Here is a quote that 'Ralph Kramden' asked me to post on the PSST blog.
Yesterday on "Undercover Boss",
Mike White, President & CEO of DirecTV said it. (CBS 9PM, 10/10/2010)
"Trying to cope with a child who has a drug problem, I would say, is the biggest challenge I have had as a parent." ~ Mike White, President & CEO, DirecTV.
If a CEO of a major corporation, who is managing thousands of people, and
watching out over billions of dollars in corporate revenue, thinks that his
son's drug addiction is the biggest challenge, that really says a lot.
Mr. White talked briefly on the show,about his son's drug addiction at age 17
and how it has affected Mr. White's life.
It is a challenge for every parent with an addicted child, and Mr. White, who is skilled at facing large business challenges in the corporate world, reaffirms it.
A child with an addiction is a challenge; even for a competent, corporate leader ~ Ralph Kramden
Posted by:Sally--Monday, October 11, 2010
Do the Twist part Two and I'm not going to Pee in that cup!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, October 10, 2010
Theme #3: I'm not going to do [whatever you told them to do}
Note: Special PSST bonus points and/ or a prize to anyone who can correctly count the number of twists that Dad uses in this role-play. How many agreements does Dad twist? Bring your number into our next PSST meeting to receive your bonus points.
Dad: I need you to pee in this cup; I want to get a clean urine screen on our records for you Son.
Teen: You gotta be kidden me!
Dad: I know, I know, it does sound a little strange; I'm pretty confidant that your clean, but nevertheless, I need a screen.
Teen: What have I done to deserve this crap?!
Dad: You think I should only test you if I feel suspicious, you know, if I see a sign of some sort that you might be using.
Teen: Ya. This isn't fair.
Dad: Well, I guess in some ways Son, this isn't fair. I guess I'm not even trying to be fair like that.
Teen: Well, that's not fair.
Dad: No it's not fair. You're right. Regardless, this is what I need and I need you do do it now Son.
Teen: I'm not doing that.
Dad: You're not going to cooperate?
Teen: You heard me. I'm done with that crap.
Dad: Your mind is made up on this then.
Teen: Right. You heard me. Now leave me alone please I got things to do today.
Dad: So, I think I got it.
Teen. This conversation is over.
Dad: Yes, you're right, this conversation is almost over. You don't care what I do, you don't care what the consequences are. It doesn't matter to you if you loose your cell phone, the computer, if I ground you- you just don't care and you're not going to give me a sample of your urine to test no matter what the consequences are. I hear you...so let's just get that part our of the way.
Teen: Why do you have to be such a prick? It's all this little game for you isn't it? Just a [bleep bleep] game, huh?
Dad: Well, there are rules to follow here Son, just like in a game- that is correct.
Teen: So, I loose my cell phone if I'm don't pee?
Dad: Yep. I'm sorry. The rules here, just like what I hope is a very serious game, is that if you don't cooperate with helping us know that you are clean, and I still think you are clean or at least I hope so, but now I guess I'm not as sure of that as I was a few minutes ago, but we need to know, so if you won't help us with that one- just stay home- don't go out- give us the cell phone or we'll turn it off, in which case it's going to be harder for you to get it back, no friends over, no computer and no TV privileges.
Teen: All that for one little Pee?
Dad: All that for just one little donation that you could probably do easily enough- but only if you chose to, and right now as I said, you don't give a rat's bum about all this restrictions, you've just decided that this is unfair and you won't cooperate.
Teen: Oh yeah like I don't care about my cell phone do I? I'll Pee OK?
Dad: OK.
Teen: But I don't have to go right now.
Dad: It can be hard to Pee on demand. Sometimes you need a little time.
Teen: I have to go out somewhere- I'll Pee when I get back.
Dad: That's not going to work for me son.
Teen: glaring
Dad: I know that would for some reason that I don't have to understand, be easier for you Son. But I need it now or else just stay home, surrender the phone, stay off the computer and the TV please and then you can call me when you can pee but I would prefer that you stay in this room with me until you can.
Teen: If I don't?
Dad: Well, it's going to cause me to start to doubt you Son. I don't know that exactly that is going to mean for you but it's a good question- a very good question. I'll talk to your Mom about that one. It' all about trust you know.
Teen: What if I'm not clean?
Dad: Good question Son. Not sure. That would surprise me. I'm not prepared for that one- I just assumed you would be clean. I guess it won't be good for you though.
Teen: What if I'm honest with you about it- so that you don't even have to test me- then you could give me one chance right?
Dad: Well, if your honest that could make things feel better I think.
Teen: What do you mean, "feel better?" I have a feeling I'm not going to feel to good about all this.
Dad: Right, me either. Poor choice of words on my part. I just meant that I'm starting to feel pretty suspicious about things right now; I'm no longer confident that you are clean so if you get honest with me, that would be a good start to rebuilding some trust, which is going to definitely take time to rebuild- we've been down this road before Son, right? Sometimes you'll take the denial thing pretty far you know what I mean.
Teen: OK, I smoked. But only once. Like three weeks ago. It probably isn't even still in my urine, but I'll tell you anyway.
Dad: I'm disappointed Son.
Teen: See? I'm honest and it doesn't help.
Dad: You're right. The honesty thing doesn't always get you out of trouble, doesn't it? Sucks, huh?
Teen: Ya, I wonder why I even try being honest.
Dad: I wonder about that one too- good question.
Dad: Why didn't you just take the chance? Maybe you were clean if it was three weeks ago?
Teen: Cause I wanted to be honest.
Dad: That's good Son, that is a good place to start. Good for you. I just thought that you were so angry that I was testing that being honest was the last thing on your mind. You know how we are when we are angry?
Teen: Well, that and the fact that I knew I'd be caught.
Dad: But three weeks? Couldn't you be clean?
Teen: I don't think so, maybe it was more than once you know, and I don't remember how long ago I smoked but it's not every day or anything.
Dad: I think you being honest is important. Don't put yourself down here man, anyone can make a mistake it's what you do when you make the mistake that sometimes makes the difference and I'm surprised that you are honest about it- you know a year ago you woulda lied like a rug for weeks before you got honest. Remember?
Teen: Ya.
Dad: Well the honesty thing is good. Let's keep going with that. How did you come across weed cause it seems like none of your friends use right now. That's why I'm surprised.
on and on as this leads to either more disclosure or less at which point Dad can challenge Son about this big honesty thing
after all that honesty about what when and whom goes down we come to the p test again.
Dad: So let's get that P test done Son.
Teen: Still, you want to test me? But I was honest?
Dad: Yeah, you were honest. And that's good. Now we'll test just like I said we would 20 minutes ago. Is there a problem with that?
Teen: I don't see the point.
Dad: You're right.
Teen: I am?
Dad: Yes, after what you just went through with me, and you shared a lot here, I don't expect that you would see the point. Nevertheless, I need this urine screen done- lets' get this over with Son.
Teen: Give me one good reason why?
Dad: OK. I don't think you'll think this is a good reason Son but I'm just not comfortable skipping the urine screen. I need to get this done, OK?
Teen: Why aren't you comfortable?
Dad: None of it will make sense to you Son. I'm just not comfortable skipping it. Let's get r done! You know, part of it is that I need to see that you're going to cooperate. That's important to me Son, but I don't think that makes any sense to you.
Teen: OK, OK, I get it Dad. What's going to happen to me?
Dad: Good question. You want to talk about that - I agree- let's get this urine done first, then we'll talk.
Why does Dad insist that we still get a Pee-test?
1. It puts Dad in control. He does need to see that his Son will cooperate.
2. Son might be dirty for something besides marijuana. That will be good to know if that is happening.
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Pictures added to Parent of the Year Post
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Sunday, October 10, 2010
Click here to see added pictures to Rocco and Sally Receive Allegheny County Parent of the Year post. I had a few on there before but no one could see them due to blog problem, but that's fixed now and I added more. Make sure to click "read more" to see them all.
Type rest of the post here
Rocco and Sally Attend Juvenile Justice Week - Award Ceremony
Posted by:Sally--Thursday, October 07, 2010
After an adventurous and fast-paced ride to town Sally and her friends were glad to disembark out of Kathie T's Green Cadillac to meet up with Rocco and his extended family at the Awards Ceremony.
The evening was one that left a lasting impression on both Rocco and Sally.
It was a pleasure to meet the Juvenile Court Judges and in particular, Judge Dwayne Woodruff (yes, from the 70's Super Steelers!).
Judge Woodruff gave an inspirational speech about not letting anyone discourage you from reaching your goals.
Sally enjoyed seeing the young winners of the Essay Contest advance on stage for their awards.
Rocco agrees that it was encouraging to see youth that may have 'made a bad choice' think about their actions and put it down in writing.
Equally encouraging was the winner of the Dennis Maloney Award; Traci Stiger. This Registered Nurse worked very hard to develop a program to teach troubled youth to be EMT's. She spends many hours instructing them. We got to see her first graduate of the program.
THIS is the STUFF that MAKES a DIFFERENCE!
What an evening. Then "Parents of the Year", Sally and Rocco received a most beautiful plaque.
Below is Sally's acceptance speech followed by Rocco's acceptance speech.
SALLY'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
Thank you so very much for this award.
It strengthens me and encourages me to continue my fight against enabling.
A year and a half ago, our son was in a horrible addiction.
My husband and I tried everything but his addiction only got worse.
We felt helpless and very much alone but we kept on praying.
Our son had a car accident which got him involved with the juvenile court system and with a probation officer.
We discovered that getting into the system and having Val Ketter and Lloyd Woodward and Cathy Culbert and Kathie Tagmyer to help us was the answer to our prayers.
Our son is much better than he was at the time of the accident and continues to work on his recovery.
The Parent Survival Skills Training meetings empower me.
There is nothing better than talking with other parents who have the same issues and know first-hand what you are going through.
Each PSST parent has wisdom and sound advice and so much compassion. I wish each one of them could be honored with this award.
For addiction is strong, but together we are so much stronger.
If my mother-in-law were alive today, October 6, 2010... she would be celebrating her 90th birthday.
It is fitting that her son should receive this honor on her birthday for she trained him well.
He is an awesome father.
Thank you all. Thank you very much.
ROCCO'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
"By helping others succeed, we help ourselves succeed. Whatever good we give will complete the circle and will come back to us."
One time my company enrolled me in an intensive and comprehensive driving course so that I could transport company personnel. One of our first lessons was to learn to “un-learn” some of our driving skills.
This took some of us out of our comfort zone, especially when they explained Rule #1: “If you determine that there is no way to avoid crashing your vehicle then save yourself first and worry about your passengers later.”
We all felt a little uncomfortable with that. We all had that time-honored ideal instilled in us of sacrificing ourselves to keep others out of harm’s way.
But they made it clear that, as the driver, you are the most important person in that vehicle. You are responsible for keeping as much control of the vehicle as possible. If you are incapacitated, then your vehicle is out of control; so now all of your passengers are in extreme danger.
Looking back over the past few years we can see now that we needed to learn to “un-learn” some of our parenting skills and to try something a lot less comfortable. We, the parents, are responsible to keep control of our family. Otherwise our family is in extreme danger.
We attended our first Parent Survival Skills Training Meeting in early 2007. And quite frankly we were totally overwhelmed. Parents there were talking about their teens using not just marijuana and alcohol but crack cocaine and heroin. Their teens were stealing and dealing to support their habits and refusing therapy. They were being pulled into court and they were running away from treatment facilities.
We couldn’t picture our 15 year old son doing anything like that.
Sure his grades were falling fast, he was a discipline problem at school and at home and he was distancing himself from our family. We suspected that he had tried marijuana, probably some alcohol and we knew that at 15 he was able to pick-up packs of cigarettes whenever he wanted them.
But like so many enabling parents we couldn’t picture our son doing anything like that.
It's not like we stuck our heads in the sand. We accepted that he had problems. We found counselors, psychiatrists, tutors, and advocates to get advice on how to help him. We were on a first name basis with principles, vice-principles and school counselors. We started our run through the "rat-in-the-maze" world of health insurance for behavioral therapy. We spent 1000’s of dollars.
What we got in return from our son was "I don't care."
We didn't understand at the time that this is an addict’s most effective weapon against an unprepared parent but we did come to realize that he really meant it.
Our son, the addict, really didn’t care.
After two years of counseling and chaos, two overdoses and a couple of visits from the police we were not sure what options we had left. We were drained emotionally, mentally, physically and financially and, guess what, our son still didn't care.
In May 2009 we finally came back to attend our second PSST meeting for advice on how to get him whatever help that was left. Since that meeting we have, at least for now, saved our son's life and, just as importantly, we have saved our own lives, our marriage and brought order back into our home. As my wife recognized a while back “We always were good parents. We just weren’t good parents of a teenage addict.”
PSST pointed us in the right direction, helped us to get our addicted son into the system and to get the care that he needed. We got to meet other parents, just like us, who assured us that we were not crazy. They were not there to judge us, they were there to do what they could to help us. One defining moment for me came at our 2nd or 3rd meeting when another parent turned to my wife and said “See, you can laugh again.”
I want to give a heartfelt thank you to our PSST Pro’s; Val Ketter and Lloyd Woodward from the Allegheny County Probation Office and Cathy Culbert and Kathie Tagmyer from Wesley Spectrum. They continue to demonstrate to parents that the Allegheny County Juvenile Court and Probation System do work for us parents and for our children.
We would also like to extend our sincere appreciation to all of our fellow PSST Parents who have listened, encouraged and passed on their wisdom to us along with some serious hugs when needed.
PSST is a special place for parents - it allows us to strengthen ourselves mentally, spiritually and physically so that we can take back the power and control in our homes and our lives.
We would like to thank the Allegheny County Juvenile Court, and in particular Hearing Officer Robert Banos, who has worked with us in helping our son get the help he needs. Our son has achieved around 13 months of clean time in the last 16 months and is still working at it. He has also earned his G.E.D. Diploma. I even think he is starting to care.
We sincerely appreciate this recognition of our efforts to reach out to other parents and young addicts and to show them that there is help and that there is hope and that the Allegheny County Juvenile System really does work.
By helping them succeed, we are helping ourselves succeed. Thank you.
Read More......
The evening was one that left a lasting impression on both Rocco and Sally.
It was a pleasure to meet the Juvenile Court Judges and in particular, Judge Dwayne Woodruff (yes, from the 70's Super Steelers!).
Judge Woodruff gave an inspirational speech about not letting anyone discourage you from reaching your goals.
Sally enjoyed seeing the young winners of the Essay Contest advance on stage for their awards.
Rocco agrees that it was encouraging to see youth that may have 'made a bad choice' think about their actions and put it down in writing.
Equally encouraging was the winner of the Dennis Maloney Award; Traci Stiger. This Registered Nurse worked very hard to develop a program to teach troubled youth to be EMT's. She spends many hours instructing them. We got to see her first graduate of the program.
THIS is the STUFF that MAKES a DIFFERENCE!
What an evening. Then "Parents of the Year", Sally and Rocco received a most beautiful plaque.
Below is Sally's acceptance speech followed by Rocco's acceptance speech.
SALLY'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
Thank you so very much for this award.
It strengthens me and encourages me to continue my fight against enabling.
A year and a half ago, our son was in a horrible addiction.
My husband and I tried everything but his addiction only got worse.
We felt helpless and very much alone but we kept on praying.
Our son had a car accident which got him involved with the juvenile court system and with a probation officer.
We discovered that getting into the system and having Val Ketter and Lloyd Woodward and Cathy Culbert and Kathie Tagmyer to help us was the answer to our prayers.
Our son is much better than he was at the time of the accident and continues to work on his recovery.
The Parent Survival Skills Training meetings empower me.
There is nothing better than talking with other parents who have the same issues and know first-hand what you are going through.
Each PSST parent has wisdom and sound advice and so much compassion. I wish each one of them could be honored with this award.
For addiction is strong, but together we are so much stronger.
If my mother-in-law were alive today, October 6, 2010... she would be celebrating her 90th birthday.
It is fitting that her son should receive this honor on her birthday for she trained him well.
He is an awesome father.
Thank you all. Thank you very much.
ROCCO'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
"By helping others succeed, we help ourselves succeed. Whatever good we give will complete the circle and will come back to us."
One time my company enrolled me in an intensive and comprehensive driving course so that I could transport company personnel. One of our first lessons was to learn to “un-learn” some of our driving skills.
This took some of us out of our comfort zone, especially when they explained Rule #1: “If you determine that there is no way to avoid crashing your vehicle then save yourself first and worry about your passengers later.”
We all felt a little uncomfortable with that. We all had that time-honored ideal instilled in us of sacrificing ourselves to keep others out of harm’s way.
But they made it clear that, as the driver, you are the most important person in that vehicle. You are responsible for keeping as much control of the vehicle as possible. If you are incapacitated, then your vehicle is out of control; so now all of your passengers are in extreme danger.
Looking back over the past few years we can see now that we needed to learn to “un-learn” some of our parenting skills and to try something a lot less comfortable. We, the parents, are responsible to keep control of our family. Otherwise our family is in extreme danger.
We attended our first Parent Survival Skills Training Meeting in early 2007. And quite frankly we were totally overwhelmed. Parents there were talking about their teens using not just marijuana and alcohol but crack cocaine and heroin. Their teens were stealing and dealing to support their habits and refusing therapy. They were being pulled into court and they were running away from treatment facilities.
We couldn’t picture our 15 year old son doing anything like that.
Sure his grades were falling fast, he was a discipline problem at school and at home and he was distancing himself from our family. We suspected that he had tried marijuana, probably some alcohol and we knew that at 15 he was able to pick-up packs of cigarettes whenever he wanted them.
But like so many enabling parents we couldn’t picture our son doing anything like that.
It's not like we stuck our heads in the sand. We accepted that he had problems. We found counselors, psychiatrists, tutors, and advocates to get advice on how to help him. We were on a first name basis with principles, vice-principles and school counselors. We started our run through the "rat-in-the-maze" world of health insurance for behavioral therapy. We spent 1000’s of dollars.
What we got in return from our son was "I don't care."
We didn't understand at the time that this is an addict’s most effective weapon against an unprepared parent but we did come to realize that he really meant it.
Our son, the addict, really didn’t care.
After two years of counseling and chaos, two overdoses and a couple of visits from the police we were not sure what options we had left. We were drained emotionally, mentally, physically and financially and, guess what, our son still didn't care.
In May 2009 we finally came back to attend our second PSST meeting for advice on how to get him whatever help that was left. Since that meeting we have, at least for now, saved our son's life and, just as importantly, we have saved our own lives, our marriage and brought order back into our home. As my wife recognized a while back “We always were good parents. We just weren’t good parents of a teenage addict.”
PSST pointed us in the right direction, helped us to get our addicted son into the system and to get the care that he needed. We got to meet other parents, just like us, who assured us that we were not crazy. They were not there to judge us, they were there to do what they could to help us. One defining moment for me came at our 2nd or 3rd meeting when another parent turned to my wife and said “See, you can laugh again.”
I want to give a heartfelt thank you to our PSST Pro’s; Val Ketter and Lloyd Woodward from the Allegheny County Probation Office and Cathy Culbert and Kathie Tagmyer from Wesley Spectrum. They continue to demonstrate to parents that the Allegheny County Juvenile Court and Probation System do work for us parents and for our children.
We would also like to extend our sincere appreciation to all of our fellow PSST Parents who have listened, encouraged and passed on their wisdom to us along with some serious hugs when needed.
PSST is a special place for parents - it allows us to strengthen ourselves mentally, spiritually and physically so that we can take back the power and control in our homes and our lives.
We would like to thank the Allegheny County Juvenile Court, and in particular Hearing Officer Robert Banos, who has worked with us in helping our son get the help he needs. Our son has achieved around 13 months of clean time in the last 16 months and is still working at it. He has also earned his G.E.D. Diploma. I even think he is starting to care.
We sincerely appreciate this recognition of our efforts to reach out to other parents and young addicts and to show them that there is help and that there is hope and that the Allegheny County Juvenile System really does work.
By helping them succeed, we are helping ourselves succeed. Thank you.
Rocco and Sally claim Allegheny County Parent-of-the-Year award!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, October 07, 2010
Kathie Tagmyer from Wesley Spectrum Family Counseling gave a brief introduction to Rocco and Sally. Then, in eloquent dual acceptance speeches, Sally and Rocco humbly accepted Allegheny County Parent of the Year 2010. Sally spoke first making the shorter of the two speeches. Then Rocco took over with a moving summary that included key moments of their story.
Sally began by stating that she is engaged in a personal fight against Enabling. Sally seem to take Rocco by surprise when she commented that he is an awsome father. She also mentioned that she wished that every PSST parent could win the award because they all deserved it.
Next it was Rocco's turn. "When we came to PSST we found out that we were good parents; just not good parents for an addict." He also used the analogy of when he took driving classes for work and was taught that the driver is the most important person in the car. If he doesn't take care of himself first, he can't of much use to his passengers. His point was clear that if parents don't take care of themselves they will be no use to their children.
Rocco also reported that he and Sally were on first name basis with School Principals and that they sought help from therapists but that no matter what they did Cisco still would say, "I don't care." Finally, the Parents began attending PSST, Juvenile Probation processed criminal behavior for Cisco and he was placed in a drug rehab, Rocco felt like their sanity could be saved, that Cisco might be saved, and that their marriage could be put back on solid ground." At one point Rocco got a bit choked up and this only added to the strong impact that their message had on the audience.
As one of the administrators at Juvenile Court commented afterwards, "Parent-of-the Year award was the highlight of the night."
Not only did Rocco and Sally easily deserve this award, but their participation in last nights Awards ceremony was good recognition to highlighted how important and effective PSST can be for parents.
Both Sally and Rocco, thanked Valerie Ketter, Supervisor of the D&A Unit, Lloyd Woodward, Probation Officer, Cathy Culbert and Kathie Tagmyer from Wesley Spectrum. They also sent a big thanks out to all the Parents from PSST who had helped them the last several years. They were also grateful for their extended families many of whom were present in the audience cheering for Rocco and Sally.
Perhaps Rocco and Sally would post their there complete acceptance speeches here on our blog!
Hurray for Sally, Rocco, and for Cisco (without whom none of this would be possible.)
Stay tuned for more pictures. I only have a few pictures in my camera but I know that there were lots of pictures taken, so when I come across more pictures I will post.
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