TO ACT 53 OR NOT TO ACT 53?
We are in a predicament about whether to go through with the Act 53 papers. Or not.
It would help a lot if my husband and I agreed fully on it. He will support my final decision but at this point I am exhausted and tired of doing all the foot work myself.
This could be the last foot work I may have to do since my daughter will turn 18 this May 24. Also she left and is living at another kids house because of her knowing I was looking into Act 53. She is only a block away and we know exactly which house so that is reassuring.
There is just no crystal ball to know whether this is the best way to go or my husband's thoughts are let her go and this will not last. Then when she comes to her senses she will ask to come home and then she will be given the stipulation that she can only come home after she gets into a rehab.
But I asked him if she knocked on the door this cold wintry night do we let her in and then expect her to look for this rehab? Or do we refuse the minor in the door?
If she gets back in, can she then not look for the rehab and refuse to leave?
Then we are stuck and back to keeping my purse always locked in our triple locked "fort" which is our bedroom.
Make sure the car keys are locked up there to and any medication including the dogs medication is locked up.
And who is to say she will not again do drugs in the house that she buys from the local stores (orange extract, Unisom sleep aid, Benadryl, cough syrup etc). Right now she is with so called fellow friends who she claims are treating her wonderfully.
So if I have her ripped out of there because being accepted by peers is her life long dream since she was bullied so badly at high school we had to remove her for her own safety (suggested by the school).
PA Cyber-School did not work so she is at this time a drop out. After her summer drug rehab that she came out of fantastic and herself and happy for the first time in 5 years.
The goal was for her to get a lot of NA meetings under her belt, get her GED, driver's license, job, and prepare for college courses.
None of the goals where met due to one issue and relapses we dealt with within 6 weeks after getting home.
Please tell me more about your experience with ACT 53 and the other PSST parents who dealt with this dilemma.
Thank you,
Two Tired Parents
A Parent Asks for Advice on Act 53
Posted by:Sally--Saturday, February 11, 2012
Ralph a Proponent of Home Drug Testing
Posted by:Ralph--Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Ed and Norton would often lie about their drug use. In the early days, that was confusing to Alice and I, because we were led down a path by manipulation. Then when we did start drug testing at home, it was hard because we were accused of not trusting them, and Ed and Norton found several creative ways "cheat" on the tests. But, if we had it to do over again, I'm sure that we would still start home drug testing as soon as we suspected or knew of problems. The tests avoid the fuzzy decision making, some manipulations, and sometimes false accusations.
We have used mostly urine test "cards" or "sticks" that need less than an ounce of urine and about 5 minutes to react and dry. We have also used the saliva tests. For us, the urine cards were easier and less expensive. We've also found that the accuracy of the cards is way above what you need for a home test. If the reagent turns a color, even lightly, that is close enough that your teen has passed. A little bit of drug goes a long way to keep the reagent colorless.
The test sticks cost roughly $1 to $2 per drug tested, and come in 1- to 12-drug test cards. There are tests for most drugs, except the Spice/K2 fake incense and artificial cannaboids and the newer "bath salts" drug concoctions. Depending upon the drug and the amount used, you can catch many drugs for up to 2 weeks after last use with these sticks. This is enough that statistically, you can catch all drug use with just a weekly drug screen, and be pretty sure with a bi-weekly test. Alcohol is a little tougher. You will need to catch it within a few hours to 2 days, and I only know of saliva tests for it. Hopefully someone with more knowledge about alcohol tests can comment to this post.
Remember this rule: "If you refuse to take the test, you are dirty/fail the test." You will probably need it. Also, as I mentioned, Ed and Norton were very good at cheating on these tests at first. You will need to make sure that your teen has no access to water, liquids, or other solid contaminates during the sample collection.
Test cards and other test equipment can be obtained from three different types of locations, depending upon your preference and comfort. First, some local drug stores have test kits available at the store. These cost a little more, but for non-regular testing, if you can find the test you desire, it is easy to pick one up while you're doing normal shopping.
The second source is a local company. Jim Musiol of DTx (One Step Detect Associates) in Jefferson Hills visited a PSST meeting in May 2010. You can buy the same cards and kits from their office or from their web site:
One Step Detect Associates
1474 Route 51
Jefferson Hills, PA 15025
1-888-822-7120
http://www.1stepdtx.com/
Finally, a family-owned mail order company in Maria Stein, Ohio called Test Medical Symptoms will ship an order out, arriving in just a few days in a plain brown box. They have telephone and web-based ordering. There are discounts for web ordering and sometimes sales of soon-to-expire tests.
http://www.testsymptomsathome.com/
1-888-595-3136
Above all, Good Luck! It is not easy to parent teens with addiction, and hopefully you can find a way to make home drug screening a tool to help you and your teen to "keep it real", as Alice and I did.
Bromo-dragonfly (B-fly) is the new kid on the block
Posted by:Rocco--Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Take a look at what kids are attracted to when it comes to synthetic drugs. As they say, the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.
Get on YouTube and look at the thousands of videos posted by teenagers about their high on salvia, Bromo-dragonfly, K-2 and bath salts – all easily available synthetic drugs are available on the internet.
Synthetic drugs are full of contaminants and are made by amateurs. No one can ever really be sure what they are taking and in what dosage.
Dragonfly: What This Deadly New Drug Means for Your Family
By Joseph Lee MD - Medical Director of Hazelden’s Youth Continuum
Dr. Oz Show © 2012 ZoCo1, LLC
From doctoroz.com
Synthetic or designer drugs have been around for some time now, but they have been surging in popularity in the U.S. over the past decade. There’s synthetic marijuana, synthetic amphetamines (i.e., K-2, Spice, Herbal Incense, Bath Salts), and an ever-growing list of synthetic hallucinogens, including Dragonfly, all easily available online for any half-determined individual.
Despite the rash of synthetic-drug-related headlines in the past year, I find many parents and adolescents still feel these issues don’t pertain to them.
These problems are often imagined to exist in lower income parts of cities, “…not in our neighborhoods” and certainly not in our homes. Gauging current trends, however, there are plenty of reasons for every family to become aware. I hope the information below helps some families out there from suffering a preventable tragedy.
Bromo-dragonfly (B-fly) is the new kid on the block.
What Is Dragonfly?
Bromo Dragonfly is one of the dozens of designer hallucinogens with an increased presence in our communities. There are many cousins of Dragonfly, most famously the “2C” drugs, such as 2C-B and 2C-E. All of these chemicals work on serotonin, and change the way we feel and experience the world through our thoughts and senses.
Bromo-dragonfly is the name for another synthetic amphetamine modified from the common phenylethylamine structure. The name comes from the molecular structure that resembles a dragonfly.
Users love the hallucinogenic properties that are just less than those of LSD and the longer duration of effect, which may be more than several days. Typical doses are sold commonly in the form of blotters (paper that is soaked in liquid then cut into square tabs).
In 2007, an 18-year-old woman in Denmark was found dead after ingestion of a hallucinogenic liquid later found to be Bromo-Dragonfly. This case led to B-fly being classified as an illegal drug in Denmark on December 5, 2007. Several reports of deaths and toxicities followed.
Bromo Dragonfly is extremely potent, meaning that a very small dose has a very big kick – even a minor overdose can be disastrous.
Confusion, heart problems, hallucinations, seizures and even death have been reported from the consumption of Dragonfly, and it has been banned in several other Western countries. Moreover, many of the individuals who have suffered from its use were first time users.
Young people are now routinely treated across the country whose minds have been devastated by the impact of various synthetic drugs. Many of them get better, but the hallucinations, paranoia and disorganized thoughts can last months.
Why Would My Child Use Dragonfly?
Let’s be realistic. Young people have, and probably always will, experiment with substances.
Though risk-taking and novelty-seeking may be expected, easier access to drugs (usually online) and an endless stream of incomplete open source information (usually online) are newer trends.
Combined, these variables give some very false and very dangerous confidence about using these substances “safely.” The legal gray area that many synthetic drugs reside in certainly does nothing to discourage such a notion.
There is, an increasing number of young people who find that their social reputation improves significantly as they become amateur experts in obscure drugs. They innocently, but ignorantly, give advice to their friends about how someone else used safely before, how to mix the chemicals, and what they should expect.
All of this occurs without any knowledge of drug interactions and preexisting medical conditions. There is very little accountability when catastrophe strikes.
Some young people who buy Dragonfly actually believe they are buying acid or another drug, only to fall victim. This is because most of these designer drugs are full of contaminants and are made by amateur laboratories. No one can ever really be sure what they are taking and in at what dosage.
Why Is This Stuff Legal?
Dragonfly and many other synthetic drugs are currently not regulated on a federal level. The problem is that these chemicals can easily be altered with slight changes in structure to evade regulation. It also takes time for legislation to pass, creating an endless catch-up game for government agencies.
These drugs are bought online sometimes from other countries, so jurisdiction is another problem.
How Can I Protect My Family?
In the end, parents are the CEOs of their home. If your family is currently in crisis or you have strong suspicions, there are a number of ways to safeguard your home.
This includes tracking credit card statements, screening packages that come to the home, and especially tracking Internet browsing histories.
If you are in a desperate situation, don’t feel bad about doing what is necessary in your child’s best interest.
That being said, the best way to prevent drug use is to establish a culture in your home that preserves both safety and dignity.
Parents need to clear about the expectations they have regarding drug use. It’s equally important to withhold judgment so that children won’t be discouraged to communicate with you in times of need. The best parenting styles for drug prevention are authoritative, meaning that while parents are emotionally available and compassionate, they hold firm boundaries and expectations.
Most Importantly – Get Help
All of us are blinded by the love we have for our children and no one is consistently an objective observer of themselves and their families. If you have any concerns, pediatricians, mental health professionals, substance abuse counselors, and school resources can all point the way to effective screening and evaluation.
Perspective and Prevention
Bromo Dragonfly will not be the last drug, synthetic or otherwise, to make headlines, but it does represent some new trends in drug use.
The Internet’s role in drug use, easy accessibility, and murky legalities are all now a reality for many families. It’s up to parents, teachers and health-care professionals to protect our loved ones through education and prevention.
Dr. Oz Show © 2012 ZoCo1, LLC
Dr. Oz Investigates Dragonfly – Part 1
Dr. Oz Investigates Dragonfly – Part 2
PARENTS: IF YOU KNOW, OR EVEN SUSPECT, THAT YOUR TEENAGER IS USING DRUGS OR ALCOHOL OR IS OTHERWISE OUT OF YOUR CONTROL PLEASE COME TO THE NEXT PSST MEETING. PARENTS SURVIVAL SKILLS TRAINING ARE OTHER PARENTS REACHING OUT TO HELP YOU.
You're right! Nevertheless comment by Joy Y.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, February 04, 2012
Today at a record breaking PSST meeting where 27 or 28 parents, (still counting heads) attended, "Ralph Kramden" pointed out not to forget to use these power words when I was doing a role-play. Earlier, "Joan" pointed out that she had used nevertheless to make a strong point with her daughter too.
Original Post: "I have learned from (from Max and Lloyd) that there are two words / phrases that are extremely powerful (1) "you're right" and (2) "nevertheless." When used sequentially (in that order), they have power beyond the sum of their parts. Joy Y.
Thanks for the comment, Joy Y. It seems to be more powerful when you give real agreement to something, as opposed to lipservice, and not apply the nevertheless like a negating "but."
Also, these two work well with "I'm NOT comfortable with that."
Read More......
What a Week! - submitted by Wilma
Posted by:Jenn--Saturday, January 28, 2012
WHAT A WEEK !! by Wilma
Just a quick update since Sunday – so how can so much happen in just a few days??
We did confirm that Bam was having a little "party" on Friday night and probably both Saturday and Sunday while he was "studying" for mid-terms. All this while on Electronic Home Monitoring and probation.
Sunday night I noticed Bam's skin was really red and asked if he had taken niacin, but he adamantly denied taking it. He was red from using old acne wash – hmm, how did it cause not only his face but his whole body to turn red?? He didn't look quite right and went to bed about 8 PM and was asleep in 20 minutes. I checked his phone and found text messages telling someone he was red as an apple from taking niacin to get weed out of his system. I guess he was a LITTLE worried about the drug test he was to have the next day at rehab.
On Monday, my gut told me to check his room. I found water and Gatorade bottles that smelled like flavored vodka, a shoe box with empty beer cans, and a baggie with a little bit of weed left in his closet. Add this to the tiny bag that smelled like weed that I found Sunday morning. I also accidentally found the niacin stash in a bag that had waterproofing stuff in it. What a start to the week!
Bam was mad at me, and on the way to his dual-diagnosis program he was telling me to turn around and go back, but I refused. He left the appointment after about 15 minutes, mad at the counselor and refusing the drug test. On the way home he kept changing the story of how the vodka bottle from Saturday (I mentioned this in a previous post) got into the house. I know he was trying to get the girls back to our house and I think Fred was caving on this again.
He was really agitated and kept asking me not to tell his P.O., so I just told him to stop talking and that I was not discussing this in the car. All I could think of was that he was going to grab the steering wheel while were driving in rush hour traffic, and kill not only us, but some poor souls trying to get home from work! When we got home, I felt like a wrung-out dishrag.
Fortunately on Tuesday we had our first meeting with Bam's P.O. I gave him the box with the evidence from the weekend, and we found out that on E.H.M. he was NOT supposed to be having company, even to study!
And I found out today, not even to drop by. (Monday Bam had a couple kids drop by because he supposedly owed the girl $5 for a t-shirt and the boy had to use the bathroom). Fred was on duty for this incident. Interestingly, Bam then had a new can of Copenhagen.
Yesterday he told his dad that a girl was dropping by with more chew EVEN AFTER we told him he is not to have it in the house, but we kept firm that was not happening, (and of course I found out that was a violation of his E.H.M. too). Bam was not happy with this, but Fred and I were ecstatic.
My thoughts all along were NO FRIENDS, but I think Fred feels bad that Bam is stuck in the house, and also Bam just wore him down so he gave in to letting the friends over. And what was supposed to be 2 girls turned into 3 girls and another boy.
Then the P.O. went over the rules and conditions with us, and Bam just sat with a stormy expression on his face. Time to drug test, and Bam was pulling the old I-can't-pee-maybe-next-time routine. I think he thought he could outlast the P.O. and dodge the test, but the P.O. just told Bam to drink up! (Bam always tries this in outpatient and, I think, with some success.) NO WAY! The P.O. was not leaving until the test was done, and what a lot of stuff to test for.
And, not surprisingly, Bam tested positive for WEED just two weeks after being in court. He also tested positive for something else found in prescription pain killers, but Bam denied taking anything like that. I'm not so sure. Sunday night he just seemed so out of it – who knows what he got his hands on!
Didn't we talk recently about how it gets worse before it gets better??
Boy does it ever. It still amazes me that he is pulling all this while under supervision. But he now knows I am not keeping secrets from his P.O. He's already learned that I'll speak up in court. Of course it's all MY fault his life is so miserable, and has nothing to do with his actions or behaviors. Last night we had big arguments over chewing tobacco and money. At 17 he thinks he should be able to do whatever he wants, and I told him he's just going to have to find a place where he can live by his own rules if he doesn't like ours. And in just over 4 months he will be 18.
One of the sad things is he has been accepted to college (I am happy for him about this) – however – will he be able to get it together enough to follow the stipulations of his consent decree, to get off probation, to be able to function on his own away from home, and to get out of the cycle he is in where his focus is on getting money to buy the weed/alcohol/whatever, get high, and do it all again tomorrow?
On Wednesday I accidentally discovered his Facebook page open and found disturbing behind-the-scenes messages that, in addition to text messages he's sent, indicate he is involved in dealing. Some of the messages are about him paying money owed or things will get rough for him. Very scary. I still can't believe he's put himself in this position. Also, last night he talked Fred into helping him take the storm window out in his room so he can get some fresh air! Life is tough on house arrest, but I think the Shuman Resort would be a little less comfy than it is here.
So, I'm sure he will continue to test and push us, but how far will he go?
Wilma
Teenagers & Control
Posted by:Jenn--Friday, January 27, 2012
Mitt Romney recently compared his campaign for the presidency to a teenager, saying “There are things you can do to improve the odds of a teenager making it through those teen years and being a productive adult. But it’s not entirely in your control.” How right he is!
While a teen is in placement, he can choose to follow the rules & earn his release, or he can choose to remain stubborn and find himself there for months longer than expected. He can embrace his recovery and a return to normalcy, or he can just go through the motions. He can commit himself to following home pass rules long enough to be successful, or he can go home with the intent to fail. He can agree to follow the rules of probation, or he can earn himself a stay in another placement. For a teen desperately in need of maintaining control, he is constantly deciding if he is willing to accept the consequences of his self-destructive actions, and so often the answer is YES.
Our son Dylan has been in placement now for 9 months. He has struggled mightily, breaking rules regularly and suffering the consequences. He earned Guide status & then lost it again. He has earned home passes, but refused some of them and failed the others. It is inexplicable to us, but he is following his own path. We don’t know if that path will lead him back to us or not. It’s not really something that we can control.
USE YOUR INSTINCTS NOW by Wilma
Posted by:Sally--Thursday, January 26, 2012
I got this in a fortune cookie yesterday and I think its for all of us PSST parents and anybody else going through what we are going through: "Use your instincts now."
Wow, when I opened that I knew it was the perfect fortune. With everything that has been happening with Bam Bam it is right on the money. My instincts told me there would be trouble this past weekend and I was trying to ignore them, have Fred be responsible for Bam's visitors but trouble there was. So for all you out there listen to your gut, intuition, whatever you call it because it will be right. - Wilma
Lyrics by Cisco
Posted by:Sally--Thursday, January 26, 2012
When we tested Cisco on December 5th and the drug test turned up positive Rocco and I told Cisco he could not live at our home. He lived haphazardly for over a month; going from one friend's house to another, using drugs and spiraling downward until he hit bottom and could not find a place to lay his head. He asked for help and on January 17th he went back to First Step to detox. He did well all week and they think he has turned the corner. I say, time will tell.
I was going through some paperwork today and found this poem that Cisco wrote about a year ago. I felt good when I read this poem and it helps me to see Cisco for who he truly is. My son first, an addict second.
Soldiers
Sensitive, caring, honest and sharing.
Cautious and humble, get back up when stumble.
Responsible, hardworking, successful, all earning.
From you guys I'm learning, to you guys I'm turning.
No genes, no hair color, eye color don't matter,
You were there when I climbed to the top of the ladder,
Got stuck in a rut with defeat so apparent,
...this man and this woman, these people, my parents.
So cold and so lonely, so high and unaware,
Thought I was alone,
Not acknowledging you were there.
I went down those stairs,
Closed my door from your love,
Not knowing how bad,
I was hurting those above.
Pushing and shoving and swearing and breaking,
Smoking and drinking and cutting and taking.
Leaving and fighting and crying and shaking.....
You never gave up and for this I am thanking.
Mom and Dad, you've got stronger as parents,
As people, you're soldiers, not weak, not embarrassed.
Some day when I'm older,
And you're given a break,
With me and Joe's children playing down by the lake,
Our blankets our baskets,
What dreams once seemed fake,
We'll be the ones,
Serving food on your plates.
WIlma's Update on Bam-Bam
Posted by:Sally--Saturday, January 21, 2012
UPDATE ON BAM-BAM - By Wilma
Since the meeting was canceled due to the bad weather conditions here is Bam's update for this week....This week I relapsed-Bam Bam had been using his dad's cell phone as his had been damaged after a swim in the toilet. Fred will let Bam use his phone when Bam's is out of commission but Bam switches out the sim card so that his friends call him on his own number. I was checking to make sure Bam had put Fred's card back in the phone and saw there were text messages Bam forgot to erase. I couldn't help myself-I looked at them.
And did not like what I found.
Bam-Bam had some texts going back and forth about purchasing/selling alcohol and wanting to buy an e-cigarette since he is not allowed to smoke at home. For those who hadn't heard Bam Bam is on home detention.
Finally on Thursday he got the ankle braclet. I confronted Bam about the texts and of course he is the innocent party and he isn't buying anything but this kid is thinking Bam is selling and THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!
Nothing is going on! I'm not so sure.
Just two months ago Bam Bam was contracting by text messsaging to purchase vodka (Pinnacle Whipped) and we found the state store bag, receipt and a water bottle of the stuff BUT he was innocent! He was just "holding" it for someone.
According to him "It was all a misunderstanding." Don't think so.
I was upset with myself for caving in to the temptation of checking the phone. I want to get out of constantly feeling like I have to check the phone, his room, his bags. If he messes up again the consequences are steeper. He has home detention right now and is on probation even though we haven't yet heard from his probation officer. And in five months he will be eighteen.
Today he has a couple kids coming over to study for midterms (they really are next week) so for now I will take that at face value. And as always hoping for the best.
Wilma
Love You Forever - submitted by Wilma
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, January 16, 2012
How many of you have read the book "Love You Forever" written by Robert Munsch and Illustrated by Sheila McGraw??
This is one of my favorite books to buy for new babies. It was given to us when Bam Bam was born and I just recently purchased it for Bam Bam's nephew. Bam is adopted and his sister gave birth to a son in September, so earlier this month I decided to buy a gift. As I figured the new baby was probably inundated with clothes, I bought a few books that were our favorites.
The first time I read this book, Bam was probably a couple months old and I read it to him while holding him in my arms - and cried. As my tears were falling on his face, he kept blinking them away (probably thinking "who the H#!! is this nutcase?!).
But here is the part that I am crying for now: "The boy grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a teenager. He had strange clothes and he listened to strange music. Sometimes his mother felt like she was in a zoo! But at night time, when that teenager was asleep, the mother opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he really was asleep she picked up that great big boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang: I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living my baby you'll be."
I still look at Bam Bam when he is sleeping and wonder where is that little boy? Of course, he is way TOO BIG for me to pick him up, but I wish I could pick him up again and rock him in my arms and smell that baby smell. That of course has been replaced by the smells of Copenhagen, Marlboros and weed.
My hope is that SOMEDAY he will come back to me. I miss the old Bam Bam, and even though he is really mad at me now, maybe at some point we can have something of the relationship we once had.
Wilma
Pierre's Attempt to Avoid Shuman by Brigitte
Posted by:Sally--Sunday, January 15, 2012
Pierre's Attempt to Avoid Shuman by Brigitte
Thank you everyone for your sound advice and support today at the meeting.
Here is an update (if you weren't at the meeting this post might be hard to follow). We ended up finding Pierre a mere 1/4 mile away sleeping at a friend's house. We took him home for a shower and were getting ready to take him to Shuman. He told Francois he was going inside to tell me goodbye. He came in the house, said goodbye and walked out the back door unnoticed.
It took several of his friends, the manager of Foodland, and the local police to help us locate him 4 hours later. He is now sitting in Shuman. He will have a walk-in hearing on Tuesday. We are hoping that he will be admitted to Outside In soon.
Francois and I are taking this all in but in a somewhat bewildered state.
It all transpired so quickly from our point of view, although it's obvious that things were happening that we were unaware of. He won't own up to the missing $400. His friend told me that Pierre said he came into money because of a mistake in his paycheck.
Really? Because last time I looked, he didn't have a job.
Even more amazing was that the mistake from his nonexistent job amounted to $400. What a coincidence!
It's been a long day and Francois and I are both feeling dejected. The good part is that we are no longer wondering IF he needs inpatient. He let us know loud and clear that he does.
Brigitte
Online resource, Empowering Parents- Bridgette
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, January 12, 2012
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| Click this caption to go to online newsletter |
Bridgette
Read More......
What Goes UP . . . written by Brigitte
Posted by:Jenn--Monday, January 09, 2012
NEWTON HAD IT RIGHT
What goes up, must come down, especially when you are dealing with drug-addicted teens. Pierre has proven this theory repeatedly since he came home from inpatient 5 months ago. He has only been clean for a span of 6 weeks at a time. Relapse, consequences, relapse, you get the picture. Most recently, he tested positive on a home screen and swore on his mother's life (YIPES!) that he was innocent and something was wrong with the test. Took him to the dr. to get a gas chromatography test and it was . . . positive. I was ducking lightning bolts and black cats the whole week.
He is back on home detention, spends weekends at Shuman resort, no car, no phone, no friends. He has outpatient treatment daily and goes to NA meetings 3-4x/wk. The good news is that he is not abusive or defiant and we are not missing money. He treats family members and counselors respectfully and even went to his grandmother's house and cooked her dinner. The bad news is, well, that could change at any time if he continues to use. His goal seems to be to get off probation, not weed. Francois and I feel that a third round of inpatient may be around the corner. Either that or, when he turns 18 in May, he moves out and tries out his fantasy life of working, living with "friends" and smoking weed when he wants to. That may be the epiphany he needs to see life without the safety net. I wish we knew the best route to take.
Bam Bam Goes to Court - by Wilma
Posted by:Sally--Monday, January 09, 2012
BAM-BAM HAS HIS DAY IN COURT - By Wilma
Well today Bam Bam had another hearing in court again for ACT 53 and the charges we filed.
The paperwork we had gotten in the mail for the charges said it was for a "Pre-trial" conference. We had this in November and nothing really happened. I thought it would be the same today and that we would have to wait another couple months for some action but fortunately it wasn't.
Bam was not happy and his face showed it but he did not have any outbursts in court.
The cast of characters included the judge, TWO attorneys for Bam - One for ACT 53 and one for the charges, a D.A., the P.O., me (Fred stayed in the waiting room), our H.S.A.O. coordinator and the ACT 53 case manager.
I was prepared, after talking with ACT 53, that Bam most likely would not be going into placement as his dual dx program had said in a letter he was making moderate progress. Also, our judge doesn't like to send kids to placement. (I wish we had Judge Daisy from PSST)!
There was a lot of back and forth among the lawyers and the judge. The lawyers and PO had a few things more to iron out and the judge left for a little break.
Then he came back and we continued. The DA really wanted to send Bam to placement however the P.D.'s and the judge really didn't want that. They got testimony from ACT 53 and then asked me to speak.
I led with the statement that Bam was out of my control and that I was fearful for our lives. That got notice from the judge and he asked me to continue. So I went through the Thanksgiving weed ordeal and how Bam told me if I didn't give him money to pay people for the weed they would kill/hurt him and me. I talked about how Bam IS NOT following any guidelines from when we were in court before, mentioned him becoming verbally abusive when I wouldn't give him money or a check.
I was asked EXACTLY what Bam said so I told them how he called me a f##ng piece of s#!!.
I also talked about the text messages on his phone that seemed to me that he not only is using but dealing. I also explained that he isn't going to school like he is supposed to. I mentioned the "x-box/i-pod incident" from April where Bam told us people might be coming to shoot us and our house so we took him to file a police report.
I also said that I was concerned that Bam is using weed and I don't know what else and taking (5) psychiatric drugs.
The judge was not happy with Bam and made it very clear to him. I was asked what I thought would happen today and I did say I thought with everything that was happening Bam would go to placement but you could tell that IS NOT what the judge wanted.
The DA tried many times to get that to happen. She did seem very convinced that he was in trouble. I wonder if the police would have done something when I found the weed and took it to them if it would have made a difference?
There had been some talk about the ankle bracelet so when they said Bam wasn't going to placement I asked if he was getting an ankle bracelet and the judge ordered one.
So the verdict that came down today is that Bam Bam is going to have a consent decree, probation, an ankle bracelet, court ordered D&A re-evaluation, community service, some fines to pay and court ordered family based counseling.
We were supposed to have family based counseling before this but I found out last night that Bam wouldn't give permission to his outpatient counselor to fill out the form for referral. Even though the judge said at our last hearing that we were supposed to have it.
Bam-Bam was ordered by the judge to have a drug test before we left court. When we went for that Bam was saying of course he couldn't do it. As we had to wait for the male screener he said he was hungry so I took him to the little cafe.
When we came back he said he just wanted a positive and to not have the test but he was told no way. Then he asked if he could just go talk to the judge! I thought we were going to be there until 4:30 but someone said he had to do it or go to Shuman.
Anyway, I was on the phone calling Verizon to set up the line for the ankle bracelet and they came up with an oral swab test which he did. And it was positive.
I could have said I didn't want to bring Bam home but I honestly did not want to get into an ordeal with CYF. I was already drained and exhausted from just getting him to court and going through the hearing. It's so difficult being the parent and the person filing charges.
Yesterday Bam told me and his counselor he wasn't going to court. She told him a warrant would be issued for his arrest and a deputy would come for him but he didn't care.
On the ride home he told me he wasn't going, I said a deputy would come for him and he said he would just shoot him. I asked how was that happening and he told me he could get a gun if he wanted to! (I did tell this to the judge).
I think he was just trying to show he was in control of the situation but thankfully this morning we had no problems getting him to court.
So, for now, we wait and see.
Wilma
