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Quote of the Week
"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
I
am a drug user. I need help.
Don’t
solve my problems for me. This only makes me lose respect for you.
Don’t
lecture, moralize, scold, blame, or argue, whether I’m loaded or sober. It may
make you feel better, but it will make the situation worse.
Don’t
accept my promises. The nature of my illness prevents me keeping them, even
though I mean them at the time. Promises are only my way of postponing pain.
Don’t keep switching agreements; if an agreement is made, stick to it.
Don’t
lose your temper with me. It will destroy you and any possibility of helping
me.
Don’t
allow your anxiety for me make you do what I should do for myself.
Don’t
cover up or try to spare me the consequences of my using. It may reduce the
crisis, but it will make my illness worse.
Above
all, don’t run away from reality as I do. Drug dependence, my illness, gets
worse as my using continues. Start now to learn, to understand, to plan for
recovery. Find NAR-ANON, whose groups exist to help the families of drug
abusers.
I
need help — from a doctor, a psychologist, a counselor, from an addict who
found recovery in NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS, and from God.
Your
User
Thanks to "Carol" & "Mike" for sharing this.
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"Would you take a pill when you have
no idea what the active ingredient is or what effect it will have on your body?
Would you be a guinea pig for
drug traffickers?
Some
of our kids are doing just that. They are taking big risks by
experimenting with Molly and it is a growing concern for parents and drug
officials.
From the Daily News at The
Partnership at Drugfree.org, “Emergency room visits related to Molly, or Ecstasy,
rose 128 percent among people younger than 21 between 2005 and 2011, according
to a new government report.”
It was believed that Molly was pure MDMA, the active ingredient in Ecstasy, but the drug has now become a
toxic mixture of lab-created chemicals, according to the U.S. Drug Enforcement
Administration."
For the rest of this article, from Cathy Taughinbaugh's website, click here.
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Drugs Kill Dreams
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, January 27, 2014
Thanks
to our PSST parents for keeping us informed about the latest drug dangers.
Roxie
& Lindy Lou both forwarded this article about the deadly fentanyl-laced
heroin, which has made its debut in the Pittsburgh area. Both send prayers for your children's safety. A total of 14 people in Allegheny County died
from heroin overdoses this week, as compared to the usual 1 or 2 deaths weekly.
Wilma
sent information about “dirty Sprite”, which is opiate (codeine) cough
syrup mixed in a clear soda. Click here for an article about the death of a 14-year old Minnesota girl who drank this concoction.
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Sometimes the wisdom of PSST just pops into your head. And of course the opposite is also true –
sometimes it doesn’t. But when it does,
if really feels good.
Son: Maxine gave me
this gift card for my graduation. Would
you give me cash for the gift card?
Mom: No, Maxine gave
that to you specifically because you said you wanted clothes from Macy’s. She would have bought you the clothes herself
if she thought she could have picked something you would like.
Son: That’s what
makes me so mad. You & Dad always
want to control how I spend my money!
Mom: What do you want
to do with it?
Son: I need it for
cigarettes and food from McDonald’s.
Mom: I'm not comfortable with that.
Son: Well it’s my
gift card and I can do what I want with it.
Mom: (pausing &
thinking before responding) You’re
right, it is your gift card, and I can’t control what you do with it. What you have to think about is the next time you see Maxine, and she asks what you bought with that gift card, whether you will be proud to say that you spent it on cigarettes and fast food.
Son: So you’ll give
me the cash for it?
Mom: No, I won’t do
that.
Son: (fuming
silently)
Fast forward to the next morning . . .
Son: Will you take me
to Macy’s this morning? I want to buy
some clothes.
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What adolescence does to adolescents
is nowhere near as brutal as what it does to their parents.
This is a fascinating
article, whether you agree with the premise or not – many of the points will
surely hit home with parents of teenagers.
I’ve included a few excerpts from the article below. For the full article from New York Magazine, click here. The article includes an extended
excerpt from All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of
Modern Parenthood, by Jennifer Senior, to be
published on January 28 by Ecco, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.
Thanks to Mary Canary for sharing this article.
Is it possible that adolescence is most difficult—and sometimes a
crisis—not for teenagers as much as for the adults who raise them? That
adolescence has a bigger impact on adults than it does on kids? . . . it could simply be that the advent of the
modern childhood, a fully protected childhood, is especially problematic for
parents as their children get older. Keeping teenagers sheltered and regimented
while they’re biologically evolving into adults and pining for autonomy can
have exhausting consequences. The contemporary home becomes a place of
perpetual liminal tension, with everyone trying to work out whether adolescents
are grown-ups or kids. Whatever the answer—and it is usually not obvious—the
question generates stress, and it’s often the parents, rather than the
children, who suffer most.
The conventional wisdom about parenting adolescents is that it’s a repeat of the
toddler years, dominated by a cranky, hungry, rapidly growing child who’s
precocious and selfish by turns. But in many ways the struggles that mothers
and fathers face when their children hit puberty are the opposite. When
children are small, all parents crave is a little time and space for
themselves; now they find themselves wishing their children liked their company
more and would at least treat them with respect, if adoration is too much to
ask. After years of feeling needed by
their children—and experiencing their children’s love as almost inseparable
from that need—mothers and fathers now find it impossible to get their kids’
attention.
If adolescents are more combative, less amenable to direction, and underwhelmed by
adult company, it stands to reason that the tension from these new developments
would spill over into their parents’ marriages. This strife is by no means
preordained. But overall, researchers have concluded that marital-satisfaction
levels do drop once a couple’s firstborn child enters puberty. As children become adolescents, their
parents’ arguments also increasingly revolve around who the child is, or is
becoming. These arguments can be especially tense if the child screws up. “One
parent is the softie, and the other’s the disciplinarian,” says Christensen.
Here's what may
be most powerful about adolescence, from a parent’s perspective: It forces them
to contemplate themselves as much as they contemplate their own children.
Toddlers and elementary-school children may cause us to take stock of our
choices, too, of course. But it’s adolescents, usually, who stir up our most
self-critical feelings. It’s adolescents who make us wonder who we’ll be and
what we’ll do with ourselves once they don’t need us. It’s adolescents who
reflect back at us, in proto-adult form, the sum total of our parenting
decisions and make us wonder whether we’ve done things right.
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A New Beginning
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, January 13, 2014
It has been 4 long years for our family, starting when Dylan
was 13.
Entering into his teenage years, Dylan had become
nonfunctional. He stopped going to school, refused to follow anyone’s rules, used
marijuana, and drank alcohol. He showed escalating verbal defiance and physical
aggression toward teachers, police, administrators, and his parents. His marijuana use and aggression brought him
into court on Act 53 and simple assault charges; the judge ordered him into
placement.
Dylan’s placement career has been very rocky. He had several unsuccessful offsite visits
and home passes with his family, two attempts at running away from placement,
one escape from home for a week, explosive behavior outbursts that once
resulted in a broken hand and another time in a sprained toe, insubordination and
attempts to assault peers/staff, and painful rejections of his parents. Dylan made his way through 5 different
placements in 3 years.
Dylan’s most recent placement brought about many positive
changes. Undoubtedly he is more mature
now, and that’s an important factor, but we also credit the various placements,
probation, and therapists for providing him with counseling and support that he
needed. As he got closer to high school
graduation, Dylan began showing regret that his high school years had passed
him by, and that all those potentially exciting milestones had slipped through
his fingers, never to be recaptured. At
some level, he seems to recognize that he bears some responsibility for his
situation.
For nearly a year, Dylan had been insisting that he would
never return again home to live with his family, but then abruptly began to
change his tune. He made the difficult
decision to graduate from high school at his current placement, and then did
what was necessary to make that happen.
He began to look forward to graduation and to post-secondary schooling
plans. He had 3 successful 3-day home
passes between Thanksgiving and Christmas, where he was able to demonstrate an
ability to accept frustration/disappointment, and to treat his family with
respect. We also saw glimpses of old
behaviors, such as how he chafes under authority.
Just as Dylan has been changing, we (his parents) have been
changing too. We have tried to
understand our family dynamics better, recognize what is in our power to change
and what is not, avoid the temptations to debate or lecture Dylan, model the
mature interactions that we’d like our son to emulate, and temper our
expectations of perfection. I have to emphasize
the word “tried”, since we are not always as successful as we’d like. During Dylan’s home passes, we saw glimpses
of some of our own weaknesses, such as struggling with the right balance
between being flexible and being enablers.
On Friday, Dylan was released by the court to come home. A new chapter in our lives is beginning. We are hopeful, while at the same time nervous
and anxious. We see the potential in our
son for a fantastic new beginning, along with the nagging fear that the
pressures of behaving appropriately, and of avoiding the lure of old friends
& old habits, could be too much for him.
In PSST, we find hope, guidance and support from a caring
group of people –not only from the dedicated, insightful probation and
therapeutic professionals who faithfully support our family, but also from the
other parents who are similarly committed to saving their families. As we think about the past 3 years, once we
found PSST, we are reminded that the team has been there for us every step of
the way, through every hopeful sign and every heartbreak. They have given
us practical advice and guidance, guiding us through the options for getting
help for our son. The group has helped us to recognize how we can
continue to become wiser, stronger parents.
We are grateful that we are not taking this journey alone.
Jenn & Brad
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Type rest of the post here
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"Happy New Year”, Roxie declares to the parents of PSST!
I hope some of you have obtained humorous, as well as understanding insights into my family from my writings last year; while others may have become
bored as bed bugs tolerating the sadistic saga of Roxie and Lenny. I was a mom
trying to change a son who considers ‘change’ as a form of currency to cop
Copenhagen snuff. I have appreciated the opportunity to express myself with a
venue of parents who love their kids and pray for their sobriety. Many concepts,
methods, and communicative techniques from PSST worked when Lenny was a younger
lad.
He’s taller now, very muscular, bull-headed, and determined to continue his death-defying drug abuse lifestyle more than ever before. I am no longer
the mommy playing table tennis with him at rehab. Additionally, I am no match
against the demonic drugs and alcohol that made my son resemble a madman. Drug abuse’s effect on my entire family was
like being stampeded by wild stallions with sharp hooves, while lying face up
on a trail with our eyes wide open and arms at our sides.
I thank my Higher Power that the dust finally settled, the wounds I received are slowly scabbing
over, and my eyesight has become intuitively insightful - 20/20. Unknowingly, all
family members play their own dysfunctional role in an alcoholic household. It
is unfortunate. The only person who missed his role-play at my house was my
older son who married while in college, and moved out before Lenny let loose.
Coincidentally, the Chinese New Year for 2014 is designated as the Year of the Horse. Roxie’s is out of the saddle at the ‘Not’ OK Corral, and Lightning Lenny has no one to ride him while chomping at the bit. I have blogged about letting Lenny go so many times that even I became tired of the horse
manure. Lenny would not move out and the situation needed to change. I looked
in the mirror and realized that I did not need to let Lenny go. I needed the
courage to change myself and leave the Corral.
Paradoxically, as Lenny was helping me shove my clothes in the backseat and trunk of my car, he said, “Don’t forget to stop by sometime. And when you do, bring a case of water ‘cause I’m always dehydrated.”
We can lead our teen colts to water, but we cannot make them drink from
parents’ washbasin of wisdom.
May your new year be happy, blessed, and calm. Personally,
I am determined to ‘choose’ to be happy, although I am still going to miss my family. Through the support of many friends and a dear mom, I hope to be blessed enough not to be too stressed. There is a calmness that came to rest on my life after I left, for I had been praying about ‘when to leave’ for months. ‘Tis not through my strength that I’ve come this far, for to God be the glory.
“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last
day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the
answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change
something.”
– Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple
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Thanks to Mary Canary for sharing this article.
A new study suggests that heavy marijuana use in the teenage years could damage brain structures vital to memory and reasoning. Although the results of the study do not provide proof of a cause-&-effect relationship, they raise valid concerns for parents of teenagers.
“We see that adolescents are at a very vulnerable stage neurodevelopmentally,” said lead researcher Matthew Smith of the Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago. “And if you throw stuff into the brain that’s not supposed to be there, there are long-term implications for their development.”
For the full article, click here.
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TEENAGERS LOVE TO PARTY – especially during the holidays. Often alcohol is involved. Some parents think that hosting their teenager’s party in the home will keep the kids out of trouble. You may not understand that it’s illegal, unsafe and unhealthy for anyone under age 21 to drink alcohol in Pennsylvania?
See this recent article about a father facing charges after his son's party leads to a drunk driving death.
Here are the facts: If you make alcohol available at teenager parties, you can be prosecuted. If you allow teen drinking parties in your home, you can be prosecuted. So parents, please protect yourselves and your kids — don’t be a party to teenage drinking. Do your part to help make this holiday season safe for everybody.
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Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
We thought our teenager was snug in his bed,
Or listening to his music, ear phones stuck on his head.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But my teenage son and some friends he holds dear.
From experience I knew what was happening quick,
I knew in a moment stealing our car was his trick.
More rapid than than eagles I ran outside to our lane.
I cursed him, yelled and called my son a bad name!
“Now Son, what the hell! You have no permission
To drive our car with your friends or with this vixen!
For I could see that his new girlfriend was tall,
And very cute to my eyes, then my son cried, “run-a-way all!”
The car had been wrecked for my eyes did not lie
When I saw that the windshield was crushed and my son was all high!
So I rang 911, the emergency number I knew,
And soon there were police cars with blinking lights too.
And then, in a twinkling, I looked for the proof
Inside I saw beer bottles (and a bag of weed left on the roof.)
My son looked awful loaded and as he was turning around,
He saw that I was the one who had called the cops down.
His anger was plain from his head to his foot
as he gave me his most threatening look.
But I didn't care about any of his threats
because I knew that he had just bet his last bet.
His eyes – how red and blood shot they looked,
His cheeks were flushed and his red nose looked cooked!
His droll little mouth stunk with alcohol
yet still, he looked over at me and he called…
“Hey Dad, please tell the cops to go away,
You know I’ll be good - tomorrow’s Christmas Day!”
But the stump of a weed pipe he held tight in his teeth,
The cop noticed it and said, "I’ll take that please!"
“You’re under arrest- and your rights I will tell,
But you are on your way straight to Shuman, the teenager-Jail."
He spoke lots more words as he went about his work.
He cuffed my son and his friends and then he called them all jerks.
He confiscated the weed, the beer, and the blow-
Giving a nod, the cop said “It’s time to go.”
The police lights were flashing, the teenagers crying;
I knew my son was safer in jail than outside of jail dying.
My son put his head out the window and pleaded,
“Just one more chance, Dad, I know I can beat this
addiction and This time I won’t let you down.
Please, don’t let the cops take me downtown!
I sprang to my senses and searched for the words that were best,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all -NEVERTHELESS!”
(Happy Christmas to all PSST parents both near and far and thanks for your support all year long. Without you all there is no PSST ;-)
(Written by Clement C. Moore and Lloyd Woodward and reprinted from 2009 PSST BLOG)
Share
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Thanks to Mary Canary for sharing the
following information.
The
following principles of effective drug addiction treatment were issued by the
National Institute on Drug Abuse (part of the National Institutes of Health,
which is under the US Dept of Health and Human Services). Although many PSST parents are already aware
of many of these principles, there are some good reminders here about the
complexities of drug addiction and its treatment.
Principles of Effective Drug
Addiction Treatment
1.
Addiction is a complex but treatable
disease that affects brain function and behavior.
Drugs of abuse alter the brain’s structure and function, resulting in changes
that persist long after drug use has ceased. This may explain why drug abusers
are at risk for relapse even after long periods of abstinence and despite the
potentially devastating consequences.
2.
No single treatment is appropriate for
everyone. Treatment varies depending on the type of drug and
the characteristics of the patients. Matching treatment settings,
interventions, and services to an individual’s particular problems and needs is
critical to his or her ultimate success in returning to productive functioning
in the family, workplace, and society.
3.
Treatment needs to be readily available.
Because drug-addicted individuals may be uncertain about entering treatment,
taking advantage of available services the moment people are ready for treatment
is critical. Potential patients can be lost if treatment is not immediately
available or readily accessible. As with other chronic diseases, the earlier
treatment is offered in the disease process, the greater the likelihood of
positive outcomes.
4.
Effective treatment attends to multiple needs of the individual, not just his or her drug abuse.
To be effective, treatment must address the individual’s drug abuse and any associated medical, psychological, social, vocational, and legal problems. It is also important that treatment be appropriate to the individual’s age, gender, ethnicity, and culture.
5.
Remaining in treatment for an adequate period of time is critical. The appropriate duration for an individual depends on the type and degree of the patient’s problems and needs. Research indicates that most addicted individuals need at least 3 months in treatment to significantly reduce or stop their drug use and that the best outcomes occur with longer durations of treatment. Recovery from drug addiction is a long-term process and frequently requires multiple episodes of treatment. As with other chronic illnesses, relapses to drug abuse can occur and should signal a need for treatment to be reinstated or adjusted. Because individuals often leave treatment prematurely, programs should include strategies to engage and keep patients in treatment.
6. Behavioral therapies—including individual, family, or group counseling—are the most commonly used forms of drug abuse treatment. Behavioral therapies vary in their focus and may involve addressing a patient’s motivation to change, providing incentives for abstinence, building skills to resist drug use, replacing drug-using activities with constructive and rewarding activities, improving problem-solving skills, and facilitating better interpersonal relationships. Also, participation in group therapy and other peer support programs during and following treatment can help maintain abstinence.
7. Medications are an important element of treatment for many patients, especially when combined with counseling and other behavioral therapies. For example, methadone, buprenorphine, and naltrexone (including a new long-acting formulation) are effective in helping individuals addicted to heroin or other opioids stabilize their lives and reduce their illicit drug use. Acamprosate, disulfiram, and naltrexone are medications approved for treating alcohol dependence. For persons addicted to nicotine, a nicotine replacement product (available as patches, gum, lozenges, or nasal spray) or an oral medication (such as bupropion or varenicline) can be an effective component of treatment when part of a comprehensive behavioral treatment program.
8. An individual's treatment and services plan must be assessed continually and modified as necessary to ensure that it meets his or her changing needs. A patient may require varying combinations of services and treatment components during the course of treatment and recovery. In addition to counseling or psychotherapy, a patient may require medication, medical services, family therapy, parenting instruction, vocational rehabilitation, and/or social and legal services. For many patients, a continuing care approach provides the best results, with the treatment intensity varying according to a person’s changing needs.
9. Many drug-addicted individuals also have other mental disorders. Because drug abuse and addiction—both of which are mental disorders—often co-occur with other mental illnesses, patients presenting with one condition should be assessed for the other(s). And when these problems co-occur, treatment should address both (or all), including the use of medications as appropriate.
10. Medically assisted detoxification is only the first stage of addiction treatment and by itself does little to change long-term drug abuse. Although medically assisted detoxification can safely manage the acute physical symptoms of withdrawal and can, for some, pave the way for effective long-term addiction treatment, detoxification alone is rarely sufficient to help addicted individuals achieve long-term abstinence. Thus, patients should be encouraged to continue drug treatment following detoxification. Motivational enhancement and incentive strategies, begun at initial patient intake, can improve treatment engagement.
11. Treatment does not need to be voluntary to be effective. Sanctions or enticements from family, employment settings, and/or the criminal justice system can significantly increase treatment entry, retention rates, and the ultimate success of drug treatment interventions.
12. Drug use during treatment must be monitored continuously, as lapses during treatment do occur. Knowing their drug use is being monitored can be a powerful incentive for patients and can help them withstand urges to use drugs. Monitoring also provides an early indication of a return to drug use, signaling a possible need to adjust an individual’s treatment plan to better meet his or her needs.
13. Treatment programs should test patients for the presence of HIV/AIDS, hepatitis B and C, tuberculosis, and other infectious diseases as well as provide targeted risk-reduction counseling, linking patients to treatment if necessary. Typically, drug abuse treatment addresses some of the drug-related behaviors that put people at risk of infectious diseases. Targeted counseling focused on reducing infectious disease risk can help patients further reduce or avoid substance-related and other high-risk behaviors. Counseling can also help those who are already infected to manage their illness. Moreover, engaging in substance abuse treatment can facilitate adherence to other medical treatments. Substance abuse treatment facilities should provide onsite, rapid HIV testing rather than referrals to offsite testing—research shows that doing so increases the likelihood that patients will be tested and receive their test results. Treatment providers should also inform patients that highly active antiretroviral therapy (HAART) has proven effective in combating HIV, including among drug-abusing populations, and help link them to HIV treatment if they test positive.
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I am very sorry I didn't think to post this earlier :-(
However, Valerie, Julie and I are not permitted by County Policy to accept gifts. It's very difficult to say "No" because we do not want to offend and also because we appreciate our thoughtful and appreciative PSST parents. We are in a tight spot here so please be considerate and don't offer us anything. I believe that Wesley Spectrum has a similar policy so don't be offended if none of the fine Wesley Spectrum Family Therapists won't accept gifts either.
All of us want you all to know that the best gift that you can give us is just your presence at our meetings. Also, many of you have your ways of showing us that you appreciate us all year long. That's one of the reasons that we are so lucky! We know that you appreciate us. We appreciate you all as well. :-)
Just be there if and when you can -that's the best gift of all!
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Bright Ideas?!
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, December 05, 2013
Bright Ideas with Deadly Consequences
by Roxie
Lenny and I have a cordial relationship while he decides if and when he should enroll in a halfway house or the military. Both are illusions. He still lives at the house, works part-time at McDonald’s, and I call the police for his drunken behavior when required. I was hesitantly hopeful that he would enter a drug rehab program, until my Lowe’s light bulb pack was tampered with.
I prefer bright light, so I searched stores for 100-watt bulbs to brighten the dark, overcast environment of my home. After using three bulbs out of a 10-pack, I realized there were none remaining in a two-week period. Questioning Lenny brought about numerous defensive answers. I conclude that he involved himself and friends in smoking illegal substances out of the bulbs.
After investigating, I found that broken light bulbs are used for smoking crystal meth and crack. The light
bulb serves as the conduit to heat up for inhaling the drugs. What techniques
and chemically engineered drugs will they come up with next? Recently Wilma, a
PSST parent, shared her discovery that today’s ‘ear-wax’ marijuana can be as
potent as 90% THC, a mind-altering / hallucinogenic property that can have a
deadly effect on brain receptors (see highly-potent-ear-wax-marijuana-concerns-health-officials for more information).
Back
in my day of the 1970’s, other drugs used for colorfully created delusions were
mushrooms and mescaline. The mushroom spores can be purchased today online and
mescaline (aka peyote) is available on Amazon.com in the Lawn and Garden
section.
Pun
intended, the availability and strength of the drugs today will knock our kids’
lights out permanently. As parents, we need to stay informed of the creative
ways our kids are getting high. We may not be able to stop them, but knowledge
gives us power and a slight edge in the awareness of products accessible in the
illegal drug market.
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