Update from Sally Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, September 26, 2009

From: Sally
To: Lloyd
Subject: Blending your different parenting styles to help your child who is close to a relapse.
Date: Saturday, September 26, 2009 at 7:10 PM

Hi Lloyd,

Cisco got out of Ridgeview over a month ago. As you know, he either relapsed or is very close to it. The next step for him may be a hearing at Shuman. I am trying my best to keep that at bay for a very good reason. I don't want to use up all the 'tricks in the magic bag' too soon. Right now, the very thought of him going to Shuman keeps him doing what he should do. It is great leverage.


Cisco's main problem seems to be that he has too many "friends". When Rocco and I returned home after eating breakfast out this morning, we told Cisco that he will not go to the school dance tonight. I told him I was not comfortable with him going to the dance. He was upset but I quickly changed the subject and expressed how proud I was of his progress at school. (He has A's in all but one subject) He settled soon enough and was willing to attend his Saturday NA meeting.

That meeting always does him good. He was one of the last ones out. They put him in charge of handing out the "clean and sober ' milestone coins and when suggestions went around for next weeks topics, I found it interesting that his request was - What Do You Do if You Relapse?!

It is so helpful when both parents can really work together at being stronger that The Strong Willed Kid. It was cool, when my husband, Rocco, saw that I changed the subject and as soon as I stopped talking about his good grades; Rocco questioned Why Cisco broke the solar light? (He didn't let on that he knew that Cisco kicked it yesterday when he was angry about being disciplined.) Cisco had to explain himself and could not get defensive.

Rocco and I have been married for 32 years and we have two sons. Our older son had problems when he was a teen but did not question our authority that much. My husband's calm and patient ways worked well with him. They always reasoned things out man to man. They also had a lot of common interests. Rocco and Cisco do not have that same type of relationship.

Both Rocco and I probably look very weak and stupid through our son, Cisco's eyes. I know Rocco is strong and brilliant but we both know that both of us need to hone up our parenting styles so that we keep the control that we have and also build more control, power and respect. Rocco is taking my lead because he said I seem to have better judgement. I don't think it is better judgement but since I have more time to dedicate to this case and more time to talk with Lloyd and the other experts I do have more knowledge and can make better decisions. I also have a more suspicious and paranoid nature and look for problems and pitfalls. This is usually good in this situation but sometimes Rocco has to help me reason things out.

I played around on the computer today and was able to read the profiles of some of Cisco's friends who are on his MySpace. I now have a better store of knowledge of which friends are trustworthy.

Cisco did not go to the dance but we did not ground him either. He asked if he could go to some kids house after the kids get home from the dance. I said only if you first contact the kids parent and let me talk to the parent. I will ask her if there will be alcohol or anything because it sounds like there may be about 8 kids there tonight. Cisco said that Bill and Bob will be there and Bill and Bob both had very nice profiles on MySpace. (Cisco does not know yet that I can get on MySpace and see these) profiles.

I will close with this Point to Ponder:
Every two- parent family must remember that a chain is only as strong as its weakest link!!

Sally