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Quote of the Week
"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way" ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
Thanks to Mary Canary for sharing this article about talking with your teenager.
Psychologist and author Dr. James Dobson
tells parents that the teenage years can be filled with uncomfortable silences.
He writes, “the same kid who used to talk a mile a minute and ask a million
questions has now reduced his vocabulary to nine monosyllabic phrases- "I
dunno," "Maybe," "I forget," "Huh?"
"No!" "Nope," "Yeah," "Who--me?" and
"He did it." Giving teens non-threatening opportunities to talk is
the key to conversation.
Read the rest of this article by clicking here.
Read More......
The Butterfly
A
man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared in the cocoon.
The man sat and watched the butterfly
for several hours as it struggled
to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.
Then it stopped
as if it couldn't go any further.
So
the man decided
to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and snipped
off the remaining bits of cocoon.
The butterfly emerged easily
but…
it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch it,
expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge
and expand enough to support the body.
Neither happened.
In fact the
butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling
around.
It was never
able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand:
The
restricting cocoon
and the
struggle required by the butterfly
to get through the opening
was a way of
forcing the fluid from the body into the wings
so that it
would be ready for flight.
Life is full of struggles. These struggles hone our skills
and make us strong. If we enable someone else, we take away these challenges, and unknowingly
perpetuate codependency. We may be well-meaning, but our good intentions
rarely result in good outcomes.
It is painful to watch a loved one struggle
with drugs, alcohol, and/or life's daily challenges. However, it’s not our job
to solve their problems. It is their job. Our job is to stand by in support and love.
Thanks to "Mike & Carol" for recommending this story!
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NEWS FLASH!!
Posted by:Jenn--Tuesday, March 11, 2014
There
will be a public meeting of the Allegheny County Drug and Alcohol Planning
Council on Wednesday, March 12 at 5:00 p.m. at the Allegheny County Human
Services Building, One Smithfield St, Pittsburgh, PA.
Guest
speakers on the topic of Vivitrol will be Dr. Chris Davis, practitioner from
York, PA and Joanne Komer from Alkermes (the biopharmaceutical company that makes Vivitrol). Vivitrol is
a prescription injectable medicine used to treat opioid and alcohol dependence.
Read More......
Thanks to Mary Canary for sharing the link to a Diane Rehm radio show segment titled “What’s Behind The Sharp Rise In Heroin Use In The U.S.” By clicking here , you can either listen to the show or read the full transcript.
Below are some excerpts from the show’s transcript. In this show, host Diane Rehm interviews Dr. Wilson Compton (deputy director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse at the National Institutes of Health), Barry Meier (author of "Painkiller: A Wonder Drug's Trail of Addiction and Death"), and Jeff Deeney (a social worker and recovering heroin addict).
Addiction:
. . . heroin's one of the most addictive substances that we know. All substances that are abused can be addictive. It's remarkable that people don't think marijuana's addictive, and yet something like 9 percent of people that start smoking marijuana will end up being addicted to it. For heroin, it's more like about a quarter from the studies that we've seen so far.
. . . over time people develop a habit to that, so they enjoy it. And
they want to do it again. So what we find is that the behavior patterns get set
up over and over. People form memories, and their judgment changes. Their
decision making changes. So they make decisions that they never would've made
elsewhere in their lives because of the drug seeking and the pleasure that
these drugs start out with.
. . .
there are cross effects among the different substances. It's not at all
unusual for a heroin addict to also have problems with stimulants like cocaine
or amphetamine. And alcohol would be very typical. We also see tobacco use
being an extraordinarily common addiction among substance users. And it turns
out that the tobacco is what will kill an awful lot of them.
Overdose:
Well, unfortunately, heroin overdose
is remarkably easy, and it's unexpected. Very few people intentionally are
trying to kill themselves. So they use
either a larger quantity, or heroin may be mixed with other substances that can
make it more potent and more likely to stop your breathing. . . . Fortunately, if medical care can be
received at that time, there are potent blockers of opioid receptors . . . that
can reverse the effects within seconds and wake people up.
Relapse & Recovery:
But what happens when people relapse
are a number of factors. It can be stress in their lives, whether that's social
stress or emotional stress or physical stress. One of the main predictors of relapse though
is sampling the drug itself. So people think, oh, I'll just have one, and that
might be safe. But it turns out that even a very low dosage can prime the body
and prime the brain to want more and more.
So what would you say
to someone out there who is currently in recovery, but tempted? I would say to reach out and use whatever
your networks of recovery support are. .
. . rely on the people that you have in
recovery to go to meetings, to seek support, to share what you’re feeling.
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"Wax Weed"
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, February 22, 2014
Thanks to Wilma for sharing this information about wax weed.
Experts warn parents of a new form of marijuana that is 10 times more potent than your average marijuana. It’s called butane honey (or hash) oil, BHO, wax, or dab. It is extracted from the most powerful part of the marijuana plant, and can be made using common household items.
" . . . the amount of THC it contains makes it powerfully psychoactive. Although not life-threatening, a very large dose of BHO can lead to vomiting in addition to anxiety, paranoia and other psychological issues that can persist for days."
The process of extracting BHO is also very dangerous. " . . . fires and explosions caused by these makeshift labs have become so common that the U.S. Fire Administration issued a warning about . . . the BHO labs’ threat to public safety."
For more information, click
here and here.
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The End of a Chapter
Posted by:Jenn--Thursday, February 13, 2014
Dylan is back in Shuman.
Dylan was home from placement for 31 days. Apparently that’s all he could take. Maybe he hasn’t changed (for the better) as much as we had thought. Maybe home was the wrong place for him to be, with the lure of old friends and old habits, and a strong desire to “make up for lost time” while he was in placement.
As soon as he came home, he started bumming
cigarettes from friends. He was hooked
immediately – the draw of nicotine was like a siren’s call. We were not overly surprised by that, and
thought at least it was better than weed or pills or alcohol.
Dylan met many of his Probation & home
contract conditions. He spent more time
at home than we expected, generally with one friend who we think was a
reasonably good influence. He quickly
found a part-time job at Hollister at the mall, although we were disappointed
at how slowly they were bringing him on board.
He did relaxing teen activities such as playing basketball at the rec
center, playing videogames, watching movies, texting and skyping his friends. He was also doing some more “grown-up”
activities, such as very basic cooking, doing his laundry, and doing some
chores around the house to earn some spending money. Surprisingly, he met curfew, except for the
night that he was 3 hours late, and we had to pick him up in Bridgeville under
questionable circumstances. On Super
Bowl Sunday, someone posted a video on his Facebook page, showing Dylan
drinking a shot at a friend’s house, which Dylan denied until his P.O. pointed
out that the video was public. The P.O.
placed him on 2 weeks’ house arrest.
At home, Dylan was generally busy, and did his
best to avoid or ignore us most of the time.
It was difficult to get his attention to talk about his future
plans. He became an increasingly
reluctant participant in family therapy.
He had occasional outbursts of anger when he didn’t get his way, at
times becoming verbally abusive as he had in his past. As the judge said at his hearing, he is a little
too old to be having temper tantrums.
We had a few nice moments as a family during
the past 31 days. There were some casual
conversations during car rides together, and once he even voluntarily joined us
for a movie we were watching at home. We
all shared in his high school graduation day – he was happy, and we have
smiling family photos to remember the day.
It was still a mixed-message day – during dinner after graduation, he
was distracted and impatient, and spent half of the time outside the restaurant
talking to friends on his phone.
For his father’s birthday, we enjoyed going
out to a movie and dinner. At home we sang
“happy birthday” as we shared our traditional birthday cake, a chocolate chip
cookie cake. We felt like a normal
family that day. The next day, Dylan turned
into a monster. He wanted to go to a high
school basketball game with his father, who said that he would take him, but
only if he left his cigarettes at home since tobacco products are not permitted
on school property. Dylan insisted that was
not acceptable to him, and it escalated from there. He became demanding, unreasonable,
threatening in posture and language, and verbally abusive. We called the police, who took Dylan to
Shuman.
We really thought that we could provide an
environment where Dylan could succeed.
We also thought that Dylan was committed to succeeding, and that he had
learned the skills to do that. What we
found is that we were working at it much harder than he was. Not that we were perfect, or as strong as we
would have liked to be.
As a wise PSST parent shared at one of our
meetings, change only takes place when the pain of remaining the same is
greater than the pain of the change.
We go back to court next week to find out the
next step in Dylan’s journey. We think
that supervised independent living will be best for him. As some other PSST families have learned,
sometimes our teens just cannot live at home.
At this sad juncture, as we clean up Dylan’s
room in preparation for the next step in his future, I find this quote
comforting:
"Every new beginning comes from
some other beginning's end." ~ Seneca
Read More......
Thank you to Cheryl and Roxie for sending the following links:
Cheryl sent the link to this blog, provocatively titled "Phillip Seymour Hoffman did not have choice or free will and neither do you". When forwarding the link, Cheryl said, "This is one of the best written blogs on mental health & addiction I have
ever read. It is lengthy but well worth the read and complete
understanding that addicts need treatment without shame and blame."
Roxie’s
recommends Acrobaddict. Roxie writes, "With the
onslaught of the fentanyl-laced heroin-induced deaths in our region, and the
recent overdose of iconic actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman, an eye-opening book
has come to the forefront that helps non-users understand the addict and his
demons entitled Acrobaddict."
Roxie reviewed the book this way: "The title is
self-explanatory. The athletic author, acrobat Joe Putignano, pours out his
heart and soul to describe his descent into Hell and eventual rise to Heaven as
a recovering heroin addict. His strive for perfection led to him use heroin
obsessively, with the inability to function on a daily basis without the
substance. His sobriety eventually resulted in his career as a clean and rising
star of Cirque du Soleil. He briefly talks about his book on YouTube at the
link: Acrobaddict."
Read More......
I
am a drug user. I need help.
Don’t
solve my problems for me. This only makes me lose respect for you.
Don’t
lecture, moralize, scold, blame, or argue, whether I’m loaded or sober. It may
make you feel better, but it will make the situation worse.
Don’t
accept my promises. The nature of my illness prevents me keeping them, even
though I mean them at the time. Promises are only my way of postponing pain.
Don’t keep switching agreements; if an agreement is made, stick to it.
Don’t
lose your temper with me. It will destroy you and any possibility of helping
me.
Don’t
allow your anxiety for me make you do what I should do for myself.
Don’t
cover up or try to spare me the consequences of my using. It may reduce the
crisis, but it will make my illness worse.
Above
all, don’t run away from reality as I do. Drug dependence, my illness, gets
worse as my using continues. Start now to learn, to understand, to plan for
recovery. Find NAR-ANON, whose groups exist to help the families of drug
abusers.
I
need help — from a doctor, a psychologist, a counselor, from an addict who
found recovery in NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS, and from God.
Your
User
Thanks to "Carol" & "Mike" for sharing this.
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"Would you take a pill when you have
no idea what the active ingredient is or what effect it will have on your body?
Would you be a guinea pig for
drug traffickers?
Some
of our kids are doing just that. They are taking big risks by
experimenting with Molly and it is a growing concern for parents and drug
officials.
From the Daily News at The
Partnership at Drugfree.org, “Emergency room visits related to Molly, or Ecstasy,
rose 128 percent among people younger than 21 between 2005 and 2011, according
to a new government report.”
It was believed that Molly was pure MDMA, the active ingredient in Ecstasy, but the drug has now become a
toxic mixture of lab-created chemicals, according to the U.S. Drug Enforcement
Administration."
For the rest of this article, from Cathy Taughinbaugh's website, click here.
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Drugs Kill Dreams
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, January 27, 2014
Thanks
to our PSST parents for keeping us informed about the latest drug dangers.
Roxie
& Lindy Lou both forwarded this article about the deadly fentanyl-laced
heroin, which has made its debut in the Pittsburgh area. Both send prayers for your children's safety. A total of 14 people in Allegheny County died
from heroin overdoses this week, as compared to the usual 1 or 2 deaths weekly.
Wilma
sent information about “dirty Sprite”, which is opiate (codeine) cough
syrup mixed in a clear soda. Click here for an article about the death of a 14-year old Minnesota girl who drank this concoction.
Read More......
Sometimes the wisdom of PSST just pops into your head. And of course the opposite is also true –
sometimes it doesn’t. But when it does,
if really feels good.
Son: Maxine gave me
this gift card for my graduation. Would
you give me cash for the gift card?
Mom: No, Maxine gave
that to you specifically because you said you wanted clothes from Macy’s. She would have bought you the clothes herself
if she thought she could have picked something you would like.
Son: That’s what
makes me so mad. You & Dad always
want to control how I spend my money!
Mom: What do you want
to do with it?
Son: I need it for
cigarettes and food from McDonald’s.
Mom: I'm not comfortable with that.
Son: Well it’s my
gift card and I can do what I want with it.
Mom: (pausing &
thinking before responding) You’re
right, it is your gift card, and I can’t control what you do with it. What you have to think about is the next time you see Maxine, and she asks what you bought with that gift card, whether you will be proud to say that you spent it on cigarettes and fast food.
Son: So you’ll give
me the cash for it?
Mom: No, I won’t do
that.
Son: (fuming
silently)
Fast forward to the next morning . . .
Son: Will you take me
to Macy’s this morning? I want to buy
some clothes.
Read More......
What adolescence does to adolescents
is nowhere near as brutal as what it does to their parents.
This is a fascinating
article, whether you agree with the premise or not – many of the points will
surely hit home with parents of teenagers.
I’ve included a few excerpts from the article below. For the full article from New York Magazine, click here. The article includes an extended
excerpt from All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of
Modern Parenthood, by Jennifer Senior, to be
published on January 28 by Ecco, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.
Thanks to Mary Canary for sharing this article.
Is it possible that adolescence is most difficult—and sometimes a
crisis—not for teenagers as much as for the adults who raise them? That
adolescence has a bigger impact on adults than it does on kids? . . . it could simply be that the advent of the
modern childhood, a fully protected childhood, is especially problematic for
parents as their children get older. Keeping teenagers sheltered and regimented
while they’re biologically evolving into adults and pining for autonomy can
have exhausting consequences. The contemporary home becomes a place of
perpetual liminal tension, with everyone trying to work out whether adolescents
are grown-ups or kids. Whatever the answer—and it is usually not obvious—the
question generates stress, and it’s often the parents, rather than the
children, who suffer most.
The conventional wisdom about parenting adolescents is that it’s a repeat of the
toddler years, dominated by a cranky, hungry, rapidly growing child who’s
precocious and selfish by turns. But in many ways the struggles that mothers
and fathers face when their children hit puberty are the opposite. When
children are small, all parents crave is a little time and space for
themselves; now they find themselves wishing their children liked their company
more and would at least treat them with respect, if adoration is too much to
ask. After years of feeling needed by
their children—and experiencing their children’s love as almost inseparable
from that need—mothers and fathers now find it impossible to get their kids’
attention.
If adolescents are more combative, less amenable to direction, and underwhelmed by
adult company, it stands to reason that the tension from these new developments
would spill over into their parents’ marriages. This strife is by no means
preordained. But overall, researchers have concluded that marital-satisfaction
levels do drop once a couple’s firstborn child enters puberty. As children become adolescents, their
parents’ arguments also increasingly revolve around who the child is, or is
becoming. These arguments can be especially tense if the child screws up. “One
parent is the softie, and the other’s the disciplinarian,” says Christensen.
Here's what may
be most powerful about adolescence, from a parent’s perspective: It forces them
to contemplate themselves as much as they contemplate their own children.
Toddlers and elementary-school children may cause us to take stock of our
choices, too, of course. But it’s adolescents, usually, who stir up our most
self-critical feelings. It’s adolescents who make us wonder who we’ll be and
what we’ll do with ourselves once they don’t need us. It’s adolescents who
reflect back at us, in proto-adult form, the sum total of our parenting
decisions and make us wonder whether we’ve done things right.
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A New Beginning
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, January 13, 2014
It has been 4 long years for our family, starting when Dylan
was 13.
Entering into his teenage years, Dylan had become
nonfunctional. He stopped going to school, refused to follow anyone’s rules, used
marijuana, and drank alcohol. He showed escalating verbal defiance and physical
aggression toward teachers, police, administrators, and his parents. His marijuana use and aggression brought him
into court on Act 53 and simple assault charges; the judge ordered him into
placement.
Dylan’s placement career has been very rocky. He had several unsuccessful offsite visits
and home passes with his family, two attempts at running away from placement,
one escape from home for a week, explosive behavior outbursts that once
resulted in a broken hand and another time in a sprained toe, insubordination and
attempts to assault peers/staff, and painful rejections of his parents. Dylan made his way through 5 different
placements in 3 years.
Dylan’s most recent placement brought about many positive
changes. Undoubtedly he is more mature
now, and that’s an important factor, but we also credit the various placements,
probation, and therapists for providing him with counseling and support that he
needed. As he got closer to high school
graduation, Dylan began showing regret that his high school years had passed
him by, and that all those potentially exciting milestones had slipped through
his fingers, never to be recaptured. At
some level, he seems to recognize that he bears some responsibility for his
situation.
For nearly a year, Dylan had been insisting that he would
never return again home to live with his family, but then abruptly began to
change his tune. He made the difficult
decision to graduate from high school at his current placement, and then did
what was necessary to make that happen.
He began to look forward to graduation and to post-secondary schooling
plans. He had 3 successful 3-day home
passes between Thanksgiving and Christmas, where he was able to demonstrate an
ability to accept frustration/disappointment, and to treat his family with
respect. We also saw glimpses of old
behaviors, such as how he chafes under authority.
Just as Dylan has been changing, we (his parents) have been
changing too. We have tried to
understand our family dynamics better, recognize what is in our power to change
and what is not, avoid the temptations to debate or lecture Dylan, model the
mature interactions that we’d like our son to emulate, and temper our
expectations of perfection. I have to emphasize
the word “tried”, since we are not always as successful as we’d like. During Dylan’s home passes, we saw glimpses
of some of our own weaknesses, such as struggling with the right balance
between being flexible and being enablers.
On Friday, Dylan was released by the court to come home. A new chapter in our lives is beginning. We are hopeful, while at the same time nervous
and anxious. We see the potential in our
son for a fantastic new beginning, along with the nagging fear that the
pressures of behaving appropriately, and of avoiding the lure of old friends
& old habits, could be too much for him.
In PSST, we find hope, guidance and support from a caring
group of people –not only from the dedicated, insightful probation and
therapeutic professionals who faithfully support our family, but also from the
other parents who are similarly committed to saving their families. As we think about the past 3 years, once we
found PSST, we are reminded that the team has been there for us every step of
the way, through every hopeful sign and every heartbreak. They have given
us practical advice and guidance, guiding us through the options for getting
help for our son. The group has helped us to recognize how we can
continue to become wiser, stronger parents.
We are grateful that we are not taking this journey alone.
Jenn & Brad
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Type rest of the post here
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