Thanks to Mary Chalburg, our newest PSST sessions will be starting on Tuesday June 19th, from 6:00 to 9:00 PM at Gateway Greentree. We are scheduled to meet the First and Third Tuesdays of each month. The address is Gateway Greentree Office, 2121 Noblestown Plaza, Pittsburgh, PA 15205.
Mary contacted Gateway and made all the arrangements. Apparently, Gateway checked out this blog and they were very impressed with they read here.
Mary and I attended the Gateway Family night last week and talked to a room full of parents. With the help of two parents that volunteered to participate, we put on a role-play. Of course, we used an issue that the two parents brought up, which is in keeping with what we always do to try to "keep it real."
We thought it went pretty well and we are hoping for a nice turn out. However, we really could use the support of our regular members. So, if you can come on out this coming Tuesday, help Mary, Val, and I get this new one started!
Directions from Pittsburgh: Take Parkway West though the Fort Pitt Tunnels. Take exit 4A for PA 121 N toward Crafton. Turn left at T on Mansfield Avenue; then one block turn right on Poplar Street. Go 1/2 mile and turn right at the light on Noblestown Road. Go 3/10 mile and turn right up driveway; bear right at Y and follow signs to Gateway, which will be around the back of the office complex.
If you are coming from the opposite direction you get off at Greentree exit, make left off the ramp, and that puts you on Mansfield Avenue; then one block turn right on Poplar Street. Go 1/2 mile and turn right at the light on Noblestown Road. Go 3/10 mile and turn right up driveway; bear right at Y and follow signs to Gateway, which will be around the back of the office complex.
If you get lost call me at 412-861-6757.
PARKING IS NO PROBLEM!
Grand Opening of The newest PSST only one week away!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Outreach Teen Location
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Monday, June 04, 2007
New location at Outreach Teen and Family Services in Mt. Lebanon 666 Washington Rd Mt Lebanon, PA 15228
The door to Outreach is right underneath the Stevenson Williams Co. sign, about the middle of the building. Click on the picture to the right to be connected to Google Maps. Soon, we will add this location to our other two located on the left side of this blog.
From 376 Monroeville: Merge onto 279S (Fort Duquense Bridge)
Take exit 5A for Banksville Rd (right after Tunnel)
Merge onto US-19 (Banksville Rd)
Turn left on McFarland Rd (at a Y)
Turn right at W Liberty Ave/US-19
Destination will be on the right
From the North: I-79 S toward Pittsburgh
Slight left at I-279 S (signs for I-279)
Take exit 5A for Banksville Rd (right after Tunnel)
Turn left on McFarland Rd (at a Y)
Turn right at W Liberty Ave/US-19
Continue to follow US-19
Destination will be on the right
From out by Pittsburgh International Airport:
Merge onto PA-60 S
Continue on I-279 N
Take exit 4A toward Mt Lebanon/Green Tree
Merge right onto Greentree Rd/PA-121
Turn left at Potomac Ave
Turn right at W Liberty Ave/US-19
Continue to follow US-19
Destination will be on the right
The New Normal
Posted by:Ken Sutton--Monday, May 28, 2007
I want my family to be back to normal. I want my daughter to stay in recovery and have a normal life. I hear the same thoughts echoed by other parents. The problem is that getting back to normal is not the same as getting into recovery and recovery leads us to a “new normal” that is not built on the dreams of our past but exists in the realities of our present.
I am reading 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Piper. The short version is that he is in a horrific auto accident, dies, goes to heaven, returns to earth and takes several years to recover. In chapter 14 he writes:
“Human nature has a tendency to try to reconstruct old ways and pick up where we left off. If we’re wise, we won’t continue to go back to the way things were (we can’t anyway). We must instead forget the old standard and accept a new normal.”
In Piper’s case he was talking about all the physical things he could no longer do. My experiences in living through the addiction/recovery process with a then adolescent and now young woman have brought me to the same place, an understanding of a “new normal” and making healthy plans to deal with it instead of focusing on returning to that old, romanticized normal.
For the last couple of years a lot of my thinking has been around getting the problem fixed, keeping her under control, stopping destructive behaviors. At this point she has been through several rehabs and placements and is living in a half way house. There really is no more coming home from rehab, dance team, sleep-overs, new jobs, boy friends or proms. There is a major focus on her part to control her own demons. I can help from time to time and provide some monetary and emotional support but besides that, there is not a lot I can do. Powerless.
She is taking a different path through life (though probably not intentionally) and because I have chosen to walk beside her it is now our new normal. And somehow describing it that way helps. It brings acceptance. Not a child to be disciplined but an adult that needs help. Not someone to control but someone to support.
Somehow I have it confused that my daughter’s addiction is about me when really it is about her. Talking with people in recovery always has an emotional impact on me. Hearing a friend of hers talk about everything she lost in one breath and plans for a new job in the next is an amazing testimony to the human spirit. And then I get it. It is the same for my daughter.
Watching my daughter deal with all of this at 19 is so different than at 16. Once they are out of the house the game changes - instead of trying to get them back home and keep them safe (in some ways trying to regain that lost “normal”) you start to, yet again, understand the reality of all of this and accept your role in the new normal.
This change in perspective for me didn’t happen overnight, it is an ongoing process. I am changing my actions of doing things for her to words of advice, “I used to do this for you, now you will have to….” . Each day I make the decision to walk besides her all over again. That’s because each day, all my instincts tell me that I need to fix her problems for her but I’ve learned that I can’t do that. That train is gone and there’s another one coming down the track. If I worry too much about the one that left, I’m not going to be ready to board the new one.
Letter to teen at Abraxas I
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, May 21, 2007
My Dearest Son,
Let me start this letter my saying how much I love you. By our visit last week, you are obviously angry with me. But please believe that no matter what, I will love you more than you can understand. You are my son and a major part of my life and my very being. I will do anything to help you, to get the rehab that you need, counseling that you need, any help that you need to stay off drugs and start your life anew.
You can be anything that you want. You are very talented and intelligent and I refuse to believe that God gave you all these gifts to waste on a life of drug abuse. You deserve a better life than such a life of drug abuse. And you deserve a long life. Not one cut short because of drugs. If you stayed on the path in February / March, you would be dead soon if not already. And there is no easy way out of your problems. There is no quick fix. So, take one step at a time and work through your issues. I know you have had some setbacks lately, but work through them.
I love you dearly and pray daily that you will be able to give up the drugs and continue to grow and develop into the man that you were meant to be.
It seems that you don’t understand the Abraxas program and it appears that you are trying to equate it to other drug rehab facilities that you have been in. However, places like Gateway and Ridgeview do not deal with the behavioral issues that long-term drug use causes. Abraxas does. One of your issues is that you have been deep into drugs for a long time. Sally at Gateway told us that once a teenager starts using drugs, emotional and maturity development stops. Also, extended drug use distorts people’s perception of reality and their sense of right and wrong. It also leads to anti-social behavior.
You started using drugs as a young teenager, and continued to use drugs through some critical years. This has affected your emotional and maturity development, distorted your perceptions, and distorted your sense of right and wrong. You have exhibited anti-social behavior and your defiance has become self-destructive. This process has continued through all of your teenage years and it has had a profound effect upon you. This is what Abraxas is doing for you: stopping the patterns of behavior that you have developed and getting you back on track to proper development. This needs to happen before anything else is effective, including drug rehab at places like Gateway.
I know you disagree with this and do not believe you fall into this category. You have mentioned that Abraxas is for teenagers with behavior issues, and that is not you. That all you have is a drug problem. However, your drug problem has continued long enough that behavior and perception issues have developed. I agree with you that you are not in the same category as most others there and some of those have severe behavior issues. . However, that doesn’t change the fact that you need to readjust your behavior, your perceptions, and get your development back on track. You need to develop your social skills and your coping skills. You need to understand your defiance and learn to control it. You need to stop your self-destructive behavior. You need to learn how to cope when things are not going well. You need to learn how to control your temper. You need to learn how to not feel out of control, be able to calm yourself and deal with your problems. And you need to learn how to do this without drugs. You need to develop whatever skills necessary to cope with life and move on with your life in a productive fashion. And you need to learn how to do this without drugs.
Part of this process is facing the behavior that you have exhibited and the things you have done. You need to deal with them, understand them so that you do not repeat them, and change those behavior patterns forever. You also need to get past the issues and guilt that you have because you have done these things. You need to work through these things and forgive yourself. You must do this in order to get past it and not repeat any of these actions, including drug use. You must come to terms with your past and take the time to forgive yourself. We all have forgiven and forgotten, and we just want you back, drug free and strong. We have all forgiven and we want you back, drug free and happy.
This is what Abraxas can do for you. It is behavior modification. It is undoing the effect the drug use has had on your development. It is stopping your anti-social behavior, teaching you how to deal with your defiance, and teaching you coping skills. It is readjusting your perceptions, and adjusting your sense of right and wrong. It is giving you life-management skills.
For example, you must stop excusing away your behavior because it is related to your drug habit. Your sister told me that you think your drug-using ‘friend’ received a light sentence because his forgery is related to supporting his drug habit. That is wrong. He received a light sentence because it was his first offense. I know that to be true, because I was there in the courtroom when his sentence was given and I talked to the Assistant DA about his sentence. If he appears in court a second time, his sentence will be much different, and if he appears a third time, his sentence will be severe. It will not matter that it was all for supporting a drug habit. The courts do not excuse away crimes because they were committed to support a drug habit. I hope you do not need to learn that lesson the hard way.
We have tried to help you with your drug use and provided a different array of professionals to counsel you. I have protected you from your mistakes relating to your drug use under the pretence that you would take the advice of these professionals. However, I was wrong. I was wrong to protect you from the consequences of your drug use. I know you do not believe that I protected you from anything. However, I stopped the High School from expelling you. I stopped the police from arresting you for Shoplifting and, hence, you avoided a sentence in Shuman. Your Father and I intervened when the police wanted to send you to Presley Ridge for several months over your drunken disorderly at Eat’N Park. I kept thinking that if you had the drug rehab, the counseling from professionals, that you would ‘see the light,’ the ‘error of your ways,’ but I was wrong.
I do think that you tried to leave the drugs behind, but you always returned to your destructive behavior and your drug abuse. The help that you were getting was not enough. There is no easy way out of this and it will take time. I hope that you use your treatment time wisely:
* You need to learn how to take advice from people.
* You need to drop your defiant self-destructive ways.
* You need to take the time to understand the reason why you used drugs in the first place. Then, you need to change that part of yourself. Perhaps your thrill-seeking need drove you to life on the edge and that drove you to drug abuse. You must control that part of your personality. You must learn why you started drugs and why you continue to relapse and change that behavior.
* You must reverse the damage that extended drug use has done to you in terms of your personality development, perception of reality, and your maturity development. You must take the time to regain the things that you have lost and get yourself back on track.
* And you may not believe this either, but your behavior changes when you are relapsing and probably just before you relapse, i.e., you start the destructive behavior patterns, the dissociation with reality, the irresponsible behavior, and the defiance. That is what must stop and Abraxas can help you.
We are with you every step of the way. We will be there for you! We will provide whatever is necessary to get whatever help you need; to send you to the schools that you want to attend, to help you get the education that you need, to continue to provide for you, to help you get you established and back on track.
You too must step up and accept responsibility for yourself. We will continue to provide for you, and those things that you want that are above and beyond, you will work for and provide for yourself. You must appreciate what it means to work for something that you want, as opposed to having it handed over to you. You must step up and assume responsibility for yourself.
As I mentioned earlier, the biggest mistake we made was protecting you from the consequences of your behavior, and we will no longer do that. We will help you with what ever you need to better yourself, to stay off drugs, to build a constructive life for yourself. However, we will allow you to deal with your mistakes of drug use. We will be there with you, but you must deal with them and accept the consequences.
You also need to recognize when you need help before the consequences hit. You need to ask for help if you feel yourself slipping, and not wait until you are in trouble. You need to start thinking things through and stopping yourself when your actions do not have a good ending. You need to think about what you are doing, understand the impact, and stop your behavior if there is a chance for negative consequences. You need to start thinking things through.
We will get you all the help that you need. We will go anywhere and spend anything to get you all the help you need. However, if you insist on drug abuse and if you refuse any help, I will do what I need to do to stop you. I will do whatever I need to do to avoid that day that I am called to the morgue to identify your body. You cannot comprehend how painful it is for your family to know that you can engage in Russian Roulette with your life; that you would choose this destructive drug-addicted life over anything else; that you would choose Heroin over anyone else. So please don’t any more.
Well, I will close now. I have been working on this letter for a few weeks, which is why I haven’t written for awhile. We will be back up on September 18th. Always remember how much we love you and how proud we are of you for the progress that you are making.
Myths About Drug Use by Tim McDowell
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, May 18, 2007
Tim McDowell is a Student Assistance Coordinator and Licensed Social Worker at North Hills High School. He has written this brutal eye-opener about misconceptions that people have about teenagers and drug abuse. The assumptions that we hold about drug use have EVERYTHING to do with the actions that we take to address this life threatening disease of addiction in our teens.
Ø You can change adolescence with a talk. Wrong- No cure for adolescence, no magic talk will change adolescents from being curious, or invincible risk takers. You had better appeal to something else.
Ø Kids use drugs because they don’t know that they are dangerous and illegal. Wrong - Kids know, but don’t care. They think they’re invincible and will never get caught.
Ø You can scare kids into not using drugs. Wrong – Kids are invincible and “IT NEVER HAPPENS TO THEM”, always someone else. They “know” they will be smarter and not let it happen.
Ø Some counseling is better than nothing. Wrong - You don’t put a band-aid on a broken arm. It may pacify your conscience, but its not helping your kid.
Ø You can shame kids into not using drugs. Wrong - Drug use brings on enough shame. There’s already a perceived inability to overcome this. They need professional help and support.
Ø You can control your teen’s drug use. Wrong – You have zero control over your child’s drug use, but you have complete control over what you will accept or not. Draw a line in the sand. If you’re walking on egg-shells, You’ve already lost control. Let the professionals help you get it back.
Ø You should handle your family’s drug use discreetly. Wrong - Shout it from the rooftops. Take advantage of every possible resource or professional available. Have the entire community keeping an eye on your kid. If you are clear that no shame is deserved, you aren’t embarrassed to speak up.
Ø You can make your kid want to get clean. Wrong - They have to be uncomfortable and hurting enough to want something different. That’s where you come in.
Ø When things get bad, we’ll get him into a treatment program. Wrong – Treatment may not be an option. Insurance companies may say “not bad enough” or can be put on 3-month waiting list.
Questions – You can email Tim McDowell at mcdowellt@nhsd.k12.pa.us or call him at 412.318.1422
