Driving while High/Stoned/Drunk Posted by:Jenn--Monday, May 25, 2015

What if your child is regularly high, stoned, or drunk - do you let him/her drive your car?  What if s/he needs to drive to get to work?  What if the car technically belongs to him/her?

Click here for a blog posting from a parent who believes in setting firm boundaries, and has found a solution to these problems that works for him.

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A Dose of Reality (aka The Two-Headed Beast) - written by Sally Posted by:Jenn--Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Warning: Your Child’s Addiction May Be Fatal       

FATAL means he/she could die and you could live the rest of your life dealing with that fact. This warning comes to you from a parent who knows and simply wants you to understand how serious drug addiction is.

PAY ATTENTION. GET ALL THE FACTS and HELP YOU CAN GET.

It has been almost three years now since we got that horrific phone call and learned that Cisco had died.

Life goes on. Our family is doing well and even prospering. Frodo and Fiona have two beautiful daughters!  We eat, we sleep, we travel. We are both working full-time, and I still spend my free time with knitting needles clicking away. Some days are better than others.

Today my heart is heavy. Just as Cisco had triggers that instigated his drug use, we have triggers that make us grieve. It might be the photos of Cisco that I discovered recently on a flash drive or maybe it’s because his 23rd birthday is coming up soon. Whatever the reason, sometimes the gap that his death left on our hearts becomes unbearably large.

Yoga helps me find peace. My faith and prayers bring me hope. Friends and family sustain me. However, the thing that keeps me going is the hate that I have for drug addiction.

I think of addiction as an evil, two-headed beast with two brains that keeps outsmarting itself.  I firmly stand square-shouldered facing this monstrosity, I look into its red, piercing eyes and I say to it:

“Cisco convinced some of his friends to stay clear of you, you vile and pestilent creature. However, you were able to get a stronghold on Cisco, even though he fought you off most gallantly. For Cisco’s sake I will not let you ruin me. I will live well and survive. I will tell as many people as I can about your evil ways. I will do my best to take you down.”

I take my eyes off this creature now. I slowly and purposefully walk away.

This evil thing called addiction can be defeated. 

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More on Enabling (Not!) Posted by:Jenn--Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Continuing with the theme of not enabling . . . click here for a post written by Raychelle Lohmann, an author and certified counselor.  The following quotes are from her article:

Though well-intentioned, enabling can be one of the most destructive things someone can do when they try to help an addict.

Here are some common examples of how parents enable their child’s substance abuse:

·       Lending money (which winds up being used to support the drug habit)

·       Paying off debts

·       Providing transportation to and from places

·       Making excuses for your child’s drug influenced erratic behavior

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Super Not Enabler Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, May 08, 2015

This is a theme at all our meetings. Indeed, with drug and alcohol addiction enabling and not enabling is a key concept. How do I know if I'm enabling? The answer is that if the help you are giving your teenager helps to enable him to continue his addictive lifestyle, then it's the kind of enabling that we want to avoid. On the other hand, if it's helping the teen but not enabling him to continue his addictive lifestyle, then while it might enabling something it's not enabling the addiction and it's not such a big deal. It might even be helping.  It might help to support a drug-free lifestyle.

Sometimes in group we talk about doing some enabling without expecting that it could help the teenager but doing it because it makes us feel better. "We paid for his attorney, but we did it for us really, so that we would feel better we didn't do it for him." OK, that is a good first step to address enabling; however, if whatever help we are giving enables the addictive lifestyle it doesn't matter about the intentions. It is not enough to assume that you know it won't help but you feel better giving aid.

There comes a time; however, when parents stop the enabling of anything that might further the addictive lifestyle and it is this non-enabling approach that helps the parent feel better. When you know you've pretty much done all you can and now it's up to the teenager, you are in a good place.

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