Originally Posted by:Sally -- Thursday, November 18, 2010
Our son, Cisco, is in placement and even though I am a seasoned PSST mom; (I have been attending meetings for well over a year) there are times when I let our situation get the best of me. That is okay, sometimes I need to work through the lonely feelings and being sad sometimes allows me to do this.
Our family has a thirty-three year old tradition of gathering together to select and chop down our Christmas tree. Cisco has always enjoyed this romp in the woods. I have many happy memories of him trekking up a glistening hillside along side his older brother. The snow softly falling and both boys so young and healthy ...... it felt like we were in the middle of a Norman Rockwell Poster.
I especially remember one warm but wet Christmas season when he fell in the creek and was muddy from head to toe but still wanted to go straight to dinner at a restaurant afterwards, that one puts a smile on my face too.
Cisco will not be there this year. How do we fill that void?
Our kids each have their own personal box of Christmas ornaments. Cisco will not be there when we decorate the tree to put all his special hand-made ornaments on it.
He will be missed.
The toughest thing at any time of the year is opening the door to his empty, all too quiet bedroom. I cannot even describe how lonely that makes me feel.
If your family cannot be together because of addiction do not let it ruin your holiday. That would be like letting the addiction win another round. Instead count your blessings.
The top five things I am grateful for:
1. I am thankful for Cisco. He is alive. He ran away from an adult facility six weeks ago. He has been very sensible and respectful ever since his return.
2. I am thankful for Rocco. Thankful that Rocco and I are working together on this disease that affects the whole family.
3. I am thankful for the support we get from our other son, Frodo and our daughter-in-law, Feona and all our extended family.
4. We are very thankful of our PSST friends who are always there for us and understand our highs and lows.
5. We are very thankful for Val, Lloyd, Kathie and all the experts from Juvenile Probation, Wesley Spectrum and Gateway who empower us.
All of these wonderful people in my life help fill the loneliness that occurs when my son is in placement. I think I will count all of these blessings twice.
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This Year at Thanksgiving I'll Count all my Best Blessings Twice,
Posted by:Sally--Thursday, November 28, 2013
Mirror Mirror on the wall..
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, November 28, 2013
Happy Thanksgiving to all PSST parents everywhere! We love our parents at the meetings and also those of you who follow us on this blog and on our Yahoo Groups email.
Just a note to say that we fixed our search window. If you find anything interesting in our archives please post a comment to let us know what you found. I just put "Thankful" in the window and found the above post by Sally and I re-posted. The other day I put "Parent Rights" in the window and found a post that I wrote for July 4th 2012. It had been such a long time that I felt like I was reading someone else's post.
I stand behind that "Parent Rights" post but I couldn't help but notice that it says nothing of parent responsibilities. For example, of course it's a parent's right to disagree with experts (#12) and of course parents are really expert on their own children but what if a parents disagrees with most of the experts most of the time? What if a parent's disagreements with professionals undermines the treatment that a teenager is receiving in an inpatient program? Isn't it also a parent-responsibility to support rather than undermine the treatment that the teenager is there to receive? Sometimes Parent Rights and Parent Responsibilities collide.
For example, inpatient challenges the teen to take responsibility. In the beginning the teenager blames everyone else for his predicament. After a time in treatment he begins to see that he has played a role and that he has done that by making poor decisions. This is the sort of turn around we are hoping for and when the teenager stands up and says, "You know that's something that I have to change in myself," we all applaud!
It could very well be that the thing he glimpses that he needs to change is whether or not to continue to go through life as a victim!
For each of us there is plenty of evidence that we are victimized. We are victimized by so many situations and people on a daily basis: from the person who misinformed us about our new mortgage to the person at the grocery store who never should have bagged the bananas with the bleach!
Where does our responsibility come into it? We signed the mortgage so should we have known what we were signing? Should we have asked more questions? Maybe not but I'm just saying do we take the time to examine our role or are we eager to find someone to blame for each of our predicaments? Should we have watched the grocery person throw those two things into our bag? Perhaps that's something we expect not to have to worry about and yet, we are also there are we not?
Here's why this is so important. If we decide to go through life operating from a victim's stance then it becomes very difficult to change ourselves. Instead, we go through life trying to change everyone else and boy is that a frustrating endeavor! Once we decide to abandon our victim's stance, we begin to examine our role in things and that allows the spark that can start a blaze of self growth. Without that spark there is small chance for change.
As we have often said in this blog, one of the gifts that we can offer to our teenagers is good role-modeling. We will be imitated by our children. So, if we choose to act primarily as victims, we do little to help our teenager to grow up and become a responsible person. Raising responsible people, that's our job as parents and when we have our teen inpatient it's an ideal time to begin to become more responsible ourselves.
So, let's go back to disagreeing with the experts. Sure, we can and should do that; however, if we find that a couple of these experts are saying the same thing it should raise a questioning flag. Even if our opinion is that "they" are all incompetent and "they" are all wrong and we begin to feel like we know more than the psychiatrist, more than the family therapist, more than the social worker, more than the probation officer and more than the judge, then maybe it's time to realize that while we have the right to disagree with the experts we also have a responsibility to support the treatment that our teen is getting. If our disagreements range so large as to undermine the very treatment that our teen is getting and especially if our intervention continually reinforces the fact that our teen is a victim, that he isn't competent, and that he really can't do any better, then at the end of the day let's be thankful there are mirrors and let's find one and take a good look.
I am thankful that parents who attend PSST usually don't undermine the treatment that their teenager is in inpatient to receive! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
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PSST Tenth Anniversary / Holiday Celebration
Posted by:Jenn--Sunday, November 24, 2013
Please put the date on your calendar, and plan to join us! Feel free to bring a food item to share - in the past, attendees have brought holiday goodies, pastries, a hot breakfast/brunch item, fruit, crackers & cheese, chips & dips, chili, etc.
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Thanks to "our" Fabulous Interns!
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, November 23, 2013
Thanks to “our” fantastic Wesley Spectrum interns, Abby & Elizabeth, for sharing valuable information at our special PSST meeting today. The topics discussed were improving family communication (listening and dealing with conflict) and grief education/counseling. The parents who attended were in for a surprise, because we didn’t have to choose one of the two topics, instead we experienced both!
The information was helpful, and there was a lot of sharing within the group - even role-plays!
Mark Your Calendars for this Special Event on Sat, Nov 23!!
Posted by:Jenn--Sunday, November 17, 2013
Learning is . . . life's greatest adventure . . . ~ Taylor Caldwell, American
author
You are invited to attend your choice of two educational groups open to the community and PSST parents. The groups will feature the topics of how to improve family communication (listening and dealing with conflict) and grief education/counseling. The workshops are free, and will be informative and interactive in nature.
You are invited to attend your choice of two educational groups open to the community and PSST parents. The groups will feature the topics of how to improve family communication (listening and dealing with conflict) and grief education/counseling. The workshops are free, and will be informative and interactive in nature.
Wesley
Spectrum interns Abby Temple and Elizabeth Bayley will host the groups. The
groups will run from 9-11:30 at Saints Simon and Jude Church, 1607 Greentree
Road, Scott Twp, PA 15220 (our usual 3rd week meeting location) on Saturday, November 23. Please join us!
Note: The groups are in fulfillment of graduation
requirements for a Masters in Counseling Education from Duquesne University.
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From Role Play to Real Life
Posted by:Brigitte--Sunday, November 10, 2013
The situation involved letting our son, Pierre, know that we were not comfortable with him dropping by and hanging out at our house while he waited for his girlfriend to pick him up. We felt like prisoners in our home--following him around, having to remind him that he could not lock the door to his former bedroom, locking upstairs bedroom doors, hiding our money. Francois and I had already told him that he could not shower or sleep at our house and, although he hadn't handled that very well, he no longer asked to do those things. We now needed to let him know that we did not want him using our house as a temporary hangout.
As the role play unfolded, I realized that I was not coming from a place of love and detachment, but of anger, resentment and fear. As Francois and I continue to work on creating peace in our home and a better relationship with our other two sons, it hit me that I was trying to push Pierre away; I no longer wanted a weekly reminder that I have a son who continues to use drugs and may be involved in other, equally dangerous, activities. During the discussion, there was mention that, because of his lifestyle choices, each encounter with our son could be our last. It was difficult to hear, but also a jarring eye opener.
Pierre stopped by that afternoon. Francois and I know that a three-way conversation with Pierre is impossible, so I attempted my version of the role play when Pierre and I were sitting at the kitchen table. It went something like this:
Pierre: So what did you want to talk about?
Brigitte: Well, I just wanted to apologize for something.
Pierre: Oh yeah?
Brigitte: As you probably can tell, I am struggling with a few things lately. I have been feeling a lot of anger, fear, and disappointment in the choices you've been making and I don't think I've been handling it very well. (pause) I'm sure it hasn't been fun for you to stop by when Dad and I are following you around the house every second and acting so tense when you are here.
Pierre: I don't know why you do that anyway.
Brigitte: Well, as I said, it's my problem. I'm feeling a lot of distrust and worried that something might get stolen, and I am not able to get past it right now. I'm working on it, but in the meantime, I am really uncomfortable when you're here and roaming around the house.
Pierre: So?
Brigitte: Well, we love seeing you and you're welcome to come here as long as dad and I know in advance when you are coming and how long the visit will be. We just aren't comfortable with unannounced visits or having you hang out in other parts of the house. We can visit together when you are here.
Pierre: Okay, whatever. I don't really like coming here that much anyway. It's so boring here.
Brigitte: Yep, it's very boring here (resisting the temptation to add "Finally!"). By the way, are you coming for Thanksgiving?
Pierre: Only if it's here and not at Aunt _____'s house. I hate driving all the way there and staying all day.
Brigitte: Oh good, I was planning on having it here anyway so that works out well.
Pierre: Okay. Hey, I built bookshelves for my house and they look sweet.
(The visit continued with chit chat about his new place and who he is living with.)
It's amazing to me that, after three years of attending PSST, I can still be surprised by the depth of insight, compassion and strength that this group has to offer. I am so grateful for that, and also for the extra hugs and kind words!
Thank you so much--
Brigitte
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Marijuana and E-Cigs
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, October 21, 2013
Local reports from
Florida, New York, and Philadelphia have reported on
the trend of using electronic cigarettes to vaporize marijuana, citing concerns
of parents, law makers, and law enforcement agents who worry that electronic
cigarettes allow users to get high without detection. Both products are legal
in some states and not in others, making enforcement even more challenging.
For the full article, click here.
Thanks
to Lloyd for sharing this link!
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A Teen's View of Prescription Drug Abuse
Posted by:Jenn--Sunday, October 20, 2013
(Thanks to Mary Canary for sharing this article.)
With his new documentary, “Out of Reach,” filmmaker Cyrus Stowe, a senior at a Dallas high school, set out to uncover the growing problem of friends sharing and abusing prescription medications in his hometown.
With his new documentary, “Out of Reach,” filmmaker Cyrus Stowe, a senior at a Dallas high school, set out to uncover the growing problem of friends sharing and abusing prescription medications in his hometown.
"I’m grateful that my film can open
eyes and prompt action, and that can start with talking with your kids about
medicine abuse, and safeguarding your medicine. It’s as simple as going into
your bathroom, opening up your medicine cabinet and understanding the orange
bottles in front of you are easy targets for abuse. Keep them safe and out of
reach."
Read the rest of Stowe's account about
the problem, along with his experience in making the film, by clicking here.
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Parents of the Year Speech
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, October 12, 2013
Please remember this in regards to our child's addiction:
-
* We didn't cause it.
* We can't control it.
* We can't cure it.
The one thing Paul & I have learned from this journey is: Even when we can't change a situation, we can change our response to it!
We still take it one day at a time, but believe us . . . there is hope when all seems hopeless!
2013 Allegheny County Juvenile Court Parents of the Year (full speech)
- This is sort of like winning the prettiest person award in an ugly contest. You wish that you weren't eligible to be considered, but yet proud to be selected.
- Thank you for this recognition, it has been added and checked off on our bucket list! Who knew!
- We have met so many parents throughout our journey that are so much more deserving of this award than us, but thank you.
- There isn't a parent here tonight who didn't have a different hope and dreams for their child, but life has a way of thrusting us into situations we never dreamed we would face.
- We stand before you this evening with a message of hope,
o But hope needs help! It needs the assistance of perseverance.
- We must be an advocate for our children . . . be their voice when navigating through the system.
There are so many people that we'd like to thank for helping keep our son alive until he came to the realization that he had to change. We call them, Team Cameron:
- Sheri Magill, Act 53 * Lloyd Woodward
- Kathie Tagmyer * Val Ketter
- Justin Innocent, Wesley Spectrum / Juvenile Probation Officer
- Elizabeth Bayley, Wesley Spectrum * Bob Banos
- Judge Dwayne Woodruff * Judge Borkowski
Just to give you an idea of the journey Team Cameron has traveled, here are the places we have all been to beginning in April 2008:
- Western Psych April-May 2008:
- Pyramid Ridgeview May-July 2008:
- LOTS OF OUTPATIENT REHAB AND COUNSELING
- Shuman July 5-August 2010:
- Abraxas I August 2010-February 2011:
- Liberty Station February-May 2011:
- Shuman May 2011:
- Alpha House May-August 2, 2011:
- August 2-August 9: Ran from Alpha, relapsed
- CLEAN DATE: August 8, 2011
- Allegheny County Jail August 9-September 2011:
- Shuman September 2011:
- Abraxas LDP September 2011-February 2012
- Gateway YES February-April 2012:
- Liberty Station April-June 2012:
- Shuman June 2012:
- Rutter House June-August 2012:
- Shuman August 2012:
- First Step August-September 2012:
- Shuman September 2012:
- September 7, 2012: Regained freedom after 2 years and 2 months of institutions
- Pathways 3/4 House September-October 31, 2012:
- Own Apartment in Mt. Lebanon October 31-Present:
We came to the decision that for our son's best interest, he could never live with us again. That was one of the most difficult decisions that we've ever been faced with. But it was the right decision for our relationship with Cameron.
Additionally, we'd like to thank:
- Jesse Yunker; who, without your guidance and friendship and empty bedroom! You have provided a safe, comfortable and clean environment for Cameron so that we may rest without too much worry each night.
- Cameron's brothers: Jason, Brian & Aaron for welcoming him back into our family with your unconditional love and support and praise for where he is today. Dad & I know how difficult the years were for YOU and we will NEVER forget your understanding of the decisions we made concerning your little brother.
- And Amber and Ashlynn for being the BEST additions to our crazy family.
- MOST IMPORTANTLY . . . PSST parents - we could not have gotten through this without your tears & laughter as we gave our updates and reached out for support, ideas or just HUGS when we were at the bottom of a very very deep hole.
- We didn't cause it.
- We can't control it.
- We can't cure it.
We can't want their sobriety more than they do. When we do, it leads to enabling behavior that is ultimately detrimental to our child's well being.
The one thing Paul & I have learned from this journey is: Even when we can't change a situation, we can change our response to it!
I'd like to read the Facebook post Cameron made immediately after hearing that Paul & I were chosen "Parents of the Year".
My mom just told me that her and my dad have been chosen Allegheny County Juvenile Court Parents of the Year. I'm so happy they finally get the recognition they deserve. Everybody tells me how great I'm doing and how far I've come, but people rarely realize the hell and embarrassment I put them and the rest of my family through. I couldn't have accomplished everything I've done in the last 2 years without their love, support and annoying me enough to motivate myself to go do something with myself. Love you mom and dad"
Words we never thought we'd ever hear from Cameron!
Ladies and gentlemen: Please give a round of applause for our son, Cameron, who is now 26 months clean and successfully working the Narcotics Anonymous program.
We still take it one day at a time, but believe us . . . there is hope when all seems hopeless!
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The Word is Out . . .
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, October 10, 2013
The Allegheny County Juvenile Probation Awards
Ceremony was held tonight in Pittsburgh, so now it’s official!
 |
| Anne & Paul at the PSST meeting celebration |
Paul & Anne are the Allegheny County Parents of the Year! Members of their personal family, as well as members of their PSST family, were at the ceremony to show their support and pride for what this couple has achieved. For their firm yet compassionate dealings with their son, for what they’ve been through & survived together as a family, and for their encouragement in helping others in the PSST group – they truly set an example for us all.
After their speech at the ceremony, their son (now 26 months clean) joined them at the front of the room to give them hugs – such a fitting and heartwarming gesture.
 |
| Lloyd, Val, Cam, Anne, Paul & others at the Allegheny County Awards Ceremony Justin is the Probation Officer Rookie of the Year! His supervisor nominated him based on his ability to pick up his new job duties so quickly and efficiently, his dedication to his work, and his willingness to help the organization in whatever capacity he was needed. |
Congratulations to all of these deserving individuals!
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Addiction & Loss
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, October 10, 2013
Using her own money and donations from friends, Rachele Morelli commissioned a film detailing how her son became a heroin addict, as well as the impact of his death on his family and friends. She has distributed it free to school districts throughout Westmoreland County, Pennsylvania. http://triblive.com/mobile/4846199-96/film-morelli-heroin
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Resources for You!
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, October 10, 2013
Thanks to "Mary Canary" for sending us
information on the following resources for parents and their communities:
"Out
of Reach" is a special documentary created by a teen filmmaker who
captures the issue of teen prescription drug abuse. This site provides information about
how to share the full film and an accompanying "Out of Reach" toolkit
with friends, schools, communities, families and more. http://medicineabuseproject.org/resources/out-of-reach-medicine-abuse-through-the-eyes-of-a-teen
The
Partnership at Drugfree.org is one of the helpful links featured in the right
column of this PSST blog. This site
offers numerous videos, toolkits, and guides for parents on such topics as
connecting with your teen, how to spot drug & alcohol use, how to prevent
drug & alcohol use, etc. You can
find these resources at http://theparenttoolkit.org/
The Parents360 Rx Action Toolkit is
a new community education resource that can be used by professionals from law
enforcement, prevention and treatment, as well as by any concerned adults who
want to share information about medicine abuse with their friends, family,
neighbors and organizations to which they belong. Check out this toolkit at http://pact360.org/
if you would like to promote its use in your
community.
Parent of the Year announced at PSST this Saturday at Eastern District Office!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, October 02, 2013
This is our annual Award. The actual award will be given on Thursday, October 10th at the Allegheny County Awards get together at 550 Fifth Ave., downtown Pittsburgh starting at 6:00 PM. All parents are welcome; but this Saturday is just for us! Cake anyone?
Our Parents of the Year were nominated by both parents and staff. We do not have an official way of nominating but people do approach Kathie and I and tell us who they think should have it.
Each year this award usually goes to one of our PSST parents who has both used the parenting skills of PSST and who also has given back to the PSST group in a substantial way. It was another year of tough choices as so many parents in our group stood out. Read More......
The Serenity Prayer With A Twist By Ed
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, September 26, 2013
By Ed
As a parent and longtime volunteer at Gateway Rehabilitation Center Greentree in the Family Night Program for families of adolescents having substance abuse problems, I have observed many family members, including myself, who have found Serenity while surviving in the midst of all of the chaos surrounding their loved one’s addiction, and many more who have not. It has often baffled me as to why some can find it, and many, many others just cannot.
While reflecting upon the Serenity Prayer recently, I was struck by one of those thoughts that immediately elicit the mental response, “Surely, someone has thought of this before now!”. But, I have never seen or heard it expressed in just this way, so here it is.
Perhaps the first two lines of the Serenity Prayer became reversed somewhere along the way.
That is to say that possibly…........
“God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change those things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.”
should read……….
“God grant me the Courage to change those things I can,
Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
and Wisdom to know the difference.”
Now, why in the world would that kind of a twist in the Serenity Prayer occur to anyone? I think that this is why...
The Serenity Prayer in its original order, as we are used to seeing it, seems to be a bit passive. In other words, we are asking God to grant or give us Serenity, Courage and Wisdom with no particular stated effort on our part.
Well, does the old saying “God helps those that help themselves.” have any validity, or not? I believe that it does, and should be taken into consideration when praying the Serenity Prayer.
As you probably know, Habitat for Humanity facilitates the building of homes for folks who, otherwise, could not afford to acquire a home of their own. However, each recipient of Habitat’s charitable work must, themselves, complete a required number of hours of work on their home in order to receive the benefits provided by Habitat. Plain and simple, if they do not help, then they do not receive. This perpetrates a kind of “sweat equity”, if you will, creating more of a sense of ownership and responsibility.
My experience in working with family members of adolescents with substance abuse problems has been that those who have been pro-active in their approach to the issues involved are the ones who have had the most success in finding the frequently elusive Serenity. Summoning the Courage to change the things that they could has been, for them, a giant step in their search for Serenity. They have chose to act first in making needed changes, and have been rewarded with more Serenity sooner than those who have not.
So, what changes have they made, those who have, indeed, found some of this elusive Serenity? Well, they have changed themselves. They have changed by choosing to react differently to the addictive behaviors of others, more calmly and more reasonably, in a more thoughtful manner. And, they have changed by choosing to eliminate their own enabling behaviors, both active and passive.
Take Courage and change those things that you can, and just feel the Serenity come rolling in. That’s the Wisdom!
Read More......
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