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Quote of the Week
"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
Support Groups
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, September 13, 2014
Why do I need a support group?
There is no need to stay isolated and alone with our fears. In fact, it is proven that when we reach out to others and share our experiences, we get stronger. When we are stronger, the addicts in our lives have a better chance of recovery.
When one person in the family is addicted to drugs and alcohol, we all get sick. And while we cannot control the choices our children make, we can control the choices we make. But how would we know what the choices are, what works and what doesn’t work, if we don’t participate in a forum where we can learn about what has worked for others? ~ Lauren Springer
For the rest of Lauren’s article, click here.
We are able to feel both supported and challenged in a group experience. As the group bonds and trust develops, people feel safer to speak honestly with each other. In groups we can both get and give. Both feel good. The experience of past loss, damage or trauma (whether from our family or from other relationships), may have profoundly affected our self- concept. A group can become a "family" that responds to us very differently, and can give us a corrective experience that impacts us emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. We can also learn that conflict is part of being in relationship, and can be tolerated and worked through. We can't rationalize our negative feelings away, but I believe we can slowly heal as we learn to take in the love and acceptance that emerges in a group. ~ Wendy Fennell
For the rest of Wendy’s article, click here.
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NAMI
Southwestern Pennsylvania Announces New Class For Parents and Caregivers of
Children with Mental Health Disorders
Pittsburgh, Pa. -- NAMI Southwestern Pennsylvania is
offering, for the first time, the NAMI Basics Education Program
for parents and caregivers of children and adolescents with mental health
issues. This six-week series of classes will begin in Squirrel Hill on
Monday, Sept. 15 from 6:30 to 9 p.m. at the Children's Institute of
Pittsburgh.
Offered at no charge to participants, the course will cover information
about ADHD, Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Oppositional
Defiant Disorder, Anxiety Disorders, Obsessive Compulsive Disorders,
Schizophrenia and Substance Use Disorders.
It will teach coping skills such
as handling crisis and relapse; basic information about medical use in the
treatment of mental illness in children; listening and communication
techniques; problem solving skills; and an overview of the mental health
and school systems' roles in treating children with mental health issues.
The course will be taught by two
trained teachers who are also parents of individuals who developed mental
illness as children.
"This course provides a
meaningful experience for parents and caregivers of children with mental
health issues," said Christine Michaels, executive director of NAMI
Southwestern Pennsylvania. "It introduces them to a community of
people with shared life experience, which is equally important as the
education and skills training they will receive in the class."
"We hope parents and other
caregivers will take advantage of this unique opportunity," Michaels
added.
###
NAMI Southwestern Pennsylvania provides recovery focused
support, education and advocacy to individuals and families affected by
mental illness. More information is available at www.namiswpa.org or by calling (412)
366-3788.
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Speaking after Robin
Williams' recent death, his widow said, “ . . . it is our hope the focus will
not be on Robin's death, but on the countless moments of joy and laughter he
gave to millions.”
One of Williams’ many contributions
was his willingness to speak publicly about his battle with substance abuse. After 20 years of sobriety, in 2006 he sought treatment for alcoholism. During an
interview with Good Morning America, Williams explained
that falling back into alcohol abuse was "very gradual."
"It's the same voice thought that … you're standing at a precipice
and you look down, there's a voice and it's a little quiet voice that goes,
'Jump,'" Williams told Diane Sawyer. "The same voice that goes, 'Just
one.' … And the idea of just one for someone who has no tolerance for it,
that's not the possibility."
When asked why he relapsed, Robin answered: "It's
[addiction] — not caused by anything, it's just there … It waits. It lays
in wait for the time when you think, 'It's fine now, I'm OK.' Then, the next
thing you know, it's not OK. Then you realize, 'Where am I? I didn't realize I
was in Cleveland.'"
For the full article, click here.
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Detaching with Love
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, August 11, 2014
So far we are experiencing the ups and downs of
Pebbles’ and Dina's attempts with sobriety and 12 step programs. They recently
decided to live together with Dina's boyfriend, which we strongly advised
against. The results were quickly disastrous and the attempts to pull us in
were a struggle to avoid. They are both adults now, although even at age 20,
Pebbles is only an adult in legal terms.
Dina's maturity has been curtailed from years of drug abuse so that even
at 31, she is just a young teen at best.
We have told them so often how smart they are and how
skillful they can be, so we feel we need to give them the dignity to use their
skills to work this out, and use the resources available to get through this
explosion that has recently occurred. As two addicts who think they can live
with 12 step, picking and choosing what they want to use, and with strong
emotional ties with each other, their lives have become a head-on
collision.
It is so difficult not to run to the scene and pick up
the wounded, then take them home to nurse them back to health. But we have done
this so many times, only for them to regain their strength and then walk out to
begin their dangerous lifestyles again. It is so difficult to know that if
nothing changes, change does not occur. So it begins with us to be the change
and let them work this out. Having your two children fighting each other is
more heartbreaking then when they have their own separate issues; but it is
what it is. We just hope we all learn a lesson from this.
We are trying to use our PSST phrases to reply to them
when they call to report what the other is up to and to generally complain
about each other. We always dreamed of a loving family with sisters that are
close and supportive. But right now their addiction is controlling their
thoughts and behaviors, and we have to allow this to run its course. We are
powerless over what their relationship is and will be. They are angry that we
are not getting involved and picking sides. They feel we are being unfair.
Having supportive meetings to go to where there are
parents dealing with similar issues, along with the PSST blog, keeps me from
isolating and falling into a deep depression. Learning to find other interests
to keep me busy does not mean that I have abandoned my daughters, but allows
them to live their lives as I live mine.
When I first attended meetings, I was asked what I did
for fun. I hated that question. I wasn't having any fun. I was feeling
obligated to be in the trenches with my daughters. Slowly I have tried several
hobbies and interests until I found what worked for me. After being laid off
and having too much time on my hands, I have found a part time job where
training took up a lot of my focus. I
have friends through PSST and other groups to share good times at art
festivals, movies and baseball games.
The girls survived without my constant focus and I
think it is better for all of us that I take better care of myself. Maybe by
example they too will do the same, in their own time.
Betty
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Kathy Radigan, who is a blogger and published
author, as well as the mother of three children, explains why she wrote a
letter to her son about underage drinking:
So many parents take it as a
foregone conclusion that their kids will engage in any manner of risky behavior
. . . But, I want him to know where I
stand on engaging in behaviors that are at best risky and at worst illegal or
life threatening. I never want my son to
say that I wasn’t clear about my feelings . . .
Here is a quote from the letter to
her son:
Your father and I are so proud
of the man you are becoming. We love you so much that we don’t care if you hate
us. That’s our gift to you, we are your parents not your friends.
Click here for the full article.
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Did you
know that liquid nicotine, an e-liquid used in e-cigarettes and personal vaporizers,
is a powerful neurotoxin, unregulated by federal authorities?
Click here
for an article about liquid nicotine from the New York Times, “Selling a Poison
by the Barrel.”
Here are some excerpts
from the article:
Tiny amounts, whether ingested or absorbed through
the skin, can cause vomiting and seizures and even be lethal.
Toxicologists warn that e-liquids pose a
significant risk to public health, particularly to children, who may be drawn
to their bright colors and fragrant flavorings like cherry, chocolate and
bubble gum. A teaspoon of even highly diluted e-liquid can kill a small child.
Read More......
Here's a photo of our own Abby, rappelling down the
side of a building as part of the Shatterproof Challenge held in Pittsburgh in July. Shatterproof is an organization whose mission is to provide support for prevention, treatment and recovery associated with drug addiction.
Abby, you are our hero(ine)! Wonder if rappelling down a building is listed in the book "101 Natural Highs"?
Read More......
101 Natural Highs
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Those of you who have a Kindle might be
interested in Cathy Taughinbaugh’s e-book “101 Natural Highs for an Amazing
Drug-Free Life”. It’s normally $2.99, but is currently on sale for $0.99. The
sale ends on Saturday, July 19th. Click here for more information about the book.
In the book are reminders and new ideas particularly targeted toward someone in recovery, who needs to fill the hole left by his/her
drug or alcohol use. This book also appears to be useful for those who are looking for ways to "take care of themselves," while dealing with a family member who has a drug or alcohol dependency.
Here
are some reviews from Amazon:
"101 Natural Highs is a treasure trove of
ideas that bring joy, meaning and enjoyment into anyone's life."
"Engaging,
not too long, and a reminder that there is so much a person can do without
drugs or alcohol."
Read More......
In 2008, our oldest son had been arrested for beating up a kid and taking his iPod, along with another boy. We were totally in shock. We never imagined he would break the law, especially in this manner. We already knew he was experimenting with weed and alcohol, and was disrespectful of us at home, but we had worked with 2 different family therapists and were very involved with school counselors and school social workers. We thought we were on top of things. At about the same time, our youngest son was starting his own rebellion with weed, skipping school, bad friends, disrespect.
Between the two of them, one or the other was sneaking out of windows at night to joy ride in my car without a license, coming home drunk or high, hanging out in unsafe neighborhoods with parents that would smoke weed with them, owning a gun, and lying constantly, and we never really knew all of this was going on until after the arrest. We were manipulated at every turn, but were so overwhelmed, we didn't realize it. When we did, we had no skills to deal with it. I was humiliated, felt judged, embarrassed, sad, frightened, anxious, and had no person I could confide in -- until I found PSST, on the internet.
I
called the number and Lloyd answered. He explained how the group worked, and
urged me to come to a meeting. I was very worried I would be the only
"normal" parent in the room. I was sure if parents went to this
group, their kids must really be "bad" and the parents probably
weren't very savvy, like I thought I was. I attended a meeting and it changed
my life.
I
noticed with a bit of surprise and relief that the parents were just like me.
My sons were just like their kids, and some were actually friends of my boys. I
was no longer ashamed, and I certainly didn't feel judged. It stopped me from
feeling helpless and gave me the tools to be pro-active and in control of my
home and myself. I learned these things in the most supportive atmosphere with
the best junk food. I knew everyone understood how I felt. I had gained the
greatest friends in the process. I was hooked, and I went to every meeting,
every location, every month for a solid 2 years.
It
was at PSST that I acquired my arsenal of weapons: "I'm not comfortable
with that", "Would you like to ask me again?", "I will not
keep your secrets", "You aren't going to like what I'm going to
say" and my personal favorite "YOU'RE RIGHT! I AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT
THAT!" I was shocked that they worked so well and so quickly with our
boys. Mel & I learned we were so afraid of their big reactions, that we
avoided confrontation at all costs. But the cost of doing nothing was huge.
We can't say
enough about how important PSST is for a parent in our position. I tell anyone
I meet with a similar issue to come to a meeting and read the blog. Role-plays
and insights from the group’s leaders are invaluable teaching tools. The advice
we received helped us out of limbo and into action. We had access to some of
the most empathetic, generous and truly caring mental health professionals we
have ever dealt with. We know of no other group or place that offers the help
to parents we received from PSST and we are forever grateful.
Our current status:
Our elder son Michael is living in
an apartment with his very lovely girlfriend, and continues to be enrolled in a
CCAC trade program. He is looking for a job (to supplement his landscaping job
which is very part time) and not having much success. We’ve tried to help with
advice and contacts. His response : “Thanks, I appreciate your help, but if you
help, it won’t be my accomplishment. I want to do this myself”. Wow.
Our younger son David just
graduated from high school and walked in commencement, which is something we
honestly didn’t know would happen until finals were over. He continues to work
on the line in a nice restaurant, getting more hours and gaining more
experience. He plans to go to culinary school, but we all agreed he should just
work for a while to be sure. His goal is to move into an apartment by the
spring of 2015. The worst thing I can say about him living at home is that he
doesn’t clean up after himself (his bedroom is scary) to my standards...but he
is otherwise pleasant and reasonable.
We are truly proud of both of
them.
I still use PSST-isms almost every
time I communicate with either boy, while continuing to work on myself; to not
enable, to not hover, to not sweat the small stuff, and to keep in mind that
they have their own identities and personalities and are not merely extensions
of us.
Max
Read More......
Our recent PSST meetings have had a recurring theme about creating and maintaining intimacy within the family. Click here for an article that defines intimacy and basic steps for achieving it, and here for an article that discusses how to cultivate ongoing relationships with your adult children.
As stated in the first article,
“Intimacy
is a dance. It deepens or is eroded by every interaction we have.
The good news is that every interaction you have is a chance to shift onto a
positive track and deepen your connection to your loved ones.”
Read More......
The Shatterproof Challenge Pittsburgh rappelling event has been rescheduled for Tuesday, July 15. All additional information requested by the Pittsburgh
Dept of Building Inspections has been provided, and the City has approved the event. Shatterproof stresses that Over the Edge has hosted over 400
rappelling fundraisers and has an impeccable safety record. (That should make Abby feel better.)
For the initial blog posting about this event, check out this link.
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The following information is from an article published by the ABC News Medical Unit. For the complete article, click here.
According to the American Association of Poison Control Centers, in 2002 there were 2.4
million toxic ingestions, and more than half of these occurred in children
younger than 6. Children aged 18 to 36 months seemed to be at the highest risk,
and in these little bodies, just one pill can be deadly.
Even more worrisome is the
fact that, after taking some of these pills, a child can appear perfectly fine
until it is too late. "Within two
hours, we have seen patients go from ingestion to death -- even after taking
only one to two pills."
Even when parents make a
habit of keeping medicines out of their children's reach, children seem to be drawn
to pill bottles when they are out for only a short amount of time. There have also been cases where
a visitor to the home drops a pill, or when children find pills on the floor in
a hotel room, in which case parents bring them to the emergency room having no
idea what they took.
For these reasons, parents should recognize the high risk of accidental
ingestions and be prepared to act. Call 911 immediately, experts say, or call
the Poison Control Center at 1-800-222-1222. Parents should be prepared to
take their child to the hospital immediately, and bring the bottle
of whatever the child took. Importantly, new
guidelines from the American Association of Pediatrics urge against the use of
Ipecac or any other mechanism to induce vomiting.
Fortunately, once children
are in the emergency room, doctors can rapidly respond, as some medications
have antidotes, reversal agents or supportive therapy.
Below are seven common medicines that can lead
to emergencies when accidentally ingested by kids.
- heart
pills
- muscle
rubs
- prescription
pain medications
- aspirin
and oil of wintergreen
- depression
drugs
- topical blood pressure patches, eye drops, and
nasal sprays
- diabetes drugs
Read More......
We invite you to share your story with us - using, of course, "pen names" to maintain your family's anonymity. Knowing that we share many of the same experiences, heartaches and joys can be very helpful to others in the same situation. How are you coping with your child's addiction? What do you need help with? Let's support each other!
Send your story to gopsst@gmail.com.
Read More......
Happy Father's Day!
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, June 12, 2014
When I was a boy of
fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man
around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had
learned in seven years.
~ Mark Twain, "Old Times on the Mississippi", Atlantic Monthly, 1874
Dad
© Karen K. Boyer
He never looks for
praises
He's never one to boast
He just goes on quietly working
For those he loves the most
His dreams are seldom spoken
His wants are very few
And most of the time his worries
Will go unspoken too
He's there.... A firm foundation
Through all our storms of life
A sturdy hand to hold to
In times of stress and strife
A true friend we can turn to
When times are good or bad
One of our greatest blessings,
The man that we call Dad.
Read More......
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