Valerie and I wish to thank all ten parents who helped make this meeting a success. Half of the Parents had already attended our Eastern Probation Office Meetings, and the other half were first-time members.
Candid exchanges between group members set a tone for supportive confrontation in this meeting. Especially, Parent after parent affirmed the need to focus on the drug problem if your teenager is still using. Other issues such as education, legal problems, health, MUST take a secondary role if the teenager is still abusing drugs. It is only natural that we allow ourselves to become distracted by these other important issues, because if there was no drug problem that High School Diploma, upcoming Court case, Hepatitis-C, or psychiatric problem WOULD of course be the main issue. Nevertheless, your teen cannot get that Diploma if he is dead. What can a parent do if their teenager is still abusing drugs?
The first step is to admit that your teenager is still abusing drugs and THAT none of the other problems can successfully be addressed as long as is active in his addiction.
The second step is to TAKE AN ACTION. Do not just wait it out. Chances are good that the longer you wait the more difficult the situation will become. Also, let us remember that this is a life-threatening disease.
Teens cannot hear what we are saying. This goes double when they are still active in the addiction. Therefore, the only way to SEND MESSAGES to them is by taking an action. For example, putting a teenager back in inpatient if possible is taking an action. Yes, we may have doubts that it will do any good, but we must take what actions are available to us. Putting a teen that has relapsed back into inpatient is not perhaps the only option, and may not be an option in some cases, but it does fit the bill in terms of SENDING A MESSAGE and TAKING AN ACTION. Figure out what actions are appropriate, along with your partner if you have one, confront your teen, and take an ACTION.
The Third Step is not to become sidetracked by other issues. Even the fact that you cannot insure that any ACTION you take will help can become a distraction. "Why am I going to put him back in inpatient, he already has been there and it didn't work." Yes, that may true although that is difficult to know. However, once again, SOME ACTION is required. Some parents have contracted with their teenager, that if he uses he must leave the home. If that is your contract with your teenager, then you must follow though. It depends on the age of your child, what drugs he uses, whether or not you have a Probation Officer or ACT 53 case, as to whether that might be a good contract to make.
The Fourth Step is to fine-tune the plan. If your child has gone into rehab, placement, or jail, then you have an ideal opportunity to get a strong commitment from your teen to do the following.
1. Attend 12-step meetings daily.
2. Develop a "we" of the program that includes sponsor, home group, and calling recovering peers each day. Chapters can and have been written about developing the “we” of the program.
3. Divorce old friends that represent ties back to the substance. Keep in mind that most relapses can be reduced to two forces at play. Backing off from recovering people ("those meetings don't help") and moving closer to people who use drugs ("he is my friend- he isn't a bad person, he doesn't even smoke Crack anymore.") We are NOT saying that anyone is a bad person. We are saying that your teenager's old friends are bad for your teenager and your teenager is bad for his old friends. They will want to use drugs again if they spend time together.
4. Agree to being drug tested WHENEVER parents choose to drug test.
5. Attend outpatient treatment and follow the therapist's recommendations.
6. Do not become distracted by the accusation of "You're trying to work my program for me." This is not the case here. You are negotiating a plan for recovery. If you do not come in with high expectations, then you are missing the big opportunity. This is mere negotiation.
7. However, it may be that your teenager is going to feel like you are working his recovery for him. Ok, agree with that premise if it makes it easier to move the discussion forward. “Yes, I am working your recovery somewhat. When you can work it yourself, I will be glad to take a vacation from working it for you. Until then, if you want to live here in this home, you will allow me to guide your recovery. Or you can work your own program somewhere else.” If he does not want to live with you, what are his other options? Perhaps he can work his own recovery somewhere else, like a group home, or a halfway house for recovering addicts. Guess what? Those places are going to have expectations about working a program too, and they won't be swayed by charges of "working their program for them." It is possible to be too involved in your teenager’s recovery, however that is the stuff of another post, or perhaps readers can leave comments on that issue.
8. This is an opportunity because if your teenager refuses or is reluctant to commit to conditions such as these, you should reconsider allowing him back home, or if he is at home you should consider what other options besides living at home that he may have. If we allow our teens to be active in their addiction and continue to live at home with no consequences or accountability, then we ENABLE them. We provide them with a base-of-operations from which they can easily seek the ways and means to abuse drugs. What are your other options? If he knows that you are serious about this plan, he may realize that he wants to live at home and he must comply.
The Role-play: check back later this week, time permitting, I will try to recap the role-play.
First North Hills PSST: Thanks for your support!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, March 10, 2007
Breaking a few eggs: (Summary of 3-3-07 Meeting.)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Our meeting at the Eastern District Probation Office this last Saturday featured a lively discussion, a spirited role-play, and some homemade Lady Fingers brought by one of our members that ARE TO DIE FOR. About 10 parents attended. There was much optimism laced with caution. One parent put it something like this: “Things have been going great this year, but I could go home from this meeting and find that my son has relapsed again.”
The Role-play: We all know the experience of being around someone who may react badly if we say the “wrong” things. We walk on eggshells. We constantly measure the effect that our words may have before we utter them. Like an overly cautious carpenter we measure twice, three or four times the impact that our words may have- so that we only have to cut once.
The Scenario:
For some time now, this young man has been struggling with Heroin Addiction. He has been at Abraxas for about three months. At first, he hated it; he ranted and raved about how his mother and this Probation Officer placed him there. Now, he appears to be well adjusted and is maintaining the top behavioral level in the program. He has apologized to his Mom for the things he has done during his love affair with Heroin. He no longer seems to be blaming others. He says that he takes responsibility for the things he has done that has resulted in his placement at Abraxas.
Up until now, Mom has not brought up some of the things that have been bothering her. This role-play takes place during an imaginary visit to her son at Abraxas…
Mom: Hi Sonny. You look SO good. Oh my goodness, you have really gained weight up here! Oh my, it’s good to see you! [Mom moves chair up closer and makes warm friendly eye contact.]
Sonny: [grunts], Ok mom, Ok its good to see you too. [As if to say-c’mon don’t embarrass me- someone might hear.]
Mom: I mean it! Even your brothers, who sometimes act as if they hate you, said they miss you.
Sonny: I should be home soon on a home pass.
Mom: I know. [Pause]. I hear great things about what you are doing up here. You mentor other teenagers now!!! I am very proud of you! And I know that you are back to playing guitar and I keep hearing about how talented you are!
Sonny: Yeah, well that home pass gives me something to look forward to. You want me to come home, right?
Mom: Oh honey I want you home in the worst way- we all do. Of course, I don’t want you home if you’re going to kill yourself with Heroin; nobody wants that.
Sonny: Mom! I quit that! I’m never going to do that stuff again. I learned a lot up here! [Scowl on his face shows displeasure that she would have to bring THAT up.]
[Pause.]
Mom: You know what? I really need to talk to you about some difficult things. I guess you could say that I need to get some things off my chest.
Sonny: What? Mom, don’t mess things up for me, OK? [Obviously feeling fearful of what might come up.]
Mom: What do you mean?
Sonny: Well, I’m finally getting the hang of things up here- you know its real hard for me up here, and I try so hard, so please don’t start bringing me down, OK?
Mom: OK, I’m listening, what could bring you down?
Sonny: I don’t know- anything. I have a lot on my mind right now. Let’s wait till we get home to talk about anything important- I don’t want my therapist to get the wrong idea. I might loose my home pass.
Mom: Well honey, I’m not sure if it will mess up your home pass or not- I hear you – that you are afraid, but Sonny, I NEED TO TELL YOU SOME THINGS. [Slowing down her words.] I mean, some things have been really bothering me.
[Pause.]
Mom: You know, I think you brought up a really good point.
Sonny: What?
Mom: About your counselor getting involved in this. Let’s ask her to come over here and sit in on this, so that she can support you and help you process our talk after I leave. That is a much better idea than her trying to figure it all out later.
Sonny: Are you nuts? I’ll get a level drop for sure. Ok, go ahead [Looking exasperated.] You’re going to do it anyway- I know you’re going to try to make me mad so that I don’t get my home pass. You don’t want me to come home do you? That’s what this is all about. You know I’m doing good, and you don’t want me to come home. Right?
Mom: Listen to me first – judge what I say second. Look, if you don’t want your therapist to sit in on this that’s OK. But I am going to tell her what we talked about. Nothing that I say is going to be kept secret. So, it’s up to you, but staff will be included now or included later.
Sonny: Why?
Mom: Because things that we agree to keep secret-keep us sick. And listen to this part honey- I WILL NEVER STAND BY AND HELP YOU TO STAY SICK! And that means, I won’t be keeping your secrets for you when you come home either. I will be honest with your probation officer, and I won’t cover or lie for you anymore.
Sonny: Ok call him over [Scowling again.] I don’t care, do what you want. I don’t care what you do. You’re going to do what you want anyway.
Mom: [Raising her voice.] Rose, do you have time to sit in on our visit?
Rose: Sure thing, you told me you might need me today- so I have someone here to help me cover.
Sonny: [Rolls his eyes.]
Sonny: Ok, what is it?
Mom: Son, I am troubled by some things that lay heavy on my heart. One is that I know from actual evidence, as well as from the core of my instincts as a mother, that you are the one that wiped out our bank accounts.
Sonny: Oh I TOLD you I never did that! You ain’t sticking me with that one. You better ask my brothers about that one cause I never took any of your money. [Delivered unemotionally, in a monotone.]
Mom: I’m glad we can talk about this. The second thing that troubles my heart, is that you have never taken responsibility for stealing from us.
Sonny: Cause I didn’t do it! [Looking mildly exasperated!]
Mom: Look son, [moving even closer and holding out a black book] I found this book out in the garage with your Heroin and your drug paraphernalia. It is definitely in your hand writing and it has every one of our bank account numbers listed.
Sonny: That is so wrong- you coming up here and accusing me of this. You calling me a liar Mom? Are you? Cause that’s what I think you’re doing, you’re calling me a liar, aren’t you?
Mom: It hurt a lot to lose the money. It hurts me even more that you have never admitted it. It’s like a knife in my chest! [Makes a motion of stabbing herself in the chest with imaginary knife.]
Sonny: You’re doing this just so that I won’t get to come home. You waited till I was doing good, didn’t you? Why did you wait till now to bring this up? Huh? I keep asking you that – you’re the liar – you won’t admit that you don’t want me home!!!!! That’s what this is all about!
Mom: You are right about part of that.
Sonny: Yeah, I know I’m right!
Rose: Wait a minute you guys. Sonny, why did you write these account numbers down in a book and keep it hidden in your Heroin stash?
Sonny: [Looking at his Mom- not his counselor.] See mom. You happy? I’m going to loose my level now. I told you-[looking at counselor now] I told her- that is not my writing. I never wrote down anything like that. Did she ask my brothers about it?
Mom: [Keeping eye contact with Sonny, not the counselor.] Oh I’ve checked. It’s not your brother’s hand writing. It’s yours. And they don’t do Heroin, so why would it be hidden in a Heroin stash in the garage?
Sonny: [Looking at his counselor, not his Mom.] She’s just turning things around on me- cause I’m doing so good up here.
Mom: I’m so glad you brought that up. [Moving chair closer to Sonny.]- I AM TURNING MYSELF AROUND. You see, I WILL NEVER STAND BY AND WATCH WHILE YOU KILL YOURSELF WITH HEROIN. I DID DO THAT. DO YOU HEAR ME SONNY? I DID THAT AND I AM TURNING MYSELF AROUND. I’M NOT THE SAME PERSON that used to be so afraid that I might upset you. AND I W I LL NEVER stand by and do nothing while you kill yourself with drugs. And I will not stand by now while you say you want to change your life, but you still can’t find the courage to take responsibility for what you have done.
Sonny: [Seething Quietly.]
Mom: And let me tell you one other thing. I DON’T want you home until you’re ready to recover from this Disease. And until then, I will do EVERYTHING in my power to see that you stay up here where you are safe- where you can’t hurt yourself.
Sonny: I can come home now for a visit and not get high mom. I will never get high again. I gave all that up- but you just don’t trust me!
Mom: No- you are so right! I can not begin to trust you as long as you persist in these lies. Maybe you can stay clean on a home pass; maybe you can’t. But as long as you persist in these lies, I want you to stay up here where you are safe.
Sonny: You just want me to fail up here.
Mom: I want whatever is going to help you save your own life. If that means a level drop- so be it. You deal with it!
Sonny: You don’t care about me. I work so hard up here. You’re turning it all around on me.
Mom: Sonny, I’m proud of you and the hard work you did up here. But it’s going to take more than that to stay off Heroin. I’m so afraid you’re going to kill yourself.
[Pause.]
Mom: You know what?
Sonny: What?
Mom: I would feel a whole lot better if you were more worried about your life-threatening disease – than about your level drop!
Follow up note: I made up that role-play. The role-play we did at PSST inspired me to write it- but it is not the exact same one. I want to thank the parent who provided the scenario and who acted the part of her son.
Discussion:
As parents, we learn early how to figure out what is wrong with our children. We start when they are infants. We know which cries mean that something is really really wrong, which ones mean that something is really wrong, and which ones just mean something is wrong. Then, as they grow we continue to “read” our children, constantly assessing what emotions, they feel and how things look from their perspective. When we gain that place of understanding, we feel better. Because now that we know what is wrong so we can help.
Most of what we do to help we do to help we do to mitigate or ease the pain of our child. If he is upset that he is not able to have a toy that another child is playing with, we find him a similar toy. If he is jealous that another child has been successful when he has failed, we point out to him that he is successful at many things too. If he wants to watch his show on TV (and he might be very disappointed or angry if he does not get to watch) - we gladly sacrifice our own TV show so that he can watch HIS show.
This is part of how we judge our success as parents. If our child is upset, we have failed. If he is happy, then we have succeeded. This is natural. But what happens when our teenager gets involved with drugs?
NEXT: Enter the ADDICTION. Now everything we have done to manage, “read,” and intervene in our children’s life sort of backfires. For example, our teenager wants money or he wants to go out without making good acceptable plans. If we do not give in- he will be unhappy, at best. If we do give in, he will be temporarily pacified. Moreover, if he is unhappy and throwing a tantrum, then it is we the parents that he blames. Are we good parents? If we are so good, why is he so unhappy?
At some point we start to walk on eggshells. We do not want to rock the boat. God forbid we make our teenager angry now. Many of our teens with drug problems have really mastered the anger thing. Many times, we are also dealing with psychiatric problems in our teens. It is difficult to know what to do. Who wants to upset a teenager by saying NO to something that he wants so badly, and end up hearing something like, “You know what? YOU’RE the reason that I need to f___ing get high, so that I can get away from you.”
NEXT: Enter the RECOVERY. Ok, now we are finally where we need to be. Maybe our teen is in an inpatient treatment program and he is planning to work a 12-step program. However, now we are REALLY walking on eggshells. We not only fear that he is going to be angry with us, but now we also fear that WE will cause THE RELAPSE. After all, if he gets angry he will be at a higher risk of going back to the drugs. Now darn it, it is all our fault because we made him angry.
NEXT: Enter FAMILY COUNSELING. The therapists and counselors tell us that it is important that our teenager be able to get to the bottom of some of his problems, no doubt some of which are rooted in his relationship with us! Then, when the family sessions start- we feel like we are targets for his frustrations.
Perhaps he is full of resentments. These resentments can range from “you liked my sister better than me,” to “you should have stopped me from using the Heroin before I got hooked.” What has not changed now that he is in Recovery, is that he is still trying to control us with the threat that he might become upset. His power in the family may still be incredible. Even in inpatient treatment, or in court placement, our teens attempt to control us by the threat that they will be absolutely livid with us.
And maybe we feel that many things WERE our fault, because darn it, we are human beings, and therefore we are not perfect. So we apologize, and we look for ways to let our teenager know that we still care and we still love him; as if love can cure anything.
Meanwhile, all our apologies, statements of love, and our determination to “understand” are often seen as a sign of weakness by our teenager. He will play along of course. He understands this game well. The name of the game is “How Many Ways Can We Make This MOM and Dad’s FAULT?”
Therefore, we walk on eggshells. How else can we make it though the day? Well, there is another way. We can break a few eggs. In fact, we can break a few on purpose. Why? Because we come to understand that our child’s well being is no long further by the whole “tiptoe around the eggs thing.” Furthermore, our teenager is not the only one that needs to express a few resentments! As parents, we need to express some things too! What is good for the goose...
And secondly, we come to accept that if he is going to believe that we have changed once he comes home from the rehab, then we better show him some changes while he is still in the rehab. Our hope is that it produces therapeutic grist for the treatment mill.
We need to take risks in order to have any chance of helping our teenager make good decisions. We need to be strong, take-the-bull-by-the-horns parents, who do not shy from confrontation. We need to break a few eggs.
I hope that you see from this role-play that we can break a few eggs without being unseemly or mean-spirited. Our love and our warm caring feeling can be expressed at the same time that we are taking our bull by the horns.
Closing Note: I do not mean to imply that by pacifying our children, we parents have caused their addiction. We all pacify our children to one degree or another. That is not what causes the addiction and most children will not develop addictions just because a little spoiling has happened. However, when addiction strikes, it becomes counter-productive to pacify or enable them out of the consequences of their addiction. Our only hope lies in combining warm expressions of love and concern with toughness. We can see the manipulations. We must not be manipulated any longer. So, let’s break a few eggs.
New Meeting Locations and Times
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Sunday, March 04, 2007
Starting March 10, 2007 the meeting time is changed to Saturday from 9-11:30. Monday night meetings are being discontinued. The first and third Saturdays of the month the meeting location will be at the Eastern Community Based Probation office. The second and forth Saturdays of the month the meeting location will be hosted at the Alliance Office in the North. Directions and details are on the website and the attached brochure.
FEAR
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Thursday, March 01, 2007
Among all of the emotional upheavals that invade the lives of families affected by substance abuse and addiction, FEAR is probably the most common. In all of my interactions with other families who have been impacted by this curse, it is the one universal feeling that just won’t go away. In many cases, FEAR is overpowering, paralyzing normal activity, thought processes, health and life in general. FEAR is an automatic reaction to family member addiction and is as natural as any other reflex. It is very hard to control and seems infinite in its longevity.
In order to better understand FEAR and how to mitigate its influence on our lives, we need to define the difference between “good” fear and “bad” fear....
or said another way, “rational” fear and “irrational” fear. “Good,” or “rational” fear is characterized by our ability to control, or at least partially control, its contributors, and is absolutely necessary for survival in this life. Fear is one of God’s greatest gifts for conditioning us to danger and equipping us to deal with it. We have all heard the fable of the child who was fearless around the hot stove until his hand was burned. The fear of pain created in the child by that experience was a great life lesson and probably prevented much worse injury throughout the rest of his life. “Bad,” or “irrational” fear is characterized by our total lack of any kind of control over the situation and though disguised as a real fear, it is not much more than “worry.” Dwelling on “bad” fears, also known as pathological worrying, is a path to perdition!
In our battle to achieve recovery from the woes of a family member’s addiction, there are “good” and “rational” fears that can warn of danger. They need not be paralyzing; on the contrary, they can be useful in helping us devise ways to reduce or eliminate the fear and allow us to move forward. These rational fears need to be responded to differently than “bad” or “irrational” fears. Let’s have a look at some representative examples of both, starting with “good” or “rational” fears and some positive and logical responses to them:
Facts that Evoke Appropriate Reaction
(Good Fear)
∑ Fear of abuse and/or the premature death of our loved one: Every month, the news of violent assault and death at the hands of drug dealers or other addicts, either through murder or overdose, is enough proof of the legitimacy of this fear. A constructive and appropriate response can be to pro-actively do anything and everything we can to protect our loved one from harm. Sometimes, this will mean assisting in, or at the very least, not impeding our loved one’s arrest. They will be safer in confinement than on the street. It may also mean working with the addict to find an in-patient rehabilitation facility that will be safe, educational and the beginning of a process of recovery and the ultimate eradication of this threat. Once the recovery process is underway, it may mean providing “safe haven” in the family home for some period of time.
∑ Fear of financial ruin: The high cost of rehabilitation, combined with the relative paucity of meaningful insurance coverage, together with the personal property and cash losses typically sustained by the family at the hands of the addicted family member, proves that this is clearly a rational fear. An appropriate response would be to safeguard all valuables, including cash, credit and debit cards, checkbooks, jewelry, electronics, car keys and all other items of value in the home during the period of active addiction. It also may be wise to steer the addicted family member into the “system” where much of the major expense of rehabilitation is covered by government programs. It is also advisable to consult with an attorney to investigate legal ways to protect assets.
∑ Fear that the family will be irrevocably destroyed: Clearly, the stress that addiction places on the entire family is intense and the potential for the destruction of the family is real. Siblings of an addict may feel alienated due to the attention being given to the addict; parents will feel the stress and may begin to turn on each other; finances may become strained; family life may become a constant turmoil with no end in sight; the temptation to end it by fleeing may become overwhelming for one spouse or the other, or perhaps, even both. One positive response to this fear is to seek support from appropriate resources such as a family support group, psychologist, clergyman, or professional counselor. Recognition of the symptoms of a deteriorating family and qualified support to deal with them can effectively address this fear.
∑ Fear that addiction will “spread” to other family members: As we have seen numerous times, the potential for substance abuse to claim other family members is real, happens frequently, and exponentially multiplies the misery of everyone involved. This fear can be mitigated by taking serious, formalized steps to embrace prevention through discussion, education, providing real-life examples of the dire consequences of substance abuse and being a good role model for the rest of the family. It can also be addressed by applying what we have learned about denial, enabling, co-dependency, treatment, and consequence when the first signs of “spreading” to others in the family appear on the horizon!
In every example above, it is clear that the fear is justified. It is also clear that families can mitigate these fears by recognizing them for what they are....nature’s way of alerting us to impending danger.... and equipping us with action plans to deal with them. When we analyze these fears and apply appropriate responses, they become less onerous and hence, less debilitating.
Now for a look at “bad” or “irrational” fears.
False Evidence that Appears Real
(Bad Fear)
∑ Fear that our family’s reputation is or will be ruined by the circumstances of our loved one’s addiction: This is a perfectly understandable fear in light of the societal stigma typically ascribed to the situation. However, when we analyze this fear, to whom are we giving the power to destroy our reputations? The press? People we don’t know? Neighbors with whom we don’t interact? Society in general? Let’s face it....how we are perceived by others is usually a product of how well they know us. People who knew and loved us before the problem became manifest will know and love us while the problem is active, during the recovery process, and into the far distant future. We should never confuse the fear of ruined reputation with the equally unwarranted emotion of “shame.” If we were able to hold our heads high before the addiction occurred, then we can do the same after it is discovered. People who think less of us because of a family member’s addiction are the ones with the problem, not us.
∑ Fear for our addicted family member’s future: This is a legitimate concern, but since the addict is the only one who controls it, and since it truly does not represent “danger,” succumbing to it, spending time and energy thinking about it, and suffering anxiety over it are all counter-productive to achieving our own recovery. The principle of “letting go” really applies with this fear!
∑ Fear of our recovering addict’s potential for relapse: Here again, we cannot control this possibility, so allowing our own physical and mental health to be adversely impacted by focusing on it takes away from the energy we could be better exerting on positive responses to fears we do control. Some believe that relapse is actually an expected occurrence in the recovery process and others are terrified of it. Regardless of your position on the subject, it still qualifies as “not in our control.”
∑ Fear of failure: This is one of the most paralyzing fears of all, not only as it relates to helping our addicted family member but in life generally. Failure is a very intimidating event, but fear of failure must be confronted. If we think we’re going to fail, we will fail. Success, however we define it, is far more likely to be achieved when we remove this fear from our consciousness and continue to try….always try…. regardless of setbacks encountered along the way. Our son went through outpatient rehab and it didn’t work. He went through psychological counseling and that didn’t work. He went to in-patient rehabilitation and that didn’t work. He tried self-therapy, applying intellectual rationale to his problem, staying sober to avoid consequences, and that didn’t work, as he relapsed after two years of clean time. And then he went to the 12-month Teen Challenge program, where his life was changed, his values were established and reinforced, and he experienced his first real success in defeating his addiction. That was almost three years ago now. If we had recoiled in fear of failure after his first outpatient experience, we would not be in the enviable position we enjoy today. His potential for recovery was enhanced by a belief that we and he could indeed succeed.
Fear, then, it seems, can be a helpful force of nature in some circumstances and a serious impediment to progress in others. As with any other emotion, we need to understand where it comes from, whether or not we have control over it by our actions and reactions, and how best to respond in order to move forward and achieve our ultimate goals. As our nation entered World War II, Franklin Roosevelt was quoted as saying, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” As our families confront the war against substance abuse, addiction and turmoil, I would elaborate somewhat on President Roosevelt’s wise observation thusly: “The only thing we have to fear is not appropriately responding to our fears.” If we shrink from fears of circumstances that involve our ability to mitigate them, or dwell on fears of things over which we have no control, we are headed toward misery and sorrow; conversely, if we respond appropriately to fears of circumstances over which we have significant control and drive out our fears of the uncontrollable, we will be heading down the right road, rocky as it may be from time to time.
2/07
Read More......
Drug Forum with Marty Griffin on KDKA 3/22
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Friday, February 16, 2007
On March 22, 2007, the Alliance will host the second annual Drug Forum with Marty Griffin. This event will take place live on air with Marty during his radio talk show, KDKA from 9:00 to Noon at the Orchard Hill Church, Wexford.
Coffeehouse Nation
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, February 11, 2007
What is Coffeehouse Nation? Coffeehouse Nation is a newly formed group consisting of Probation Officer Specialists from the Drug and Alcohol Unit and juveniles who are under Court Supervision. This group was born out of necessity for our youth who are working a 12-step program of recovery from highly addictive drugs. Providing sober fun group activities is the main thrust of the new club. Probation Officers Kelly Tuma and Lloyd Woodward started this program. The two probation officers have applied for funding for the group but activities are already underway and the group is looking for more members now.
Four members of the new club attended the recent Town Hall meeting at South Fayette High School. One of the four sat on the panel of guests. At 17 years old, with two years of clean time, full-time in college and working part-time, Nick M. was a perfect answer to one of the questions from the audience, "will these kids ever really fit into society?" As most of us know, recovering people are often the most creative, intelligent, hard working members of our society. Even though it just started, the Coffeehouse Nation is stacked with inspirational stories...
This new program offers our recovering clients an opportunity to be involved in something more than just 12-step meetings and staying at home. Most of these youth go to school, 12-step meetings, and drug and alcohol outpatient therapy with little to no other interactions. These activities are very helpful but the relapse rate for our clients recovering from highly addictive drugs is still high. While we are not proposing that this group will prevent relapse, we hope to fill a void often left in the lives of recovering youth.
Our initial goal when starting the group was to get these youth together to provide additional support for each other. We have learned that youth can have a hard time in finding a “good”12-step meeting supported by other young people. Often, the result is that either our clients do not attend the meetings regularly or even when they do attend they fail to develop meaningful relationships with others in recovery. In other words, our youth can have a hard times assimilating with other recovering addicts who are not already in their peer group.
Our first meeting consisted of a brainstorming session with a few select youth who currently have a strong foundation in 12-step recovery. We quickly realized that we were on the right track with our initial goals, but with the help of these youth, we identified another goal: helping our youth to re-learn how to have sober fun. Along with building a strong support system and creating networking possibilities, it is now a major aspect of our vision to help these youth learn to have sober fun.
Our next step involves securing funding for activities. This funding will allow us to provide new experiences such as museums, bowling, eating at restaurants, and attending plays. In addition to learning sober fun, these sorts of activities will broaden our juvenile’s worldview and enrich their lives.
Of course, this is something that Probation Officers rarely get the chance to do, considering we spend most of our time trying to get a youth to recognize their problematic behaviors. However, in keeping with the principals established by the Balanced and Restorative Justice approach of which Allegheny County is a pioneer, it is within the mission of the Juvenile Probation Department to do much more than just help a youth to learn to obey the laws. The Competency goals addressed in BARJ clearly address the importance of helping our clients in Juvenile Court with the “development of competencies to enable children to become responsible and productive members of the community.” (Act 33 of Special Session No. 1 was passed by the Pennsylvania General Assembly in November 1995 to amend Pennsylvania's Juvenile Act.)
Our goal in Coffee House Nation is to help our special clients increase their competency. No- we are not teaching a trade or providing work experience. What we are doing, however, is providing a badly needed extra component of competency for our clients who are in recovery from highly addictive drugs. Therefore, our Coffeehouse Nation embraces the following goals for our clients in recovery from highly addictive drugs:
1. Helping them re-learn how to have sober fun.
2. Providing a network of recovery geared to help each client get the most out of the 12-step program by knowing where and when to go to meetings and other functions.
Click to email contacts Probation Officers Kelly Tuma or Lloyd Woodward
A mother's letter to The Disease
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, February 10, 2007
Mary Challburg writes a powerful letter to addiction. This letter can help us all feel what it is like to struggle with this life-threatening disease. Mary Challburg is the chairperson of the The Helping Hands Parents, a volunteer effort sponsored by The Alliance. This group of volunteers assists the Alliance in meeting the needs of member schools, distribute materials throughout the medical and business communities, and assist with programs and presentations. She can be contacted at mchallburg@hotmail.com
Dear Addiction:
You have been around for centuries. Way before I was born. You can appear in many shapes & forms. You can be a cigarette, a joint, chocolate cake, a bottle of beer, French fries, pills, sex or white powder. You ruined many holidays for me. You made me feel different from all the other kids at school. You made me feel ashamed of my family. You caused me to do poorly in school. You made me keep so many things inside-fear, shame, anger, worthlessness. You made my mother distant & cold. You made my father negative & unlikable. You made my childhood miserable. You made me act & think like an adult when I should have been playing kick ball outside with my friends. You made me who I am today. Because of you, I am strong & confident. I can handle any crisis that comes my way. You forced me as an adult to tackle many difficult emotions. I am still standing. I am who I am because of you… But, that’s me….
You stole my son’s youth. You robbed him of his innocence. You made him feel like he wasn’t normal. You made him steal, lie, & cheat. You always were, and always will be a part of his life. Even when he was in my belly, you were there. As much as he doesn’t want you-you will always be there. You’re that annoying person riding his tail on the highway. He looks in the rear view mirror & there you are. He can speed up or slam on his brakes but that won’t get rid of you. You are that ex girlfriend he can’t shake, the annoying, possessive, controlling, all too consuming person. He can break up with a girl friend; he can’t break up with you. You will always come back to haunt him. You’re that first pimple, on his perfectly, clear complexion-that never goes away. He doesn’t want to go to school because kids will stare at his pimple, everyone notices it but no one says anything. He looks in the mirror & there you are. You are always lurking. You’re that big Biology test we all had to take. We studied for hours on end, sleepless nights lying in bed worried, stressed out about how I will do? Will I pass? Will I have to re-take it? What if I fail? What if I let myself down? But you’re not a Biology test that goes away at the end of the semester or school year. You are so different. You cause my son stress & anxiety every day. You never go away, not even for a minute. You are air, water, a constant nagging reminder. He looks in the mirror, opens the frig, puts gas in the car, goes to work, watches the Super bowl, goes to the mall, church, sees a pretty girl & there you are. He can’t even get away from you when he’s sleeping, he dreams about you. You are his skin, his soul, his heart, worst of all, you are his mind. Everyone deserves a break, but you, you don’t give up.
You are cruel & evil. You don’t care whose lives you ruin. Doctor’s, lawyers, plumbers, pregnant mothers, there is no discrimination or age barriers with you. You invade 13 year olds & continue haunting them well into their 90’s, if they live that long. You confuse many people. You make others think that my son is weak. If they only knew how strong he must be to keep you away. It takes stamina to keep you out of his life. More people would feel comfortable asking me how he is, if he had cancer. How’s he doing? Is the chemo working? What do the doctor’s say? would be questions I would hear. Few people understand you or believe you are a disease. You’re not concrete, not everyone can grasp you. But me, I have lived with you in one way or another, my whole life. If you weren’t my grandfather, you were my father or my brother, now you are my son. Since we have lived with each other for so long, we should be friends by now. You used to be my enemy. Now, I accept you. You won’t ruin my life any longer. I am a fighter, remember?-you made me that way? You made me a survivor. You have made me be able to cope through the most difficult times. I have watched my mother & my 39 year old brother take their last breath. Because of you, I am still standing. You made me drop my 18 year old son off @ rehab on that cold February morning. The Steelers had just won the super bowl 12 hours before. My son should be at college celebrating with friends. But no, you made him go to rehab for heroin……..
When my son was in high school, I was suspicious of you. I agonized about your control over him. I had him evaluated on different occasions, I had caught him drinking, found weed. You are very sly. He was able to keep you from me & the therapist. You had become his secret now. You made me feel crazy at times. I worried on a daily basis that you had control over my son. Worrying is worse than knowing the truth. The “what if’s in life can destroy you. Once you know something, you are able to face it head on, deal with it. It is what it is…. The worrying & crazy thinking made me search my son’s room, desk drawers, or back pack, turning his room upside down every time he left the house. Sometimes my search came up clean. This is when I tried to convince myself you were not present in his life. Other times, I found Visine or a lighter. Funny thing about you, is even when you are right in front of me, I was able to tell myself it was normal teenage use. I chalked it up to normal experimentation. He lied about his “new friends”, always told me he was going out with the kids I liked. Sometimes I am madder at denial than I am at you. You both seem so powerful at the time. I grew up with you, how could I not see you? Funny thing about being the mother now, not the daughter or the sister of you, was deep down I knew you were lurking. I had an uneasy feeling, gut feeling, mother’s premonition I guess. Then one day, I realized HE was one of the “potheads” at school. The kid that everyone dismisses, looked at in disgust, as a no good loser. My son was not a loser, he was MY son. The same little boy I brought home from the hospital as a newborn, my first born. I rushed him to the pediatrician when it was just a stuffy nose. I stayed up with him when he had the flu, I was there when he hit his first homerun, threw his first touchdown pass. I talked to him about girls, making good grades, he cared about life, and he wanted to succeed. He was not & never will be a loser in my eyes. You are the reason ignorant people judged my son. I had a feeling you were there. Yet, to some degree, I was wearing blinders. Now, looking back you were as clear as day. The red eyes, the lies, the late nights, sneaking out of the house, the smell of marijuana, but still, I believed the lies that came out of my son’s mouth. I grounded him when he broke the rules.
The day I was unable to continue burying my head in the sand or continue pretending life was normal was when my husband called & told me I had to go to the school, there was disciplinary action taken against my son. Many reasons for the call would normally run through a frantic mother’s mind. Not mine; my first thought was my son was caught smoking weed at school. It was more, it was much worse than that. There was a police officer, the principal; my son was in a separate room. I was told he had stolen property from the school & if he had been 18 at the time he would have been handcuffed & taken to jail. The thought of my son in jail made me cry, call my husband trying to speak between sobs so he knew what was going on, but what was really going on? That was the beginning of my new life. This was his senior year; he should be excited as this is his last year in high school, playing baseball, going off to college soon, lasting memories forever. There would be no baseball; he was not permitted to play. New words filled my son’s vocabulary, clean & serene, sobriety.
Life is about choices & with every choice comes a consequence. Today, my son is choosing life over you. There are really only three choices when it comes to you, jail, death or recovery. I prided myself that I was different from my mother, I am open & honest with my kids about you, I don’t sweep you under the carpet like she did. We actually talked about you at the dinner table, in the car driving to baseball games. The fact that you ruined my childhood was known in my family. My kids were aware of you-almost to the point they may have tuned me out. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a martyr, I was just very open & honest with your affects on my father & brother. You were a part of our gene pool; I felt I had to talk about you to my children.
He is not the only young person whose life you have contaminated. No one is exempt from you. You affect nearly every human beings life in some way or another, a loved one, a friend or a neighbor knows you too well. I’m not angry at you. The best revenge against someone or something is simple- LIVING WELL…… I live with you, I learn from you. You have become my driving force, my passion, my purpose. I won’t run from you or keep you a secret as I did when I was a kid. I will embrace you, I will scream from the rooftops about you. I am only as sick as my secrets. You have been exposed. You are out there for everyone to see. My son won’t hide either. He did for a few years but he’s on to you now. He is so bright, so intuitive. You made him become a man. He is a man at 19 years old, wiser than most adult men I know. I am seeing the good side of you. I always try to see the bright side of what initially appears to be a dim situation. Again, that is because of you, when I was young you forced me to look at a bad situation and say, “Hey, it could always be worse.” That’s how I have survived many hardships in my life. I realized other people had it worse than I did, so who was I to complain?
I know that’s how I was able to handle myself when my son told me he needed help. As I watch my son cry and tell me he wished he was normal. He said he needed help. “It’s worse Mom, its heroin….” There YOU were when the worst moment of my 18 years as a mother had just smacked me in the face. I said to my son, “Eric, it’s not cancer, WE will get through this”. I hugged him & we both cried. As I held him, I wondered how I was able to utter any words; I didn’t think I had air in my lungs. Finally, you were out in the open!!!! The other shoe had fallen, the “what ifs” was now reality & it was time to confront YOU…… I called one of my sisters, the nurse, the strong one, and the one that holds her emotions in. I told her I needed to get my son, her nephew, her godson into rehab ASAP. As I heard the gasp & the whimpers she tried to hide from me, I thought, “Wow, if this rocks her, this is really, really bad. I am a “fixer”, a results oriented person, I believe I focused on what to do next, who to call and where will he rehabilitate. I was in overdrive. Because of you being a family member of mine, I also knew I could support my son, but this was his battle. There was no simple fix, no band aid to place over the wound. No antibiotic would cure this in 10-14 days. Hearing these words come from my son’s mouth, not the district attorney’s office or the coroner, was extremely encouraging to me. I knew that night, at that exact moment; I would stand by my son forever and ever as he worked on his life without you. I later, had received a note from a dear friend that said, “Parenting can be easy when things are going smoothly, as they should be, it is when we are faced with difficult situations that we put our skills to work.” You taught me these skills as a child. I never doubted my ability to cope with this situation.
Even as confident as I was, my heart was shattered. You must love tearing people’s hearts open & stomping on them. You create havoc with all family members. I have 1 brother, 4 sisters, & 21 nieces & nephews. Each and every one of them was affected by you & your control over my son. Dealing with you is very personal. My daughters were angry at their brother. He always got more attention. You caused him to. They are great young girls, extremely bright & responsible. They didn’t understand why their brother, who caused so many sleepless nights & fights continued getting more of their parents attention. They did everything they were supposed to do & it seemed no one noticed. I noticed their valiant effort but I didn’t always commend them for it. You sucked the energy out of me at times. I dealt with you differently than my husband did. You almost caused a divorce but I came to my senses. Believe it or not, realizing I was powerless over you is when I was able to move ahead. I can’t fight you anymore. I won’t fight you anymore.
My son found NA and it saved his life. He now feels normal. He has learned how you can be replaced. The 12 Step program is bigger & stronger than you. I often wonder why the whole world doesn’t follow these simple steps. My son goes to daily meetings & meets with his therapist weekly. You are still present, always will be, but KNOWLEDGE = POWER. He talks about you & reads books about you, works his 12 Steps. The power of addiction is mighty, but the power of recovery is mightier…..
He realizes even though he is not using drugs, many of the same behaviors still exist. Rather than being critical of others, he is taking his own moral inventory. He focuses on his character defects and will make amends to those he harmed when he is ready. He knows a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. That first step is the hardest. Realizing your life is unmanageable is the start, a powerful start. Whose life isn’t unmanageable at some point? Each step that is taken away from you gets a little easier. If he could just run as fast as possible from you, it would be easier. This isn’t a sprint, it’s a lifelong marathon. This is a process, a very long & difficult process. Life is progression not perfection. He is well aware you can cause a relapse while he is recovering from you. This happened once. It can happen again & again if he gets over confident & thinks he has you “licked”. That’s why he goes to meetings daily, he needs to be reminded of the pain you caused him that made him get to the rooms of NA. He can’t resent you either, that won’t work. He has to accept you as part of his daily life, part of his every breath. He knows all too well that should he choose a life with you, he will be living on the streets. I won’t stand for you being in my house. Tough love isn’t that tough for me. I made my son leave once; it lasted for 14 days. I love him and will not stand by and watch him die a slow death because of you. I pray you will stay away. Because of you, I take one day at a time. When I have to, I take one minute at a time.
Anyone who has known you and who has survived you is brave. My son is my hero. His strength amazes me. His ability at such a young age, to see you were ruining his life and ask for help takes courage. You may have taken his youth but you haven’t taken his life. He can live a perfectly healthy life. He will be happier without you. He will find a wife & have children. You may or may not be a part of my grandchildren’s lives. If you are, my son will handle it. He, just like me, is a survivor because of you. You have caused us pain but at the same time, you have given us the ability for pure pleasure. Without pain, we would never fully appreciate the joy. I have met some remarkable people because of you. People, whose lives you have touched, are the salt of the earth. There is no phoniness, they are not trying to “keep up with the Joneses”, and they are real people with real stories & experiences to share. They care about living for today & being the best person they can be. You have humbled them. Looking back on my life, you may have caused me great pain, but I am not bitter. I am able to see situations more clearly and focus on the positives life has to offer.
I pray that you will keep your distance. Let’s face it, that’s all I can do. I am powerless. I pray every day; I thank God for everything I have. I have so much more than you in my life now.
I’m sure I will be seeing you around.
Mary
PS Please don’t take my son from me. He has so much to offer to others. Don’t make me bury him…………
AMBULATORY DETOXIFICATION FIRST STEP ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Friday, January 26, 2007
(Article provided by Annie Hahn RN Addiction Medicine Service’s Center for Psychiatric and Chemical Dependency Services (CPCDS). This is a must read.)
...Persons interested in the Ambulatory detox program will need to have an initial evaluation in the DEC (Diagnostic and Evaluation Center/Emergency Room WPIC) The DEC is operational 24/7 and an evaluation can be done at any time. The DEC is located on the first floor of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic 3811 Ohara Street Pgh,Pa 15213 Patients will have a complete psychiatric evaluation, physical exam and test doses of detox medications. Patients are then sent home with appropriated detox medication and referred the next day to the Ambulatory Detox Clinic at the Oxford Building 3501 Forbes Ave 9th floor...
His baby face, ball cap slung sideways on his head, and baggy pants belied his age. Matt was 29 but looked 16 years old when he went to the DEC (Diagnostic and Evaluation Center/Emergency Room WPIC) asking for help to quit using heroin. He had been using the drug for the past six years. “I’ve tried to quit before but I just could not make it through the withdrawal cold turkey.” In the DEC he was evaluated and started on an ambulatory detoxification protocol to help him safely withdraw from opiates.
His story was a familiar one to the staff at the DEC and Addiction Medicine Service’s Center for Psychiatric and Chemical Dependency Services (CPCDS). This innovative detoxification program is a collaboration between the DEC and CPCDS staff and has been operational since March 2003. The detox staff at CPCDS includes Annie Hahn RN, Rodney Williams MD and several other physicians, nurses and therapists who help out from time to time.
The next day, Matt continued his detoxification at CPCDS. He told the staff “I’m really glad you’re here. Drugs are ruining my life. I want to stop shooting dope. I tried to quit on my own a couple times, but just couldn’t.” Annie smiled, as she always does. She understood what Matt meant. During the detox visit, Annie checked Matt’s blood pressure, assessed withdrawal symptoms and initiated a discussion about “recovery” to let him know that getting sober was a lot more than simply stopping the drug use. Annie then consulted with Dr. Williams who examined Matt for medical and psychiatric co morbidity, and determined medication needs.
Matt’s father had come with him to the appointments. He was upset, worried and angry, which are common reactions of parents when a child becomes addicted. Annie listened to what Matt’s father said. She could hear the stress. She provided empathy, support, education and a sense of hope that his son could recover
On day 3 of detox both Annie and Dr. Williams re-evaluated Matt’s symptoms and motivation to change. Since he was feeling much better, Annie suggested he begin participation in the Partial Hospital program on site. Matt accepted and began that day. Some of the topics explored in the groups he attended over the next few weeks included – the disease concept of addiction, identifying and managing triggers, using the support of others, the availability of the community support system of NA/AA, learning to managing emotions and developing a long-term relapse prevention plan. Matt said it best about what he learned, “ I learned things could get better and I could have a life without drugs.”
WPIC has the only Ambulatory Detoxification program offered in Allegheny County. However, detox in and of itself is of limited value. All ambulatory detox patients are encouraged to continue treatment in a Partial Hospital or outpatient program as Matt did.
The majority of the 2000+ patients seen in the program thus far were addicted to opiates such as heroin and Oxycontin. While withdrawal from opiates is uncomfortable, it is usually not dangerous. Patients experience “flu-like” symptoms: chills, sweating, diarrhea, abdominal cramps and general body aches. Medications are given to ease the symptoms, reducing the experience to low-grade anxiety and restlessness. Detox is usually completed within 5-7 days. According to Annie Hahn RN, the “most serious complication” seen during detox is relapse and discouragement. The staff addresses these issues in their daily meetings with patients. A major goal is to help motivate the patient to engage in continued care, and participate in AA or NA meetings in the community.
If found to be medically appropriate patients may also be detoxed from alcohol or benzodiazepines in the Ambulatory Detox Program
Outcomes of the detox program have been encouraging. Of the patients who came for detox, over 60% completed the process. Among these completers, 70% participated in ongoing treatment.
The numbers of patients seeking Ambulatory Detox continue to increase. The increase speaks to the growing epidemic of opiate addiction in both the inner city and the suburbs, without regard to race, gender, age, or socioeconomic status. One of the most important goals of the staff who work with the ambulatory detox patient, is to decrease the numbers of those patients who use detox as an end in itself, but use it as the first step on that road called “recovery.”
Persons interested in the Ambulatory detox program will need to have an initial evaluation in the DEC (Diagnostic and Evaluation Center/Emergency Room WPIC) The DEC is operational 24/7 and an evaluation can be done at any time. The DEC is located on the first floor of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic 3811 Ohara Street Pgh,Pa 15213
Patients will have a complete psychiatric evaluation, physical exam and test doses of detox medications. Patients are then sent home with appropriated detox medication and referred the next day to the Ambulatory Detox Clinic at the Oxford Building 3501 Forbes Ave 9th floor
Further information about the Ambulatory Detox Program may be obtained by calling Annie Hahn RN (412) 246-5278. Questions about the program are welcome.
Read More......
HBO's Groundbreaking 14-Part Series, The ADDICTION Project, Kicks Off March 15
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Friday, January 26, 2007
Debuting THURSDAY, MARCH 15 (9:00-10:30 p.m. ET/PT), with the centerpiece documentary ADDICTION, the series is eye-opening and ultimately hopeful, providing guidance in navigating the often confusing world of addiction treatment and recovery.
"How can we comprehend the concept of a person who wants to stop doing something and cannot, despite catastrophic consequences? That is what we are up against. Some people don't want to speak about addiction, or compare it to other chronic diseases. Well, this is a disease, a treatable disease, and it needs to be understood. HBO's ADDICTION project is an initiative that will help people understand more about this illness, its advancements and how to find help."
-- Nora Volkow, MD, Director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse
HBO's Groundbreaking 14-Part Series, The ADDICTION Project, Kicks Off March 15
January 18, 2007
"How can we comprehend the concept of a person who wants to stop doing something and cannot, despite catastrophic consequences? That is what we are up against. Some people don't want to speak about addiction, or compare it to other chronic diseases. Well, this is a disease, a treatable disease, and it needs to be understood. HBO's ADDICTION project is an initiative that will help people understand more about this illness, its advancements and how to find help."
-- Nora Volkow, MD, Director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse
Los Angeles, CA –- One in four Americans has a family member who is struggling with addiction. Over 80% of people with substance abuse or dependence disorder started using before age 18. Currently, addiction affects 22.2 million Americans. Yet only 9% are receiving the treatment they need.
In partnership with the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), and the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), HBO launches the ADDICTION project, an unprecedented multi-media campaign aimed at helping Americans understand addiction as a treatable brain disease, as well as spotlighting new medical advancements.
Debuting THURSDAY, MARCH 15 (9:00-10:30 p.m. ET/PT), with the centerpiece documentary ADDICTION, the series is eye-opening and ultimately hopeful, providing guidance in navigating the often confusing world of addiction treatment and recovery.
For the first time, HBO will use all of its digital platforms, including the HBO main service, multiplex channels, HBO On Demand, podcasts, web streams, and DVD sales to support a campaign that includes a 14-part documentary series, a book published by Rodale Press, four independent addiction-themed films, a robust website and a national community grassroots outreach campaign funded by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation.
All films will initially be offered during a free HBO preview weekend from Thursday, March 15 to Sunday, March 18 in participating cable systems.
"HBO is utilizing all of its platforms to develop programming directly targeted to the various needs of the American public on this complex public health issue," says Chris Albrecht, HBO's chairman and CEO. "Our resources are committed to illuminating, demystifying and defining addiction – a problem that is riddled with misconceptions."
The ADDICTION project showcases the work of many of today's leading documentary filmmakers, including Jon Alpert; Kate Davis and David Heilbroner; Susan Froemke; Liz Garbus and Rory Kennedy; Eugene Jarecki; Barbara Kopple; Albert Maysles; D.A. Pennebaker and Chris Hegedus; and Alan and Susan Raymond.
ADDICTION brings together leading thinkers and organizations that are at the threshold of new treatments. Current advances in brain imaging science make it possible to see inside the brain of an addicted person, pinpoint the parts of the brain affected by addiction, and see how the addict's brain differs, ushering in a great many advances in medical treatment. In fact, treatments for addiction are now as effective as treatments for other chronic relapsing diseases such as diabetes, hypertension or asthma.
A candid depiction of the emotional, psychological, social and political toll that addiction takes on the country, the ADDICTION project demonstrates conclusively that the disease is treatable and shows that there are millions of Americans in long-term recovery.
Topics covered include: the nature of addiction, addiction in the workplace, and the protracted insurance battles waged by families, as well as the difficulty of finding and getting adequate treatment.
The ADDICTION project will be supported by an unprecedented 30-city nationwide community outreach campaign funded by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and coordinated by Join Together, Faces and Voices of Recovery, and the Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America (CADCA).
The ADDICTION project is produced by John Hoffman and Susan Froemke and executive produced by Sheila Nevins.
For additional information, contact Roberta Leis at roberta@jointogether.org.
Wishes
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Wednesday, January 24, 2007
(this was written in concert by the parents at the Bridget to Hope Meeting. The meeting is in the Donor Conference Room of Passavant Hospital on Babcock Blvd. ever Wednesday from 7 PM to 8:30 and is open to all)
At the Bridge to Hope meeting there is a tremendous amount of real world experience dealing with the impact of the disease of addiction on our families. These are wishes that we have shared when looking back on this ordeal. These wishes are voiced about our children but apply equally to brother, sister or other loved ones. Our wish for you is that the sharing of what we have learned will be helpful.
I wish…
...I had known I wasn’t alone through all of this and that there was a good support system out there. When I reached out and had a chance to talk with others I realized I wasn’t going crazy.
...I had understood that taking care of myself was just as important as helping my addicted child recover. I had to get better so the cycle of enabling could be broken.
…I had understood that addiction could occur in any family. It is not just something that happens in dysfunctional families. Being a role model or even a great parent role model is not enough to stop the disease of addiction.
...I had known the huge impact this disease would have on my entire family; and I had taken steps to make sure everyone got the help they needed earlier rather than later.
...I had understood how very important it is to have everyone who is supporting a child’s recovery (all parents, family members, church, school and others) on the same page.
...I had understood that there is a strong spiritual component to recovery from this disease; that church can be a significant resource for my child and my family. Churches have experience dealing with other addicts in the congregation and they can help us understand that recovery comes from faith in a Higher Power.
…I had been able to “let go and let God” sooner. Recovering from the impact of addiction in the family is a process that takes time and is different for each person.
...I had known and really understood what terrible lengths my child would go to (lying, stealing, running away and much worse) to obtain drugs. Valuables needed to be removed from my child’s grasp before the family heirlooms ended up in the pawnshop never to be seen again.
...I had understood the difference between encouraging and enabling. Enabling resulted in spending upwards of $10,000 on heroin over the years.
...I had known I was enabling my child to use drugs when I lied for him and protected him from consequences. Addiction is a situation of opposites where your heart will rule your decisions instead of your brain. You are not helping your child by protecting him from the consequences of his actions no matter what your heart tells you.
... I wish I had known that someday I would feel good about my child being in jail because he is safe and not using drugs.
...I had listened to that little whisper from my heart that told me my child was using drugs.
...I had paid attention to the warning signs: dropping grades, withdrawal from sports and school activities, disappearance of old friends (the “good kids”), new friends who had first names but no faces or last names, increased secret phone activity, sneaking out …etc.
…I hadn’t convinced myself that this was “just a phase” or adolescent “right of passage.” That I knew how to distinguish between normal teenage behavior and drug related behavior.
…I had known more about the drug situation in my community and school. As parents, we are ignorant of the drug problem with a capital “I”. We have to educate ourselves about street drugs, their potency and symptoms of use, as well as the potential for abuse of prescription or other medicine that we may have in the house.
...I had listened to the clues I was given by teachers and the school principal. I think many people knew or suspected about my child’s drug use before it was acknowledged at home.
…I had understood that drugs are literally everywhere including churches, schools, recovery meetings, rehabilitation centers and places of employment.
…I had known that even when I tried to make my child safe by “grounding” them that drugs could easily be “delivered” to the house.
...I had understood that no matter how much I loved my child, how much I cried, how much I hurt, how much I bribed, how much I punished, I couldn’t make my child stop using drugs.
…I had known that treatment was not a one-shot deal and not a cure.
... I understood what a really long process recovery from addiction is (years not months) and that after abstaining from drug use it takes them a long time to catch up with their peers intellectually and socially even though they want so much to be normal.
…I had been aware that all recovery meetings are not the same and I had to shop around to find the right program for my child.
...I had never given up on my child. Recovery takes time. “Just for today” are watchwords. What a difference two years makes! There isn’t any good reason to give up hope.
...I had challenged the educational professionals at school more. There is a truant officer at some schools to support efforts to keep your child in school but you have to ask. There are alternative education programs at some schools but you have to ask.
...I had questioned the doctors and the experts more. Addiction can masquerade as depression. I think the age of the child is an issue in treatment. Techniques that work well with a 23-year old may not be appropriate for a 13-year old.
…I had known about Act 53, a government funded program to involuntarily court order a child into treatment without a criminal record.
…I had known that drug tests could be manipulated.
Alliance web site and videos
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Sunday, January 14, 2007
The Alliance Against Highly Addictive Drugs is a not-for-profit community based organization that includes many school districts, faith based and other organizations as members. They have just put up their new website at drug-alliance.org and you can learn all about them there. It is free to join and you can do so online. If you were a member in the past you must reenter your information to stay on the email list.
This site also contains several parent videos some of which were done in partnership with Juvenile Probation. You can view these videos online but first you have to request a username and password. You can make this request via email to Probation Officer Woodward.
One of the best things about the web site is that it provides an online, web based user searchable database of service providers of all types. Service providers must enter their own information on the web site and again, there is no charge for this. Please share this information with any community based service providers you know and encourage them to enter their information.
Wishing you all a Happy New Year and two-steps forward! (Summary of 1-6-07 meeting.)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, January 10, 2007
We had eight parents attend. Lots of time for updates. While most parents were experiencing positive things, on any given day that might not be the case. I guess that is life. The Steelers had one of the best years in the franchise last season. This year they can't make the playoffs.
The better our teenagers do on probation, in recovery, and in their lives- the more we expect. However, the ebb and tide of the recovery process usually, if we are lucky, gives you two steps forward and one step back. If we aren't lucky, then one step forward and two steps back. In fact, one of the recurring themes in this meeting was that we learn from failure.
Also, sometimes we have to make the same mistakes over and over until we get it. In recovery people talk about "getting sick and tired of being sick and tired."
The positive thing for most of the teenagers of our parents that come to PSST is that when our teenagers make mistakes, they usually don't get away with it. We apply consequences for bad decisions. We allow the natural consequences for bad decisions to take place, refusing to rescue our teens from the predicaments in which their bad judgment or drug abuse has put them. That helps the learning from failure thing to work.
One question that comes up a lot is this: Why, if they knew they would probably get caught, do they do it anyway? And searching for that answer sometimes leads one to surmise this: there must be something bothering them, that if we could just figure out what that is, and sort of fix it, address it, treat it, whatever it, and then they would not relapse.
Let's look a bit closer at this logic. They relapse. Therefore something is broken and needs fixed. "None of the rehab people were able to get my teen to talk about what was really bothering him. If he could talk about what was really bothering him, if someone could just get him to talk about it- he could stay clean." What makes this logic a tough nut to crack, and it is, because I see it time and time again with parents, is that there is some truth to it.
Yes, indeed there are issues galore. No, the teenager had not talked about all the issues. Would it help his recovery if someone could help him talk about all these issues? Certainly. However, in recovery from highly addictive drugs, we must factor in one other huge thing to this logic: EUPHORIA.
The extreme high that the addict feels is such a powerful reinforcer that it can outweigh the certain consequences that will follow. At the time the teen wants to get high, he doesn't care about the consequences because he knows that for a short time he will experience the bliss of drug use. The drive to get high can also be more important than whether or not certain issues have been resolved. So, what are we left with? Are we powerless over our teen's recovery from addiction? Yes, of course. Only our teenager can decide that they want to change their life.
But are we powerless over our own parenting activities? Hopefully not. We can send powerful messages to our teen addict by the actions that we take or fail to take. And sometimes that can help. For example, since we know that recovery from highly addictive drugs happens more often when the addict is working a strong 12-step recovery program, we can devise parent-strategies geared to enhance the recovery process. Can we work our teenager's recovery program for him? Of course not. But if we know that our teenager is not serious about his recovery, we can see the relapse coming down the road. If a parent chooses not to address this- then all one can do is wait for the relapse. Of course we all know how risky that can be. Each relapse is not only devastating in so many ways but each relapse runs the risk of death.
When all else fails, if we are lucky we can insist that our addict at least remain somewhere where they can't hurt themselves- like in an inpatient drug rehab or in a Court placement. The gift of Clean Time- even though it is bought dearly with great cost of emotional pain and financial pain, is sometimes all we can do. Will one more Court placement do it? We do not know. Only time will tell if the "miracle" has happened. With highly addictive drugs, we are really are waiting for a miracle. The good news is that with the gift of Clean Time - we sometimes get it.
Back to the two steps forward and one step back- or heaven help us- the one step forward and two steps back. With success we expect more, but let us not forget to compare our teenager's success, especially during the step-back process, with where our teen would be if we had never provided intervention. Are they more or less healthy? Have they had any success in education? Are they more or less drug free? Do they go though periods when they are really doing quite well in recovery? Have they at least been exposed to the 12-step program so that they know where to turn later in life? Now compare that to the rapid loss of weight, the stolen items sold for drugs, the lies, the sleepless nights not knowing where your teenager is or what he is doing to provide himself with drugs. When we do that comparison, maybe things do not look so bad.
I think the one of the reasons that I'm writing this today- is that our last meeting, the first one of the New Year, was one in which everyone present found some positive focus. One youth, who lived in a halfway house relapsed to Heroin and ran away on New Year's Eve. However, he took a new attitude with him back to inpatient treatment. He seems to feel genuine remorse for what has happened. His mother has never seen that before. Also, we found him by the next day so he could not hurt continue to hurt himself with Heroin. And out of that tragedy his mother found a really strong statement to make to her teenager. She said, “Everyone is working harder on your recovery than you are. Until you are working as hard as everyone else- I am backing off.” What she meant by that was not that she was giving up, but that she was done running out to visit him all the time and trying to make sure that he was comfortable. We could write a separate post (or book) just about what that statement means, because it is so powerful- and yet complicated.
Another teen is coming home after three weeks at Shuman, and he is bringing a new attitude home with him, one that we have not seen yet. It is one of humility and willingness to do what he needs to do to be successful on probation this time. Also, we are trying some supervision approaches that we have not tried with him before, including Electronic Home Monitoring and visual aides to chart his success.
One teen lied about an overnight outing that was approved by parents. However, the girl was found not to be where she was supposed to be. Also, she admitted to drinking alcohol. The parent busted her immediately because of good, strong parental supervision. And for the first time, this teenager complied with all parental sanctions, including no more overnights, without a making a fuss. Historically, this is very rare with this teenager.
One teen quit her job and lied to her parents about it. She might be entering into a difficult phase of her mental health issues as she is beginning to show some signs of emotional difficulties. Ok, but the parent is on to it, applying limits to her behaviors where appropriate and insuring that she receives the proper psychiatric attention. Also, this girl is clean still and working a 12-step program after release from treatment months ago.
Another 20 year-old appears to be putting a strong recovery together after a relapse four months ago. His parents don't think all of his relapses are yet behind him, but for today he is clean, working a program, and attending college from a men's halfway house.
Another youth is now almost three years clean, holding a job and living independently. He is paying his own bills. While his mother is concerned that he is starting to back off on attending 12-step meetings, he still did an outstanding presentation for Probation on 1-8-07 at the Westview Crime watch meeting. He has done public speaking for us before, but this is the strongest message I have ever heard him give. His comments for the teenagers and his message to the parents in the audience were very powerful.
Another teen that lives in a halfway house got fired from his job, has no money to pay his rent, but seems to be still be working a strong recovery program. He has four months clean. And his mother also delivered a strong message at the same Westview Crime watch meeting. Her first-time experience with public speaking was emotional. She said (through tears) that she told herself that she would not cry. It certainly touched parents in the audience. Her message was one of: "pay attention, supervise, drug test, and don't be too sure your child is not involved with drugs. If you find out that they are involved with drugs- ask for help- you are not alone. And if they are involved with drugs, you're going to need all the help you can get." It was very moving- and if she is reading this- thank you so much for being willing to get the word out.
Thank you from both Val and I to all the parents who turned out for this meeting. Often, when I tell people that I am a Probation Officer who works with teenagers with drug problems, I am asked "How can you do that? Isn't that hard? Don't they relapse?" Yes- it can be frustrating. However, having parents like you guys who are willing to fight so valiantly to try to save your teenager's lives- you guys make it all worth while! Val and I have often said that the best part of our jobs is coming to group to meet with your guys! What you do is very inspirational not only for other parents, but for us!
Happy New Year to everyone from Val and I and we wish you all two steps forward in the coming year!
Type rest of the post here
Meeting date and time changes
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, January 08, 2007
We are making some changes about when and at what time we meet. For example, we might dump Monday night meetings in favor of Saturday mornings. Let us know what you think.
For January and February we are changing to first and third Saturday mornings just because both of the scheduled Monday dates fall on holidays. Also, at our next meeting on 1-20-07 (Saturday) we are experimenting changing the time of the meeting from 9:00 AM to 8:00 AM. This would allow us to finish our meeting by 10:30 AM instead of 11:30 AM. Please let us know your opinion of what days and what times we should meet. We are listening. You can post here or call me at 412-247-6365 to register your opinion.
Books
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Sunday, January 07, 2007
I have had several books recommended to me in the past couple of weeks that I want to share with you. What books have you read that you have found helpful and would like to share with others? Please leave a comment or drop me an email with a full review and I will post it. Note - the links are to Amazon.com. If you buy used books you can get all three of these for less than $10, two of them are less than $1 each. We do not have any financial relationship with Amazon.com.
The first book “70 x 7 and Beyond: Mystery of the Second Chance” by Monty Christensen, Roberta L. Kehle was recommend by a parent at the group this week. She gave it to her child as a Christmas present and said it was well received and served to spark some interesting discussion.
The second book is “Back in Control” by Gregory Bodenhamer. The PSST group has used this book in the past and I was curious about it. The author, a California PO, shares his tips and wisdom for controlling difficult children. His solutions are elegantly simple and easy to put into practice. Worth the read.
The third one is a book that I wish someone had given me when I first learned my child was an addict, “Addictive Thinking” by Dr. Abraham J. Twerski the founder and medical director emeritus of Gateway Rehab. Twerski shares the wisdom he has gained in a way that answers so many questions for parents.
