I AM 18. I AM AN ADULT. DOES ANYBODY CARE? - Jim
As Cheryl and I (Jim) have walked life’s path with our teenage addict, Andy; we’ve learned (much to our dismay) to navigate through the Juvenile Probation system.
Although, some may think that the “system” is harsh (reference Shuman), we’ve always found that it is very understanding (sometimes too much so) and eager to provide some form of program or assistance in an attempt to put our juveniles back on the right track.
This world of forgiveness and “do-overs” creates a cocoon of false security that it will always be this way for the juveniles, no matter what they do or how much trouble they get into.
Is this wrong?
I think not, because it gives the juvenile a chance to learn from the errors of their invincible, hormone driven ways without a permanent record.
Then comes their eighteenth birthday, a day of reckoning as they “legally” pass into adulthood. They cross this threshold without seeing or feeling the removal of the cocoon, nor our ability (as parents) to effectively intercede on their behalf. It is a cruel and rude awakening.
Suddenly, all of our past warnings of what life in adult jail would be like become their reality. Andy’s endless eye rolling and heavy sighing (are you done preaching yet?) are replaced with his tears and fears.
Tears that are shed during the daily fifteen minute collect calls and having to cover his face to hide his emotional weakness from his fellow inmates. Our once supposed self proclaimed tough street kid is now nothing but a scared little boy. So far out of his element, he is often afraid to leave his cell.
The newly incarcerated “adult” spends awhile in denial that this new “burden” is going to stick and hope that somehow they will once again escape with a slap on the wrist and a pat on the bum.
Denial gives way to anger that we as parents are not rescuing our little angels as we’ve done in the past…in a large part because we cannot and another part that we will not!
Anger turns to self loathing because of their (finally, now apparent to them) stupidity to have broken the law. Finally, deep remorse sets in. They have nothing to do but expend every waking hour contemplating their future, or lack of it. Their new despair anticipating the worst possible fate leads them to periods of great depression.
I’ve never been to the Allegheny County Jail, but recently I’ve talked to enough people that have been inside to believe that it is as nasty and gruesome as it is purported to be. Andy wouldn’t even submit a visitors list to be approved because he didn’t want us to see him there.
He now realizes after experiencing the adult system that nobody in jail cares about him as an individual.
Nobody cared when they stripped searched him.
Nobody cared that he didn’t shower or brush his teeth for five days while he waited in processing.
Nobody cares that he doesn’t have basic hygiene products.
Nobody cares that they only issued one inmate jumpsuit and underwear to him.
Nobody cares that he has to do his laundry while showering and hang it in his cell to dry.
Nobody cares!
I have lived my life believing: “Everything happens for a reason, it is always for the best, it just may not seem like it at the time.”
As we continue to learn the adult justice system (again, much to our dismay), we will continue to try to help Andy to the extent that the system will allow us.
The only positive aspect to this experience may be Andy’s negative memories in jail will override his desire to break the law in the future. Andy tells us that he would rather die than live in the jail.
Lesson learned? Only time will tell.
WHEN THE JUVENILE BECOMES AN ADULT ~ by Jim
Posted by:Sally--Saturday, September 10, 2011
WE REMEMBER ~ SEPTEMBER 11, 2001
Posted by:Rocco--Friday, September 09, 2011
WE REMEMBER ~ SEPTEMBER 11, 2001
We remember and pray for the innocent victims of September 11, 2001.
We remember and pray for the survivors of September 11, 2001.
We remember and pray for those who lost loved ones on September 11, 2001.
We pray for our fire fighters, police, EMT, rescue workers, nurses, doctors and all public service personnel and for their loved ones that support them.
We pray for our U.S. Military men and women that dedicate their lives to protecting our freedom and for their loved ones that wait for their return.
We pray for our great nation; that tragedies, though terrible, bring us closer together not tear us apart, and continue to show the love and compassion we Americans are all capable of.
We pray for those who are tempted to think that violence accomplishes anything of lasting value in this world, in our country, in our cities, in our towns, in our neighborhoods or in our homes.
We pray for the peacemakers in the world. 
MAY GOD, WHO IS PEACE, BLESS AMERICA
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon,
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console,
not so much to be understood as to understand,
not so much to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.
It's a Dog's Life
Posted by:Cheryl, Jim, Andy + 3 Stooges--Thursday, September 08, 2011
It’s a Dog’s Life!
In setting up rules for Andy, Jim came up with the analogy to our two dogs Zoe & Gizmo. *
Zoe is older & wiser at 8 years of age with 100% freedom in the house and outdoors.
Gizmo is 1 ½ years old, caged in the house while we are away from home and on a leash when outside.
On several occasions Jim has asked Andy how he would like to live his life at home and out in the community with two simple options:
1) Like Zoe, if you obey ALL the rules and make good decisions in your life you will be rewarded with the benefits of freedom regarding social life, curfews, additional privileges, ...
2) Or you can be Gizmo, who has yet to obey all rules/commands set for him and is getting into trouble 24/7. He can’t be trusted alone or while under our watchful eye; therefore when we are away from the home he must be placed in a kennel (cage) to prevent negative behavior. When he is permitted to go out with his friends (Zoe & Finnegan) he must be kept on a leash at all times to keep from running away.
It’s up to Andy, or any other teen that is pushing the envelope of house & society rules.
How does your teen want to live their life under your roof?
*Editors note: names have been changed to protect Gizmo's privacy!
Cheryl, Jim, Andy, Zoe & Gizmo
Read More......
Tom Workman to be guest this Saturday at PSST (Wexford)
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Wednesday, September 07, 2011
We've been having interesting guests of late. This Saturday will be no different as Tom Workman, Director of Liberty Station Halfway House, will be our guest. Primarily, Tom wants to observe; however, there are some changes at Liberty Station of which he wishes to advise our group.
Tom has many years of experience at Abraxas Center for Adolescent Females. EVERYONE seems to agree that Tom has brought badly needed changes to Liberty Station, where dicipline, structure, and accountability is more important than ever.
Also, thanks in part to assertive PSST parents, (you know who you are) Liberty Station is updating and "following" it's own handbook!!!!!
Type rest of the post here
A question from Wilma
Posted by:Sally--Sunday, September 04, 2011
Unfortunately, I haven't been able to make it to the meetings in the last couple of months. However,I have a question for our Parents and Professionals. My 16-year old nephew was recently arrested for possession of a small (according to him) amount of marijauna. He lives in and was busted in the city. He wasn't taken to Shuman but his dad had to pick him up at one of the local police stations. This all happens the day after his mom comes home from the hospital (she was in over a week) after undergoing major abdominal surgery. Of course to him this is all a big joke and he tells his parents that nothing is going to happen to him-basically he thinks he will get off scot-free. He is still posting on his facebook pics of him smoking weed.
The arresting officer did tell the cocky teen that if he is busted again he will become acquainted with Shuman. This is the cousin my son, Bam Bam, recently was hanging out with.
Thanks for any information/advice/thoughts you may have.
Wilma
Hot Day for Conversations ~ Sally
Posted by:Sally--Saturday, September 03, 2011
Hot Day for Conversations
It was so nice to see ya'll at today's meeting. I still get so much help at PSST, so I keep coming for that reason and for the donuts and good coffee too!!
Thank YOU, Jerry, for being a special guest today. You were an integral part of our PSST meeting. Your insight is so valuable.
When we got home today, I suggested to Rocco that he and I put on our scrubby clothes and wash the cars. Rocco went out first to start vacuuming the vehicles and I decided to have a short conversation with Cisco. He was home on a pass and anxious to go out with some friends.
I intended that the conversation would be short and sweet and go like this:
Moms: You said in the car on the way home today that Jerry feels you did your program well and that it would be good for you to get an apt or move home. You made $30.00 this week and if you are serious about getting an apt. or coming home you should let me put a little bit of that money away for you. How about if you give me $5.00 to put in a savings account?
Cisco: Good idea mum, here take ten it will accrue more interest. I'm going to Terri's and will call ya later so don’t worry about me tonight. Love ya.
Moms: Love you too, have fun!
That is what I hoped for but this is what happened:
I decided at the last moment to try to accomplish two things, (one) Interject that IF he comes home his father will be in charge and what his dad says will be what goes. (two) Get him to save a few bucks
Note: I should have stuck with just trying to get him to save a few dollars for his future.
Mom: Cisco you know that I have been married to your dad for a long time and I respect his opinion. Dad and I talked about if you came home and.........
Cisco:[cuts mom off]: If I come home? SO dad doesn’t want me to come home!?
Mom: I cannot say what dad thinks or feels but I can tell you what I feel, sometimes I want you to come home and sometimes I do not. I am on the fence about it. However, if you do come home I want you to know that dad gets the final say on things. Dad is in charge.
Cisco: I don’t think I can come home. You are hard to get along with. I have trouble getting along with you. You tell me things that I already know and when I say “I know” you just keep telling me anyway.
Mom: You are right, Cisco, if we cannot hold a simple conversation I don’t see how we can live in the same house. You respect Jerry enough that you have conversations with him and you listen to each other.
Can we try that?
Cisco: Jerry does not always have a ‘retort’ every time I say something, plus he understands me.
Mom:: I’m glad you pointed that out to me. I do have something to say every time you say something to me and even if I don't try to, you sometimes think I am being sarcastic. [said with sincerity] I will work on that.
Cisco: [a little more settled] You have to understand that I have been institutionalized for a long time and I get edgy.
Mom: [Mom shakes her head in understanding then moves on to point number two] Let’s talk about saving a few dollars for an apt. Will you give me $5.00 to put away for you?
Cisco: I only have $28.00 left how about if I give you two? [pulls two dollars out of his wallet]
Mom is thankful to get two dollars for savings [remember: baby steps] and records the amount in notebook and puts money in an envelope.
- END OF ROLE PLAY
Kathie and I had a productive meeting this week and she sure knows her stuff. She had some excellent suggestions for job and skilled labor training opportunities for Cisco. Kathie also had some suggestions for living arrangements.
It is probably best for Cisco's next step to be learning a skill and then holding down a job. Rocco and my role as parents of a nineteen year old is to lay out some suggestions for our son and then let him choose the roads he will travel.
I bet I should take Lloyd’s advice which is: Let the fact that Cisco wants a different place to live be Cisco’s problem which requires Cisco’s solution. Lloyd is wise. He wrote a post on this titled: Solutions vs. Problems What Do Our Teenagers Need the Most. Click here to go to that post.
I went out and helped wash the dirty cars and talked with Rocco. He liked the idea of letting Cisco solve his own problems and he liked another idea that Lloyd came up with recently:
If our teens want to come home they need to apply for the privilege. They should write down reasons why we should allow this to happen. (Basically have them write their own home contract and then negotiate the terms with them)
Then Rocco squirted me with the hose and a new battle began! It was such a hot day and the cool water felt good.
S.O.S. Families Anonymous Meeting - Tuesday Night - Squirrel Hill
Posted by:Rocco--Saturday, September 03, 2011
TEENAGE ADDICTION CONCERNS? NEED SOME MORE PARENTAL SUPPORT? ARE YOU NOT SURE THAT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO NEEDS HELP?
"S.O.S. FAMILIES ANONYMOUS GROUP" Squirrel Hill meets, Every Tuesday night from 6:00 - 7:30PM
We hope you will join us at:
Gateway Rehab Squirrel Hill
5818 Forbes Ave, Pittsburgh, PA 15217
Click Here For Map
Near the intersection of Forbes Ave and Murray Ave
CALL: (412) 697-0928
What exactly is Families Anonymous? - click on Read More
Families Anonymous is a 12 Step Support Group for Anyone whose life has been adversely affected by another person's use of drugs, alcohol, or related behavioral issues.
NO Fees - NO last names used - NO forms to fill out
NO formal sign-up – NO obligation – NO commitment
NO saying “I’m Sorry”
Families Anonymous is a group of concerned parents, relatives and friends whose lives have been adversely affected by a loved one's addiction to alcohol or drugs.
Every one of us has made the same statement at one time or another...
"But I'm not the one who needs help!"
It was obvious that someone else near to us was the one with problems.
Many of us were amazed, annoyed, saddened or shocked that our children refused our help, maybe even resented our efforts to help and would not acknowledge that they have a problem.
Families Anonymous is dedicated to doing something constructive about our approach to our loved one's problems. We learn from our own experience, but we can also get a great deal of benefit from the shared misery and foolish mistakes we make while trying to do the best we possibly can do.
That realization, in itself, goes a long way in helping us to start feeling good about ourselves... and, amazingly, sets the stage for the recovery for both of us in many, many cases.
Please join us on Tuesday nights from 6:00 to 7:30 p.m.
Allow Families Anonymous to Help You on Your Road to Recovery.
Click on Families Anonymous for more information on who and what we are.
Jerry Stradford from First Step Recovery will be our guest at tomorrow's PSST.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Friday, September 02, 2011
Jerry Stradford from First Step Recovery will be our guest at tomorrow's PSST. Over the years Jerry has worked tirelessly with recovering adults in the halfway house type setting of First Step Recovery. First Step houses recovering adults and provides group therapy and support for 12-step recovery.
While Jerry will primarily coming to observe a PSST meeting, he will of course be able to answer questions from parents as well. Jerry has a strong background in addictions and has developed an expertise in counseling people in recovery. Jerry has worked with several teenagers from Juvenile Probation as well as older adults.
Read More......
Myths About Alcohol - A.S.K.
Posted by:Rocco--Thursday, September 01, 2011
Myths About Alcohol from Adolescent Substance abuse Knowledge base (adolescent-substance-abuse.com)
Stop thinking of your children and their friends as either "good" kids or "bad" kids. Good kids drink too! Most kids experiment with alcohol and drugs, no matter what their background, intelligence or level of responsibility. This, in and of itself, does not make them "bad". It makes them "kids!"
"Alcohol is the number one drug of choice among our Nation's youth. Yet the seriousness of this issue does not register with the general public or policymakers." - Dr. Enoch Gordis, M.D., Director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIH)
Some parents breathe a sigh of relief when they find their child is "just" drinking alcohol and not using drugs, but it is a myth that alcohol is a "better" drug. Alcohol abuse, drunk driving, and alcohol-related diseases take a major toll on our society, and children who begin drinking at a young age are at much higher risk of developing problems.
Alcohol is by far the drug of choice among adolescents.
It is the most used and abused mood-altering substance among pre-teens and teenaged children. Although some teens report it is easier to get illegal drugs than buy alcohol, the overall social acceptability of alcohol and the pervasive advertising that suggests alcohol creates a positive and rewarding experience often leads both teens and their parents to think drinking is simply a rite of passage with little danger over the long run.
Some studies suggest that there could be as many as four million alcoholics under the age of 18, three years younger than the legal drinking age. The age when children begin drinking alcohol has decreased over the last few decades.
Many children are already experimenting with alcohol in the fifth grade, many more than were just 10 years ago when teens were more likely to start drinking in eighth or ninth grade.
According to the Centers for Disease Control, 40% of ninth-graders report that they tried alcohol before the age of 13 and had used alcohol within the past month.
One of the detrimental consequences of this increase in drinking among children still in elementary school is that it has a greater effect on cognitive development at this young age. Students who use alcohol remember much less of their academic work than those who do not use alcohol.
Also, statistics clearly show that the younger a child is when he or she begins drinking, the more likely they are to develop problems with alcohol as adults. According to a report in the Journal of Substance Abuse, more than 40% of individuals who start drinking before the age of 13 will develop alcohol abuse problems later in life (Grant, BF, & Dawson, DA. 9:103-110, 1997).
Some major factors that influence a child's decision to begin drinking are:
- the number of peers within their immediate environment who have started to drink
- the number of adults they have regular contact with who have an alcohol problem
- the amount of the time the child is alone in the home (limited supervision)
Exposure to alcohol advertising also influences children by creating a positive attitude toward alcohol use. If children view alcohol in a positive light, they are more likely to drink at a younger age.
Children who start drinking at a young age are more likely to experiment later with illegal drugs. Yet, many children report that although they learn early on about the dangers of drugs, many do not learn about the dangers of drinking alcohol (The Weekly Reader National Survey on Drugs and Alcohol. Middleton, CT: Field Publications, 1995)
What keeps children alcohol-free?
- Children who have strong communication with their parents are less likely to drink.
- Children whose parents set clear rules and expectations are less likely to use alcohol.
- Children whose parents discipline them when they break the rules are also less likely to use alcohol.
If you know, or even suspect, that your teen is using alcohol, drugs or any mind altering substance please come to our next PSST Meeting. There is no cost and no commitment.
Hosting Teen Parties: What's Your Liability?
I know what you're thinking: "This doesn't apply to me. I didn't 'provide' the alcohol because I told those kids they could not drink it." This slight technicality will probably matter little to a jury staring at a paraplegic victim. You were in the best position to ensure Johnny didn't drink your beer.
To read the rest of this article click on: What's Your Liability?
For more information on teen substance abuse from A.S.K. click on ADOLESCENT SUBSTANCE ABUSE KNOWLEDGE BASE
For more info click on: "Alcohol Can Kill; Alcohol Poisoning"
Personality Disorder as the Underlying Force Driving All Negative Behavors - by Cheryl
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Monday, August 29, 2011
Personality Disorders and Drug & Alcohol Abuse
I have been reviewing the laundry list of licensed social workers, psychologists & psychiatrists we have seen over the past 6 years with Andy (now 18) and all of the diagnoses he has received.
A specialist in dual disorders stated:
*a personality disorder as the underlying force driving all negative behaviors.
*It is illegal to diagnose a personality disorder in anyone under 18 years of age but a disorder may be hinted at.
"A person must be at least 18 years old to be diagnosed, though the pattern can begin in early childhood or adolescence. Called 'conduct disorder' in children and 'antisocial behavior' in adults, this untreated and unresolved behavior pattern can develop into sociopathic behavior."
Click on Causes of Sociopathic Behavior for the complete article.
One psychiatrist stated ‘Bi-Polar Type 2 with Mania’. The Mania stems from a stable emotional balance for 3 months and then self destruct for a period of 5-7 days and then level out again for another period of 3 months.
Other Licensed Social Workers, Counselors and Psychologists have given their opinions of 'Oppositional Defiance Disorder' (ODD) with 'Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder' (ADHD); anxiety and depression with an addictive personality.
All Educational Psychologists have concluded that Andy is in the near genius level of intelligence. He graduated with a 4.0 his senior year of high school because he was in placement and off of alcohol and drugs.
We were so very proud of Andy as he even tutored other residents in the facility!
Whose opinion do you trust? What do you want to believe and especially what diagnosis do you truly NOT want to believe, but must, for the sake of your family and the community?
I decided to do a little more research on my own today and found three facts listed below that apply to personality disorders and drug & alcohol abuse:
1 - Those with antisocial personality disorder lack normal feelings of responsibility and compassion and thus have little motivation to restrain their reactions.
2 - Alcoholism and other addictions, like pot/marijuana, prescriptions drugs, cocaine, etc, are the result of a personality disorder.
3- Addiction is extremely toxic, and greatly worsens the effects of a personality disorder. But if the substance abuse stops, the underlying personality disorder is still there. http://www.livestrong.com
Unfortunately, we as parents of a child with a personality disorder have experienced these three facts for 15 years (Oh, the first three years were wonderful; he didn't begin talking until the age of three as he had three older brothers to talk for him!)
Jim & I love Andy dearly (our children are Our Hearts walking on this earth.) We can’t punish him anymore; the legal system has had to take over that end of parenting, but we can love Andy, counsel him on his future decisions if he is willing to listen and want our input.
That is up to Andy, and we are sure he will tell us when to get lost.
Carry on Soldiers!
Cheryl, Jim & Andy
September is National Recovery Month - Let's Get Involved
Posted by:Sally--Tuesday, August 23, 2011
In September we celebrate, National Recovery Month.
America celebrates recovery from alcohol and other drugs – testimony that Recovery Benefits Everyone - that life’s defeats can be reversed and made into victories benefiting individuals, families and communities. Recovery celebrations occur across the country.
The Institute for Research, Education & Training in Addictions 8th Annual Recovery Sports Link is sponsoring the National Anthem at the Friday, September 9th Pirate game.
Our goal is to bring awareness to the disease of addiction and the stigma associated with it.
Our group is asking everyone associated with us to wear a light blue shirt to identify our group.
We are also selling light blue t-shirts for $9.00 per shirt that will have the pictures of our loved ones who have fallen victim to this awful disease.
If you are interested in purchasing one of our group shirts to support our cause, please contact Lucy at lucy@myjadewellness.com - We will need to know a size if ordering – youth or adult – s, m, l and xl.
We are still trying to figure out a meeting spot for a picture to bring awareness and create impact. As more details are available, we will update you.
If you can’t make it, please forward this invite to anyone else you think may be interested.
Thank you for your help in such a great cause.
Every Day is Good Day to Start Over
Posted by:Sally--Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I got this quote in an e-zine that I get from Diana Fletcher, coach. Here is her website: www.dianafletcher.com
The first words that came to mind when I opened my eyes on Monday morning were,
These words reassured me that it was going to be ok. I didn't need to berate myself, I didn't need to feel bad...all I had to do was start over.
The past didn't matter.
The future wasn't here yet.
I have right now.
Earthquake hits Pittsburgh: PSST parents NOT affected.
Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Tuesday, August 23, 2011
"Honey, I didn't know Tommy had a homepass today!?"
PITTSBURGH (KDKA) – A moderate earthquake hit Virginia Tuesday afternoon and the tremors were felt hundreds of miles away. The epicenter of the 5.9 magnitude earthquake was about 87 miles outside of Washington, D.C. around 1:51 p.m.
The tremors were felt as far north as Massachusetts and as far west as Cincinnati. Dozens of viewers called into the KDKA-TV newsroom minutes after the ground shook in the Pittsburgh area. Click here for complete article.
Parents who attend PSST meetings in Pittsburgh for the most part seemed not to be concerned. When asked about why PSST parents took the earthquake so lightly, one parent put it this way:
PSST parent: You see, with our teenagers we feel tremors ALL the time.
Interviewer: You mean, like an earthquake?
PSST parent: Oh yeah, are you kidding? It's like Jurassic Park, you know when they could feel the T-Rex stomping around and see the ripples in the glass of water? I feel tremors all the time at my house when my teenager starts stomping around, hitting walls and throwing things.
Interviewer: But surely that's not like the earthquake?
PSST parent: Well, all I can tell you, and our teenager is in placement right now, that when the earthquake hit, I was in the living room and I felt the strong vibrations and it seemed like things were moving sideways, and I yelled out, "Honey, I didn't know Tommy had a home pass today?!!" But come to find out, I could relax because it was only an earthquake and I just went back to watching TV.
Interviewer: Sounds like you're sort of inoculated against earthquakes!
PSST parent: Well, we've had plenty of experiences with vibrations, that's for sure!
SUMMARY OF THE AUGUST 13 PSST MEETING IN WEXFORD
Posted by:Rocco--Tuesday, August 23, 2011
"THE PSST ZONE" -- SUMMARY OF THE AUGUST 13 PSST MEETING IN WEXFORD - By Sally & Rocco
This week’s PSST Meeting was held in Wexford at Trinity Lutheran Church. We had the expertise of Val and Lloyd of Allegheny Juvenile Probation and Kathie T and “The New Look” Justin of Wesley-Spectrum.
There was also a roomful of understanding and compassion with the presence of 17 concerned parents.
ROCCO & SALLY'S DISCLAIMER: This is an attempt to summarize our latest PSST meeting. We don’t always have the chance to get it done quickly and we sometimes cannot read Rocco’s handwriting [or even imagine what it was he was trying to write] so: Please feel free to edit, elucidate, correct, amend or add to our summary as required in the comment section below. We will not be offended.
Joan did an excellent job at keeping the meeting on track as our group leader this week.
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Max reminded the group that the S.0.S. Chapter of Families Anonymous meets on Tuesday evening from 6:00 p.m. until 7:30 p.m. at Gateway Squirrel Hill. (Forbes Ave.) This twelve-step program focuses on helping parents become less co-dependent. All are welcome to attend these helpful meetings. There is No Cost and No Commitment.
LET’S TALK
Joan spoke about her daughter Melissa who is living at a ¾ house and has 90 days clean. Joan has been trying to concentrate on her own life but is not having an easy time of it.
Keep working your recovery Joan. You have worked hard for and you deserve a stress free home.
Jim and Cheryl are dealing with their 18 year old son, Andy, who is currently in the County Jail for car thefts and a few other related charges. He walked out of his Adult Halfway House. Apparently he went to Rave where he got high on ecstasy.
He drove away in cars that had keys in the ignition to escape from the police. We were all relieved to hear that nobody was hurt and we all understand that any of us at PSST could easily be in their shoes.
Please note that prior to this incident, Jim and Cheryl stood up in court to fight to get their child the help he needs and deserves. He had eleven months clean through their commendable efforts.
Jim and Cheryl expressed that they will continue to fight against their son’s addiction. I marvel at the strength and resolve that draw from each other and from their faith.
Lindy Lou has been attending meetings probably as long as Rocco and I have. She was busy lately with other endeavors while her son, Drew, 19, was away for seven months at an inpatient recovery facility (IRF). Drew did well there and liked the physical aspect it offered.
Lindy Lou also noted that after five years, eight schools and three placements he has earned his high school diploma. He graduated and is ready for college. Lindy Lou is feeling that natural touch of anxiety as she contemplates his return into their home.
We wish Lindy Lou and Drew and their family well.
Max took the floor next and spoke about her 16 year old son, David, who has been away at an out-of-state therapeutic boarding school. He has thirteen months clean not only from drugs and alcohol but also clean from tobacco. He is now coming home and Max expressed thankfulness that she and Mel took the measure to send him out of town and away from persons, places and things at an early age.
Their older son Michael, 19, has completed his G.E.D., his juvenile probation and is currently living at home and working part time. He is supposed to be looking for a full time job so that he can eventually get his own apartment. Max said that they have informed him that as of September 1 he is expected to start paying rent to live at home.
Max mentioned that it may be time to revisit Michael’s home contract but that as of this time his worst offense appears to be laziness.
Good luck Max and thanks for reminding us that our children’s recovery does not end when they get out of a program; it does not end when they get off of probation; it does not end when they get a diploma or a G.E.D.; in fact our child’s recovery does not end. It is something that they will need to work on for the rest of their lives. We can be there to support them but we cannot work their recovery for them.
Tess and Danny’s 18 year old son Linus has been in an IRF for about a month so he has his 30 days of clean time. He has not quite adjusted and talks about leaving [as most of our kids do]. He has hearings on 3 different charges pending.
Tess and Danny hope to take a vacation this week – We all hope they can do it and have some quiet time for themselves. While our kids are clean and safe in an IRF, it is a good time to relax and begin our own recovery.
Gracie and George have a son Ronnie, 19, who has returned home from an adult IRF and has 60 days of clean time. Ronnie wants to live at home.
George sent a very powerful message to Ronnie by nailing shut his 3rd floor room and letting him know that he will be sleeping in the basement in the open. This sends a couple of messages to Ronnie: he cannot return to his familiar “places”; he have very little privacy; but most of all that George and Gracie are in charge.
When Ronnie got angry about his living arrangements George locked him out on the front porch until he was ready to accept his terms.
Gracie and George, None of this is easy but we as parents need to establish that we have the power in own home. You guys have done a good job with your son and we hope he continues well in his recovery.
Lloyd reminded us that, as much as most of want it, it is not a good sign when our children over 18 years old want to live at home. It is normal for adolescents to want to move away from their parents. If they do want to stay home you need to establish standards for them to follow including not using any drugs or alcohol, attending school or having a full time job or both.
Sally and Rocco’s 19 year old son Cisco is working his recovery and is currently in an adult halfway house. Cisco wants to get an apartment; Sally and Rocco want him to get the skills for a good job; and “The Counselor” wants us all to slow down, take it easy, take it “One Day at a Time” and let Cisco work his recovery first.
Cisco is now doing well with his weekend passes and is attending one or two meetings every day. We occasionally have that dream of Cisco returning home and being the “Old Cisco” but we realize that this will probably never happen.
But just in case he does return, even temporarily, we are taking back and converting Cisco’s former downstairs bedroom (with its own entrance and bathroom) into Rocco’s office and model train room [minus the purple walls and posters of course].
Jenn and Brad’s son Dylan has been in an IRF since the end of April. He is in better shape both physically and mentally with almost 4 months of clean time. He is doing pretty well at managing his anger - never the less - he missed his home pass do to behavioral issues. On the good side he showed some maturity in accepting the blame and taking the consequence (working with the other boys involved on some manual labor).
Jenn and Brad first came to PSST in January and weren't sure what to do with Dylan or themselves. Now Dylan, Jenn and Brad are well into their recovery. It is still a long road but all of us at PSST will be here to support you.
Brigitte and Francois’ 17 year old son Pierre successfully completed his and came home form his IRF with 100 days clean. His first day home went well and then his anxiety hit him.
Like almost all of our kids in recovery the realization that they need to change people, places and things is very tough to accept, especially "people". Even though they managed very well on their own to dump their "clean" friends for their "using" friends they swear there is no way they can go on without their "using" friends.
Anyway Pierre argued that he had no desire to get high but he needed to be back with his old friends. Despite Brigitte and Francois’ objections he went out at 11:00 at night and drove around for 2-1/2 hours. When he came back home he appeared to be clean but was agitated and argumentative. Brigitte said it was too late at night and she was too tired to handle this. She had the feeling that she was right back where they had left off prior to Pierre's program and just wanted to go to bed.
We discussed this a while and will discuss the role play later in this post but basically it came down to the consequence of Pierre losing his driving privileges, indefinitely, Brigitte and Francois are comfortable with his recovery.
Brigitte and Francois have done a great job not just with Pierre but with their other two boys. But like many of us with our families in recovery they hit a wall and need a break. Hang in there guys we at PSST are here to support and listen to you.
Kitty has two sons in recovery, Carlyle is 18 and Cat is 22. Cat is a heroin addict who is 7-1/2 months clean, attending meetings and living in the basement. Unfortunately he is not motivated to do much else at this time.
Talking while driving him to a meeting recently Cat said Kitty was to blame for his problems. Kitty told him “Your right, but I did the best that I could at the time.”
Carlyle had a hearing last week and is on house arrest. He is now attending an I.O.P. (Intensive Outpatient Therapy). He told Kitty that he has enrolled in Community College but she has not seen any evidence of it (i.e. bill, schedule, etc.) in the mail.
On a good note, Carlyle took the blame for violating his probation and did not blame his mom for turning him in.
Kitty you have a way of appearing “Calm in the storm” and have been a good ear for the rest of us at PSST. Thanks for being there and for the delivery of the beautiful flowers.
STAY TUNED – THE PSST ZONE WILL BE CONTINUED
