What are the best ways to stop enabling teens? Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, January 22, 2009

What do the teenagers and their parents tell us about enabling? I had opportunity to ask a large group of teenagers and parents in an outpatient D&A program. Three separate discussion groups debated this and the following is the results:


Top three:

1. Have rules and enforce them. Rules are worthless if you can't enforce them. If you only enforce rules sometime they are not helpful. You may wish to review Contracts here and here.

2. Don't bail teens out of jams, especially the legal problems. Don't put up bail money, don't buy high-priced attorneys, don't pay fines. Allow your teens to become motivated by the consequences of their decisions.

3. Don't key into negativity. Another way to say this is don't enter into debates with the teenagers. Don't have yelling sessions. Just say "no." Or just tell them the conversation is closed. (If you tell them the conversation is closed, don't start debating and prove that you didn't mean it when you said the conversation is closed.)

Runner Ups: Don't give money when you don't know where the money is going. Don't give freedom to your teenagers when you aren't sure where they are going. Don't believe everything you hear.