to be Done
With hard work
and much Effort, The future I See
My
reward for not Using, HAS NOW SET ME FREE ! ! !
Read More......
Holiday Celebration - Dec 6, 2014
Posted by:Jenn--Sunday, November 23, 2014
The PSST 11th
Anniversary / Holiday Celebration will be held on Dec 6,
2014 at our Wilkinsburg meeting. Invitees include all PSST parents
(both current attendees and alumni), in addition to all Wesley
Spectrum therapists and Juvenile Probation staff who have been part of the PSST
family.
Please put the date on your
calendar, and plan to join us! Feel free to bring a food item
to share - in the past, attendees have brought holiday goodies,
pastries, a hot breakfast/brunch item, fruit, crackers & cheese,
chips & dips, chili, etc.
I Feel Alive
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, November 19, 2014
I Feel Alive
I feel
alive when I want to die.
The drug
enters my veins,
I can
fly.
Heroin
turns life around in the blink
of an
eye.
Steals
your confidence, worth, dreams,
your future.
It’s like
torture.
Everything
I said I’d never do.
Break all
my morals, so do you.
Whenever
you feel like it’s under control,
the voice
says “I’m not done.”
And you’re
screwed.
First
thing on your mind
when you
wake. It’ll have your skin
crawling until
the next hit.
It’ll
turn you insane,
fill you
with pain.
They say
it’s progressive, sometimes fatal.
I don’t
know if I’m strong enough for the battle.
Torrian R.
Read More......
Role-Play Saturday - Sat, Nov 22
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Role-Play Saturday . . . coming Saturday, Nov 22nd!
November has 5 Saturdays, so that means 2 Saturdays in a row without PSST, & that's a long time to go without great PSST support. In addition, there are meetings where we just don't have as much time as we'd like to spend on role-plays, practicing our PSST skills. Here's our chance!
There will be a special PSST meeting, focused on role-plays, scheduled for Saturday, Nov 22nd at the Wilkinsburg Probation Office. The meeting will be held at the normal time, 9am-11:30am. This is the regular meeting site where we hold our first PSST meeting each month; the address is 907 West St., Wilkinsburg, PA 15221.
Hope to see you there!!
Won't you give me three steps, gimme three steps mister...
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, November 08, 2014
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This article was originally written and posted on the blog on Nov 10, 2009, and is just as relevant today. As we discussed in today's PSST meeting, finding a way to agree with our teenagers can help to defuse a potentially explosive situation, reinforce our boundaries, and model adult behavior, while taking steps to build greater intimacy with our teens.
Won't you give me three steps, gimme three steps mister......gimme three steps towards the door! The method that we often cover at PSST is three simple steps. Keeping things simple is one of the primary goals of skills training at PSST. Some say that these are not really three steps- but what we hope is that you will keep three things in mind when you interact with your oppositional defiant, drug abusive, willful teenager.
The First Step is to agree with only a part of what they are saying; however, for the part that you have chosen to agree with - agree wholeheartedly with it. In other words, don't just say a quick agreeing statement followed by a "but" because that "but" negates the agreeing part.
If you are reading this and thinking, "Sometimes there is nothing that I can agree with" then I challenge you to look that statement over again. There is practically always something that you can affirm, even if it's the fact that your teenager has not lost their sense of humor. I refer back to one thing that Deb Cohen said at our last PSST, that interventions are best built around the strength of a teenager (strength-based) and when you find a small part- or a large part- of what a teenager says that you can build on, you are off to a good start at formulating an effective response.
The First Step is to agree with only a part of what they are saying; however, for the part that you have chosen to agree with - agree wholeheartedly with it. In other words, don't just say a quick agreeing statement followed by a "but" because that "but" negates the agreeing part.
If you are reading this and thinking, "Sometimes there is nothing that I can agree with" then I challenge you to look that statement over again. There is practically always something that you can affirm, even if it's the fact that your teenager has not lost their sense of humor. I refer back to one thing that Deb Cohen said at our last PSST, that interventions are best built around the strength of a teenager (strength-based) and when you find a small part- or a large part- of what a teenager says that you can build on, you are off to a good start at formulating an effective response.
The Second Step is to put your spin on the agreement. Turn it into your own talking point. Twist- not in a disrespectful or facetious manner but in a matter-of-fact way, just put your spin on it. We will give examples below. When thinking of this- it may be that the First Step and the Second Step are really one step because the part of the thing that you are agreeing with is often the same as the "twist." It may be that the reframing that we are looking for is really formed by the choice of what part of the thing you will agree with.
The Third Step is to hold your ground. This is often aided by starting with the phrase "nevertheless" or "regardless." These two words are truly power-words. Other words can be used; however, these two serve the purpose of keeping the speaker on track without making a judgment. For example, one can say "whatever" and that would also serve the purpose of keeping the speaker on track, but it carries a negative connotation or judgment of the thing that the other speaker was trying to use as a distraction. Just saying nevertheless and regardless does not hint at any judgment of the distraction- it just keeps the speaker on track. Another way to say it might be, "Even if that's true," and go back to the talking point but it's probably easier just to say regardless or nevertheless.
Fluidity: We notice at PSST when we are role-playing this technique that we are often going back to step one. That is because teenagers continue to change what they are saying. When they see that they can't manipulate the parent one way- they quickly move to another angle. At that point it is possible to agree quickly with some part of the new angle- twist it- and land with a nevertheless just the same way. In fact, it's good if the teen keeps changing the angle because it is a demonstration that they get it that the original angle is closed. Eventually there will be no angles left.
{the agreement is that he has done great but the twist is that he is much more able to accept not having his own way. Now if he does not accept not having his own way in regards to the $20, he has just proved that he has not changed- it's up to him but the twist provides productivity}
{He is threatening us with a relapse- this is not a good sign as to where he is with his recovery; however, we will jump back to step one and it's easy as pie to agree at any time that a relapse is horrible and, yes, we will feel bad about it when it happens- then we twist by repeating what we already said that he seems to be doing things right this time and that would really make a relapse sad. By twisting in this direction we are taking this threat of a relapse to the bank and this is not where our young man wants us to go- now read down where we continue to twist this threat of relapse into some uncomfortable territory]
{Now our twist has him walking a very thin line. This is not a person that we are going to hand $20 bucks too but we don't have to say that because we weren't giving up the money anyway but he will see that we are turning this threat back at him and he is going to have to try to do some damage control or back pedaling with this threat- which is fine- we hope that he does get off the threat thing}
{rather than argue about whether or not he threatened to relapse, we just go with the new statement instead and agree with that- in other words, back to step one}
Son: I'm not gonna use! [Looking angry] But I meant how would you feel if you thought that a relapse was your fault?
{He can't completely let go of that threat so we agree and twist it again}
{that is so perfect we can simply agree and not bother to twist it. He expects us to deny that we are saying no for the sake of saying no but really it is part of the reason that we are saying no so just agree and move on.}
Dad: Yes! I think that is a good enough way to put it.
Son: [Glaring!]
Dad: listen, I got to run- if there's something else we can chat later OK? Call me if you need me Son. Oh, and I am proud of the changes you're making in your life- you know that, right?
{he's not coming at us with any new angles, so we take the opportunity to move towards the door}
It may appear as though this three-step thing takes a lot of thinking fast on the feet. Well, it does and it doesn't. Since the teenager keeps coming at you from different angles it does take some thinking; however, the themes keep repeating. After a while, you've heard them all and your responses stay the same. Once you've practised this with your teenager you'll begin to see how these themes repeat and you'll be ready with your agreement/twists. Then follow that up with a nevertheless or regardless if appropriate and head for the door!
Note: The picture used is from Wikipedia. This post references the lyrics from Gimme Three Steps by Lynyrd Skyrnrd. No profit is made off of this picture or off of the link to the lyric and is only used here with reference given to source.
Read More......
The Beacon
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, October 25, 2014
What
have I seen in our PSST group since then?
The love is so fierce, that it’s strong enough to knock you over. Clearly, there is a lot of pain and
heartbreak wrapped up in that love. So
many sleepless nights, gut-wrenching confrontations, and bitter tears
shed. We don’t get to experience joy and
pride in quite the same way that other parents do. We have changed our expectations – we are proud when our child earns his GED, or sticks with a new job for more than a month. We are proud when our child accepts the
consequences for violating a home contract, is clean for 30 days without a
relapse, or makes a conscious decision to go back into rehab. It’s certainly not what we expected or hoped
for as parents, and it’s definitely not what we were prepared for.
I
still remember PSST parents Jim & Cheryl dealing with a very public and
troubling situation with their son. It
would have been so easy for them to skip that week’s PSST meeting, but they
came and shared their story. I was so
glad that they did, because their strength in the face of adversity was knock-you-over
inspiring. What hit me the most was Cheryl’s
final comment – no matter what their son did and how much he disappointed them,
even if he ended up on death row, they would still be his parents who would care
for him and love him forever.
We
don’t really expect our children to see, understand, or appreciate the depth
and commitment of our love for them. Most
“normal” children don’t either. However,
what is special for our children is that our love for them has survived
crushing pain, and our commitment to them is forged in repeated disappointment and fear for their very lives. And if they really caught a glimpse of it, they
might think we are crazy, foolish, or just plain idiotic for caring so
much. Don’t get me wrong, we may get so
angry with our children at times that we can hardly bear to see them, and at
some point, we may even decide that it’s not good for anyone involved for them
to live with us.
But
the love is there, shining brightly – a strong, unwavering beacon for them
should they someday see it and decide to follow it home.
Read More......
Thoughts from a Recovering Alcoholic
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, October 16, 2014
But I’m also going to say something else that might not be what other people in recovery want to put out there, but what I have found in my experience to be completely true.
Sometimes, sobriety sucks.
* * * * * * *
And absolutely, sobriety is a lot of work. But the result of that work is miraculous. I have amazing relationships, I have a life with meaning, I have an active spiritual life. The juice is completely worth the squeeze.
So yea, sometimes sobriety sucks. But you know what? Sometimes LIFE sucks. That’s just the nature of existence – there are ups and downs on the rollercoaster. The point is to make the most of the ride."
For the full post, written by Deanna de Bara, click here.
Read More......
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