Facing Fear - by Wilma Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, March 10, 2012

Last week at the PSST meeting one of our wise and seasoned fathers said that we should not be afraid of being in our own homes. He is right of course, but here I am dreading going home. Bam Bam, by the way, is back on home detention.

Last night Fred and I both heard a crash in Bam Bam's room and when I checked with him, he told me it was his chair. He then went to Fred and said he dropped a plate and was glad it didn't break. OK, plausible. THEN he tells me he is not feeling well, doesn't want to take his medications so he doesn't throw up, and that he is so hot he is going to open his bedroom window for cool air. Meanwhile he has shoes on because he says his feet are cold. What?? How about two pairs of socks?!

I go into his bedroom to check on the situation, as when he first was on home detention, we suspected that his friends were throwing things to him through the open window. Fred had bolted the screen in place and put the storm window back. Well, I checked and the window is open and the screen is cut. I get Fred and he notices there is a broken window pane in the regular window, and the storm window is on the floor along with broken glass from the other window. Bam claims the storm window fell out. Hmm, this sucker is tough to get in and out – wonder how it "just" fell out?? I am completely suspicious and Bam Bam is claiming complete innocence. His story is that maybe someone tried to break in. Well, the burglar would need a ladder to get in this window, and there is no evidence of a ladder being under the window, and no reports from neighbors of suspicious activity. Also, there would have been a lot more noise breaking in.

This morning Fred tells me his theory, which I agree with, and I am so glad we agree on something. We think Bam was planning on having somebody throw drugs, tobacco, or alcohol to him through the open window either last night or today (no school). Well, Bam was so upset last night at being unfairly accused that he told me he was going outside to smoke a cigarette to calm down. He's on home detention and not allowed out! (We have a no smoking rule in the house and no kids smoking on our property). I told him he wasn't going out, we had the deadbolts key locked and the security system on. And if he went out I was calling his PO and EHM. Then he was threatening to smoke in the house, but eventually took his meds and went to bed. I thought for sure he would try to break down the door or break something else, but he didn't.

Today Fred calls to tell me a kid I'll call Skylar shows up at our house, telling Fred he wants to see Bam as Bam owes him money. Fred tells him Bam can't have visitors and that he isn't giving him any money. Skylar tells Fred that Bam owes him money for an Xbox game, but Bam hasn't had a game system in almost a year. Bam tells Fred it is for weed, which I believe is what the debt is really for. The kid leaves. I asked Fred if the kid threatened him and he said no. However, my friends at work point out that this kid could have had a weapon - drugs and money equals trouble.

Now I'm worried this might not be an isolated incident. We think Bam owes many people money, and with him being on house arrest and NO job, he has no way to pay. This is the first time we have had someone be so bold as to come to the house asking for money owed by Bam Bam. And money is a huge problem with Bam Bam. He always needs it, will do work for Fred to get it, and I am tired of him using this money for drugs, alcohol and tobacco and not for normal teenage spending on fast food, dates, school activities, etc. It is a weekly, almost daily argument, so this week I told Bam he is getting no more cash from us. Well, he wasn't listening so well because he asks EVERY DAY. I did use the "if you have to ask me again" yesterday and of course that p!$$@$$ him off. But I can't stand going home and having him start AGAIN. I left the house one night for two hours to get away from him!

I am afraid that he is going to get out of control and escalate beyond what he has done in the past because he is not going to get his way. Now I fear having drug dealers showing up at my house. I will, however, call the police if I have to with no qualms – but what the he!!, why should have to worry about that? I resent the fact that I can't relax in my own home.

Bam is going to be 18 in a few months. Until then, unless something happens, I am going to do what I can to help him. However, once he is an "adult", and if he cannot live by our rules, then he is going to have to live somewhere else by his own rules. And I hope I'm strong enough to follow through.