When Lloyd
Woodward, my son’s probation officer and head of the parenting group that we go
to - PSST (parent survival skills training) - told us on a conference call that
we had been nominated, we had polar opposite reactions. His was, Oh, no no no
no no and I said “Yes”!.
He said no,
because we are surrounded by a team of incredible people; Lloyd, Kathie, Abby,
Justin and every parent from our PSST group that laughed, cried, supported,
advised and empowered us from our first meeting until tonight.
I said, “yes”! because I am grateful for the
gifts that this group has given to us and what we have become thru this
program.
With their
help, we gained the knowledge, confidence and skills to enable us to learn
enough to help our son to become a man that he - and we - can be proud of.
When your
child chooses the wrong path, you feel many things: hopelessness, failure,
fear, anger and guilt. You look for help and if you are fortunate enough in an
unfortunate situation, you are paired with people that rally around you in a
way that takes some of those feelings away.
You are no
longer alone. If I had been lucky enough to meet these people earlier on, I
don’t feel that our situation would’ve spiraled so far out of control for my
family, because the knowledge that we have gained has changed us so much.
My son first
got into trouble at 15. If I knew then what I know now, he would still be
chained in my basement with just enough slack to do laundry. At that point, it
was just the two of us living together with his dad living close by. We were
newly divorced and couldn’t put our own feelings aside to help our son. We both
blamed each other for our “polar opposite” parenting styles. We were so wrong. Do you know how I now know that? Our son
continued to get into more trouble. It became more than “call an attorney”
trouble. It became “find a direct line to Jesus trouble”.
Wesley
Spectrum, Lloyd Woodward, Michael Santicola, and Judge Tranquili stepped, or
should I say, “jumped in”. That is when we started with meetings with Wesley
Spectrum and what led us to PSST.
Our son was
placed in Shuman (where he learned to value clothes that fit and shoes that
cover all of your feet). From there he went to Abraxas (where he learned that
whichever way you choose to run in any direction, you will get nowhere). And
then to Liberty Station (where he learned that maybe my mom’s cooking isn’t so
bad) to Glen Mills schools (where he learned that it can be beneficial to tuck
your shirt in and keep your pants pulled up). Please know that this is an
attempt at humor of what Jake has learned throughout his multiple placements.
You don’t take a tour from Shuman to Glen Mills without making more mistakes
though and without learning where you do not want to be.
Time will
tell for all of us. Is our son perfect yet? The answer is no. Are we? His
parents? Well, we are getting this award. J I do know that he continues to learn and so do
we, with every meeting, every text, and every email that we share with “Team
Jake”, as Kathie penned us at the very beginning. Team Jake consists of others
of whom I have to mention; my sister Pam, who has loved my son as her own since
he was born and throughout his time in facilities has provided him with
letters, love, support and enough books to fill a library. And my Mother Jean,
who has loved him so fiercely and who would never let me give up on my son.
I guess I
should also thank my son’s father for what he has become throughout these last
few years. He has shown a level of commitment and love to our son that I have
not seen duplicated. It took a lot of work to get us to this point
and I am lucky to have him as the one to have walked this tightrope with me and
as the father of my children.
I could not
have done this without the support of those 3 either.
If I may go
back, 5 minutes after that congratulatory call from Lloyd, I called my sister
Jennifer to tell her and of course I downplayed “parent of the year” because to
me that said that I had done an exemplary job at parenting and that could not
be further from the truth, but Jen, who is a social worker in Cleveland, said
to me, “Hey, it’s easy to parent a good kid.” And that said to me that
sometimes, you just need to do the best that you can with what has been given
to you and created by you, and to recognize when what you have previously done
that hasn’t worked and that has led to your situation needs to be fixed.
Hopefully, this is now the path that we are all on.
In closing,
an old African proverb states, “It takes a village to raise a child”. All of
you are my village and I am forever grateful.
