Narcotics Anonymous tells us that continued drug use is a
sure-fire path to institutions, jail, and/or death. Our son Dylan is continuing to follow that dangerous
journey.
After 4 years of spending a high percentage of his time in
juvenile placements, it appeared that Dylan was trying to turn his life
around. He expressed interest in going
to college. He spent 6 months in ¾
housing and accepted his 6-month clean tag with pride. Unfortunately his 2 separate attempts at college
failed, due to drugs (alcohol, marijuana) and poor choices for friends. And now, his most recent actions have landed
him in the county jail for assault and attempted robbery. We expect that he will serve some prison time
for these felony charges.
How are we reacting to Dylan’s actions?
After our initial shock, we were left with strong feelings of
disappointment and sadness that he would make such choices, choices that are so
completely foreign to our family’s values and beliefs. We are so grateful that no one was badly
injured or killed. We still love Dylan,
and will help him when he gets out of prison, but only if he commits himself to
making serious lifestyle changes.
Are we obsessing over what he did?
We refuse to drive ourselves crazy by obsessing over what he
did, why he did it, and how much time he will spend in prison. As one of our PSST parents said at a recent
meeting, we are not distancing ourselves from our son, but instead, we are
separating ourselves from his actions and his drama.
Did we post bail?
Dylan is
angry with us because we are not willing to post bail. The judge said
that he would require Dylan to live at home if he were out on bond, but if
Dylan keeps the same circle of friends, as well as his adventurous spirit and
lifestyle, it would put significant strain on our family. We know that following our rules just isn’t
part of Dylan’s current playbook. We believe that he would skip bail to avoid doing prison time (he ran away from juvenile placements twice), leaving us stuck with a huge bill.
Did we hire a lawyer?
After much
deliberation, and talking with many people in our extended support group, we
decided to hire a lawyer. The charges
against Dylan are serious felonies. A
public defender would probably do just fine, but we feel more comfortable with
a private lawyer of our own choice, who will keep our family’s best interests
in mind. We know that there will be consequences
for Dylan’s actions, but we’d like them to be as fair and reasonable as
possible.
Are we sorry that Dylan is in jail? Do we worry ourselves sick every night about
his safety?
No, instead we are grateful that he is safe, because at this
time in his life he is a danger to himself and to others. We know where he is. He is safer in jail than he was on the
streets. Dylan is fun-loving and
generous and intelligent, but he also thinks that he is street-smart and (of
course) invincible. He has no idea how
naïve and impressionable he really is.
