Quote of the Week


"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.



STILL SURVIVING By Valerie Ketter
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, October 15, 2009


The Drug and Alcohol Unit continues to provide a unique support for parents who have teenagers that they suspect are using drugs and alcohol. PSST (Parent Survival Skills Training) is open to any parent in Allegheny County!! Yes, that means that they do not have to be involved with Juvenile Court to come. AND, parents who do have youth involved with Juvenile Court do not have to be referred…..they can just show up!! It’s FREE and it’s open to anyone who wants help.

Six years ago, Lloyd Woodward decided that it was time to provide a service to the parents that he was working with due to his own frustration from releasing his clients’ home to the same environment they left and turning out unsuccessful. Many of the young people in Juvenile Court have similar characteristics – they need structure and discipline to prevent them from getting trapped in the system and making changes at home makes a significant difference.


For those of you who have never heard about PSST, it is a group developed for parents who are frustrated and unsuccessful at managing their teenager. This doesn’t mean that they are not good parents. As a matter of fact, a large percentage of the parents that attend have raised one or more children with success, but this one is much different. Most parents come to group out of desperation. They just don’t know what else to do.

Parent Survival Skills Training is designed to empower parents. Some of these teenagers have held their parents hostage. The parents are desperate to find a way to survive. More importantly, they are desperate to find a way to help their teenagers survive the deadly game of drug abuse. By the time they come to group, many of the parents have already learned that “bailing their child out of trouble” only adds to the problem. We refuse to place any blame on the parents for having a troubled child. We want them to identify how they are being manipulated, rise up, and take back control.

The group leaders begin each PSST meeting by going around the room and introducing themselves and briefly summarizing their situation. It is either through suggestions by the parents or situations described during introductions that the role-plays are formulated. Most of the group consists of role-plays and problem-solving techniques. The role-plays are designed to be fun and educational. We have found that either most parents like participating in role-plays or they enjoy talking about them afterwards.

Even though the group primarily focuses on the behavior of the youth, the parents are also encouraged to take care of themselves. It is true that in a destructive co-dependent relationship, the parent sacrifices having a rewarding life of their own. In this regard, it is important that parents know how to meet their own needs, independent of what their child is going through.

At the end of group each participant is permitted a final statement. This is an opportunity for each parent to state how group was of value to him or her. This allows the parent an opportunity to further internalize what some of the group values. It also gives the group facilitators an opportunity to summarize or focus on one thing that they hope that parents take with them from group. Additionally, it is one more chance for parents to affect each other and bond.

The Court has not ordered any of these parents to attend group; they come because they want help. Not surprisingly, many of the solutions happen because the parents share ideas with each other. Many of the parents come in saying that this is what they wish they had available to them a long time ago and are grateful for the help. We have parents attending from all over the city and suburbs. Distance does not seem to be an issue.

PSST has grown to 3 meetings per month which all meet from 9:00am to 11:30am: 1st Saturday of the month at the Eastern District Office in Wilkinsburg; 2nd Saturday of the month at the Trinity Lutheran Church on Brandt School Road in Wexford; and the 3rd Saturday of the month is at the Outreach Office in Mt. Lebanon. The parents also developed and support a web blog at www.gopsst.org ; which contains the addresses and directions for the meetings, but also a wealth of information that is written by the parents through their own experiences.

Because of PSST, the effectiveness of Court Probation intervention is greatly enhanced. Helping parents to control and supervise their own youth is a more cost effective way to provide intervention. Feel free to contact Valerie Ketter or Lloyd Woodward for more information.

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Grand Opening New Wexford Location was Today!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, October 10, 2009




Nice turn out of about 8 parents, Kathie Tagmyer our resident Family Therapist, and Valerie Ketter, Supervisor of the Court's D&A Unit. Vanilla Moose in that cake- oh yeah! Click here for how to find our new location.



We had a couple new faces. The role-plays we did were on teenager badgering of parents, out-of-control teenagers, and "Mom you made me into an addict." We spoke about how effective it can be to agree with a small part of what the teenager is saying and not just to give it lip service but REALLY agree with something and then twist it into your parent message. One parent said that it seemed like we are learning how to manipulate the manipulators and you know, that might just say it pretty good!


It seemed like a lot of fun and the participation as usual was excellent.


Our new location is so perfect for us. Kitchen, coffee makers, big warm room, etc. Why not come and check us out at one of three locations? See the panel on the left margin for directions to all of our meeting locations!

Type rest of the post here

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Parent of the Year!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, October 09, 2009




Greg and Debby gave a gracious combined speech last night as they accepted the Allegheny County Court Parent-of-the-Year award. Debby read the actual letter that she read in Judge Borkowski's Court room two years ago and Greg waxed eloquent about their committment to continue to do the right thing by their Son and to continue to attend PSST to reach out to less experienced parents.

Greg spoke about he and Debby took home somethings that were helpful from the very firts PSST two years ago; and how some of things learned at PSST took longer for them to come around to trying. Debby spoke about how difficult it was to read that letter in Court because she knew that her son was right there listening. As it turned out, he wasn't paying attention as his drug problem was a bit to active for him to pay close attention. It may also be that their son, like so many of our teenagers, was just used to tuning out parents.

Greg also spoke about how important it is for both of them to give back to the PSST something of what they have learned. He mentioned that shen they first started coming around to PSST there were other more experienced parents that reached out to them and he emphasized that having those veteran parents in the group who had walked down a similar road and often had seen huge turn arounds in their teenagers really gave them hope at a time when things seems so hopeless.


Debby and Greg were always the kind of parents who were willing to do the heavy lifting. They drug tested several times a week. They came to a lot of PSST. They met with the PO and with the school officials as needed. And they worked with Wesley Spectrum Family Therapy on an on goign basis. In fact, Kathy Tagmyer, who unfortunaely was ill last night, had helped to write the nonimation and of course she was as proud of Greg and Debby as any of us were.

Their son now has over two years clean and a high school diploma. He is looking for employment now and soon will also be looking into furthering his education. If any readers can offer any job leads for Greg and Debby's son please email lloyd.woodward@court.allegheny.pa.us or leave a comment here with your email. He is a hardworking young man who, with the help of his parents, has learned how to wake up early every monning and get about having a productive day.

Joe Bellante author Left For Dead was a guest speaker and you can see him pictured above with Debby and Greg. Also, the first picture above from left to right is Judge Wecht, Judge McVay, Judge Hans Greco, Judge Clark, Greg, Debby, Lloyd, Jim Rieland, Director of Adult and Juvenile Probation Departments. The picture on the bottom right from left to right is Lloyd Woodward, Valerie Ketter, Debby and Greg McClemens.

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Allegheny County Parent-of-the-Year Award to be anounced this Saturday!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Tuesday, September 29, 2009

For the fourth year in a row the Allegheny County Parent-of-the-Year Award will go to a member of PSST. Come to the Eastern District Meeting this Saturday morning to find out who is the winner! We will be posting more on this subject, but suffice it to say that at this point the winner does not yet have a clue.
The award will be officially presented during the Juvenile Probation Awards Ceremony on October 8Th at 5:30 P.M. in the waiting room at 550 Fifth Ave (downtown Juvenile Court). RSVP is expected and can be arranged for any parents interested to attend. Click picture on right to see last year's winners. Click picture on left to see the winner in 2007.
This award usually recognizes both the serious work of the parent(s) who work tirelessly to help their teenager make a big turn-around and the efforts of the parent(s) to reach out and help other parents.



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Update from Sally
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, September 26, 2009

From: Sally
To: Lloyd
Subject: Blending your different parenting styles to help your child who is close to a relapse.
Date: Saturday, September 26, 2009 at 7:10 PM

Hi Lloyd,

Cisco got out of Ridgeview over a month ago. As you know, he either relapsed or is very close to it. The next step for him may be a hearing at Shuman. I am trying my best to keep that at bay for a very good reason. I don't want to use up all the 'tricks in the magic bag' too soon. Right now, the very thought of him going to Shuman keeps him doing what he should do. It is great leverage.


Cisco's main problem seems to be that he has too many "friends". When Rocco and I returned home after eating breakfast out this morning, we told Cisco that he will not go to the school dance tonight. I told him I was not comfortable with him going to the dance. He was upset but I quickly changed the subject and expressed how proud I was of his progress at school. (He has A's in all but one subject) He settled soon enough and was willing to attend his Saturday NA meeting.

That meeting always does him good. He was one of the last ones out. They put him in charge of handing out the "clean and sober ' milestone coins and when suggestions went around for next weeks topics, I found it interesting that his request was - What Do You Do if You Relapse?!

It is so helpful when both parents can really work together at being stronger that The Strong Willed Kid. It was cool, when my husband, Rocco, saw that I changed the subject and as soon as I stopped talking about his good grades; Rocco questioned Why Cisco broke the solar light? (He didn't let on that he knew that Cisco kicked it yesterday when he was angry about being disciplined.) Cisco had to explain himself and could not get defensive.

Rocco and I have been married for 32 years and we have two sons. Our older son had problems when he was a teen but did not question our authority that much. My husband's calm and patient ways worked well with him. They always reasoned things out man to man. They also had a lot of common interests. Rocco and Cisco do not have that same type of relationship.

Both Rocco and I probably look very weak and stupid through our son, Cisco's eyes. I know Rocco is strong and brilliant but we both know that both of us need to hone up our parenting styles so that we keep the control that we have and also build more control, power and respect. Rocco is taking my lead because he said I seem to have better judgement. I don't think it is better judgement but since I have more time to dedicate to this case and more time to talk with Lloyd and the other experts I do have more knowledge and can make better decisions. I also have a more suspicious and paranoid nature and look for problems and pitfalls. This is usually good in this situation but sometimes Rocco has to help me reason things out.

I played around on the computer today and was able to read the profiles of some of Cisco's friends who are on his MySpace. I now have a better store of knowledge of which friends are trustworthy.

Cisco did not go to the dance but we did not ground him either. He asked if he could go to some kids house after the kids get home from the dance. I said only if you first contact the kids parent and let me talk to the parent. I will ask her if there will be alcohol or anything because it sounds like there may be about 8 kids there tonight. Cisco said that Bill and Bob will be there and Bill and Bob both had very nice profiles on MySpace. (Cisco does not know yet that I can get on MySpace and see these) profiles.

I will close with this Point to Ponder:
Every two- parent family must remember that a chain is only as strong as its weakest link!!

Sally




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