Let's declare our independence. (Parent Rights originally posted 7-4-12) OR The Magnapssta. Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, June 20, 2015

PARENT RIGHTS

Source

1. I have the right to be safe in my own home. No matter what I say that someone might not like, I have the right to not feel physically or verbally threatened in my own home.  I have the responsibility to see that others in my home feel safe.

2. I have a right to be treated with respect. I have the right not to be yelled at. If you need to tell me something, take care how you speak to me or I won't be standing around listening.  I have the responsibility to treat others with respect.

3. I have the right to take care of my own needs. My needs are at least as important as my other family members.  I have the responsibility within reason to help others in my family take care of their own needs.

4. I have a right to speak my mind. If some people are  going to find me judgmental, intolerant, or whatever, I will remind myself that they have a right to speak their minds too.

5. I have the right to take some time to consider the question before I give an answer. I have the right to "use my lifeline" and make a phone call or consult with someone I trust (my spouse perhaps) before I decide. If my teen HAS to know right now then the answer is NO.  When asking for something from family members I will remember that within reason they also have a right to take some time to consider before they answer.


6. I have the right to take a vacation from high-level drama. I recognize the highly addictive nature of drama and I realize that I don't have to "have" some everyday. Sometimes it's OK for me to just "pass" on the crisis-of-the day. I don't have to feel guilty just because I don't ALWAYS make someone else's problem my problem, even if it is my teenager.  Likewise, I will remember that just because something is a 911 for me it doesn't have to have emergency significance for others in my family.

7. I have a right to change. The way I coped with stressful things yesterday does not have to be the way I choose to handle stress today. Generally, people don't like to see other people change, unless of course it's the specific change that they prescribed; but that's their problem not mine.  It is my responsibility to remember that others have the right to change also.

8.   I have the right to ask for help.   I have a right to attend as many PSST meetings (or other self-help meetings) as I choose. I know that I am always welcome to the support and education that I find at PSST. If anyone tells me that I am wasting my time or that it's time I stood up and became a real parent who didn't need any help to make these tough decisions, then it's time that I told those people to please mind their own business.

9. I have a right to choose my own boundaries. I don't have to keep secrets about drugs, alcohol, crime, or violations of probation, for my loved ones. If I am NOT COMFORTABLE with something, I can say that. That's reason enough for me to not do it or not to permit my teenager to do it.  Likewise, I will allow others within reason to also make the claim that they are NOT COMFORTABLE with something although of course in areas of me holding my teen accountable it is not necessary that my teen feels comfortable with all my actions.

10. I have the right to change my mind. It's a very basic right that is afforded to everyone. Yes, I know it can cause problems and some people will accuse me of being a liar. I know that if I "promise" something then I should try to follow through with that promise; however, sometimes I get "new information" and then I have to reconsider. Also, sometimes I make mistakes and I have to fix them.  I have the responsibility to not change my mind in a sneaky, capricious or arbitrary way but to use new information to change my mind in as orderly and as informed manner as possible.

11. I have a right to establish rules in my house. Within the limits of what's effective and what's reasonable, I can take steps to enforce my rules. I've learned that if I have a rule that I'm either unwilling or unable to enforce, then it's better if I don't have that rule.  I have the responsibility to be consistent when I apply rules.

12. I have a right to disagree with professionals involved with my teenager's case. Just because a professional is considered an "expert" doesn't mean he is right. I'm an expert too: expert on my own teenager.  However, I have the responsibility to weigh carefully any expert opinion that I am afforded.  I recognize that I need to struggle to be open minded and that I am not always in the best "seat" to see things objectively. IF i still disagree with the approach that a professional is taking with my child's case then I my understand that first responsibility is to discuss this with my trusted peer group. If I still disagree my next responsibility is to discuss with the professionals involved. If I still have a problem then I must inquire as to how a grievance or protest or if another avenue is offered to object, then I will follow various alternatives that may include supervisors, administrators, or judges until that time that I am more comfortable with the situation.

13. I have a right to not enable my teenager. No matter what my family may think, if I think helping is hurting then I don't have to do it.  I'm not giving up when I stop enabling.  I am attempting to address my role in the problem.

14. I have a right to be the parent and know that I don't really have the right to be my teenager's friend. Later, when I don't have to be the one in charge because my teenager has grown into a responsible adult, we can be friends. Until then, I'll just be the parent.  Especially, if my teen is exhibiting out-of-control behavior I accept that I have the responsibility to not become friends because this limits my ability to parent effectively.  It is my responsibility to be the parent first, and the friend second.

15. I have a right to pursue happiness, which may include having interests and hobbies that I feel passionate about, a career or job that I am proud of, and/or friends that I care about. I have a right to be more than just a parent; even if my teenager is in placement or inpatient treatment, life for me goes on.  I have the responsibility to not become so obsessed by my teens problems that I forfeit my own happiness.

16. I have a right to be as healthy as I can be and to let my teenager(s) watch me do it. That's my gift to my family. It's my right to give this gift and whether or not they seem to appreciate it at the time doesn't matter.  Eventually, teenagers imitate adults and therefore it is both my right and my responsibility to pursue a healthy lifestyle.

I know that some of these over-lap. Perhaps from time to time I will tweak this list. Please add the one's that I missed. Please comment on which one's you feel are most important in the comments section. These are rights that I've heard parents speak about at meetings.

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY TO ALL PSST PARENTS EVERYWHERE both meeting goers and blog-readers! Hoping that the only fireworks you have to deal with on the 4th are the ones they shoot off in the sky!