My daughter Gwen is a heroin addict, who was introduced to
drugs by her father (my ex-husband) when she was only 12 years old and in his
custody. Shocking, isn’t it? I can hardly believe it myself. I have struggled mightily for years (with the
help of the court system, probation, and professional counseling services) to
get her into drug treatment programs, only to see her relapse yet again. I am amazed that she is still alive at age
21. Gwen is still active in her
addiction, with no visible signs of wanting to seek treatment. Her father continues to be her biggest
enabler. It breaks my heart.
A few months ago, with the help of professional counselors,
I realized that I needed to “divorce” my daughter. Her continued downward spiral was sapping all
of my energy, and affecting my own health.
I needed to discontinue contact with her, and stop my obsessive worrying
about her.
Making the decision to divorce my daughter was the most painful thing I’ve ever done, but I know that it was the best thing that I could do, both for her and for me.
Gwen,
This is the hardest thing I have ever done in all my life. You see, I love you so very much, and the addicted life you are living is consuming me. All I can think about is you, and what you are doing to buy the drugs you need to feed your addiction. It torments me to realize how your addiction is destroying your chances for a healthy future. It keeps me up all night worrying about what the drugs are doing to you.
You are one of my life’s greatest joys. But until you are ready to live a life in recovery, I need to take care of myself. I can no longer watch you be destroyed by this monster of addiction, and I cannot be part of your addicted life. I have finally realized that my love for you is not enough to conquer your addiction. As an adult, you can (and should) make all of your own decisions. And I get it – you are just not ready to live a clean lifestyle. I know that anything that I say or do cannot change that.
In my dreams, I envision you as a successful, healthy, and clean young woman. I know you have the knowledge and power to overcome this addiction. When you are ready for recovery, call me. Then I will embrace you, and support you in every way that a loving mother can.
Never forget that you are part of me – my beautiful daughter, and my greatest gift from God. I hand you over to Him now, until we are together again.
Your Loving Mother
Your Loving Mother
9 comments:
Jenn,beautifully designed and edited!Love,Elizabeth
Elizabeth,
Your continued courage and strength are a source of inspiration to us all. You have been faced with such overwhelming challenges over the years, yet time and time again, you have shown kindness and firm resolve under pressure. You worked so hard to rebuild a strained relationship with your daughter, and you will always have the peace of knowing that you were able to accomplish that. And more recently, when you “divorced” Gwen, you were able to do that with grace and compassion.
We keep praying for that miracle for Gwen.
Jenn
Elizabeth I feel your pain. I am learning more and more about how drugs hijack and completely control the brain of the user. We must think of them as sick. It is so sad. I recently survived cancer and it really hit me like a brick; we have to put ourselves first. Sending much love to you.
Elizabeth,
I am certain 'divorcing' your daughter was the toughest thing you ever had to do. But it is done and I wish you peace. I also hope that in time . . . your decision prompts Gwen, your daughter to take a good hard look at her life-style. I hope that some day, Gwen gathers all the strength she has to fight her addiction and overcomes it. In the meantime keep being a brave and wise woman.
Sally
The Journey - by Poet, Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Elizabeth,
Thanks for sharing your story. It's heartbreaking yet I admire your strength and tenacity in trying to help yourself as well as your daughter. Stay strong and hopefully, one day, she will come back to you healthy and whole.
Brigitte
I have not accomplished this alone.It amazes we don't have a packed room at PSST with the crisis we have of addiction. Elizabeth
If you have not been to PSST I recommend it.I would not be as healthy as I am today without it.Elizabeth.
I like this week's Quote by Sonya Parker: Love yourself, take care of yourself, don't give up on yourself, don't lie to yourself, and don't let people hurt you over and over again. That's exactly what you are doing Elizabeth - my heart goes out to you, since it has to be so difficult. I hope the pain eases every day.
Thanks for sharing your story. Through your pain at this difficult stand that you are taking others will get strength and hope; there is always hope. Miracles happen every day.
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