"...I have a tendency to talk too much; which turns my daughter off.
But that night, I vowed I would keep my mouth shut, not judge her, criticize her, or inject my comments. Only when she asked for my opinion did I give it to her. I just listened."
click the READ MORE link to read the rest of this mother's story.
LISTENING
My daughter has been an addict since she was 13. She’s been in recovery now for 9 months, living away from home and doing very well.
One evening after not hearing from her for a while, she phoned me. She had been going through some tough times and wanted to come home and stay overnight. She wanted me to hold her and watch a move like the old times. So I picked her up and brought her home.
That night she talked, we cried, we laughed, and I held her. It was like giving birth to her all over again. I hadn’t felt so much pleasure with her in a long, long time.
I have a tendency to talk too much; which turns my daughter off. But that night, I vowed I would keep my mouth shut, not judge her, criticize her, or inject my comments. Only when she asked for my opinion did I give it to her. I just listened.
Sometimes listening can be more powerful than anything. It’s surprising how much better I got to know and understand my daughter. The gap that was beginning to form between us had gone away. BECAUSE I LISTENED.
It was a learning experience for me. There are times when it’s necessary to listen. That night was one of those times. Listening was the best help I could have given her.
LISTENING
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sayings that Help
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Sunday, November 30, 2008
We learn a lot in the PSST meetings. Often, some of the key ideas get distilled into a sentence that makes complete sense in its conciseness and clarity. For example:
“Holding resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.”
Sometimes, outside of the PSST meetings, you may come upon a grain of wisdom that you are sure was about dealing with addiction, but in fact it is just a universal truth that applies. Some of my favorites:
“Actions don't spring from thoughts but from readiness for responsibility.”
-Deitrich Bonhoffer
“Appeasers believe that if you keep on throwing steaks to a tiger, the tiger will become a vegetarian.”
-Heywood Broun
OK. Time for you to get involved. Share the sayings that mean the most to you, that have been helpful, that turned on the light, that helped you “get it”. Share the one you cling to, the one that shows you due North in this struggle. Share it if someone else wrote or said it or if you thought it up. It doesn’t matter. It may help a parent in the group now or someone who reads this blog 10 years from now. Leave a comment or send an email and I will post it.
Ken wins Meritorious Service Award for Whole State of Pennsylvania!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, November 21, 2008
Ken was honored on November 6,2008 at the Juvenile Court Jdges' Commission and PA. Council of Chief Juvenile Probation Officers Annual Awards Program with the Meritorious Service Award.
Both Ken and his wife Debbie have been tirelessly involved in efforts to help their teenager with drug addiction. This nomination focuses on Ken because of his volunteer efforts to help other parents, such as:
(1) Become a leader in Parent Survival Skills Training, attending Saturday morning meetings weekly for several years.
(2) Started and continues to edit the PSST blog, which carries helpful information from diverse sources. (www.gopsst.org.)
(3) Almost single-handedly started the North Hills chapter of PSST.
Ken also gives out his personal phone number to parents and makes himself available for phone calls and even home visits to distraught parents. When Ken gives advice it comes from the heart, because he knows the pain of having a loved one continually struggle with this life threatening disease of addiction.
Ken deserves recognition because of his work with his daughter but also because of his selfless volunteer work to help other parents in their struggles.
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