September First Posted by:Sally--Tuesday, July 23, 2013

"I'm going to stop using drugs and seriously work a recovery program starting in September. I just want to have one summer where I don't spend any time in placement. September First" These are the words we heard from Cisco last summer. I'll start September first, I'll start September first; these words became his mantra. September first came, Cisco died that day, and September first went.

 Rocco and I are grieving, reminiscing, memorializing and picking up the pieces. We lost someone that we will never be able to replace. Our dreams and hopes for him have been dashed, however, he will live forever in our hearts.

 I often think back on PSST and how that group became such an important part of our life. I recognize how important and special the help was that our family received from PSST and Lloyd and Jerry and Kathie and Val and many other special professionals. I recognize how very, very lucky we were to have had the expertise of these caring and ultra-dedicated individuals. The struggle was painful and our loss was great, however, our PSST guidance gave us strength and wisdom for this journey.  I am certain that our lives would be in a worse condition now if we had not met and learned from these dedicated individuals. The lessons we learned from PSST are still in our minds and hearts and are still helping us today.

We have memories of Jerry mentoring Cisco. I can see Jerry intently listening as Cisco talked about his life and his plans for the future then when Cisco was through talking Jerry quietly and wisely guided him. He helped Cisco see a clearer picture of reality. We appreciate Jerry's wisdom.

Lloyd answered emails and phone calls about our concerns at all times of the day and night. He was always there for us. Rocco and Lloyd tirelessly searched for Cisco several times when he ran. They did not give up until they found him each time. Whenever there was a serious problem Lloyd would show up in record time. We appreciate Lloyd's dedication and his wonderful sense of humor.

Kathie was the idea person and the planner. She gave us hope and valuable insight. Her kind manner is blended with a no-nonsense approach in dealing with drug abuse. She has always been available for all of us. We appreciate her so much that we wish we could clone her! Wouldn't it be nice to have at least 10 more Kathie's?

 Val's strong leadership was quite evident as she diligently planned what would be best for Cisco and family. We appreciate her quiet determination and strong, sincere guidance.

If he would have survived the night, we do not know what Cisco would have done on September First.We want to imagine that he would have gone into recovery. We even have some evidence that points him in that direction. We recently ran into a good friend of his that does not use drugs and supported Cisco the times that he was in recovery. She told us she had not seen Cisco for a long time but that Cisco contacted her the day before he died and wanted to meet with her on September first. Maybe he had a plan. Just maybe he was seeking out non-drug using friends so that he could be in their circle and begin anew.

When I go to sleep at night - I rarely dream. However, the week after Cisco died I saw Cisco ever so clearly in my dream. He was looking at me with a huge, beautiful and most important of all - peaceful smile. He had on a very clean, white T-shirt; his head tilted ever so slightly and he radiated happiness and freedom. He said not a word but his presence told it all. The shackles of his addiction were cut loose.