SUMMARY DEC 4 PSST MEETING IN WILKINSBURG Posted by:Rocco--Thursday, December 09, 2010

Building a Super PSSTeam

The response for PSST’s Seventh Anniversary / Holiday Celebration in Wilkinsburg was Awesome.

Val and Lloyd led the meeting along with Jocelyn. We had 21 extraordinary parents including two new moms and four veterans.

Together we are building a Super PSSTeam.

The 21 parents in attendance represented 17 families. We know them here on the blog as Violet, Candy, Sally & Rocco, Daisy, Jane, June, Lily, Jessica, Ralph & Alice, Tom & Becky, Marci, Patty, our two new moms Angela and Jennifer, and our 4 veteran PSST parents Lori, Jasmine and Olivia & John (Parents of the Year 2009).


FIRST BREAKFAST: We started our PSST 7th Anniversary / Holiday Celebration an hour early with an wonderful variety of cakes, dips, pastries, soup, shrimp, bagels, cheesecake, strata, fruit and more.

Once we found a couple of working extension cords and set up we had time to greet each other and to socialize before the start of the meeting.

Thanks to everybody for the treats and the company.

I try to keep these posts as concise as possible NEVERTHELESS because of the extraordinary turnout this post is longer than usual.

LET’S TALK: We began the meeting with an introduction by everyone in attendance:

Violet has an 18 year old son Sal who is in a halfway house following two stays at an inpatient facility. Sal had his first Thanksgiving Day at home in a few years and all went well. He had some problems over the weekend.

Next is on Sal’s agenda is his hearing. Violet has filed charges in Juvenile Court on things that Sal did prior to turning 18. If she is successful her son will be on juvenile probation prior to him leaving the halfway house.

Sal’s probation will be one more tool in Violet’s toolbox to help her son work his recovery. Sal is not happy with his mom for doing this and that is okay.

As Violet explained to Sal that “I am holding you accountable for Your actions; I am not holding your actions against you.”

You doing a great job Violet at getting Sal the help he needs and refocusing on your own life and your needs. Thanks for being part of PSST.

Candy and her husband Aaron had the strength to stand up in court several times this summer. They did all they could to see that their daughter Tori was returned to an inpatient recovery program.

Tori is doing well in her inpatient program. Tori is thinking about her college plans. Candy and Aaron are feeling a little more comfortable and are thinking about having Christmas with Tori. Like most of our kids, Tori has a way to go in her recovery but she is in a much better place than she was 6 months ago, thnks to her parents.

Thanks Candy for sharing with us and showing everyone what it means to stand up in court, and in life, for your family.

Sally & Rocco have an 18 year old son, Cisco. Cisco’s drug of choice started with marijuana around age 14. He then experimented with other drugs and alcohol and moved on to pills. We visited PSST when Cisco was 15 and felt we didn’t fit in. We tried other counselors and dual diagnosis programs but Cisco’s addiction became worse.

A year later we came back to PSST. For the last 18 months Cisco has been through several recovery programs. We have bought him a lot of clean time and he has progressed but he is not ready to be out on his own yet. He walked away from his latest program last week. Click on "Searching For Cisco – Again" and "Sally's Account of Searching for Cisco" to read about it.

Cisco is currently at Shuman Center awaiting acceptance into another adult recovery program. We visited him and he is once again in a good frame of mind. He cannot explain why he left his last program other than his impulsiveness. He is a bit anxious waiting to be accepted into the new program.

So as I have said before; for now we know where Cisco is and that he is safe, warm and he is not using drugs. We know that he has 15 or 16 months clean time over the past year and half and we know that Cisco is fighting hard at recovery but that his addiction will fight back whenever it finds the chance.

Sally and I know that we are much better than we were last year at this time, never the less, we need to continue as a family to recover one day at a time.

We welcomed a new PSST Mom, Jenifer. She has a 17 year old son we will call Maxwell. Maxwell began using marijuana around age 14. He has shown all of the usual addictive behaviors but his anger problem became a serious issue. Jenifer would like to get him into the proper recovery program that he needs but she is walking on eggshells around her house.

As parents of addicts, we tend to “walk on eggshells” to keep peace and order in our lives. Our tiptoeing around at least provides us “the perception” of peace and order in our lives.

Most of our addicts have a need for the power to be the one in control in our homes. Our son Cisco would "play nice" with us as long as it got him what he wanted. But whenever he was challenged he would immediately get loud, aggressive and agitated. This usually had the effect that he wanted. We sympathized, reassured, apologized, commiserated, comforted and encouraged him just as all good parents do. To put it into one simple phrase – “We Enabled him.”

He mastered this game well. The name of the game is “How Many Ways Can I Make my Issues Mom and Dad’s Fault?"

Click on “You Gotta Break a Few Eggs”.

You are on the right path Jenifer. Please keep attending PSST and give us the chance to help guide you down this road of recovery.

We welcomed our other new PSST Mom Angela. Her daughter Samantha is in Shuman Center. Samantha’s choice of drugs has been marijuana and alcohol. She has been in an outpatient recovery program. She has been generally respectful with her mom but has issues in dealing with her dad.

Last week she came home late obviously high and was agitated enough that the police were eventually called in. Her test for alcohol and drugs came out negative which leads her parents to believe that she was using a form of K-2 (fake weed).

K-2’s effects are similar to those of marijuana and include paranoia, panic attacks, and can lead to hallucinations, severe agitation, elevated heart rate and blood pressure, vomiting and, in some cases, tremors and seizures. Physiological effects of K2 include increased heart rate and increase of blood pressure.

Until recently K-2 products have been banned in only a few states. As of November 24 the U.S. DEA has enacted an emergency one year ban on the manufacture, sales and use of K-2 type products. The DEA and the United States Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) will research whether these chemicals and products should be permanently controlled. The ban should be in effect by the end of the year.

You are doing the right things Angela. It will be a while before your daughter understands that but that is okay. We hope that you will keep coming back to PSST. We are here to support you.

Daisy is a single mom with a 15 year old son, Ozzie, in an Inpatient Recovery Program. She is one of our Super PSST Moms.

Ozzie had been using marijuana and having anger issues. He was kicked out of his Outpatient Program. He is now in his second inpatient recovery program and has been clean for almost 90 days because Daisy also stood up in court to get help for her son. PSST has enabled us parents to take on the power we need to see that our teenagers receive the help that they need. We appreciate the effort you have made in just a few months Daisy.

Thanks for continuing to share your story with us Daisy. You have shown us all how well Act 53, and a determined mom, can work for our teens.

Jane is a relatively new PSST Mom. Her first meeting was our informal Crazy Mocha Meeting at the end of October. She has a son Elroy who is about to turn 18. He has a hearing this week on possession charges and has addiction issues. His drug of choice is marijuana and probably some alcohol and K-2.

Jane has worked hard to get Elroy started on his recovery. Even though he is facing his hearing Elroy is not ready to accept that he has an addiction problem. He won't attend his Outpatient Program, he has skipped school and he stays out all weekend.

Jane has a letter ready to read at his hearing explaining why her son needs help. Click on “Victim Impact Letter” to see it.

As we have discussed previously it is very important for parents to stand up and voice their concerns to the juvenile probation authorities and in Juvenile Court to make sure that their teenagers get the best care that they can get. Of course our teens will not immediately appreciate us doing this. That is okay!

Jane gets a PSSTrophy for writing an exceptional letter for her son’s hearing and for sharing it with us. It is hard to believe you have only been with PSST for a few months.

June is a single mom with a son Beaver in a halfway house following his Inpatient Recovery Program. June has shared her story on the blog. Click on "Living With Beaver". Beaver is doing fairly well but June feels he might be starting to abuse his freedom that he has earned at the halfway house.

This is a good example of why you may want to consider having you teen spend time at a halfway house prior to coming home. Typically teens and parents in recovery have a strained relationship and issues to resolve. Teens need time to work these issues out. Parents need time to reorganize themselves. There are a lot of triggers for a teenage addict returning home; people, places and things. A halfway house is a nice place in between were your teen can still get professional attention, especially when they have a need to act out.

Remember to take some time and refocus on yourself June. You have done a great job with your son’s recovery. You deserve some time out for you. Thanks for sharing with us.

Lily is another single PSST Mom. Her 17 year old son, Bart, has completed his inpatient recovery program, returned to school, has a part time job and earned his Eagle Scout Rank.

Lily demonstrated how well her PSST skills work for other teenage situations.

She suspected that her son was not telling her the truth about where he was one night. When she called to arrange his ride home he asked her to call him 30 minutes before she came to pick him up. Being the Super PSST Mom that she is her alarm bells and whistles went off.

Rather than confronting Bart on the phone she showed up ten minutes before the scheduled pickup time. Instead of calling him she knocked on the door of the house where he said he would be. Of course he wasn’t and the parents were confused. His friend offered to call Bart but Lily told him that it was okay she knew where he was.

Lily drove to Bart’s girlfriend’s house and confronted him and his girlfriend. She didn’t stop there. She also talked with the girl’s mother. Lily explained that not only were the two of them alone in the house for a few hours, while the mom was out, but that Bart had lied to her about where he was.

Bart was not happy with Lily’s actions. Lily told Bart that there will be no secrets, no cover-ups and especially no lying in her home. She also let him know that there would be no computer time for him for a time yet to be determined.

Way to go Lily. Good use of parenting power. Please keep on dropping in see us at PSST.

This was Jessica’s third meeting and she has a New Attitude. She has a 16 year old son, Herman, who came home directly from an Inpatient Recovery Program the day after her first PSST Meeting. Fortunately she had been studying the PSST Blog and had attended one meeting before he came home.

Jessica and her husband Roger have been on couple of roller coaster rides with Herman; some on the Phantom’s Revenge and some on the Little Dips. They have been working together on their son's recovery and their ride was a little smoother this week.

This certainly is typical for our kids. The better we are at changing our behaviors the more anxious their addiction gets to ambush us. When you least expect it will come out of nowhere. They lie to you, their anger resurfaces, they contact someone they know is bad news, on and on.

Please keep attending PSST meetings and practice how to stay calm, agree with the small things, don’t back down, don’t continue with pointless discussions, and never be afraid to call for help when needed.

You two have done really well in a short time Jessica. We hope that you and Roger keep coming to our PSST Meetings.

Ralph and Alice, Super PSST Parents, have two sons, Norton 19 and Ed 16. Norton has left the state because his recovery and their house rules were both too tough for him to follow. As Ralph pointed out their house rules basically boiled down to stay clean and keep up with your recovery. Norton is welcome to come home when he can follow the rules. Unfortunately there is also an arrest warrant waiting for him.

Ed completed his inpatient recovery, is attending the Wesley Spectrum alternative school, participated in some church activities and is participating in his Intensive After Care Program). Their daughter was home for Thanksgiving and was impressed with how much Ed has improved since this time last year.

Even though Ed is doing well with his recovery he is still good at occasionally pushing buttons. As mentioned above as our teen’s addictive behavior does not accept their recovery lying down. It will express itself in different ways. Ed has let Ralph and Alice know that he understands that marijuana is his problem, never-the-less; Ed thinks that he can handle alcohol, when he is 21 of course. That and his desire to contact some old “friends” have set off some triggers for Ralph and Alice.

Fortunately Ralph and Alice are our Champion PSSTwisters and have some good answers for Ed.

You two continue to do the right thing and share it with a bit of humor thrown in. Thanks for being a big part of PSST.

Great question: HOW CAN I BUILD TRUST WITH YOU IF YOU WON'T LET ME OUT WITH MY FRIENDS?!

Lloyd provided a great answer in his post “You’re Grounded Until Further Notice”

Great answer is this: The way you conduct yourself at home will help me to see if you are being responsible. If you are not responsible at home and if you aren't making good decisions at home then there is no reason to think that you would out there.

Acting responsible at home means a lot of things [introduce talking points that you have been wanting to get across, e.g., don't be pushy with the grounding thing- accept it- do your chores- don't have a chip on your shoulder- don't be in touch with unapproved peers while you are grounded- don't be sneaky, etc]

Becky and Tom have a 16 year old son, Syd, in an inpatient recovery program while awaiting his hearing. He admitted that he understands and accepts that he is there because of his behavior. That is an important first step.

Another step, while your teen is in an inpatient program, is to discuss the tough issues with them. This is the time to begin working on their home contract and to lay out the new ground rules for their return home. If they are going to act out, or get angry, this is the best time while they are under the care of professionals and away from drugs and alcohol and friends that they use with.

And, of course, the other step is to take time to take care of yourself while you have your home at peace and back to yourselves.

Thanks for becoming part of PSST Becky and Tom; we really appreciate both of you attending the PSST Meetings and hope things continue to go well for you..

Marci was at the meeting with her friend Patti for support. Marcie has a 16 year old son, Chuck, who is awaiting his hearing in juvenile court for possession of marijuana in school.

Chuck is attending an Outpatient recovery program and has a P.O. and things are going much better for Marci.

In a few months you have become one of our Super PSST Moms Marci. You have also Patty for being there to support your friend.

Our good friend Lori, an Alumna PSST Mom, came back for the PSST 7th Anniversary Celebration. Lori started with PSST for help when her son Richie was in his mid-teens. They have been through about ten years of recovery together. He has been through several programs. He has not been home for most of the time. Richie lives in Miami were he has finished his college degree and now works full time.

Lori has been one of our more generous contributors to the blog sharing her experiences with other parents so that they know that they are not in this alone and that there is help available.

One of my favorites is “Eight things I wish I had learned sooner about having a child with a drug problem.” This is a must read for anyone reading the blog that is hesitating to reach out for help.

Thanks for your continued support and encouragement and sharing your story with us Lori.

Another good friend and Alumna PSST Mom, Jasmine, returned for the PSST 7th Anniversary Celebration. Jasmine started with PSST in 2005 when her then teenager Gene was getting involved in drugs.

She worked with Gene through his recovery. Gene is now in the Army and is on his second overseas tour of duty in Afghanistan.

Thanks for returning to see us again Jasmine. Give your son our thanks for his duty when you write to him. May God watch over him and you.

Olivia and John, PSST Parents of the Year 2009, also joined in our PSST 7th Anniversary Celebration. They started attending PSST in 2007. Their son Jarred is now living on his own and working at a full time job. He lost his license recently due to an underage drinking charge so he moved closer to work so that he can walk.


In 2007 Olivia took the initiative to stand up in court and read a letter to make sure that their son received the proper care that he needed. She said how difficult it was to read that letter because her son was right there listening. As Lloyd noted, he wasn't paying attention because his drug problem was a bit too active for him to pay close attention. Maybe, like so many of our teenagers, he was just used to tuning out parents.

To read her letter click on “YOUR HONOR, TODAY I SPEAK AS A CONCERNED LOVING PARENT...”

You guys are a great example of how to take back the power and work with your son. Thanks for returning to PSST Meetings to share with us. It is great to stay in touch with you.

TIME OUT FOR SECOND BREAKFAST:

So much delicious food, so little time to sample it all. We took a fifteen, well maybe a twenty or twenty-five minute break.

ROLE PLAY

Lloyd asked for some guinea pigs, er, volunteers to try his first annual Christmas Challenge Role Play.

Lloyd would try his best to be one of our disgruntled teenagers. We would play ourselves and make use of our Best PSST techniques on him to show him that we had the power.

We tried it with June, Sally & Rocco, Violet, Ralph (with coach Sally) and John (with coach Rocco). We did the agreeing with small things, nevertheless and regardless, I am not comfortable with that and keeping the discussion short techniques.

It is good to watch, good to coach but it is best to participate in the role plays. Remember you can have time outs – you can ask a friend – you can poll the group – you can even rewind (something wish we could do at home) – and most of all remember; we are not here to judge you, we are here to help you.

We had some final discussion for those who needed it and some final comments.

A COUPLE OF LOOSE ENDS

1. We discussed our teen’s shoes. When you are searching your teen’s room (as all PSST Parents do), don’t forget to check their shoes. It is one of their favorite places to hide drugs and money. They now manufacture shoes with “stash” pockets in the tongue of the shoe.

2. In addition to drugs hidden in their room, look for things like: tubes (i.e. paper towel roles, toilet paper roles, barrels from ink pens, sockets from wrench sets, straws), empty soda bottles (for making bongs), nutmeg, salvia, dryer sheets, deodorizers, incense, pipes, rolling papers, hollowed out cigars, plastic baggies, cigarette packs, tea bag size foil packets labeled as incense, niacin tablets, drug test kits, bottles of urine, Natural Herbal Detox Pills and Drinks I-pods, GPS units, digital cameras, any electronics that you were not aware that they had.



DO NOT THROW THESE OUT.

These are all evidence to be saved. Collect and lock them in a safe place – in the trunk of your car, in your own safe, at a friend or relative’s house, in a file cabinet at work (clearly marked) or if possible with the police.

Click on "What Kinds of Things Are Paraphernalia?"

3. When our kids attend IOP as well as regular 12 step meetings we parents can really get hung up on dropping them off and picking them up. Those codependent feelings start to come creeping around again.

It is hard (I know) to trust you teen to get a sponsor at these meetings and begin to ask for rides. It is even harder to trust them to take the bus to the meetings. Regardless, the alternative is to spend a lot of your evenings getting them to the meetings, reading books, shopping, drinking coffee, knitting, napping and taking walks and then riding them home.

On occasion if you are driving them there it is good take the time to sit in on their 12 step meeting. You get to know your teen and their sponsor and their friends.

4. Cell Phones, Face Book, My Space and I-pods with internet capability are all drug paraphernalia. Do Not hesitate to confiscate them from your teenager.

5. If your teen steals anything from you, your family or your friends do not hesitate to call the police and file charges.

6. If your teen is angry enough to threaten, or attempt, to injure you or family members do not hesitate to call the police and file charges. If needed leave the house and call from a cell phone.

7. If your teen threatens, or attempts, suicide get them immediately to the nearest emergency room for an evaluation. NEVER ignore or minimize a suicide threat or a suicide attempt.

Note from Rocco: Wow. That was another Great turnout! It was also a lot to remember. If I missed anything, anybody, or got something wrong, (that is par for the course) or you just want to comment please do so at the bottom of this post or send your comments to sallyservives@gmail.com


THANKS - LETS DO THIS AGAIN

Thanks to our PSST Pros for putting this ALL together and FOR being there for us.

Thanks again to all who attended this meeting. It was outstanding to see how many concerned parents there are. When you look around the room you will see a lot of parents nodding in agreement and understanding of where you are coming from.

Our thanks to the Allegheny County Eastern Probation Office for the use of their space.

The next Parent Survival Skills Training (PSST) meeting is Saturday December 11 from 8:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. at the Trinity Lutheran Church 2500 Brandt School Road, Wexford, PA 15090

Note that we are starting an hour early so we can continue our PSST 7th Anniversary / Holiday Celebration. Feel Free to bring your favorite breakfast/Brunch, dessert or lasagna to share.

PSST is always looking for a few more parents to join us so we can offer them some help and some hope.

C'mon and join us. You have nothing to lose but a lot of chaos, anxiety and sleepless nights.

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Santa Claus Is Coming To Town (but can we afford him?) Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Thursday, December 09, 2010

This time of year boy I don't know about you but I want to be Santa Claus. Oh I don't want to dress up. I just want to make sure everyone has a good Christmas. I want to give to family. I want to reach out and make sure that it's all good. I'm sort of like Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation except for I don't have the obsession to put up all those lights and I have no delusions that I'm getting a Christmas Bonus. Come to think of it- I'm really different than Chevy Chase but for a minute there I couldn't see it.  The similarity I guess is the Don Quixote-like search for the perfect Christmas.



If you're like me, you want to find out what everyone wants and make sure they get some of that. You know what? That's exactly probably NOT what our teens in trouble need at Christmas time. That's what we want. That's what they want us to do too. But it's not what either one of us really needs. You know what our active addicts need? Hit "read more" for my take on what our drug obsessed teenagers need...




They need visited by the Ghosts of Christmas! Preferably, they should be visited by one of their dead friends who got shot or overdosed and he would warn them that they would be visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future. And if the spirits do it all in one night so much the better. When the spirits are finished I don't want our teenagers to go out the next morning and buy Christmas presents for everyone- I want them to get serious about their drug problem!


I want the Ghost of Christmas Past to show our teens how they were at 8, 10, or even 12 years old when they were so happy and decided not to smoke, drink, or do drugs. Then I want the Ghost of Christmas Present to show them how much pain they are putting people though right now.  I want the Ghost of Christmas Present to show how much they are missing out on family and good drug-free friendships.   


Then, I want the Ghost of Christmas Future to show our teenagers that they will end up in jails, institutions and early death.

Of course if the spirits did visit our kids and our kids woke up in the middle of the night and came downstairs all upset, most of us would try to make it all better. We would try to talk to our kid until he felt better. We would give him some chocolate.  We would go up to his room and sit with him until he fell asleep. 


 In short: we would do everything we could to see that those nasty ghosts left our teenager ALONE! And we would be interfering with the very thing that our teenager needed. The next morning we would shower our teen with gifts as if to say, "Oh don't worry, every things just fine, business as usual, you haven't done anything so terrible that we would put you on the naughty list!!!! What do you want for Christmas? A car? An  X-box 360? How about we send you to college, would that make you happy?  But in fact we are sadly trying to make ourselves happy because there is a voice inside of us crying out, "Wait wait wait he IS (or should be) on the Naughty List. What are we teaching him???"

The problem is we just HAVE to be Santa Claus. Not just at Christmas but all year round.  It's just a little worse at Christmas.  


As I said, I want to be Santa too. I don't want to be the one that says, "Ah, sorry son, but I'm not comfortable playing Santa with you this year, and besides you'd might sell that game system or throw that college education away if I gave it to you now. Let's hold off on the gifts and see what you can do to make some big changes in your life.  Let's ask the spirits to visit you tonight son. You won't get much sleep, but it'll be the most valuable lost sleep that you ever had."



We know that spirits don't actually visit people. They never did. That was just some guy making stuff up. But it's interesting to us because life does send serious messages to people. Not spirits perhaps, but we are sent real important messages. They are usually in the form of consequences. All to often, we parents are busy trying so hard to help our kids avoid those consequences. We might as well be sitting up with them trying to keep the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future away. Then, after we've paid their fines, given excuses for their absences, fought to make sure that no one ever treats them the least bit unfairly, paid for attorneys, and generally made their life as smooth as we can, we decide to have a chat with them where we explain that they better straighten up and fly right. Oh, but they don't listen to us do they?  And why should they? They haven't straightened up and flown right in quite a while and they still never made the Naughty List!

This Christmas, if we see Christmas Ghosts or other serious messages coming for our teenagers, lets' get out of the way and let the spirits do their work.  I just wish they could do it all in one night...


Meanwhile, if our teenagers are still struggling, let's give Santa a little time off for the holidays.
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Victim Impact Letter - by a PSST Mother Posted by:Sally--Sunday, December 05, 2010

Jane comes to the PSST meetings regularly. Her son, Elroy has a court hearing this week. Jane would like to read the following letter to the judge. We hope the judge takes this into account and that Elroy gets the help he so desperately needs.


Here is what I know:

Our family has been devastated, fractured, and nearly destroyed by drug abuse. We have been dealing with this for 10 years starting with my step-son who is now incarcerated in a state prison due to his actions while being under the influence of drugs. His drug problems began after his 18th birthday and he refused treatment. The chaos that has ensued has literally nearly destroyed our lives, our marriage, and our home.


As Elroy’s mother I see a similar pattern forming in his behaviors:

• He has been suspended from school, skipped classes, had numerous detentions, his grades have deteriorated, where he once talked about going to college, he now displays no interest or motivation and was most likely too impaired from being out all night to even show up to take a scheduled SAT exam. .

• He has been cited several times for disorderly conduct, possessing drug paraphernalia, curfew violations, stealing, and cheating in school.

• He has put himself in dangerous situations where he has been assaulted and sustained one if not 2 concussions, requiring an ambulance ride to the ER.

• He has no respect for the rules of our home and most often will “disappear” at least one night of every week-end and not come home, nor will he call, and we have no idea where he is, what he is doing, or if he is alive.

• I have found drug paraphernalia in my home including, pipes, marijuana, papers, lighters, numerous empty Visine bottles, home made bongs/pipes made from pop cans and bottles, “grinders”, and toilet paper rolls stuffed with dryer sheets…all of which I still have in my possession and will utilize, if needed, to press charges. I have found blunts on my second floor roof that he has thrown out the window from the 3rd floor, ashes and seeds on my bathroom floor, and attempts at germinating marijuana seeds in our home.

• He has stolen liquor and beer from our home and often he is “too sick” to go to school after being up late vomiting. He has had the poor judgment to video tape himself on my camera bragging that he drank an entire bottle of wine and later, that same evening took our vehicle without our permission. He also taped himself smoking a pipe of marijuana on a neighbors back patio.

• He has distanced himself from the good relationships he had previously had with his grandparents and other family members, all of which love him dearly and worry about his safety. His current circle of friends has similarly had legal troubles and will be lucky if they graduate from high-school.

• He has stolen money and personal property from our home.

• As his mother, I will do whatever it takes to save his life. I will fight to do what it takes despite the anger, resentment, and the possible estrangement that may ensue to make sure he has a chance for a safe, productive life.

What I fear the most:

* That without the opportunity of treatment that this downward spiral will continue and that instead of receiving a phone call that my son has been injured and arrive at the scene to find him being placed in a neck brace and on a back board before being transported to the hospital in an ambulance, that I will arrive on the scene to find him being placed on a gurney with a sheet over his face and being transported in a Coroner’s vehicle. I am here pleading to save his life.
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The Good, The Bad and The Not So Bright Posted by:Rocco--Saturday, December 04, 2010

The Good, The Bad and The Not So Bright


Some news I found while looking for something else:

The Good – U.S. DEA Banning 'Fake Pot' Products


Contact: DEA Public Affairs
Number: 202-307-7977

DEA Moves to Emergency Control Synthetic Marijuana

Agency Will Study Whether To Permanently Control Five Substances

NOV 24 -- WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) is using its emergency scheduling authority to temporarily control five chemicals (JWH-018, JWH-073, JWH-200, CP-47,497, and cannabicyclohexanol) used to make “fake pot” products.

This action will make possessing and selling these chemicals or the products that contain them illegal in the U.S. for at least one year.

The DEA and the United States Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) further study whether these chemicals and products should be permanently controlled.

After no fewer than 30 days, DEA will publish in the Federal Register a Final Rule to Temporarily Control these chemicals for at least 12 months with the possibility of a six-month extension. They will be designated as Schedule I substances, the most restrictive category, which is reserved for unsafe, highly abused substances with no medical usage.

Over the past year, smokable herbal blends marketed as being “legal” and providing a marijuana-like high, have become increasingly popular, particularly among teens and young adults. These products consist of plant material that has been coated with research chemicals that mimic THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, and are sold at a variety of retail outlets, in head shops and over the Internet.

These chemicals, however, have not been approved by the FDA for human consumption and there is no oversight of the manufacturing process. Brands such as “Spice,” “K2,” “Blaze,” and “Red X Dawn” are labeled as incense to mask their intended purpose.

Since 2009, DEA has received an increasing number of reports from poison centers, hospitals and law enforcement regarding these products. Fifteen states have already taken action to control one or more of these chemicals.

The Comprehensive Crime Control Act of 1984 amends the Controlled Substances Act (CSA) to allow the DEA Administrator to emergency schedule an abused, harmful, non-medical substance in order to avoid an imminent public health crisis while the formal rule-making procedures described in the CSA are being conducted.

“The American public looks to the DEA to protect its children and communities from those who would exploit them for their own gain,” said DEA Acting Administrator Michele M. Leonhart. “Makers of these harmful products mislead their customers into thinking that ‘fake pot’ is a harmless alternative to illegal drugs, but that is not the case. Today’s action will call further attention to the risks of ingesting unknown compounds and will hopefully take away any incentive to try these products.”

Click on

U.S. DEA News Release:

U.S. DEA Fact Sheet – K2

U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency Website:


The Bad - NY Bust: Medicaid Patients' Rx Drugs go to Dealers
By Carolyn Thompson, Associated Press – Sun Dec 5, 2010

BUFFALO, N.Y. – Ethel Johnson couldn't get her prescription for pain medication filled fast enough. The 60-year-old Buffalo woman was hurting — but investigators say that wasn't the reason for the rush.

According to secretly recorded telephone conversations, the sooner Johnson could pick up her pills, the more quickly she could sell them to her dealer. Her pain pills were destined for the street.

Johnson is among 33 people charged so far in a large-scale investigation that has opened a window into an emerging class of suppliers in the illicit drug trade: medical patients, including many who rely on the publicly funded Medicaid program to pay for their appointments and prescriptions. She has pleaded not guilty.

For the first time, the Buffalo investigators devoted the kinds of resources normally aimed at street drugs like heroin or crack; wiretaps, buys, surveillance and cross-agency cooperation to trace the drugs from pharmacy to street. Even they were taken aback by the burgeoning market for the kinds of pills found in medicine cabinets in typical American homes.

"I have to admit we were sort of surprised at how big this had become," said Charles Tomaszewski, former supervisor of the DEA office. "The suburbs, the city, there was no area that wasn't touched by this."

Often at no charge, the patients see a doctor, or several doctors, and come away with prescriptions for narcotic OxyContin and other pills they then sell to a dealer for as much as $1,000. If they are on Medicaid, the program is billed about $1,060 for a typical 60-pill, 80-mg prescription, along with the $23-to-$39 cost of the doctor's visit.

"These patients, in essence, become the source for the drugs," said Dale Kasprzyk, acting head of the Drug Enforcement Administration in Buffalo.
"This is a lucrative underground business for people," he said.

A report last year by the Government Accountability Office estimated that 65,000 Medicaid beneficiaries in New York and four other states had visited six or more doctors in fiscal 2006 and 2007 to acquire duplicate prescriptions for controlled substances.

The cost to Medicaid was $63 million for the drugs alone, excluding doctors' exams. The report examined Medicaid abuse in New York, California, Illinois, North Carolina and Texas, high-volume states in Medicaid prescription drug payments.

OxyContin, a time-release formulation of oxycodone, packs 12 hours' worth of pain relief into one tablet. It is especially prized by drug abusers, authorities say, because it can be crushed and ingested, snorted or injected for the full narcotic impact, a heroin-like rush.

The criminal cases brought in July by U.S. Attorney William Hochul's office in Buffalo illustrate how patients are coached about which doctors to see and what to say when they get there. Prosecutors, in November court filings, said plea agreements are being negotiated.

Copyright © 2010 The Associated Press All rights reserved.

For the complete article click on "The Bad"


The Not So Bright - Man Wrongly Texts Drug Offer to Prosecutor
By Keith Rhoades - Associated Press – Thu Dec 2, 2010
MARTINSVILLE, Ind. – Police say an Indiana man was arrested after mistakenly sending text messages to a prosecutor about drugs he was trying to sell.

The Herald-Times of Bloomington reports that the 26-year-old Martinsville man sent messages last month to deputy prosecutor Courtney Swank on her department-issued cell phone.

They read "Roxy twenties fifteen" and "Hey buddy just wonderin if you needed any fortys."

Police tell the newspaper the wording refers to oxycodone and other prescription drugs.

The man is charged with dealing in a controlled substance, possession of a controlled substance and public intoxication.

For the story click on "Not So Bright"

Copyright © 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

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Sally's Account of Searching for Cisco Parts 1 & 2 & 3 Posted by:Sally--Friday, December 03, 2010

Wednesday, I was busy knitting with a very special group of ladies when my cell phone vibrated and the word LLOYD (Cisco's P.O.) flashed across the digital read out. I knew right then and there it was bad news.

One of the ladies in the room just finished telling me that she saw Cisco at the annual Seven Springs NA Convention a few weeks ago and that he looked great and was enthusiastic about his recovery. So it was quite a shock when I heard Lloyd say "Sorry to have to tell you this, Cisco walked away from Beta House, again."
I felt as if I were in an intense dream.
My two knitting friends took my hand and I started to come back to reality as they said "let us pray". Three of us prayed a very meaningful, powerful prayer asking God to protect Cisco and bring our prodigal son home. I believed that God would do this.


I gathered together my knitting supplies and my nerves and headed home. I called Rocco on my cell knowing for sure that he would say something that would calm me. He did not. He was angry about Cisco's behavior and bellowed "I hope he freezes his @SZ OFF!!"

This set me up to visualize Cisco in a very thin hoodie and wet socks, huddled up under a bridge shaking like a leaf. I quietly said good bye to Rocco and dialed Max, my PSST friend who would certainly understand. She did. She gave me sympathy and support and eventually we both came to the conclusion that even tho' Rocco was being a jerk...in reality he was just handling the situation in a different way.

This set me on the right path again which is commendable; when these crises occur it is best if both parents are on talking terms.

When I got home the phone rang and it was a friend of Cisco's. She asked if she could talk with Cisco because her dad said he stopped by their house about an hour ago. WHAT a STROKE of LUCK.....or was it that sincere, powerful prayer?

At any rate, it was such a comfort to know that Cisco was within walking distance from our house just an hour ago.


Continued from Sally's Account of Searching for Cisco - Part - 2

We knew from the phone call that Cisco was in walking distance from our home. The wheels could be put in motion. Rocco and Lloyd went to visit Chrissie and her grandma to see if they knew of Cisco's whereabouts. I stayed at home and browsed Cisco's facebook account. Since he did not have access to facebook recently I just scanned through all the friends. One name stood out very clearly to me, Angelica! I quickly called Rocco and said meet me at Angelica's, if he is still in the vicinity that is where he will be. So I set out on foot and picked up my pace and reached her house in a matter of minutes. It seemed like a forever wait for Rocco and Lloyd to show up.

I know Angelica's parents but have not seen them for at least a year so it was a little weird to knock on their door and ask if they have seen Cisco. But we knocked on their door and asked and they welcomed us into their home. Angelica exclaimed "This is odd, I was just talking to Cisco on the phone." She offered us the number and we called back. Lloyd explained to Cisco that he could readily go back to Beta House if he turned himself in now and did not use. He said, "Meet me at the intersection of St. James and Tennessee" which was only a short distance from Angelica's.

That is where we met him and that is also metaphorically exactly where Cisco is.

He is at a crossroad. Even though he did not complete the very difficult program at Beta House; He walked away from there with a higher degree of gratitude and maturity.

But where does he go from there? There is an abundance of triggers and drugs abound everywhere. If he walks in the right direction from this intersection he will find recovery.

I got out of the car when I saw Cisco approach and I reached up and earnestly hugged him. I felt contentment. I would sleep peacefully this night.

My son was home.

The next step is a stop at Shuman and a detention hearing.

Continued from - Sally's Account of Searching for Cisco - Part - 3 - The CrossRoads

Cisco met us at the intersection of St. James and Tennessee and the four of us took the drive to Shuman. Cisco has been in and out of placement a lot in the last year. In fact, he has been IN more often than OUT so I was happy to have this chance to talk with him and reunite.

Cisco spent the night in Shuman and on Thursday morning he had his detention hearing. I never saw him sit up so straight as he did when he was in front of his hearing officer. The hearing officer chewed him out and told him he was tired of seeing him in his court. That his P.O. must be a saint to have this much patients with him and that he, the hearing officer, was OUT of patients. Exactly what he said is a blur now, but he talked about some of Cisco's bad habits and it is a funny thing.... even though Hearing Officer Banos was right on the money, no doubt about it, it hurt me to hear these bad things about my son.

At any rate, the Hearing Officer respects the P.O. enough that he agreed with the P.O.'s suggestion to let Cisco try a place called "Beginning the Walk".

So now Cisco had to sit in Shuman until arrangements could be made. Rocco and I visited him on Friday and he was grateful and mature.
We had a Christmas party we did not want to miss on Saturday but we had another good visit on Sunday.
Monday I had course work to complete for my Tuesday evening class so we did not visit Cisco on either day.

It is imperative that the parents of an addict proceed with their life as normally as possible.
Visiting him in Shuman every single day would be enabling.

On Monday evening I came home to a voice message that Cisco was moved from Shuman to a different, some people say - rougher, Juvenile Detention Center. He was not in any trouble; it was normal procedure that when Shuman got over crowded some kids are moved to this center.

Cisco was moved there one other time when he was in Shuman and he hated it there. I was okay with this but when Rocco got home from work and heard the news he felt bad for Cisco.
Funny.... I feel good that Rocco feels bad! That is, I am relieved that Rocco still has feelings for Cisco. After a kid acts up while under the influence of drugs some parents cannot forgive them. Some parents cannot find a place in their heart for them anymore. I surely did not want that for our family.

Today, Cisco had an interview with "Beginning the Walk" and we will soon see if he is accepted.

To Be Continued

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Searching For Cisco -- Again Posted by:Rocco--Thursday, December 02, 2010

Searching For Cisco -- Again

Sally and I are the parents of Cisco, a teenage addict. We have attended PSST Meetings for about 18 months. After six months of Cisco's placement in an inpatient recovery program and a halfway house Sally and I stood up in court and asked for an extension of Cisco’s juvenile probation. This turned out to be crucial because…

…our son, Cisco, relapsed in August and he just walked away from his inpatient facility, again, in December.

In August his Allegheny County Juvenile Probation Officer (The P.O.) and his Wesley Spectrum counselor (The Counselor) worked with us to have Cisco placed in an adult recovery facility about 200 miles away. After 4 days Cisco walked away. To read about this click on “Rocco and Sally Take a Road Trip”

Once again The P.O. and The Counselor worked with us closely. Cisco was placed in a local Adult Behavior Modification Facility. Cisco did well until mid-October when, acting impulsively, he walked out again. To read about this click on “Finding Cisco”

Cisco returned voluntarily and settled back into his program. Sally and I got to spend a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend at the beach refocusing on us.

On Sunday, the last day of our trip Sally called our older son, Frodo, to ask if he was going to visit Cisco. Frodo said that he and Fiona would like to visit but that Cisco had not called to invite him. This set off alarm bells and whistles for Sally.

Sally phoned The Facility and asked if Cisco was doing okay and if he forgot about calling his brother. They said he was doing fine and that they would find out what was going on. A few minutes later Cisco got on the phone and said that he had lost Frodo’s number. I gave him the number and Sally asked to talk to him. Cisco told Sally that things were okay but he didn’t feel the program was doing him any good. He said that he had the urge to walk out of his program a second time.

I felt that this was simply a manipulative teenage tirade by Cisco because he was angry at Sally and me for “ignoring” him.

Our adolescents who have addictive behavior thrive on being the center of attention. They have a need to command “the power” to dominate the family environment. The easiest way to do this, of course, is by acting out, aggravating us, taunting us, threatening us and, in general, causing chaos.

Sally had a bad feeling about it. She texted Cisco’s P.O. and our family counselor.

The rest of our day went pretty well. While we were delayed at the airport we had calls from The P.O. and from Frodo that Cisco was feeling better about things. It helped that The P.O. reminded Cisco that if he walked away from The Facility that he would be found and he would have yet another hearing with the same hearing officer.

Fast forward to Wednesday; we received a call from The P.O. This one did not start with the usual reassuring “Everything is okay, there is no problem…” It was a call to let us know that Cisco had walked away again.

Sally felt very concerned about Cisco’s state of mind and his safety, especially with the cold weather.

I felt anywhere from “Good, I hope he freezes” to “What does he really need” to “Here we go again” to “I hope he doesn’t do something stupid(er)".

I agreed to meet The P.O. where we ended our search for Cisco the last time, at the ex-girlfriend Chrissie’s enabling grandma’s house. While I was waiting for the P.O. to arrive Sally called. She had been contacted by someone who said they talked with Cisco around 6:30. So we knew at least that he was back in the township.

The P.O. and I decided, since we were already in the neighborhood, to visit with the Enabling Grandma (E-Gran); if for no other reason than to discourage her from allowing Cisco to hide out in her house again.

This time E-Gran was extremely cooperative. She allowed us to check out the bedroom without hesitation. She was not concerned about her dog, her cat or her granddaughter’s messy bedroom so we felt certain that she had not seen Cisco. This is the place that Cisco admitted he had stayed the last time that he had walked away. We did not find any trace of him this time.

We decided to move on to Janet’s house. This was a favorite place of Cisco’s where he used to chill (and we suspect a favorite place to use). Janet answered the door and was pretty convincing that she had not heard from Cisco. The P.O. got her cell phone number and Janet also gave us the number to the house phone. We thanked her and left.

So, where to go next?

The P.O. had been pretty convincing the last time we were searching homes for Cisco. We were fairly certain that text messages were blazing around the township again warning that if Cisco was at your place he had to leave. The police were coming to search the house. The last thing that Cisco’s alleged “friends” want is the police turning over their bedrooms and basements.

We decided to try Bambi’s house next. If Cisco wanted to get high this is where he would eventually head for. This is the house where Cisco and Chrissie visited to use the last time he was out. We just missed finding him there then. When we got there all of the lights were out. It was getting late and I know that Cisco would not stay there after Bambi’s step-dad got home. The P.O. did not have a warrant this time so we decided to move on.

We were on our way to the gas station where Cisco’s friend worked when I decided to give Sally a call and see if she had any ideas. She said that she had a strong feeling that Cisco was at his other ex-girlfriend Angelica’s house. She felt so strongly that she said she would start walking there. I did not think he would be there but I have found Sally’s intuition to be a lot better than mine. So the P.O. and I took a detour to Angelica’s.

Her parents welcomed us in and assured us that Cisco had not been there. Angelica came in and said “Man, it is so weird that you guys showed up here. I just got off of the phone with Cisco.”

We asked her if she knew where he called from? She said that she didn't know where he was but she gave Sally the number. Sally called and talked to someone who said that Cisco was not there. She explained that she knew that he just called from this number but he continued to play dumb. When she asked him where he lived he hung up.

Angelica called back and told him to “Cut the crap” and put Cisco on the phone. This time he said that Cisco “uh, just left” and he didn’t know where he was going. He talked in circles for a few minutes and hung up again. A few minutes later Angelica received a call from another number.

It was Cisco.

Angelica told him that we were there with The P.O. to take him back to The Facility. He asked if we were sure that The Facility would allow him to come back. The P.O. asked for the phone and reassured Cisco that The Counselor had spoke with The Facility and they would allow him to return. He told him that if he would meet with us that he would do whatever he could to get him into the proper placement. Cisco agreed to meet us.

We thanked Angelica and her parents and went to pick up Cisco.

He met us and he admitted that it was really dumb of him to run again but he felt that the program was not helping him. He said he wanted to be in a program that had more recovery activities, more physical activities and more job training. The P.O. called The Counselor and we had a conference call in the Shop ‘n Save parking lot concerning what would be best for Cisco. The Counselor wanted to know what would stop Cisco from running away again. The P.O. agreed and told Cisco that we may just be setting him up to fail if he went back to The Facility.

The P.O. explained to Cisco that it was a good thing that he came back voluntarily again but that he would still need to attend a hearing to determine where he would go. He gave him the choice of going back to The Facility or spending the night at the Shuman Detention Center. After talking it over Cisco agreed that he would go to Shuman and the hearing the first thing in the morning.

So now, here we are; still feeling our way down this very strange, seldom straight, sometimes smooth, and often scary path of recovery.

We continue to thank The P.O. and The Counselor for their amazing efforts to help our family. We thank all of our PSST family for their support.

For now we know where Cisco is and that he is safe, warm and clean.

We know that he has 15 or 16 months clean time over the past year and half.

We know that Cisco is trying hard but that his addiction is fighting back whenever it finds the chance.

We know that we are much better than we were last year at this time, never the less, we need to continue as a family to recover.

We know that we will see you all at the next PSST Meeting.

Thank you all for being there.

P.S. Since Sally attended the hearing I will let her tell you about that.

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Healing 'holes' in brain provides Hope Posted by:Rocco--Sunday, November 28, 2010

Sally's sister, Sandy, saved an article from the Palm Beach Post for us to share concerning the cause and treatment of addiction at the Hanley Center, a noted nonprofit addiction treatment facility in West Palm Beach, Florida.

Healing 'holes' in brain may help addicts, says West Palm doctor - New Research and Treatment

By Barbara Marshall
Palm Beach Post Staff Writer


"Doctor, you have no idea how hard this is." Addicts say it all the time.

Looking at this motherly woman with the empathetic blue eyes, they ask, "What could you know about addiction, anyway?"

Dr. Barbara Krantz, the CEO and director of medicine at the Hanley Center in West Palm Beach, says gently, "Let me tell you my story."

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Dr. Krantz pulls up an image of a patient's brain on a computer screen. The man has been in and out of treatment for years, unable to stay off the drugs that are killing him.

Dr. Krantz, a 60-year-old former family doctor and one of the country's leading researchers in addiction medicine, zeroes in on what she thinks is the cause.

"There, see that?"

The SPECT image shows a brain that looks like Swiss cheese, as if something has been nibbling at the tissue.

The "holes," Krantz explains, are areas of reduced brain activity due to low blood flow. The largest "holes" are in the part that governs impulse control, called the prefrontal cortex.

To Dr. Krantz, the brain scan shows the patient can't stop using drugs because he can't control his impulsivity.

In other words, it wasn't lack of willpower or some character defect that made it impossible for the man to get clean. The part of his brain that might enable him to "just say no" was damaged.

"Begin to heal those "holes," which Dr. Krantz says is possible in a matter of months, and you may begin to heal the patient. Knowing what parts of the brain are affected by addiction also helps Hanley target therapeutic drugs, such as antidepressants, to enhance recovery.

"It's very, very cutting edge stuff," said Paul Kenny, a neurobiologist at Scripps Research Center in Jupiter, who is collaborating with Dr. Krantz on this research, which recently got Krantz and the Hanley center national attention in Time magazine.

In the world of addiction medicine, Dr. Krantz is the link between discoveries in the lab and their application to patients, Kenny said.

Former state senator Tom Rossin, the chairman of Hanley's board of directors, calls Dr. Krantz "One of those caring doctors we all would like to have but she's also one of the country's premier experts in the field of addiction."

She is passionate about demonstrating that addiction is a disease with a biological basis, like high blood pressure.

For more information on SPECT(single photo emission computer tomography) click on:

http://www.medicexchange.com/PET/hanley-center-acquires-east-coasts-spect-scanner.html

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/addiction/content/article/113619/1592214

Thirty years ago, Dr. Krantz learned it the hardest way possible.

It began in the late 1970s with severe headaches - stress headaches, she thinks now, but then labeled migraines. She was 29, one of the first female family doctors in Palm Beach County. She and her then-husband had a 6-month-old baby when she went to a neurologist, desperate for relief from the pounding in her head.

He gave her a shot of Demerol and her wobbly world slid miraculously back into place. The throbbing headache was replaced by an seductive euphoria that let her float through hours of work and still be up scrubbing floors at 5 a.m. Within months, she was injecting Demerol daily, confident she wasn't addicted.

"My perception of an addict was a skid row bum, shooting heroin. I knew I wasn't an addict because I was a mom and it was prescription medicine," she said.

The drug gripped tightly, quickly. She says she was addicted within six to eight months. When making house calls to terminally ill patients who needed pain control, she'd give the patient a shot from a vial of Demerol and save the rest for herself.

In 1981, her mother pushed her into treatment. Eventually, she spent six months at a program for addicted physicians. She was perplexed, even angry, that no one there, at a facility that specialized in treating doctors, "could answer my questions about what was happening in my brain."

She resumed her practice, but still felt fragile and off-kilter. "The first two years (in recovery,) you just don't feel right. My brain wasn't back," Krantz said. "I still didn't have a clue about neurochemistry."

All the while, she was dealing with the public perception, even among fellow physicians, that her addiction stemmed from weakness and moral deficiency.

"The guilt and shame that I experienced for the first two years of my recovery were close to lethal" Dr. Krantz said.

In 1999, following several personal tragedies, she founded "His Great Commission", a non-profit medical outreach program, in his memory. For 10 years (before she had to close the program last year) Krantz and other volunteers ventured into the county's roughest neighborhoods, offering free basic medical care. Addicts all over the county grew to trust the tall blond woman who didn't preach and refused to judge.

"Not everybody can do what Barbara did," said Sandra White, of United Deliverance Church in West Palm Beach, who volunteered alongside Dr. Krantz. "It was admirable and risky."

Today, Dr. Krantz has built a national reputation as a lecturer and was quoted in September in a Time magazine article on prescription drug addiction, which she calls "Pharmageddon."

In 1990 there were barely 6,000 deaths from accidental drug poisoning in the U.S.

By 2007 that number had nearly quintupled, to 27,658.

In 15 states and the District of Columbia, unintentional overdoses have, for the first time in modern memory, replaced motor-vehicle incidents as the leading cause of accidental death; and in three more states it's close to a tie.

To read more about “Pharmageddon” click on:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/09/04/earlyshow/saturday/main6835509.shtml

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2015763,00.html#ixzz16hdjyZ82

These days, three immutable certainties guide her life: addiction is a medical disease, God exists and as she knows intimately, the human spirit can soar above heartbreak with purpose and hope.

A carved wooden sign on her desk reads: "Care Deeply."

Tellingly, it faces visitors. Dr. Krantz doesn't need reminding.

Copyright © 2010 The Palm Beach Post. All rights reserved.

Copyright © 2010 Time Inc. All rights reserved

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Parent helps to prevent relapse Posted by:Lloyd Woodward--Saturday, November 27, 2010

NEW COMMENT: This role highlights the importance of setting up a good solid recovery plan while the teen is in rehab BEFORE he is released. Of course, it may be that this window of opportunity has passed or perhaps your teen was never in rehab. In that case look at every difficulty such as relapse, violations of contract, defiance, crucial meetings with therapist or probation officer as new windows of opportunity where you might gain a commitment from teen to follow a solid contract. Then, hold him to that contract. This sort of goes along with the Should I give him space post, and it does provide more thought on that same topic.

REPRINT:

Role Play: Parent Helps To Prevent Relapse is reprinted here. It was originally posted March 2007.

Dad: Hey, can we talk a minute?

Son: What's up, Yo?

Dad: Well, I've noticed that you only went to a few meetings last week.

Son: Dad- [making a face of disgust] I know when I need to go to a meeting!

Dad: Yeah, but we agreed on a meeting a day for the first 90 days. Then we said we'd talk.



Son: You know you really kill me. You really do. You think cause you went to a few of Lloyd's meetings, and a couple of Gateway family meetings that you're some kind of expert on addiction! You probably think you're going to write a book about your experiences, don't ya?

Dad: Well, I don't know about that...

Son: [cutting off his father] Well, don't quit your day job! I think after what I've been though, I know how to stay clean. You never even been addicted you said. So, you don't really know, do ya?

Dad: Well, no but...

Son: [cutting off his father] Listen Dad, I know you worry, but my sponsor said something that's important. And HE knows about recovery, cause he's in it- you know what I mean? Well, he says that you and Mom are trying to work my recovery for me. And that just makes me angry. In fact, if anything THAT makes me want to shoot dope! So, you should back off, Yo!

[Pause]

Son: Anyway, you think I would ever do anything to make me go back into rehab? You think I want to get sent away? You're crazy! I hated that place! I will NEVER do dope again! I'm to smart for that shyt now man- no way! You think I'm stupid?

Dad: Ok, ok, ok, let's back up here can we? Just hold your horses [dad puts up the traffic sign for stopping traffic].

Dad: First of all, no I do not think that you are stupid. Far from it. Second, you are right, I am not an addict and I don't know a lot of stuff about it- [laughing] AND I’m not starting my book yet so YOU back off, Yo!

Son: O.K.- that's good! [struggles to put up a smile- but it's not working as he is too upset to relax].

Dad: Son, do you know who taught me the most important stuff about addicitions?

Son: Abe Twerski, when he gave that lecture at Gateway?

Dad: Ooh- that was a good lecture- but no not him. Not at all.

Son: Who then? I know you're gonna tell me anyway! [Rolling eyes].

Dad: You did. When you were in rehab.

Son: [Looks surprised]

Dad: Yes, son in rehab you taught me that you need to go to a meeting a day for at least the first 90 days. And you taught me that you need to go to those meetings regardless of whether you feel like going.

[pause]

Dad: And you taught me that you need to cut yourself off from all the people that you used with. Remember that list that you came up with? That list of people that you need to stay away from? Well I learned a lot from you coming up with that list- you really gave that list a lot of thought. And I was surprised at how many names were on it! I was proud of how much work you put into that. Well, I see that you have started to hang with Denny. [pause] and Son, we both know he is on that list.

Son: Ahhh Dad! He don't use no more. He's goes to meetins now!

Dad: Nevertheless, he is on the list- and he is someone you shot dope with.

Son: You think I'm stupid- I will never do that junk again, man, you make me mad talking like this - [getting louder] you trying to work my program for me!

Dad: Regardless, we are sticking with the plan that you came up with in the rehab. We are not changing plans now. Son, trust me on this one; we ARE NOT changing plans now.

Son: But, even my sponsor says...

Dad: Regardless, we are following the plan we came up with in treatment. It's non-negotiable.

Son: I'm not going to all those meetings anymore, Dad. I mean- I'll go when I need to go that's all. And Denny's not a bad guy like you think- he's my friend - and you can't pick my friends for me neither!
Dad: [moving closer with strong eye contact the father says slowly and softly] That is unacceptable, Son.

Son: You can't make me do that stuff!

Dad: Son, we can do a lot- and if you want, your mother and I will discuss with you what we are prepared to do. But maybe it's enough for now if you just trust me- trust that I am prepared to do whatever I need to do to see that you follow the plan that you came up with in rehab. That's all.

Son: [walks off in anger, muttering obsenities]

Dad: [ Lets him go.]

We have all learned a great deal about the signs of relapse. As Mary pointed out, overconfidence and anger can be signs. Home Alone hit on a lot of them, including the fact that a relapse happens in the teenager's mind before he actually takes "the first one." Hanging out with old friends and attending fewer meetings can be signs. But what is a parent to do to help?

Preparation can often be the most helpful thing. For example, what was the plan that your teenager came up with while he was in the rehab? Or what plan did he come up with before the "stinkin thinkin" set in? Stick to that plan, even if your teen no longer believes that he needs to do that. Don't be distracted from the recovery plan by the attitude of your teenager. Yes, we wish that he always kept that "recovery high" that he had when he first came home from the rehab, but since addiction is "cunning, baffling, and powerful," it is often the case that we don't get our parent-wishes. In general, don't be distracted. Insist that your teen follows the plan.

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