Quote of the Week

"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Visit '2' with Elroy ~ Written by Jane, A PSST Sheriff
Posted by:Sally--Sunday, December 12, 2010

Just wanted to give folks an update and a progress report on “Visit 2 with Elroy”. I thought since we used this as a role-play at the meeting I would share how it went. ~ Jane

It was high-noon…time for the show down….there’s a new sheriff in town. I have my holster on, armed with my PSST tools, and ready to do battle. I had practiced and had a dry run earlier in the day. I was ready to “draw” at a moment’s notice. I felt confident that I could fire off a round of “nevertheless”, “you’re right”, “patient listening”, “ask me again”, “I love you”, “I won’t keep your secrets”, and if needed, I could leave that dusty road with my head held high and revisit the challenge on another hot, dusty day. I called my PSST deputies for reinforcement if needed before the appointed time, and knew I had them as back-up should I be wounded in the fight. The spurs on my boots were jingle-jangling as I swaggered down the hallway. Despite my load of “ammunition”, I passed easily through the metal detector as my ammunition was not viewed as “weapons”, but tools from the heart. The clock in the town hall was ticking, it was nearly noon. The bell clanged and my opponent approached. We made direct eye contact, I had my hands near my holster, my heart was pounding………………………..and then my opponent surrendered!!!! “Mom, if I have to go to in-patient I won’t fight it, I am still going to hope for out-patient, but if I have to do in-patient I will. I talked to one of the “dudes” here and he helped me a lot after you left last night. He told me that your mom loves you and she is doing what she feels she needs to do because she loves you”.

Once I was able to catch my breath and get out of the “fight or flight mode”. we were able to have what I felt was a good visit. I was able to give a few doses of “you’re right”, “If asked, I will tell the truth”, and lots of clear “I love you messages”. I was able to clearly state that I would do it all over again. I would stand up in court and state that my son, who I love dearly, needs treatment to save his life. During the conversation several things came up and I was able to hear the bell ringing in my head that said, “Remember, everything doesn’t have to be a teachable moment”. I actually said this out loud and said, “You know what, let’s leave this conversation for another time and talk about something else”. I left the meeting with a little bit of bounce in my swagger, knowing I had done the right thing. I was able to return home, pull off my boots, remove my holster, and lay my head on a pillow that has not had much use in awhile for a decent night’s sleep…..but, not before giving my PSST deputies an update.

Do I think this showdown will not come up again, I am sure it will. Do I think that maybe I was being fed a line? Quite possibly (probably), but nevertheless, we were at least able to spend 45 minutes knee to knee as we sat across the table from each other and maintain eye contact that was not challenging or angry in nature, a big victory from my perspective. A big dose of thanks to my PSST friends who allowed me the time for some much needed support and for offering me the PSST tools to arm my holster!!!!

To read Jane's Victim Impact Letter that she prepared for Court click here.



Sally said...

Jane, What a creative way to tell your story! PSST Parents never cease to amaze me with their resilience and creativity.
Isn't funny how you went for your visit so prepared and Elroy took a different approach. You have learned the PSST lessons so well and so quickly and they are working for you. I am so glad.

Max said...

Howdy, Jane,
Well, ya done good, little lady! I think your name should be "Annie Oakley" now! You're a rootin' tootin' PSST-totin' hot mama if there ever was one! I especially liked the fact that you recognize this may have been a new form of manipulation on Elroy's part - but not completely. I believe the shock may be wearing off, he has been sober for at least a week, and maybe, things are slowly seeping through. No matter though - as everyone knows by now, you wil be tested again and again - but now Elroy is dueling with a formidable opponant! I also give you huge congrats on not making every moment a "teaching moment", something I have trouble doing. You led that little bull by the horns,and I am really proud of your ability to so quickly integrate the PSST skills into your repetoire, as well as your excellent writing skills! Fun to read, while demonstrating to all of us that these techniques do work! YEEEHAAAAA!

Anonymous said...

Thank you both....hum,....could it be Elroy had a "silencer" in his holster and shot me back with a dose of PSST....pulled a "twister" of his own? Time will tell,but I will take that bullet for the price of feeling that we had a few minutes where we connected...however brief, it is a place to start. Many thanks from Jane.

Rocco said...

Way to go Buckaroo Jane! I hope all goes well at Elroy's hearing and that you finally get a chance to read your letter. I also hope that all you other folks out there can see what happens when you get PSST and get active in your teen's recovery. Our teens ARE excellent at manipulating and twisting to get what they want. If you come to the PSST meetings we can help you with recognizing and reacting to them (and in Jane's case being Proactive). "taint the Easy Way, but it's the PSST Way!" Thanks Jane for being part of PSST and for sharing your story. Rocco

Lloyd Woodward said...

You took PSST along with you to this visit at Shuman with Elroy, first in spirit and secondly by writing it up and making us all feel like we were there. Thanks for sharing this serious yet hilarious experience.


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