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Quote of the Week
"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
PSST now has an additional tool for parents to communicate. In addition to the blog, we have set up a group on Yahoo. Here is a quick overview of the group:
Posting
Any member of the group can send posts and contact members. The posts are sent out by e-mail to all members. To comment on the post, you simply reply from your e-mail. You don't need to log in or go to the site.
Calendar
Any member can add events to the calendar (upcoming meetings, special events, dinner at Tibby's, whatever). A reminder is sent out to group members the day or week before (you specify).
Database
All members and their contact info are listed in the database. This info is only accessible to members of the group, no outsiders.
If you haven't already joined, it's easy to do. Just follow this link and click "request to join". We'd like to get as many PSST parents as possible to join to make it worthwhile. Probation and Wesley Spectrum are also invited.
Brigitte
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Happy Mother's Day!!
Posted by:Cheryl, Jim, Andy + 3 Stooges--Sunday, May 13, 2012
Happy Mother's Day to all the Strongest Mom's in the world that have children in placement today. Remember, your children are safe and clean today because of your strength and perseverance in this chapter of their lives. Enjoy YOUR day.
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Can it only be a month since I shared our latest Bam Bam update? You think how much more can I take, and find out more than you ever thought possible.
On April 9th Bam was placed in a brand new day/evening program with state-of-the art GPS tracking on his ankle. After his first day in the program, where he was tracked all over a questionable area, his P.O. and the program put him on strict supervision for at least 30 days. Well, here we are 30 days later and things are worse. Or maybe better, depending on how you look at it.
During this last month Bam Bam was discharged from his dual diagnosis program for lack of progress. He had a preliminary appointment with Wesley Spectrum with a therapist and was scheduled to meet with the psychiatrist for medication management later this month. He did get a job where he actually worked, and I thought maybe he is making some positive progress. Well, on April 19th after a stressful evening with Bam, a friend of his called to tell me that Bam was threatening suicide. Fred asked him if he was thinking of suicide and Bam Bam answered yes. I had no choice but to call 911 for an ambulance. The police and ambulance arrived. Bam Bam said he wasn't going to hurt himself and was very angry and agitated that I called for help. However, we take suicide threats very seriously. The friend who called us experienced a close family member's suicide, and I trusted that when he called he was very concerned about Bam.
Now maybe Bam was using this as an attention getting tactic, but I was not taking any chances. Bam Bam was verbally abusive to the EMT's and police. They asked what I wanted and I said he needed to be evaluated at the hospital. Bam was not cooperating, so the police were going to take him in the squad car. Bam gave them some trouble and spit on one of the officers. The cops were not happy. They had a taser to Bam's back while escorting him to the car and told us that they were very close to tasering him. Bam was told charges would be forthcoming for spitting on the police officer. After several hours at the ER it was determined Bam was not a danger to himself or anyone else, so we all went home.
Bam had also been having issues at his day/evening program involving his GPS bracelet and being disrespectful to staff. Bam earned a 24 hour sanction at Shuman resort the next weekend, April 28-29. In the meantime Bam has been going back to his old tricks to leave school early, to which he added that his GPS needed charged so he had to go home. I finally called his intrepid P.O. who said that Bam was to stay in school and he would work out the GPS charging issue with the day/evening program. Well, guess what? The program said they were showing the GPS was 90% charged! It appeared that Bam just wanted to come home. During this week, he also let our family therapist know that he only needed about a 44% in all of his classes to graduate, so he wasn't doing any work. Meanwhile, the judge sent him home because he felt it was important that Bam graduate. However, with the attendance issues, not working on his graduation project, etc, graduation wasn't looking like it was going to happen!
Now we are at last weekend (can it only be a week??). Friday Bam goes to the nurse's office claiming he has tunnel vision from his medication and needs to come home from school, so Fred picks him up. I talk to the school nurse to see what the heck is going on, and we review how many times in the last few weeks he has been to the nurse's office and came home from school. His vitals were all normal but he insisted that he needed to come home. However, he was just fine to cut grass for money from his dad and went to work.
The next day he went to community service, did a short mandatory job shadow with his uncle and came home. I'm thinking we are going to have a quiet evening. Hah! By 6 p.m. Bam is badgering me that he needs to get a haircut (nothing is open but he has to argue about it anyway), then he starts on the prom he was supposed to go to tonight, then he calls his case manager saying he has to have a meeting with his group member for his grad project. Now, that was a possibility as the students are presenting projects beginning this week, so he gets a window and Fred takes Bam to a house where I KNOW THIS GIRL DOES NOT LIVE. Something was just not right, so I had checked on the address and confirmed that this girl's family DOES NOT LIVE HERE. I pick Bam up less than two hours later – the drive is 5 minutes or less, and he vomits on himself in the car. He makes NO ATTEMPT to get out of the car, open the window, nothing. He was out of it. I knew something was wrong. The next day I call this house and they do not know who this girl is. I confront Bam and he tells me this is an aunt's house and the crazy uncle answered the phone! You have got to be kidding me, am I that stupid?
A short time later, Fred is leaving the house with Bam and they tell me that Bam got a window to go back to this house and work on the project. What!??? I would not have known about this except I unexpectedly saw them leaving. Less than an hour later, Fred brings Bam back home, and in less than ten minutes Bam is vomiting on his bedroom floor and then goes to sleep (passes out?). Fred has gone out and when he returns I go to this house and demand to know who lives there and what the heck did my son take? I discover (and I'm not surprised) that no girl lives there, instead it is some kid I don't know. He tells me he stole a bottle of vodka from his dad and that Bam had been drinking. I tell him if I have to call for an ambulance for Bam, then the police will be at his house. The father is not home, which I can tell as there is no car in the garage or driveway. An uncle is there and kind of confused and this kid is worried. I am scared, wondering how much Bam drank in so short a time. And did he take anything else?
I go out and buy a breathalyzer and test Bam and he has an initial .04 several hours after drinking. He demands to be tested again, so I test him twice more and he tests at .03 both times. Despite the overwhelming evidence, he continues to tell me he has not had anything to drink or taken anything. In the meantime, for two days he has been giving us reasons why he had tunnel vision in school and says that someone slipped something in his coffee, then it's that a kid slipped weed into a candy peep – nothing made any sense and he just compounded lie after lie. Does he even believe his own lies?? I feel he is setting the stage so that if he tests positive for anything he will be the innocent victim. Of course Bam does not want me to report ANYTHING to ANYBODY.
The next day I e-mail Bam's P.O. and all service providers. Bam Bam has the guardian angel of unlimited chances, so I'm thinking that he will still be allowed to go to the prom and get some sort of sanction. So when his P.O. calls me to discuss what's been going on, I am surprised. He tells me that he has scheduled a walk-in detention hearing for the following day. Bam is a liability now and WILL NOT be allowed to go to prom (what have I been saying for a month??). He tells me that Bam has been calling/texting to tell him that yes he did drink and HE SMOKED WEED at some point over the weekend. Of course the days change with each telling, but Bam is convinced by being honest he will get a free pass to do as he pleases. NOT THIS TIME!
His P.O. has left Bam a message to call him after school, but Bam can't wait that long and finds out that he has the detention hearing. He gets very agitated so goes to the counselor's office and tells the counselor he is in trouble, upset, feels like he wants to kill someone or punch something. He calms down and goes back to class. I have a message from the counselor and when I call her back, Bam is back in the office demanding to go home. She tells me that he is calm and wants to go home, but she feels that he is about to explode and is concerned about what will happen when he goes home. I also have a conversation with his therapist who expresses similar concerns. I am also extremely worried about what could happen if he goes home, so I call his P.O. who approves admission to Shuman that day.
Fred and I pick Bam up from school and don't tell him he is not going home until we are leaving school property. Bam is furious! I am driving, Fred is in the back seat and Bam is ranting. He does not stop. He is texting people, then he calls the P.O. and he is crying, pleading, wanting to go home, promising NOTHING will happen but it is very clear to Fred and me there is NO WAY we can take him home. I just know that if we take him home, the police will be involved in some way and it will not end well. Meanwhile, Bam is becoming more and more agitated, yelling, crying, pounding the dashboard.
As many of you know, the road to Shuman is under construction and not an easy drive. Well, now we are all yelling, telling Bam to just stop, which of course he's not, then I start having difficulty breathing, I feel like I'm going to pass out, my vision is going dark. I have to pull over (now we are on 28 and there is NOWHERE really to pull over) to switch to Fred driving. I call 911 as I am afraid I am having a heart attack or an asthma attack, I don't know what, but I feel awful. We meet the paramedics at zone 5 police station where I get oxygen and evaluated, and they determine I am hyperventilating and having an anxiety attack. At least Bam has stopped his tirade. Fred told me later that Bam was actually worried. I am pretty stable so we take Bam up the hill to Shuman. I tell Fred he has to take him in (usually I have the honors of admitting him).
On the way home, the director of the day/evening program calls to tell me that they have had concerns about Bam. On several occasions he has been to the program with dilated pupils, they are concerned that he is not taking his prescription medications as prescribed (I have been worrying about that myself – we have caught him cheeking it on several occasions). He actually had been telling them over the weekend how he suspects that he was drugged, and she felt that he was setting up a story so that if he tested positive he would be innocent – exactly the feeling I had. I felt vindicated somehow that I wasn't crazy.
The next day, Tuesday, Bam is detained and now has a hearing before his judge. Placement is the recommendation and this is what I have felt Bam has needed for months, but we have had to follow the guidelines. Also, in addition to his guardian angel of many chances, he also has the judge of many chances. And maybe this is what was supposed to happen. Bam has been given so many chances and now he has proven that he really needs to be out of our home, out of the community, and that he needs to be in a residential placement where he can get the help and treatment he needs. So now we wait until next Tuesday. Lucky Bam's police charges are not as severe as the police officer originally said he was filing, but these are more serious than the ones we filed, so they will have more "teeth" when Bam goes before his judge.
So this Mother's Day weekend I am hoping that my child will be going away next week. His actions last weekend have made it even more clear that, to save his life, he needs to go away. And that is really hard as a mother, to feel this way about the child I waited so long for, to want him gone. But that is what he needs - what we all need - to save him and our family.
So for today, we have peace in our home and Bam is safe.
Wilma
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Yesterday, as I was feasting on an early Mother's Day dinner, cooked and served by my oldest son, Pierre, I reflected on the events of one short year ago.
I vividly remember Francois and I sitting dejectedly in a PSST meeting the day before Mother's Day. Pierre had just been picked up and handcuffed at school and taken to Shuman for violating his probation. He was only one month home from a short-term placement and was already back to using weed. He revealed that his younger brother was using at the house in front of him and was the reason for his relapse. (We found out later this wasn't completely true but didn't know it at the time.) Our youngest son, who has special needs, was being bullied at school and came home with a bloody lip. I remember making a comment about dreading Mother's Day the next day because I felt like a complete failure of a mother.
The PSST members did what they always do best. They lifted us up with their sincere words of comfort and encouragement. They gave us warm hugs and let us know that, not only were we terrific parents, but that we were not alone. Several phoned during the week to check in and sent e-mails to continue to show their support.
Fast forward to yesterday. Francois and I are sitting down to dinner with all three of our boys. Pierre is on a home pass from his placement and was due to go back in a few hours. I had an incredible feeling of peace and joy at being able to enjoy this simple gesture of sharing food together. The setting was light years away from the horrible scenes that took place in our house only one year ago. Each day seems to creep forward towards a better life. We don't know where the future will lead for any of our children, but living with hope is so much better than living in despair.
Thank you to everyone at PSST for sharing your stories, strength and courage with us. We would not have had that beautiful dinner without all of your support.
Happy Mother's Day to all of us!!
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 Invisible Mother
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'
Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mum. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' Some days I'm a crystal ball; 'Where's my other sock?, Where's my phone?, What's for dinner?'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature - but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mum gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he'd say, 'You're gonna love it there...'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.
Thank you to all the Mums who are looking down and smiling at the cathedrals they helped to build. And to all the wonderful mothers out there - God bless and keep you. Happy Mother's Day!
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Sad News
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, April 26, 2012
It saddens me to tell you that Kathie T just lost her mother today. Our deepest sympathies and heartfelt prayers go out to Kathie & her family. Kathie has been there for so many of us – through some of the most difficult times in our lives – so it’s not surprising that she holds such a special place in our hearts. For anyone who wishes to join the PSST family in expressing our condolences, please click here to send an email with your interest and/or your suggestions. Click on "Read More" for funeral home information.
Marion Weber arrangements:
Rusiewicz Funeral Home
1400 Fifth Avenue
Arnold, PA 15068
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Thanks to Wilma for submitting this article!
Teens Getting Drunk on Hand Sanitizer
Teens have found a new way to become intoxicated, using a commonly found household product – hand sanitizer. While a bottle of vodka is 80-proof, liquid hand sanitizer is 120-proof. This issue has public health officials worried, as a few squirts of hand sanitizer could equal a couple of shots of hard liquor. Doctors say that ingesting hand sanitizer can produce the same side effects as consuming large amounts of alcohol – slurred speech, unresponsiveness, possibly falling into a coma state. Long-term use could lead to brain, liver and kidney damage. For the full article, click here.
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We have attended a few of your meetings in the past, I need to get back to them to know that I am not alone…
My story began two years ago- my son started using marijuana. Then the troubles began……
He started stealing from our house, stealing from his siblings-on to stealing from Greentree pool, locker room at school.-You know the story….
We have been through Ridgeview, Gateway Aliquippa in patient, Gateway Outpatient, Mercy Behavioral, WPIC program, Abraxas DNA in Erie….
THe had just got out of Abraxas on February 14th- We truly thought he was “fixed” – he was getting good grades, participated in the program fully with good marks. We saw such an improvement, even my fiancé thought this time was it!
He went back to Keystone Oaks- AWESOME grades, lots of Bravo emails from Teachers and principals.
He fails a test- positive for Marijuana- okay- we can deal with this. The outpatient team at Gateway and his PO said he could have a chance since he was doing so good.
A few weeks later he takes my car- gets a GPS ankle bracelet on 4/3 thru vision quest.
4/4 comes- he seems okay- another bravo call from vice principal.
I am cooking dinner, as it is done I go to tell him its done, he is NOT in his room. As I am coming down the steps the phone is ringing it is Vision Quest- My son is shown to be on Saw Mill Run Blvd- HE TOOK MY CAR AGAIN.
He cut the bracelet off and thru out the window.
Our search begins- (mind you, I just had surgery too) Our car now reported stolen, he is only 15.
After we get home we notice our safe is gone- it has my fiancés gun in it. He is a retired Nacotics officer(yes, what a coincidence )
Along with our laptop.
We had searched and searched for a week and a half every sighting that someone would call us about – we ended up there too late.
My oldest son got a call he was at burger king- he ran up there- held his brother, called me- I called 911- He kicked him and ran.
We are off again….
A few days later we get a call from Pittsburgh Police that our car was found near PNC park- and was towed
Come to find out the engine is blown!
Well two more days go by – I get a call at 2am from Baldwin Police- they have him.
HOWEVER – he has now stolen a truck of a person that went into a convenient store and left vehicle running. He also wrecked the truck into another vehicle and was caught with his friend at eat n park where they walked on the check.
He told Baldwin officers where he sold the gun- to a not so good kid! The police recovered the gun AMEN!
My son had court last week – verdict postponed until May 15th when the final charges come thru from Baldwin.
I am hearing that he may get sent to Abraxas LDP for 8 months and his drivers license could be suspended for 6 years!
Do you have any advice? I feel like a failure. The PO and Judge of course have tried to re assure us that we have done everything we can. We have been so involved in his recovery however I guess you just feel like something is missing as a parent.
He is the sweetest kid, I am almost thinking there is just something mentally wrong with him.
He does have ADD/ADHD- His father was an addict- he passed away 2 years ago. He was my son's hero of course… K-
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FDA Hears Testimony About Making an Overdose Antidote Nonprescription
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Today's Agenda
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, April 16, 2012
 Julie and Alicia finish Internship. Surprise announcement. Val Ketter stopping by.
Kathie's Wesley Spectrum Team was named Allegheny County program of the year! And of course it was extra nice cause Val was back!!!!! More information will be forthcoming soon.
 Today we had a cake for Kathie's team and recognized Kathie and Justin. Jocelyn couldn't make it today. Kathie also teams with Chris, Ray and Jerome.
It doesn't always come easy for therapists to let other therapists have input into their cases; however, the team approach, some call it triage, is an idea whose time has come. Kathie is a pioneer for this new approach and we believe that therapists that agree to allow Kathie to have input will benefit in the long run. And of course, it's really all about the benefit that the client will realize.
Now it's official: Juvenile Probation like's Kathie's team approach so much that Kathie and all her team is recognized as "Program of the Year." Congratulations to Kathie's team for a job well done.
Julie ran the meeting. Both Julie (Juvenile Probation Intern) and Alicia (Wesley Spectrum: "Kathie's Team") are finishing their internships. Both will be missed very much. I worked more closely with Julie but I noticed Alicia attending a lot of PSST and always willing to take on assignments. We wish them both good luck in their careers.
Type rest of the post here
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PSST All-time Hits List
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, April 16, 2012
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| These links don't work but the ones on the right do. |
For a while, our Most Popular Posts for last 7 days is changed to PSST all-time hit's list. These are our ten most visited posts ever. If you wish to link to any visit our strip on the right where we usually post the last seven days most popular.
Even though featuring the All-time hit's list is temporary, I was thinking of changing it to Most popular last 30 days. As you might have guessed, that's our three choices: last seven, last 30, or All-time. Let us know what you think.
If there are any of the all time hits that you haven't read, now's an easy time to catch a link!
Congratulations to Rocco for posting the most popular post! K2! And still, this issue is of growing importance. By the way, did we tell you that Juvenile Probation can now test for K2, and there are tests out there that parents can buy?
And then Max, way to go with the Wexford Recap. What it is about that recap that has brought in 2, 314 page views?
It's very well-written, it's informative and it's entertaining. And yet, we have other "recaps" some written by Max and some by Rocco that are also well-written, informative and entertaining. I read it over and I must say there's a bit of a mystery on this one. How wonderful that even on the internet, or maybe especially on the internet, you can still find mystery!
Wilma, there is quite an interest in your Nature verse Nurture also. It's a short post but very well-written. And I quite agree that you probably could not have prevented this. I think that could be said for non-adoptive parents as well.
I'm not surprised that Mary Chalburg's post was widely read. Mary was much loved and admired by people everywhere.
All in all, one thing that the All-time Hits List really hits home is the point that our little blog reaches a lot of people. Let's all give ourselves a hand. Our group of parents have provided the material and our group of parents have promoted our blog. It's an accomplishment in which we can be proud. And the nice thing too is that it sort of has a life of it's own.
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Today (Monday) we were back in court for Bam Bam's review hearing. Well, if he would have followed the rules of his consent decree he would have been OFF probation today and not even had to appear. However, with Bam Bam nothing ever goes the "usual" way.
Since our last update we have been on a wild roller coaster ride – one with all the loops and dips! Bam had gotten off EHM on February 24th and was back on by March 2nd! As you all know from the last post he worked REALLY hard to get back on. So for two weeks Bam was doing o.k., then on March 16th . . . FREEDOM!!! He played it cool that Friday and came home on time for curfew. The next day he went job hunting with his Wesley Spectrum therapist and – miracle of miracles – had a job interview scheduled for the next day.
However, life in Bedrock doesn't stay rosy for too long. That night, St. Patty's Day, Bam came home past his court appointed curfew. I told him I wanted to alcohol test him but he refused. At some point during the night (watch out anybody with a weak stomach, as this is GROSS) Bam vomited both in his bed and between his bed and the wall. He did get up the next day to go to his interview and got the job! However, he did not clean up the mess in his room and I refused. I did however alcohol test the vomit and it tested positive for alcohol. Fred took him to the interview and then dropped him off somewhere afterwards, so Bam did not get home until about 9 p.m. The two of them cleaned up the disgusting mess!
Another week goes by with more curfew infractions. Bam was going to have a weekend sanction at Shuman, but got a break so that he could go to work at his new job. Bam has been diligently going to work (supposedly) and then the weekend rolls around again. He tells us he is working all weekend. Saturday Fred drops him off at a local market so Bam's friend can pick him up and drive him to work. Later that evening he texts me – can I pick him up at 11, as he is working longer to make some extra cash. Of course I'll pick him up on my way home, I'm not going to interfere with him making some much needed cash! I'm driving to pick him up and he calls to tell me he has a ride home, hmm, suspicious, so I keep on going to see if he really comes out of the store. Well, about ten minutes later my sister calls to ask if I knew Bam was at HER house a good 35-40 minutes away, and there is no way Bam will make it home before curfew. I ask who he is with and it's his latest good friend, an older kid I strongly suspect is a drug dealer. She tells me my brother-in law found a water bottle that smelled like alcohol and the odor of weed around this kid's car. Bam comes home late, his friend dropping him off away from the house so he wouldn't have to confront me.
The next day Bam is too sick to go to community service, so he blows it off. The next week is filled with more consent decree infractions – missing school, breaking curfew and TESTING POSITIVE FOR WEED. Almost everyday he is "too sick" for school but just fine for hanging out with friends, having to work on "projects" for school and, of course, work. This time he is definitely going to Shuman for a weekend retreat – a wise person once said they always get another chance! Thursday rolls around and Bam is too sick for school, so I offer to take him to the doctor or ER but he refused. I inform probation and am told he has to go to the doctor or he will be going before his judge! Well that got him moving, and I get him to go to the doctor where he is told since he is too sick for school, he shouldn't be doing anything else. And no note for school, which I really was o.k. with, as for years I'm always working on getting the notes for excused absences for school. Meanwhile, Fred is also sick. I actually thought he might be having a heart attack, but he refused to go to the doctor so I just had to pray it was just a virus. I couldn't take much more!
Bam says he just has to go to work. I refuse to take him, so he leaves the house on foot and says his "friend" will take him to work. About an hour later he texts me that he is off at 6, his friend Bob is picking him up, and then he is going out to eat. During these last two weeks, Fred has been giving Bam money for his dinner breaks at work. Nothing has been adding up about this job, so I decide to stake out the store. Well, 6 o'clock rolls around with no Bam Bam sighting. I go into the store and try to see if I can see his name on a schedule in the restricted employee area. Fortunately, I wasn't busted while doing my recon, but I came up empty. When I was leaving a man asked if I needed help, so I decided to just ask if Bam had worked that day. WELL, Bam had called off (or came in person, I wasn't sure which). This guy then asks if I'm o.k. because the week before Bam had called off because one of his parents was in the hospital!! Nobody was in the hospital! I learn that Bam Bam has not worked a single minute at this place. He has not gone through any orientation or training. This gentleman was on the fence about whether or not to give him another chance, as here is this kid calling off before he has even earned one penny, and what would happen if he was truly scheduled to work a register! I was furious! For two weeks he had been telling us, his p.o., and service providers that he's been working. How ingenious – the perfect cover to hide whatever he was really up to.
 Later I stopped at the local market to see if his friend who supposedly took him to work was working, and was going to ask if he had taken Bam to work earlier. Well, this kid isn't working so I leave. I'm getting in my car and lo and behold there is Bam sitting in the passenger seat of the car parked next to mine. The look on his face was priceless – guilt and surprise! He thought I was at home! I went over and asked him if he wanted to go home with me – no, of course. His good friend Eddie (of the social hosting house) was slinking in the back seat. Since I didn't know the driver, I took the liberty of getting his license plate in case I needed it for future reference. Little did I know I'd need it the next day.
Friday rolls around and Bam is just fine to go to school. This is the day he is going on his weekend retreat at Shuman, so he is going early if he doesn't go to school, after school or after his school activity. What he doesn't know is that, because of the continued shenanigans, he is having a detention hearing Monday morning. Of course I get a phone call that he needs money brought to school for dinner when his team is coming back to school later, so I graciously take $10 to school. Well, a little after 2:30 I get a call from the coach that Bam is not on the activity bus. I go home and he didn't come home on the school bus so he is MIA. What else could I do but call the cops! While the local police are at the house taking down information and running the license plate I got the night before, Bam Bam calls asking for a ride at 7:00 when he gets back to the school!! Fred hands the phone to the cop, who lets Bam know we all know he is not where he says he is, and if he doesn't get home in a half hour they will have to start going to his friend's houses looking for him, and that if they have to take him to Shuman he will be there a lot longer! I guess it made an impact on Bam because he was home within the half hour, smelling like weed with the overpowering smell of cigarette smoke. Fred and I take him to Shuman without further incident. We visited twice and on the first visit I confronted him about the job. He said he had to lie so he could get money from his dad. Fortunately on Monday he was detained until his hearing today.
And now, today. The hearing went the way we thought it would go. Bam's judge does not like to send kids to placement and his PD is a tigress working at getting this kid off! Probation recommended a new day/evening program that includes 24/7 gps monitoring, ACT 53 closed, and the judge accepted the program recommendation. ACT 53 made a statement that Bam needs long-term placement. I made the same statement, also saying that I am fearful for his life as he is mixing his 6 prescription meds with the illegal stuff. His P.O. gave the judge a very good detailed account of the last few months. What surprised me was the judge saying he feels Bam most likely needs placement, BUT he wants to give him a chance to finish school, so he went with the new program. The judge was really irritable with Bam and actually testy through the whole proceeding. Bam's PD made sure to get in the record that Bam is accepted to college and planning to go. I was happy that ACT 53 and I were able to get our views into the record also. I don't think it helped Bam's case that he had been detained at Shuman for over a week, but it helped us.
Bam is being sprung from Shuman tomorrow by the new program and we all will meet at their location tomorrow. He has to stay for awhile for programming and then we pick him up, so he will be home tomorrow night.
 This is it for Bam. If he is unsuccessful in this program, he is going to go to placement. And his judge is on board with this, which was a huge development today.
Now we will see if Bam begins to take responsibility for his actions and can make this work for himself.
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This true story complete with interviews of the prime players highlights the importance of hereditary factors. This is a compelling story of interest to everyone but perhaps with special importance for parents of adoptive families.
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 This has been a particularly painful week for our family.
After a prolonged series of outbursts, threats, shoving, and verbal abuse that led to 4 CACTIS visits, school interventions, psych. evaluations, wrap around services, and finally, a police visit, Francois and I made a decision. We decided to have our yougest son, Serge, age 14, admitted to a local psychiatric hospital. We don't know how long he will be there or if he will need further treatment at a DAS program. All we know right now is that things feel very, very dark. On Saturday, we will go to visit Serge and from there we will visit Pierre, our oldest son, who is in placement for drugs.
This is not the kind of family life any of us ever imagine when we are holding our babies and envisioning their future. And yet, here we are, facing some of the most difficult decisions we could imagine. We ask for your prayers, thoughts, advice, whatever. We hope we can find the wisdom to make the right decisions for our boys and the strength to help see them through. Then we need to stand back up, brush ourselves off, and keep going.
Brigitte
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Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear.
--Lao-tzu
A group of friends went swimming one day and one of them lost a ring in the bottom of the lake.
Everyone started diving from different directions to find it until there was so much mud and sand stirred up that no one could see anything. Finally, they decided to clear the water. They waited silently on the edge of the shore for the mud from all their activity to settle. When it finally cleared, one person dove in slowly and picked up the ring.
When we are confused about something in our lives, we will often hear answers and advice from all directions. Our friends will tell us one thing and our families another, until we feel pretty well mixed up. If we look away from our problem and let patience and time do their work, the mud inside us will settle and clear. Our answer will become visible, like the glimmer of silver in the water.
Am I overlooking the simple solution?
You are reading from the book Today's Gift (Daily Meditations for Families) by Anonymous. This is the book from which thousands enjoy a Thought for the Day each day on Hazelden's homepage.
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 The Rabbit family has finally seen the light and crossed over to the other side. No, we did not die, but quite the opposite, we decided to resume living our lives. On Monday, Roger and I, despite having a few more months of probation left, requested that Herman's case be officially closed . Yes, we his parents requested that Herman be cut free from probation earlier, and face real life with real consequences. It was the next logical step as far as a treatment modality.
Herman has been playing a game of cops and robbers with us since he started smoking spice in October 2010. Although I am embarrassed to say, I did take pride in becoming somewhat of an expert in catching him, however I realized that this game would go on indefinitely with no real winners, only losers. Spice, his current drug of choice, is extremely dangerous, as well as difficult and somewhat expensive to urine screen. It has a 72 hour window, with a constantly growing list of new cannaboid metabolites that cannot be tested for at present. Plus at $7.50 per test, I was looking at a minimum of $15 per week to screen him, along with the tedious work in researching the various tests to keep current with the new JW metabolites as they surface. He has yet to truly test positive for it, or at least so in a court worthy way.
Our marriage and family, (we actually do have four other children, a son 19, twin daughters 16, and a son 15), was really neglected and hurting from the 5 1/2 years of living this chaotic life with Herman. He is 18,and will be 19 in a little more than 5 months. By every standard, we have done all that we could do for him. Also, as I have come to realize, probation itself can eventually become a form of enabling. Herman was on probation for 18 months, a consent decree for 1 year, and actual probation for 6 months. Only 4 months of that probation, split up into two separate 2 month intervals, 2 years apart, was spent living outside of a placement.
I learned very early on that Herman needed to feel the "heat". In the beginning, the stays at Shuman and the various placements were indicated at the time. But as in running, if you continue to run the same course with out changing anything, your body becomes complacent and adjusts to the routine. It becomes easy, unless you challenge yourself. The end result is being in the state of stagnation or a plateau in your fitness level. This principle can also be applied to Herman. The foundation for recovery has been laid through all the various Shuman stays and placements over the past 3 1/2 years, but at this juncture, these placements are no longer productive and could be classified as the easy route. I believe that we are presently at the point of diminishing returns as far as Shuman, and any future placements. Herman is at a plateau of sorts. It's time for a change in the routine, in order to challenge Herman to move on to the next level and feel some heat. This means showing him the way out of our home to live his life independently, without the support of probation, and deal with the world from which we have been protecting him.
It was funny how this whole thing evolved, because asking Lloyd and his mighty team to cut Herman free was inconceivable to us as little as two weeks ago. But as we PSST parents know, a lot can happen in two weeks. To refresh your memory, Herman has had a plethora of treatment since 2009, probably earning enough hours to get his PhD in rehab (not recovery). He had been gone from our home for 1 year (3 consecutive placements), and returned home on 1/12/2012. We knew that relapse was very, very, likely, but wanted to give Herman a shot at living in our home with controls in place. Within 3 hours of being home, the first reveal (actually we never believed him from the start) was that he had no intentions on working a recovery program. That started the whole "Balloonatic" period, because we felt living with a non-recovering Herman was like we were living with a huge Macy's parade balloon. He admitted to relapsing on spice within the first 13 days at home, and spent a weekend in Shuman. Herman has since retracted all of his admissions of spice use, which was another reason for us to stop playing this game with him and move on to the next phase.
Our top notch PO, Lloyd, tested Herman last week for spice. His test was a S-L-O-W negative, whose line was almost invisible. Although not court worthy, it was categorized as an "informal" positive. I decided to take matters into my own hands, and ordered my own "value pack" of K2 Spice Dip Screens, the exact type that probation uses. For $187.50, I had 25 chances to bust Herman. I was not thinking much beyond that, just that I wanted to catch him. On St. Patrick's Day, my plain brown parcel arrived. My trusty Labrador Retriever, Shuman, lived up to her title and retrieved it first, although she partially chewed up the box in the process. Thankfully the tests remained intact. So after this rough start, I decided to get a baseline as to how a true negative really reacts, and test myself. My negative line was almost immediate, and although lighter than the control, was significantly darker and more intact than Herman's phantom test line. In my mind the suspicions of him smoking spice were confirmed.
We tested Herman later that night, due to more suspicion, and once again, his test was a very slow, very faint negative. We feel he has been using intermittently since getting home in January. It was then that Herman, Roger and I had our own epiphanies. Herman was livid that I had the audacity to surprise him with my own spice test, and had not one, but twenty four of them! He knew I was on a mission to bust him, and it was only a matter of time. Roger and I also realized that I was possibly very close to getting a court worthy positive test and or spice evidence, and then what ? Another stay at Shuman, and yet another placement, or 3/4 house? We knew that was not the answer, but something we had hoped we would never have to do, asking Herman to leave, was the correct answer. Herman then asked me the next day, to get him off of probation, because "he was done". He could no longer stand living in our home with all of my testing and delusional suspicions, especially since he was doing nothing wrong. He wanted me to "stop clinging" to the hope of him working any recovery program. Herman said he wanted to move out, live on the streets, sell drugs, whatever it takes to make it and be on his own. I think I surprised him 24 hours later on Monday, when I told him he was off probation, and he now needs to vacate the premises in 30 days.
Herman was shocked and befuddled, saying he was being a bit "rash" in previously saying that he wanted to leave immediately, he "thought he would have more time on probation". It was priceless, because now he thinks I've really gone crazy, and I believe that is always a good way to keep someone on their toes. He was confused, since I fought so long to get and keep probation, and went to all those crazy PSST meetings... and then this?? It was too much for him to wrap his head around immediately. Now that he sees we are dead serious, Herman is stepping it up. We have given him 30 days notice to leave. He wants to sign up for the military, and since he has a GED, he needs 9 more college level courses to be eligible to officially sign. Roger and I are still in discussion about letting him stay until July to get the 9 credits to enlist in the Marines, if not Herman said he will live in a cheap motel. If Herman decides on the Army Reserves, he will be required to sign a lease in 30 days. The home contract is still in effect, and I still have 23 more K2 tests, plus about 24 THC tests on hand. Herman could also be kicked out before the 30 days is up. If so, he still has his in home D&A therapist to aid him in obtaining assistance, and a new place to live. I will then donate my leftover tests to the newly established PSST "Herman Spice Testing Scholarship", for any parent to use on their child.
Even though we could not get him to buy into recovery, we were able to prepare Herman for life by helping him begin to develop an appreciation for the value of hard work and delayed gratification. We require him to work at least 32-36 hours per week (2 part time jobs) and earn 16 credits (6 of which are college level), while living free of charge in our home. We forced him to hand over all his paychecks, and the result is that he has a nice chunk of money saved. He also learned budgeting and how to use the Quicken money management computer program. Herman is doing well in his college courses so far also. Plus with all of treatment he was exposed to, he could probably run his own group if he ever gets clean.
So far, he has talked to an Army recruiter, but they are no longer taking anyone into active duty. The reserves are his only option, and they called and said that they want him. Herman decided that working 3 jobs ( he is counting the reserves as 1 job, since they require 7 hours per week) to make ends meet is not what he wants .Therefore, he does not want to live in his own apartment This surprised me because just the other day he told his D&A in home therapist and me, that the only reason why he wants his own apartment is to be able to drink and smoke weed. Today he spoke on the phone with a Marine recruiter, and was told a sergeant would call our home soon. Herman wants the structure, financial benefits, and lack of financial responsibility for daily living expenses of the Marines. He said if he is going to be treated like crap, he might as well get paid adequately for it. He said he wants to leave for for boot camp as soon as possible. I told Herman that a dishonorable discharge from the military is not the same as an FTA from a placement, it was lifetime negative consequence. Both his D&A counselor and I feel that this could be a real possibility, and told him so. Herman said this would never happen. I found it also interesting when he said that all of his placements, which exiled him from his friends, plus the boot camp like quality of his last placement, compounded with our "martial law" state at home helped pave the way for his decision to join the military. Herman said he is definitely enlisting, saying if the Marines do not want him, the Army Reserves do. Funny, but five years ago, I would have never thought of the military as a way to keep anyone safe, but I am encouraging Herman to enlist. In my mind it is the best shot that he has at this point.
When I look back, I see things through very different eyes than I did at my first PSST meeting back in 2010. Back then, I thought of PSST as standing for Pushing.Someone Swiftly into Treatment. Now I know it is much more than that, although the swift treatment was definitely necessary. Roger and I would have buried Herman at the rate he was spiraling downwards. The placements, if anything, got Herman out of our home, giving our family some respite. Through the 13 months of placements, we know he was clean for 7 of them. Although not consecutive, it was still a feat he was never able to sustain before. Most importantly, Roger and I made some very wonderful friends at PSST, and learned some extremely valuable, tried and true, Survival Skills.
So there you have it so far. Herman still needs to enlist, or get a lease on an apartment, so this story is far from over. One thing is for sure, I know that we would have never been able to get this far in our journey without all of you walking along with us.
Lloyd, Kathy, Val and Jocelyn, you are true gems. I still plan on keeping you as "favorites" in my cell phone, just as a reminder of all the people who are always rooting for us as we continue in our journey. You taught Roger and me well, and we are very grateful for all that you have done.
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 At a recent office meeting I was talking with one our therapists about kids and sons in particular. She has three grown sons and shared this Mark Twain quote with me:
On the topic of raising teenagers, Mark Twain advised, “When a boy turns 13, put him in a barrel and feed him through a knot hole. When he turns 16, plug up the hole.”
I know many of us feel this way with our addicted teens! If we could just put them in a barrel maybe until they are in their twenties when hopefully they will have finally "gotten it" and then turn them loose in the world. Wilma
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It doesn't feel genuine.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, March 14, 2012
I met with a PSST couple yesterday. We practised the "Agree with One or Two Things First" technique. The mother offered the best reason why more parents don't adopt this technique.
"I want to be genuine. This doesn't feel genuine."
That's right. This approach will not feel genuine. In fact, let's face it- it feels phony. I don't have a good response for that one.
Any approach that is new will feel phony. The only thing that is going to feel genuine is the same old approach. Add to that the fact that the " Agree with One or Two Things First " technique purposely leaves some things out of the conversation until later; then of course, it is going to feel phony.
Keep these two things in mind:
1. Keep to your boundaries. Don't mislead, don't over-agree. Just agree with a "slice" of what your teenager is saying and don't offer too much agreement if it would take you outside of your comfort zone.
For example, if he is pressuring you about letting him get a license and he is excited that he is turning 16, agree that being 16 is a BIG deal. Agree that driving is really fun. Agree if you believe it, that he will eventually become a good driver
If you're not sure about that last one, then don't offer it. Be careful however not to agree that he should get his license as soon as possible because unless you agree with that, it's not only phony but it's misleading and deceitful.
2. When you are pressured to give an answer- give one. That is the perfect time to not pull any punches. If you stick to your boundaries, what could be more genuine?
Teen: So, you're saying that I can get my license as soon as want to and that you'll help me get it?
Mom: Well, I'm not comfortable saying that.
Teen: Well that's what you just said!
Mom: I did?
Teen: Yeah, you said you were excited that I'm going to be 16 and you even said you think I'll be a good driver someday.
Mom: Right, I said that, you are correct.
Teen: So, that means you'll help me get a license right away, right?
Mom: Yes, I see you're point and it's a good one- if I'm agreeing with you that driving is fun, that you'll probably be a good driver, and that's it really big deal that you're turning 16 then why wouldn't I want you to get a license right away?
Teen: Yeah.
Mom: I'm sorry. I think I misled you. But I'm really happy that you are bringing this up so we can talk about it. I think it's important for me to be clear with you about this.
Teen: ok? So? what? Tell me already?
Mom: I have a little problem with this part.
Teen: What?
Mom: You're not going to like my answer because it's not the answer that you are looking for and we know that it's a big challenge for you to hear an answer that you don't like. Huge challenge especially because this driving thing is going to be so important for you.
Teen: I knew it. You were just lying! You'll never let me get a license no matter what I do. There's no sense in us talking about this anymore.
Mom: Yeah, this is going to be a tough one for you. Let's talk about it later- good idea.
Teen: I already know what you're going to say anyway.
Mom: Yes, I've noticed that.
Teen: Noticed what?
Mom: You're very good at predicting what your dad and I are going to say about things. You know us really well and even when we don't want to come right out and say something, maybe because we fear that it will upset you- you still do an excellent job of "reading" us.
Teen: See, I knew you wouldn't want me to drive right away when I turned 16.
Mom: You're right.- You probably know exactly why we feel that way too, I bet none of our reasons would surprise you.
In summary try to think of the "not genuine" issue as being more an issue of timing. You're just giving him the same information while you continue to agree with a lot of the stuff that he is saying- but your boundary is that you are Not Comfortable with him getting a license as soon as he turns 16 and that does not change.
3. Buy some time for yourself. You don't have to know exactly what to say as soon as your teen pressures you.
Teen: So, I can get my license and start driving as soon as I turn 16, right?
Mom: Wow! Good question. I'm not sure what to say about that one.
Teen: What does that mean?
Mom: Well, you just surprised with that question, that's all.
Teen: Why? You know I'm going to be 16 soon?
Mom: I wasn't even thinking about that- I mean with you being in placement the last ten months, and soon you're going to be transferring to a halfway house, I just didn't even think that was an issue at the top of the list.
Teen: Well, it is for me.
Mom: Yeah, well I see that now.
Teen: I think it would be good for me too.
Mom: How's that?
Teen: Well, if I have something to look forward to like driving my own car,I could probably behave better and, you know, I could stay off drugs better if thought you'd take my car off me if I used.
Mom: Oh, so what you're saying is that if you had your own car and license and all that you think that would be the answer to a lot of the troubles we've been having?
Teen: Yep. So can I?
Mom: Oh I really don't know about all that, but what you say is interesting and I have to tell you son, I have never looked at it that way before.
Teen: What do you mean?
Mom: Well, I've only thought of you driving as another problem-area; I've never ever thought of you having a car as a solution.
Teen: So, I can do it then, right?
Mom: You want an answer right now on that?
Teen: Yeah.
Mom: Just like that?
Teen: Just like that. I'm tired of having to wait all the time for answers.
Mom: It's true. It's seems like most of the time all the adults in your life are saying, "I'll get back to you on that one." That's got to be frustrating.
Teen: It is. So, just tell me already.
Mom: OK, well [moving in closer and lowing her voice.] As much as I like your courage for even suggesting that you driving a car right away could be an answer to our problems, I'd have to say it would be a cold day in hell before we ran out, bought you a car, and helped you get a license." Ok? That straight up enough for you?
Teen: Why not? Give me one good reason?
Mom: Ok. But you are so good at reading us you probably know what I'm going to say.
Teen: You're going to say I have to prove that i'm responsible first before you trust me with all that responsibility of driving a car.
Mom: Wow!
Teen: Wow what?
Mom: You just said it better than I could. Nice going. You just surprised me again!
Teen: I'm not stupid.
Mom: No, I completely agree Son; for all things you might be, stupid is NOT one of them.
Note: all this started because Mom said, "I'm not sure what to say." It's OK to not know what to say all the time and while we parents feel that way a lot, we rarely say it to our teenagers. Now, ask yourself, what could be more genuine? Also, it's a paradoxical thing that as soon as you say, "I'm not sure what to say about that" a response starts forming in your brain and soon you have lots to say about that!
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 Marijuana and its Synthetic Counterparts: A Look at a New Study
© Copyright 2012 VISIONSTEEN.COM
- Sarit Rogers of Visions Adolescent Treatment Centers
Click here to go to Visions Blog
- December 21st, 2011 - Part one of a three-part blog, wherein I will begin to address the use of marijuana and synthetic marijuana. Stay tuned for parts 2 and 3, where I will address the increase in prescription drug and hookah use.
Recent studies elicited by Monitoring the Future (MTF) show a decrease in alcohol consumption and tobacco use; at the same time, they found an increase in the use of alternate tobacco products (hookah, small cigars, smokeless tobacco), marijuana, and prescription drugs.
One explanation for the increase in marijuana consumption is a lower perceived risk:
“In recent years, fewer teens report seeing much danger associated with its use, even with regular use.”
The call to legalize marijuana has also contributed to this new perception by extinguishing some of the associated stigma.
As a result, we are seeing a denial of risk and a decline in disapproval amongst our adolescent counterparts. There seems to be a viable change in societal norms occurring at the adolescent level.
No longer is marijuana use relegated to the “losers,” but rather it is now part and parcel to one’s normative social interactions with anyone, regardless of socio-economic status.
With the advent of synthetic marijuana, the perception of danger has been further clouded by the sheer fact that these synthetic substances can be purchased almost anywhere. The surge in the use of synthetic marijuana products like Spice and K2 has created a maelstrom of reported symptoms which include:
- paranoia
- loss of consciousness
- hallucinations
- psychotic episodes
We currently see more and more kids coming into treatment with a history of Spice and K2 use. And Gil Kerlikoeske, Director of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP) points out that, “Poison control center data across America has shown a substantial rise in the number of calls from victims suffering serious consequences from these synthetic drugs.”
Currently, the House has voted on a ban of synthetic drugs like Spice, K2, bath salts, et cetera, asking that it be added to the “highly restrictive Schedule 1 of the Controlled Substances Act.” So far, approximately 40 states have passed laws which criminalize Spice and other synthetic substances.
Whether banned or not, there needs to be open dialogue about Spice and K2 and its various counterparts. These synthetics are popping up faster than the DEA can regulate them, proving that the drug environment is changing before our eyes.
As such, it’s imperative we stay fluent in the language of our teens, and the social environments in which they operate.
We all know the “thrill of the high” is often associated with the verboten nature of its purchase and consumption. Open dialogue removes the mystery, and frankly, it’s not enough to rely upon the justice system to provide the answers.
© Copyright 2012 VISIONSTEEN.COM
Click here to go to Visions Blog
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 A MESSAGE FROM CISCO
I asked our son Cisco's permission to post this message that he has on his Face Book account.
There were many times when I felt so hopeless while my son was in a deep addiction. I write this to give hope to any who are struggling. If you have been following Cisco's story on this blog you are aware of what we have been through over the last five years.
Cisco is working a good recovery program and attends about five meetings a week. He has a steady job and a calmer and happier disposition. He is saving his money instead of squandering it on drugs. Keep fighting the good fight. And I will keep hoping and praying that good fortune comes to your home also.
Cisco's Message posted on Facebook: Monday, January 30, 2012 at 12:29am: ·
What drugs did for me was at first make me laugh make me feel calm and make me feel cool.
At the end drugs got me arrested, locked up, sent to over 20 rehabs, in shackles, hallucinating, thinking i was possessed, putting my hands on my family and one girlfriend, stealing off of work and everyone else, 2 near death intentional overdoses, cutting myself, breaking everything, dropping out of school, suspended and expelled, on house arrest, probation for 3 years, selling heroin to get more, homeless, sleeping in a car some nights, ANGER AND DEPRESSION, paranoid schizophrenia, suicidal thoughts and actions, loss of good friends, many funerals, no money, guns in my face, my mother calling me a crackhead, spending 3 birthdays in institutions, retail thefts, D.U.I. and a hit and run, aggravated assault, possession with intent to sell etc. , psych wards, crawling on the floor looking for crack, spending holidays locked up, hate in me, but most of all..realizing drugs will never let me be normal.
Staying clean (priceless)
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Destructive Teens
Below is a helpful article from the Empowering Parents website. It's a topic many of us (unfortunately) can relate to. I've only included the first paragraph for copyright reasons, but you can follow the link to their website to read the entire article.
Is Your Defiant Child Damaging or Destroying Property?
by Kim Abraham LMSW and Marney Studaker-Cordner LMSW
Kicking holes in the wall. Breaking and throwing things. Smashing in the windshield on your car. Most of us never expect to face these behaviors from our children, and certainly not when our child is “old enough to know better.”
If you have a child who purposely destroys family property out of anger or spiteful, vengeful reasons, you naturally feel a variety of hurtful and negative emotions. It feels like a punch in the stomach.
First comes shock—how can my child be doing this to me?
Anger, resentment and guilt follow: What did I do wrong for my child to end up like this? If you’re like other parents in this situation, you probably also take an aching heart to bed with you every night.
The fact is, your child is having a problem coping with strong emotions. This is their “cope of choice” right now, which is self-destructive in the long run.
So why do they cope by damaging things when they’re angry or upset, and what can we do to teach our child healthy boundaries and limits?
How can we motivate a child in this situation to develop healthier, more mature coping skills? Kim Abraham, MSW and Marney Studaker-Cordner, MSW, creators of the ODD Lifeline, explain how.
Click HERE to go to Empowering Parents Link
Brigitte
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Last week at the PSST meeting one of our wise and seasoned fathers said that we should not be afraid of being in our own homes. He is right of course, but here I am dreading going home. Bam Bam, by the way, is back on home detention.
Last night Fred and I both heard a crash in Bam Bam's room and when I checked with him, he told me it was his chair. He then went to Fred and said he dropped a plate and was glad it didn't break. OK, plausible. THEN he tells me he is not feeling well, doesn't want to take his medications so he doesn't throw up, and that he is so hot he is going to open his bedroom window for cool air. Meanwhile he has shoes on because he says his feet are cold. What?? How about two pairs of socks?!
I go into his bedroom to check on the situation, as when he first was on home detention, we suspected that his friends were throwing things to him through the open window. Fred had bolted the screen in place and put the storm window back. Well, I checked and the window is open and the screen is cut. I get Fred and he notices there is a broken window pane in the regular window, and the storm window is on the floor along with broken glass from the other window. Bam claims the storm window fell out. Hmm, this sucker is tough to get in and out – wonder how it "just" fell out?? I am completely suspicious and Bam Bam is claiming complete innocence. His story is that maybe someone tried to break in. Well, the burglar would need a ladder to get in this window, and there is no evidence of a ladder being under the window, and no reports from neighbors of suspicious activity. Also, there would have been a lot more noise breaking in.
This morning Fred tells me his theory, which I agree with, and I am so glad we agree on something. We think Bam was planning on having somebody throw drugs, tobacco, or alcohol to him through the open window either last night or today (no school). Well, Bam was so upset last night at being unfairly accused that he told me he was going outside to smoke a cigarette to calm down. He's on home detention and not allowed out! (We have a no smoking rule in the house and no kids smoking on our property). I told him he wasn't going out, we had the deadbolts key locked and the security system on. And if he went out I was calling his PO and EHM. Then he was threatening to smoke in the house, but eventually took his meds and went to bed. I thought for sure he would try to break down the door or break something else, but he didn't.
Today Fred calls to tell me a kid I'll call Skylar shows up at our house, telling Fred he wants to see Bam as Bam owes him money. Fred tells him Bam can't have visitors and that he isn't giving him any money. Skylar tells Fred that Bam owes him money for an Xbox game, but Bam hasn't had a game system in almost a year. Bam tells Fred it is for weed, which I believe is what the debt is really for. The kid leaves. I asked Fred if the kid threatened him and he said no. However, my friends at work point out that this kid could have had a weapon - drugs and money equals trouble.
Now I'm worried this might not be an isolated incident. We think Bam owes many people money, and with him being on house arrest and NO job, he has no way to pay. This is the first time we have had someone be so bold as to come to the house asking for money owed by Bam Bam. And money is a huge problem with Bam Bam. He always needs it, will do work for Fred to get it, and I am tired of him using this money for drugs, alcohol and tobacco and not for normal teenage spending on fast food, dates, school activities, etc. It is a weekly, almost daily argument, so this week I told Bam he is getting no more cash from us. Well, he wasn't listening so well because he asks EVERY DAY. I did use the "if you have to ask me again" yesterday and of course that p!$$@$$ him off. But I can't stand going home and having him start AGAIN. I left the house one night for two hours to get away from him!
I am afraid that he is going to get out of control and escalate beyond what he has done in the past because he is not going to get his way. Now I fear having drug dealers showing up at my house. I will, however, call the police if I have to with no qualms – but what the he!!, why should have to worry about that? I resent the fact that I can't relax in my own home.
Bam is going to be 18 in a few months. Until then, unless something happens, I am going to do what I can to help him. However, once he is an "adult", and if he cannot live by our rules, then he is going to have to live somewhere else by his own rules. And I hope I'm strong enough to follow through.
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As some of you know, a couple of weeks before Bam Bam was going to court last November, we busted him with water bottles of alcohol. He also had in his backpack a liquor store bag and receipt for Pinnacle Whipped vodka. He also had TEXT messages back and forth with someone to purchase this same vodka. He vehemently denied any responsibility for the vodka, just that his backpack was left at someone else's house and SOMEONE ELSE put the water bottles of vodka in his backpack. And he was just giving them back. How stupid does he think we are?
About a month ago I was out having dinner with some friends and the subject of Pinnacle Whip came up, and a couple people were saying how mixing it with orange soda tastes like a creamsicle, and mixing it with root beer tastes like a root beer float. Wow, alcohol that doesn't taste like alcohol – can this be so? A couple weeks later my brother-in law busted my 16 year old nephew, who is on probation for possession and who at the time was on house arrest, with a bottle of Pinnacle Fruit Punch. When confronted, my nephew told his dad he wanted the bottle back as he paid for it! Can you believe it? I had also seen pictures of my nephew, posted on Facebook of course, with his red solo cup and several bottles of various flavors of Pinnacle vodka.
So I'm wondering what is it about this stuff that is so appealing to kids, so I decide to test it out for myself. Now, I am well over the legal age of 21, so not to worry anything illegal is going on with the test! I bought a bottle of the whip and some orange crush, and decided to see for myself. Well, what do you know, mixing up these two ingredients IS like drinking a creamsicle. I looked on-line for recipes, and you can mix this stuff with so many different ingredients, it's like having cookies and milk with a kick.
Now I know what the attraction is. I'm sure it’s not intended to attract teens, but I think the fact that it doesn't taste so bad, it makes it really easy for kids to drink a lot of it without realizing how drunk they are getting until it’s too late. And then they are making very poor decisions by driving drunk, mixing the alcohol with weed, and drinking until they become very ill or dead. So just beware of all those gatorade, water and iced tea bottles your teens may be carrying around. Don't be afraid to take them from your child and give them the sniff test. While my son was on house arrest, I found water and gatorade bottles that smelled of alcohol, gatorade bottles with vodka still in them, empty beer cans, and a baggie with a little stem of weed in his closet. He didn't hide the stuff very well AND STILL is claiming he is INNOCENT.
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A Parent Asks for Advice on Act 53 - PART 2
PEBBLES HAS HER DAY IN COURT by Betty
Pebbles' mom, Betty, sent this follow up to her previous post.
To see the original post click here: A Parent Asks for Advice on Act 53
Pebbles hearing was on Monday. She did decide to attend. And we all went together as a happy family.
Pebbles has already spent 28 days at Gateway and (1) whole day at Pyramid. They MADE me pick her up since she refused to eat and has a eating diagnosis they did not want to be responsible for.
So Abraxas was there and spoke with her and Barney and me. It sounded as if they they had a wonderful program for girls that Pebbles could benefit from.
Unfortunately, they did not accept her either because of her history of cutting and she has scars on her arm. So as we went in to see the judge Act 53 had no recommendations to give him.
Since then we did press charges so that after she did her rehab stay she would then have a probation officer to answer to for a longer period of time. She was handcuffed and taken to Shuman to be held until the probation office can find a place to meet her needs.
We were in shock!
I have recovered better than Barney.
Barney is very afraid she is going to be placed with a Wards facility. Barney is a police officer and deals with a particular one in our area that he is not impressed with to say the least.
 Our older daughter was put in Wards Independent living (which meant at that time, living independently in your very own apartment that she picked out). She was not supervised AT ALL. She did not attend school, get a part time job, see a therapist, go to NA, or have even one "mandatory" urine test. The apartment was a party place for teens. She left when she caught it on fire.
I think giving them an apartment is no longer part of the program options. Thank God, at least I hope not.
It looks as if they are looking for something more for severe mental issues with an element of D&A. Something I have not prepared myself for.
My husband wants to drop the charges before she ends up in something he doesn't want or have control of. I guess I would rather keep the charges and have her come home with an ankle bracelet and on probation.
And then we can continue to live in our made up asylum.
How could this go so wrong?
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