Parent Seeking Advice on How to Break the News to Their Teenager - About Act 53
Posted by:Sally--Monday, June 25, 2012
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Over the years we have collected/shared hard-won information, skills, and techniques a parent needs to help a teenager with a drug problem save his own life. (CLICK ON THE LOGO ABOVE to return to the home-page for this blog.) | ||
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UPCOMING MEETINGS
**** PSST meetings will be discontinued for the next several months. Once we have determined a re-start date for the meetings, we will post that information on this website. ****
Check the calendar on the right for the date and location of our next Saturday morning meeting. Meetings are held from 9-11:30am. The first Saturday of the month we meet at the Eastern Probation Office in Wilkinsburg; the second Saturday is at Trinity Lutheran Church in Wexford; and the third Saturday is at Sts Simon and Jude School in Greentree. We always hope to see new parents in attendance. If you've been thinking about coming to one of our meetings, why not make this the one?
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Directions to Eastern Probation Office
The Eastern Probation Office is located at 907 West St., Wilkinsburg, PA 15221
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Directions to Trinity Lutheran Church (including alternate avoiding I79)
Trinity Lutheran Church is at 2500 Brandt School Road, Wexford, PA 15090.
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Directions to Saints Simon and Jude School
Saints Simon & Jude School is at 1607 Greentree Rd, Pittsburgh, PA 15220. Click on the thumbnail map for Google Maps Directions. Time To Act
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Parent Seeking Advice on How to Break the News to Their Teenager - About Act 53 |
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6 comments:
If I were to announce to my son that I was going to send him to a placement facility, I would start out as follows:
Mom: Hey Cisco, Come into the kitchen. I want to talk with you for just a minute.
Cisco: WTF Mom, What is it now!
Mom: You are not going to like what I have to say and I expect that you are going to get up and walk away before I even finish.
Cisco: Mum, just spit it out already.
Mom: Cisco, your anger has been out of control. You punched a hole in the wall the other day and you have been staying out really late. When you come home you smell like weed.
You need help with your drug problem. You need to go to rehab.
Cisco: You are a crazy lady, mom!
Why are you jumping to conclusions. I happened to be in the car with Joe the other night and he was smoking. THAT IS THE ONLY REASON YOU SMELLED WEED! Why would you put me away for that! There are all kind of nasty people in rehab. Why would send me to such a place and ruin my summer. That would suck!
Mom: You are right. It would suck to be in rehab, never the less, you need to get this drug problem under control.
Cisco: I am not going anywhere. I am going to get high because YOU STRESS ME OUT.
Mom: Thanks for letting me know that you want to get high. I agree with you that life can get stressful. You need to get into recovery and I will do everything in my power to save your life. In fact, I have paper here for Act 53 to help you get the help you need.
To Concerned Parent,
I, too, filed an ACT 53 petition last year for my son. (you can find more of our story on the blog if you search for Wilma, Bam Bam and/or fred). After failing miserably at Intensive Outpatient and Partial Hospitalization the next step for Bam was in-patient. However, he refused, and at 16 years old he could do that so to save his life I filed the initial petition. He was out of our control and abusing drugs and alcohol. A judge agreed with the petition and signed the orders for a hearing and evaluation which was scheduled about 3 weeks later. At the time we had an in-home MST therapist working with our family. I prepared ahead of time what I wanted to say and typed it up so I wouldn't forget anything when we met to discuss the petition. (I was really nervous about confronting Bam). We had a scheduled session with our therapist and I told Bam that we were very concerned for him and had filed the petition. He of course said he didn't need help, made disparaging remarks about the judge.I told him that he would be evaluated by an independent person and the judge would decide if and what treatment was in order. We also told him he would have a lawyer representing him. Our therapist also spoke to him. He WAS NOT happy about any of this (and to boot it was 4/20/11, national smoke weed day.) He left the house ticked off. We had about two weeks to go so my husband and I tried to keep things as calm as posssible, picking our battles. Needless to say things were very tense in our household. The day of court (5/3/11) Bam said he wasn't going but ultimately he went. It's really uncomfortable driving your kid to court when you are the one sending him there. However, we got there with no problems. If your son doesn't show up for the hearing another one will be scheduled. If he doesn't go to that one then a warrant will be issued for his arrest. I would suggest if you feel your son will become very angry or even violent when you tell him to have another person there that your son (and you)trusts or even a police officer that may have been helpful to your family.
Good Luck next week and please keep us posted.
Wilma
For us it was simply stated without discussion.
1) You are no longer compliant with family rules
2) you are no longer compliant with counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist expectations
3) you are no longer compliant with laws
We need the help of the court system to save your life and help you to learn coping skills to be a productive member of our society.
We will no longer got toe-to-toe with you regarding your choices in life.
We love you and will be BESIDE you in your life journey.
Good luck & keep it simple...they already know what they have done and rehashing it only brings on more debating.
We didn't file an Act 53, but were able to get our son to go to his first placement voluntarily by letting him know that we were willing to go to court if he didn't.
We kept it simple, "You are out of control, we love you and we want to see you get help." He was extremely angry and verbally abusive. The anger continued off and on for well over a year, and unfortunately, he needed more than one placement. He ended up being put probation, which turned out to be a very good thing for all of us.
He recently left his third placement and is getting ready to return home from a half-way house. By all accounts, he appears to be doing well. His anger is gone and his attitude is greatly changed. I am certain that he would not be where he is today without the help of probation and PSST.
I encourage you to come to a meeting if at all possible. If not, please stay in touch. We have a yahoo group that you can also join to pose questions to the group: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ParentSurvivalSkillsTraining/.
We've all been there and can support you through this.
Best of luck,
Brigitte
We filed for Act 53 for our son when he was 17. However, before we had the showdown with him, he was arrested and that took precedence over the Act 53. However, we still were required to have the Act 53 hearing, but it was without my son being present and still without his knowledge of the Act 53. The purpose of the hearing at this point was to dissolve the Act 53 and proceed with the charges against my son. Due to a lethal batch of drugs on street that resulted in four teenage boys in our area stroking-out the week before, the judge ordered that my son be taken into custody immediately and placed into the detention center while we wait for his trail. When we got home and ensured that he was home a couple of hours later, we called the police to pick him up. Upon the arrival of the officer at our home, we then told him he was being taken into custody. I was amazed at how quiet and calm my son was. However, this came at a point in his life when the drug use and the chaos had been going on for years and he had already lost just about everything. So maybe a piece of him was ready for this.
However, I do think the presence of the officer made a big difference. I would suggest that you have someone else there. Depending on your relationship with the police, you could request a police officer. Maybe you can talk to your social workers that have been helping you with Act 53 for suggestions. And as the above comments suggest, any conversation with your child should be short and final, but remind him that you love him. But stand firm. No tears. You have cried enough and it is time to show your son that you are stronger than he thinks, because you are!
My bottom line recommendation is to prepare a short statement of fact of what is about to happen, say you doing this because your number one concern is to save his life. Nothing else matters, uncluding if he will hate you forever. (He may threaten that, but trust me he doesn't mean it and one day he will thank you. My son did.) Prepare for the worse and have a third person there, preferable a large man. And the odds are, it will go easier than you expect.
Good luck and remember that you are not alone. Come to PSST.
May God be with you ... Lorraine
How did your hearing to? I have been thinking about you even though we have not met.
Wilma
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