Contratulations to Beth and Erv who were chosen Allegheny Parents of the Year!
First, they had a big challenge with their son. They endured lots of difficulties as they struggle to help their son turn the corner from his poor choices that led him down a path of trouble. Secondly, they changed a lot of what they did and worked with PSST and treatment therapists to make those changes. Third, through it all they supported each other and presented a unified front to their son. And last but not least both of these parents reached out to help others. We saw it over and over again as they attended PSST, performed role-plays, led by example, and even participated in Coffee House Nation events (our positive peer group for youth sponsored by Juvenile Court) by not only being there for the teens but also by bringing hot dogs beverages and such for our Steeler Game event. Congratulations to Beth and Erv and thanks from all of us at Juvenile Court for your contribution.
Picture from left to right in the back row: James Rieland, Director of Allegheny County Probation; Judge Flaherty; Judge Woodruff; Anthony Madison #37 Pittsburgh Steelers; Judge Clark; Judge McVay; Judge Mulligan.
Parent of the Year Award 2008
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, October 23, 2008
Good article on relapse issues
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, October 12, 2008
Val found this article. It is well written and full of wisdom. Click here to read be sent to the article.
The problem for us in PSST is not always that we don't see the signs- it's what do we do about them?
This Saturday, Oct 4th is a very special meeting!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, October 01, 2008
First, it's the second try at "bring your teen with you to PSST." Second, we are trying to help Laura Condos with her evalution of PSST and we are inviting parents that we have not seen for a while to come back and let us know if they feel that the whole PSST experience was worthwhile.
There will be a chance for everyone to meet with Laura, fill out the evaluation form (also available on this website- see post below) and also briefly interview with Laura. Any help either by coming in to see us or filling out the survey online is appreciated.
Please help us to evaluate PSST!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, September 28, 2008
Our Masters Level Student Intern, Laura Condos, is working on an evaluative instrument. You can either fill this out on paper or you can follow the link below to fill it out. Also, Laura will be at the next meeting on October 4th at the Eastern District Probation Office to help distribute evaluations and to interview parents. Thanks for your support.
Please read:
The link below will take you to a survey that is intended to gather
information about your experiences at the PSST group. Your answers to all of
these questions will remain confidential.
I, Laura Condos, am currently conducting an evaluative research project
concerning the implementation of the PSST group. My intent is to examine
your overall satisfaction with the group as well as elicit some suggestions
that you may have for group improvement or recruitment of additional group
participants.
The survey should take approximately 10 to 15 minutes to complete. Please
answer the questions to the best of your ability and completely as possible.
Your participation is very much appreciated.
Thanks so much,
Laura
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.
<http://www.surveymonkey.com/
take survey
Update on all the happenings at PSST.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, September 08, 2008
We had five teens and eight parents attend the experimental Teens and Parents meeting at Eastern District Probation on 9-6-08. It was the first time that people could put a face on some of the stories that we have been hearing about these fantastic teens.
All we did for the first half hour was ask teens how they managed to get thier clean time. Three of the five Teens had a year clean, one had ten months, and one is struggling to put some clean time together but even he had a great attitude as he was waiting for a bed to open at the Tom Rudder House. As for the parents they gave abbreviated updates. At about 9:30 AM the teens left with Kathy Tagmyer from Westley Spectrum to participate in a Teen Forum, and then we manged to get the real updates from the parents after they left.
We also had Laura, our Juvenile Probation Intern in attendance. She is working on a Master Degree in Social Work. As part of her internship with us, which is through December, she will be creating an evaluative component to PSST. As to that she requests that as many parents as possible attend the meeting on October 4th so that she can pass out questioniares and perhaps have mini meetings with parents. So please pass the word around that we need parents including veteran parents to attend on Oct 4th or at least to call in and tell how best that Laura can reach them.
However, one small problem at this point is that neither Val nor I can attend the 9-20-08 meeting at Eastern. Laura can not attend either. So, we are looking for another Probation Officer or somebody to lead our meeting that day. Please let us know if you have any ideas. Kathy Tagmyer has said that she is available, but she would be working with the teens on the first and third Saturday mornings. Therfore, we still need someone to open and run our parent meeting. Or we could cancel. Or we could ask Kathy to work with the parents on 9-20-08 and just not bring the teens in that day. What does everyone think? Leave a comment and check back to this blog for more information about just what we will do with the 9-20-08 meeting.
Read More......
When a relapse occurs
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, August 13, 2008
What do we say? For example, you have just given your teen a urine screen and he fails it. What strategy to employ?
There are two primary tasks to accomplish. First, give your teen a chance to admit that he has relapsed. If he admits it- give him credit for being honest about it. If not, give a second test on the same urine sample. If the second test comes back positive, express confusion and express confidence that the test instruments are reliable. Don't expect an immediate confession but continue to express confusion and let your teen know that it is his responsibility to account for why his urine is testing positive.
At the point where the teen has still not admitted to a relapse, I like to ask him if he has been around anybody who has been abusing drugs. This question often provides me with more information. For example, if he reports that he has been inside a vehicle with others who were smoking marijuana and he thinks that he got an indirect dirty urine as a result, well now i know that he has been associating with drug abusers while they are getting high and that he is in some danger if he is riding in automobiles and smoking marijuana. This is important information but it does not necessarily account for why the THC is at a level for which it tests positive in his urine.
Keep in mind, that while an admission from your teenager is important, it is not necessary. Even without an admission you can move to the second task. Try to refrain from calling your teen a liar. Name calling can be counter-productive. Saying things like, "I am struggling to belive your story - it doesn't account for why this test is positive" is different from saying "I don't believe you- I know you are lying." Remember, we don't "know" anything, unless we were there when he got high. But he has to tell us something that makes sense, something that is credible, and if he tests positive on the second test as well as the first, then he has some explaining to do."
One question that comes up repeatedly is this: can a person test positive if he is just around others who are smoking marijuna? The textbook answer to this, which is provided by the drug testing companies is no. There is generally not enough of the substance second hand to provide enough THC to test positive. However, common sense will tell us that there can be exceptions to this. In the above mentioned example, you have teens smoking marijuna in a car with the windows up. If this goes on long enough, then of course a person who is not smoking it can get a "contact high." Or, at a party in a smaller room the marijuana smoke can become really thick so that your might hear people joke that all you have to do is go into that room and you will get high. Unlikely? Yes. Impossible? No.
A good question to ask the teen who refuses to admitt it is this: "did you feel high?" If the answer to this question is a yes, then you have your admission because he certainly has relapsed, as he allowed enough marijuana into his body to feel intoxicated. Of course, he may still be lying. Still, an admission is an admission. If on the other hand, he denies that he felt anything, then that that denial constitutes an unacceptable explanation.
Task number two: holding your teen accountable. Whether or not your teen admits to a relapse, you can move to the second task. While it is important to give your teenager a chance to account for why his urine is dirty, a chance to come clean so to speak, it does not change much in the way of the second task, which is to hold him acccountable for the relapse. State the accountablitly in simple business-like terms. Most of the accountability will involve restricting him from contact with peers, grounding, loosing cell phones, and perhaps an assessment from a local drug treatment program. If he has had outpatient treatment already, he may need inpatient treatment now. If your child is on probation or if you have filed an ACT 53 petition, then there may be legal consequences as well. Keep the second part short. Going on and on about a relapse is usually counter-productive.
Things to avoid doing:
1. Asking why they did it is usually counterproductive. Probably they like the feeling of being high. That's the real reason. This may feel like the perfect time to hit home a point about how bad of a decision it was to get high but it really is not the right time to make any points, except the two mentioned above. The problem with asking why is also this: there is no good reason and so you your question is a trap of sorts. Any reason they give you will not suffice. Mostly the reasons will be excuses, e.g., "I was depressed," "I was around my old friends," "you shouldn't have let me go over Sam's house," etc. We really don't want to hear the excuses, just skip that part and cover the consequences. However, there is nothing wrong with saying, "teel me what happened." Just don't expect much and don't make it the driving goal. He relapsed. Now, no matter what happened, you have to deal with it.
2. Asking how could they do this to you? Try not to take it personally. Probably it was not something they did to you- they just like the feeling of getting high. Creating a lot of drama over how horrible of a thing this was to do to you might feel like you are setting up a deterrant for the next time but we need to remember that we are powerless really to stop our teens from using drugs. We can only do our best to provide responsible pararent supervision and pick up the pieces in the best way that we can after it happens.
3. Don't keep this relapse a secret. Not from the other parent, the siblings, the counselor, or from the Probation Officer. This has to be exposed for what it is.
4. Don't try to "rip them a new one." That just doesn't help. Hold them accountable by restrictions, more clinical evaluations, or following through with Probation or Act business as you probably already told them that you would do. Let them feel the heat via consequences, not via your verbal tirade.
5. Your teen may lie about his relapse even after you see the result on the urine test. Be careful not to fall into the trap of making the primary issue his lying. The primary issue is continued abuse of drugs. They lying about it is secondary. So, lets assume that you go on and on about how important it is not to lie about these things. Finally, after a long session with you he admits that he relapsed. Now you move to the seond phase where you hold him accountable. Now he screems that he told the truth! But he is still being punished! See, he says, he knew he shouldn't trust you by telling the truth and he'll never tell the truth again now that he sees what it gets him. Just remember that the primary issue is his drug abuse and whether or not he admits to it- you can hold him accountable. If he admits to it- good for him- he told the truth- but he is still to be held accountable but now he can feel a small bit better because he got that off his chest.
6. It is natural to want to make your teen feel quilty about this. Stop it. They probably feel bad that they got caught. Maybe they do feel bad they they relapsed, but trying to heap on the guilt as a way of providing a deterrant against future drug abuse is not effective. We don't have the power to make them feel bad, except that they may feel bad for the consequences that they must now experience. Fine, lets go with that. Sometimes, we might hope that if our teen feels bad enough about what he has done, that we don't have to hold them accountable. "Oh, we talked about that- its' ok now." If you have not held your teen accountable, then the issue has not been delt with just because you talked about it and you might better now that you know how badly he feels. It's a trap. The primary issue is not his guilt- it's his relapse.
5. Remember that people learn from failure. Sometimes we have to fail and experience the consequences for that failure in order to learn. The old saying is: people change because they feel the heat- not because they see the light. Just remember that the most effective "heat" is consequences, not a verbal thrashing.
All PSST meetings cancelled for August
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, July 28, 2008
This is just a chance for Lloyd and Val to catch up on things. We will be back in the Fall. Have a nice rest-of-the-summer everyone! You can call Lloyd at 412-861-6757 if you need some support or advice.
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Home Run Derby
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Thursday, July 17, 2008
This post was submitted by Mary C.
“To let you know how far I've come, let me tell you where I've been.
Not that long ago, there were nights I went to sleep in strange places praying I wouldn't wake up. After another night of bad decisions, I'd lie down with my heart speeding inside my chest like it was about to burst through the skin. My thinking was clouded, and my talent was one day closer to being totally wasted.”
Josh Hamilton is a major league baseball player. In last week’s Home run Derby contest he set a record with a 28-homer outburst in the first round. Unfortunately, I did not get to see this. My son told me about it a few days later. The fact that he had hit 28 homeruns was impressive but that wasn’t what impressed my son the most. Josh Hamilton is a recovering crack addict. He has turned his life around. He is an inspiration for many recovering addicts. His story is remarkable. The title of an ESPN article says it all, “'I'm proof that hope is never lost”. Click here to read it.
Sorry, our Tuesday, July 15 meeting at Gateway is cancelled.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Sorry, our Tuesday, July 15 meeting at Gateway is cancelled due to lack of interest. We are not sure that we will continue this meeting as interest is very low.
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Crisis Network kicks off
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Saturday, July 12, 2008
Starting July 1, re:solve Crisis Network began operating its phone and mobile crisis services. By calling the re:solve Crisis Network phone number (1-888-7-YOUCAN). . .
Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic of UPMC and Allegheny County have partnered to bring new comprehensive behavioral health services to the residents of Allegheny County. re:solve Crisis Network kicked off July 1 and is a 24-hours-a-day, 365-days-a-year crisis service available to any Allegheny County resident regardless of age, ability to pay, or history of using behavioral health services. The network is designed to help anyone deal with everyday stress so it does not become a crisis. Whether you are feeling depressed, bullied, experiencing grief, or troubled by day-to-day tasks, re:solve Crisis Network can help.
Starting July 1, re:solve Crisis Network began operating its phone and mobile crisis services. By calling the re:solve Crisis Network phone number (1-888-7-YOUCAN), you can speak to a trained counselor on the phone or in person through the mobile crisis services. If mobile services are requested, a counselor will meet you wherever you are or wherever you would like to meet in Allegheny County.
Phase two of the re:solve Crisis Network will roll out this fall. This phase includes walk-in and overnight behavioral health services at its new location being built on Braddock Avenue. The development of this network will create more than 120 new jobs in the Pittsburgh area and provide a confidential outlet for residents of Allegheny County to seek help.
re:solve Crisis Network’s goal is to help you resolve your crisis before it becomes a crisis. Step one to feeling relief starts with picking up the phone. Help is available any day, any time, for any reason. Contact the re:solve Crisis Network at 1-888-7-YOUCAN or 1-888-796-8226.
Continue to use the WPIC Call Center and admissions number, 412-624-2000, to arrange transfers to the WPIC emergency room, schedule inpatient admissions and outpatient appointments, obtain information about WPIC’s services, or reach directory assistance.
A chance to help.
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Friday, July 11, 2008
Join Together is an excellent national advocacy group that monitors and gets involved with the problems and issues surrounding drug and alcohol abuse. They make it easy to stay informed with their daily email newsletter. You can find them at http://www.jointogether.org/ and subscribe.
They are currently asking for our support in an effort to stop MillerCoors from marketing an energy/alcohol drink. Seeing corporate America trying to turn a profit on the backs of our children really just sets me off. This is a national email effort and they have made it extremely easy to participate. Just go to the website or click the picture above.
Quote from 21 year-old recovering addict
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, May 29, 2008
The therapist asked this young man who had recently celebrated two years clean what his plan was if he relapsed. The young man responded, "You mean if I don't die?"
Often we find that the miracles in recovery are people who never let themselves forget that the disease is fatal.
Letter to the Disease by Mary Chalburg
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Realizing I was powerless over you empowered me. I have learned that I can not control you, I did not cause you and I can not cure you. I will continue to live my life even if my son decides to use drugs again...
Intro: Lots of changes!! The first letter I wrote was an assignment for family members attending family night at Gateway Rehab. Writing that first letter helped me tremendously while my son was in the Intensive Outpatient program. The assignment was designed to help family members put all of their thoughts on paper and to express their feelings toward addiction-not the addict in their life. This writing assignment was extremely therapeutic for me.
Dear Addiction,
I felt you were to blame for many problems in my life. I came to realize I was not angry at my father for being an alcoholic or my brother for being an addict; I was angry at You. I was not angry at my brother when he was diagnosed with lung cancer so why would I be mad at him for being addicted to drugs? Along with many people in our society I used to feel that addicts chose to do drugs; therefore, it is their fault when they eventually become addicted to drugs or alcohol. While individuals are responsible for taking that first drink or illicit drug, some people are luckier than others. The fortunate ones can stop after a beer or two or try marijuana and never pick it up again. My child was not able to stop after one or two and he did make bad choices about drugs and alcohol. Fortunately, he is alive today and has learned from his choices. Other kids have not been as lucky. The harsh reality is kids CAN and DO die from using drugs.
My son dreamed of becoming a professional baseball player not a heroin addict. However, experimenting with drugs and alcohol at a young age can ruin plans and in some cases, even take a life. I can only speak from my experience with my son’s drug use. I am similar to many other concerned parents. We find ourselves constantly worrying about our children’s health, social life and where he or she will attend college. My worries went from what colleges will he attend to HOW I CAN HELP SAVE HIS LIFE from drug abuse… Playing in a championship game or attending the prom seems so trivial to me now. Teenage experimentation with drugs quickly progressed to drug addiction.
The night my 18 year old son came to me and told me he was addicted to heroin changed my life forever… my son is 21 years old and recently celebrated 2 years of being clean and sober. He has been able to keep you away. You have not taken his life. I am grateful for this miracle everyday. You have changed my life dramatically. I feel free. I feel alive. I feel emotionally stronger than I have ever felt in my life. Realizing I was powerless over you empowered me. I have learned that I can not control you, I did not cause you and I can not cure you. I will continue to live my life even if my son decides to use drugs again. I will still wake up each morning, thank God for another day, and put a smile on my face. The thought of you does not scare me or control my thoughts. Ironically, the most stressful situation in my life has brought me the most peace.
Sadly, my family was broken into pieces because of you. Five lives took on very different directions because of you. Regardless of an impending divorce, the five of us still celebrate special days, such as birthdays or 2 year Anniversaries together. Parenting children together is an unbreakable bond. It is the strongest connection two people can share. We will continue to keep our three beautiful children our primary focus, nothing can or will change that!
We all dealt with the after affects of you differently. I can only speak for myself and how I dealt with you. Dealing with a loved one’s addiction is complicated. There is no right or wrong way to living with you. There is only the way that best suits each family member. Dealing with you is very personal and no two people deal with you exactly the same way. It is not uncommon for family members to be angry, embarrassed or in denial of your existence.
As a mother, there was only one way for me to deal with you. I looked into my child’s eyes with tears running down his face as he asked for my help and I promised him I would stand by him forever and ever as he worked on his life without you. He needed support and love from his family. He needed to know he was loved unconditionally. This came naturally to me; he was my child, my first born, my flesh and blood. This was not something I had to consider, it was instinctive.
My son is a remarkable young man. He has traveled across the country to attend Narcotics Anonymous meetings. He has shared his story at meetings in front of hundreds of people. This is the same person who years prior had a difficult time looking someone in the eye when he spoke to them. That was when he was using drugs and had a secret… He is open and honest now. He has a passion for life. He lives each day to the fullest!
My message to parents is never give up hope. NEVER. If there is a heartbeat, there is still hope that an addict can change. As for parents, now is the time to change YOUR LIFE, regardless of your child’s drug use. Learn to live again, learn to love and trust again. This is not easy to do especially if a child is actively using drugs. Talk to other parents, join a support group, Parent Survival Skills Training PSST, HAS HELPED NUMEROUS PARENTS TAKE CONTROL OF THEIR LIFE AGAIN.
I learned about addiction and that has changed me. I feel blessed with this knowledge and have returned to school so I can learn how to help others. I have been able to share my personal experience with addiction in the hopes of helping another parent. Along with my personal experience and a degree in Social Work I will be able to help many more people.
In order for change to occur in our addicts, it helps if we parents are willing to make changes. We need to stop allowing the addict in our life to manipulate us. Conversely, we need to stop enabling them. There were many times when I thought I was helping my son and in reality I was doing more harm than good. Whether it was helping with homework (more or less doing the homework!) or not confronting him when one of his stories seemed suspicious; I always seemed to make excuses for his behavior. During his years in high school (using drugs) my “gut” feeling always told me something was not “right”. I could not put my finger on it and I hoped it was just adolescence and whatever “it” was would go away as he matured. Addiction does not just go away.
I encourage parents to follow their gut feeling. If something does not seem right-then it isn’t… Trust your instincts and do not allow feelings of guilt or denial stand in your way of a serious problem. Drugs are deadly. I suggest confronting your teenager when a story does not add up, ask more questions, and check their cell phones and text messages if you suspect drug use. If drug use is suspected do not allow he or she to drive your automobile. The risk of killing themselves or another human being is too great. Be firm with your decisions and stand your ground. By doing so teens will be mad at us but I am a firm believer if your teenager is mad at you then you are doing your job!
My son was mad at me on a daily basis. However, a year ago when Eric and I were on the Marty Griffin radio show sharing our experience Marty asked him,” I bet you were pretty mad at your mom during your high school days Eric? Eric agreed and then said the most magnificent comment a mother could hear, “But honestly, she saved my life and I love her.” My son told Marty Griffin and the entire listening audience that he loved me and I had saved his life- it doesn’t get much better than that… So, if your teen is mad at you today one day he may thank you for saving his or her life someday.
Change is difficult. For us parents, just recognizing that we are being manipulated is the first step. When we stop our enabling behaviors, it will not only change our life but our addict’s life as well.
It is time to take charge of your life again, like it used to be, before drugs or addiction invaded your life. PSST empowers parents of substance abusers.
The Oasis Recovery Center of SW PA
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Thursday, May 22, 2008
These are some friends of the Bridge to Hope. I thought you would be interested in what is going on and that you may want to volunteer.
"Our goal is to help people get into recovery and/or treatment (get through the red tape) so many people make one call and find out there are no beds and then they give up and go back to drinking/using"
Our Official Name is "The Oasis Recovery Center of SW PA"
We are now a 501c3 organization.
We have a temporary office space located @ 960 Penn Avenue, 1st Floor
(this is almost directly across from the old recovery center if you remember
where that was located)
Our goal is to help people get into recovery and/or treatment
(get through the red tape) so many people make one call and find out there
are no beds and then they give up and go back to drinking/using
Second goal is to provide a safe environment to help people when they get
out of treatment -- focusing on the early recovery process...
Most people overdose in the first two weeks after leaving treatment or jail,
so this is a critical time and its when most people relapse
Our first phase is to begin an Addiction Helpline
Our second phase to to begin to work on building task groups in the
community and
Our third phase is to find a location to house the post-treatment work
Our ideal setting would be along the river (serenity)
So if any of you have any ideas for location, old building somewhere.
We were looking at Lawrenceville and the Strip District.
So now that we have an office and phone lines in place, I'm inviting you
To come to the office on Sat. May 31st @ 10 am
960 Penn Avenue to talk about Answering the Addiction Helpline.
If you could volunteer 3 hours/week to help take calls, please let me know.
If you would like a copy of our new brochure, please send me your address
and I will forward one to you.
Also, if you would like to help but cannot attend on May 31st, let me know.
Also, please feel free to pass this to anyone who you think may be
interested in helping us to get the Addiction Helpline up and running.
We will provide training on how to answer the calls free of charge.
Thanks,
Karen
412 519 5772
karenplavan@gmail.com
