Quote of the Week


"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.



PSST Holiday Celebration
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, December 05, 2016


The PSST 13th Anniversary / Holiday Celebration will be held on Saturday, Dec 17, 2016 at our Greentree meeting.  Invitees include all PSST parents (both current attendees and alumni), in addition to all Wesley Spectrum therapists and Juvenile Probation staff who have been part of the PSST family.  

Please put the date on your calendar, and plan to join us!  There will be an abbreviated meeting, along with time for socializing.  Feel free to bring a food item to share.

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US Surgeon General's 2016 Report on Addiction
Posted by:Jenn--Sunday, November 27, 2016


Below are quotes from the U.S. Surgeon General's first-time report on addiction.  For the full report, click here.
Fifty years ago, the landmark Surgeon General’s report on the dangers of smoking began a half century of work to end the tobacco epidemic and saved millions of lives. With The Surgeon General’s Report on Alcohol, Drugs, and Health, I am issuing a new call to action to end the public health crisis of addiction. Please join me in taking the actions outlined in this Report and in helping ensure that all Americans can lead healthy and fulfilling lives.
This Report offers a way forward through a public health approach that is firmly grounded in the best available science. Recognizing that we all have a role to play, the Report contains suggested actions that are intended for parents, families, educators, health care professionals, public policy makers, researchers, and all community members.
Above all, we can never forget that the faces of substance use disorders are real people. They are a beloved family member, a friend, a colleague, and ourselves. Despite the significant work that remains ahead of us, there are reasons to be hopeful. I find hope in the people I have met in recovery all across America who are now helping others with substance use disorders find their way. I draw strength from the communities I have visited that are coming together to work on prevention initiatives and to connect more people to treatment. And I am inspired by the countless family members who have lost loved ones to addiction and who have transformed their pain into a passion for helping others. These individuals and communities are rays of hope. It is now our collective duty to bring such light to all corners of our country.

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2016 Parent of the Year Speech
Posted by:Jenn--Friday, October 14, 2016


Below are Brad and Jenn's comments given at Allegheny County's Juvenile Justice Week awards ceremony:

To quote comedian Jim Gaffigan, “Most of the time I feel entirely unqualified to be a parent.  I call these times being awake.”  Although his statements are meant as a joke, it certainly was not a joke to my husband & me when we found ourselves totally unprepared to be the parents of a defiant, substance abusing child.  And so, 7 years ago, we began our journey into the unknown.

From our perspective, our son’s teenage years were chaotic and challenging, with numerous out-of-home placements, ¾ houses, and rehab facilities.  We know that all of us are works-in-progress, but clearly some of us just take more work than others.  For our son, there have been many successes and many failures along the way.  As one of Dylan's counselors always told him, Dylan just seems to need to learn everything the hard way. 

I’d like to focus on the more recent successes: Dylan graduated from high school, has been clean for the past 6 months (and nearly 9 months before that), recently earned his driver’s license at age 20, and has aspirations of becoming a D&A counselor.  In addition, our previously dysfunctional relationship with him has become much healthier. 

Is our son “cured”?  We don’t know.  One of the many valuable lessons we learned over the years is that we cannot control our son’s actions; the only behavior we can change is our own.  What we do know is that Dylan is on a better path, and just for today, we can accept that and feel good about it.  Our motto, one day at a time.


We have worked with a dream-team of truly amazing people along the way, who have helped give us the strength and guidance to move forward in our journey with Dylan.    


·       Judge Hens-Greco was fair, firm, and encouraging in all of her interactions with our son.

·       Val Ketter’s Juvenile Probation staff, including Lloyd Woodward & Justin Innocent, gave us meaningful support and guidance on a regular basis – even when we didn’t know we needed it.

·       Alleg Co Juvenile Probation also sponsors a truly innovative support group for parents called Parent Survival Skills Training, which became our lifeline over the years.  The Probation staff who guided the group, along with all the other parents who attended the meetings, gave us invaluable, non-judgmental advice.  That group helped us to keep our sanity.  They also challenged us to become better parents.

·       There have been so many other dedicated individuals along the way who helped our family, many therapists and counselors – like Kathie Tagmyer! – from various agencies, ¾ houses, & drug rehab facilities.  Some of these counselors are even addicts in recovery themselves.

We have learned so much from these individuals, and have been blessed by their involvement in our lives.  We are grateful for each and every one of them. 

We accept this award on behalf of all the parents who love their troubled kids, who don’t give up on them, who make their own share of mistakes but bounce back, who refuse to enable their children when they are making poor choices, and who provide loving help and encouragement when they are making good choices.

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When a parent gives the teenager the Silent Treatment.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, October 08, 2016


[This is a reprint of a 2009 post.  One of our readers recently asked a question about this topic, and the response is included in the comments at the end of the post.]

When you ask parents why they give the silent treatment they usually do not admit that they want to cause pain in order to control the teenager's behavior. Instead, they report things like:

"I just needed some time alone to think."
"I thought we both needed a cooling off period."
"I felt hurt by what you did and I just needed to stop communicating."
"I thought you needed some space."
"I didn't want to fight."
"I didn't want to say things that I might regret."

OK, some of these sound good but when you realize that the parent went three days without talking or even acknowledging the teenager's presence, then you can see that this goes way past a cooling off period. A cooling off period is often a good idea but it's going to last an hour not a day. Or at the worst it's going to last the night but not the week.



The bottom line is that the silent treatment is very painful and anytime we heap pain on our loved ones that is disproportionate to the behavior that we are trying to address it causes extreme resentment. Actually, to a parent using this technique it may appear as though it works because the child or teenager may try to do something, anything to try to reopen channels of communication; however, sooner or later this is going to backfire.

In fact, some teens report that they eventually come to like the silent treatment because they become so used to the pain that they just don't care anymore. Once your teenager doesn't care anymore you are in for a whole lot of trouble.

Also, it may be that teenagers who become verbally and physically abusive to their parents are reacting to years of getting the silent treatment. Anecdotal evidence seems to point to the fact that many teens with substance abuse issues have been on the receiving end of the silent treatment. The natural thing that can happen to parents who have regularly treated their children to the silent treatment is that the teenager can start dishing the silent treatment back at the parents. Now we've got a sticky wicket. You could call that bad karma. It is said that children will often fail to do what parents tell them to do, but they will never fail to imitate them. (I don't know who first said that or else I would credit them.)



The silent treatment is a power move. It can work on spouses as well as children but it will backfire on both eventually. Imagine the parent who uses the silent treament regularly and who precieves that it is a ligitimate way to control children. Then, it seems like overnight the parent has a teenager with issues. At that point a frustrated parent may state, "I just wish my teen had more self-confidence." Hello! Everytime this same parent gave the silent treatment the teenager went through feelings of extreme worthlessness. The child or teenager is racked by self doubt. What was it that they did that caused their parent to treat them as though they were dead? In fact, the silent treatment is sort of like a psychological death. The parent might as well have said, "You are dead to me!"

At Parent Survival Skills meetings we are all about parents asserting power; however, we only recomend that the parent use the amount of power necessary to get the behavior of the child back on track and we never approve of phyiscal or psychological abuse. It is never appropriate and it causes extreme resentment that will always cause the resentful chickens to come home to roost. Like yelling, it is counterproductive and seems to produce some of the same problems, e.g. it helps the child or teen to become an angry person who has low self esteem. An angry person with low self esteem is going to be much harder to deal with than someone who is not angry all the time and who feels good about themselves.

Most parents who use this technique learned it from their parents. They also use it on their spouses. Read what some others have said about the silent treatment:

The Silent Treatment - What You Are Saying By Not Saying Anything At All

Parents Are Using the Silent Treatment to Discipline Their Children

The Silent Treatment - A Form of Abuse
- Patricia Jones, M.A.

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Congratulations to Brad and Jenn the Allegheny County Parents of the Year 2016!
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, October 05, 2016

Due to their hard work and commitment to helping their son Brad and Jenn have been named 2016 Parent's of the Year! Both parents have demonstrated a strong commitment to PSST and have volunteered for many PSST speaking engagements. They have both studied and demonstrated mastery of the PSST parenting skills and have also helped share that knowledge with other parents. Also, Jenn has tirelessly worked as editor of this blog.

Please join us as Brad and Jenn are recognized at Awards Night at Juvenile Court on Thursday, October 6th at 6:00 PM!!!

Valerie Ketter, Supervisor Drug and Alcohol Unit Juvenile Court. Type rest of the post here

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Go For the Gold!
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, September 28, 2016


“I still remember the days locked up in my room, not wanting to talk to anyone, not wanting to see anyone, really not wanting to live, and I was on a downward spiral; on the express elevator to the bottom floor, wherever that might be.”
Does this sound like your child?  Your friend?  Your spouse?

This was a statement made by Michael Phelps about his mental attitude just a couple years ago.  Yes, that same Michael Phelps who is currently the most decorated Olympic athlete of all time, with his 28 medals (23 of them gold).  At the time, it appeared that he was on a path to self-destruction that could ruin his reputation, Olympic ambitions, and financial future – everything that he had worked so hard for.
In that same interview, Michael also made the following comment about the time he spent in rehab:  “It was a great experience, and I learned a lot about myself.”
Perhaps Michael Phelps’ story of self-loathing accompanied by alcohol and drug abuse, followed by his beneficial involvement in rehab, can be an inspiration to others who are feeling the same pain and hopelessness. There are resources available that can help them find that same commitment to change, if they are receptive.
For an article on Michael’s turnaround, titled Michael Phelps: The Importance of His Recovery and Return to the Olympics, click on this link. 

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No Meeting Sept 3, 2016
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, August 31, 2016

NO PSST MEETING ON SATURDAY, SEPT 3, 2016!!  
(Our normal location will be unavailable that day.)


HAPPY LABOR DAY WEEKEND!!

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International Overdose Awareness Day
Posted by:Jenn--Wednesday, August 31, 2016

August 31st is International Overdose Awareness Day.  According to the official websiteInternational Overdose Awareness Day is held annually to:
  • raise awareness of overdose and reduce the stigma of a drug-related death.
  • acknowledge the grief felt by families and friends remembering those who have met with death or permanent injury as a result of drug overdose.
  • spread the message that the tragedy of overdose death is preventable.
The website also provides information on overdose symptoms, an overdose-awareness app, and a place to post tributes to those who have died.

Dr. William R. Morrone, a board certified pain physician, tells us that Nearly 80 people will die today from a preventable, opioid-related overdose.  That’s more than 28,000 Americans who die annually from our opioid abuse epidemic.”  In his article titled Overcoming Overdose: Raising Awareness through Action, Dr. Morrone shares his goals of slowing the prescribing and proliferation of non-medical opioid drugs, as well as spreading awareness and access to naloxone, the medication that can save the life of someone overdosing on opioids. 

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Credits

This layout (edited by Ken) made by and copyright cmbs.