Max Gets "W.I.S." Syndrome - Written by Max, (a PSST Mom) Posted by:Sally--Sunday, November 07, 2010

Our 18 year old Michael, who had been inpatient at Gateway over the summer, has been doing well as of late. He has been successfully discharged from out patient Gateway, has started a new job, has not been late for home curfew, and is learning how to drive.

In short, he is acting like the kid I was hoping he would be.


I should be happy and thank my Higher Power for the good that is NOW, not thinking about tomorrow, just enjoying the moment. W.I.S. Syndrome (click here to read all about W.I.S - 'WHAT IF SYNDROME') has the ability to destroy this deserved sense of well-being. If you let it, that is...



There is no school today due to Veteran's Day. So yesterday early evening, Michael called to ask, could he have an extended curfew since there was no school. His weekday curfew is 9PM. Since he had been doing well, and I knew what he was doing and who he was with, I said, "sure, how about 11pm, and not a moment after". He was very happy with this.

As the evening wore on, I started to feel "WISSY" and all the old thoughts came rushing back into my head: "Do I really know where he is?" "Do I really know who he is with"?

"What if...."

At 10:57 Michael walked in the house, yelled hello as he walked up into our room to say good night as is typical for him. I always use this opportunity to get a good look - how are his eyes, how does he smell, is he walking in a straight line, is he slurring his words...you all do the same. I did not notice anything out of the ordinary. But I still felt unsure - something in my gut had me concerned. Was it something I was missing, or was I just WISSING?

I decided to go to the kitchen where Michael was making his usual snack at the usual time. He turned to me and said "what's up"?

I decided to engage him in a conversation to double check his word-slur situation - always a reliable sign of alcohol consumption in Michael.

Max: Just was wondering what you did tonight?

Mike: I told you - I was hanging out at X's house with Cindy and Sandy- we watched a movie.

Max: I don't know Sandy and Cindy...

Mike:(laughing to himself) they are twins...

Max: (getting WISSIER) what is that supposed to mean?!

Mike: (smiling) Ma, that is TOO MUCH INFORMATION you are asking for!

Max: (trying not to WIS-out) Uh, were there any parents at home? were you alone with these girls?

Mike: MA! I understand why you want to know where I am, but I'm not gonna give you details on this kind of stuff!!

Max: (God forgive me, WIS took over and I actually said this) Please don't tell me you had an ORGY

Mike: OH MY GOD, MOM! THAT IS SICK!!

Max: I agree, Max...see you tomorrow....

One would think that would satisfy. No words slurred there. But as one who is WIS inclined, I couldn't sleep. I wanted to swab his mouth with an alcohol tester. But I totally WISSED out...

...I was afraid if he was positive and all of what that would imply, and afraid of his reaction to my lack of trust if it were clean. So I did nothing, and fell back on my old habits.

Early this morning, before I went to work, I decided to confront the situation, the only known cure for What If Syndrome...

...Face it head on!

I took an alcohol swab in hand, because some information says it works within 12 hours of consumption, and by my count, it was 10 hours. I was going to use my PSST tools to help:

Max: Michael, I have something I want to talk to you about, and I am pretty sure you are going to be upset -so I am giving you permission to get up and walk out if you are...

Mike: (angrily) Mom, this better not be about those TWINS!!

Max: no, I wanted to know if you guys drank or smoked last night.

Mike: (totally fine with this question) No, why?

Max: Well, sometimes it is difficult for me to believe a group of kids were together, hanging out, and no one was using...

Mike: Well, we weren't.

Max: Then you won't mind when I ask you to spit in this cup so I can alcohol test you?

Mike: What is the point of that, I doubt it would work now anyway.

Max: So you are refusing?

Mike: No, I'll do it, it just is bothering me why you want me to now.

Max: (dipping the swab in his swill) Negative! Thanks, Mike.

Mike: I still don't get it. I told you. It bothers me that you have to treat me like this after all the good I've been doing.

Max: Mike, I understand if you are insulted by my lack of trust. You have been working so hard, and doing better all the time. Dad and I recognize that and are proud of you for it. I am still working on myself, getting used to the "new you", and sometimes I get frightened - I have triggers too! So the only way I can calm myself down is by asking you directly and by testing you.

I have the right to do this anytime I want, as long as you are living in my house. Any human can slip up and take a step backwards at any time of life - don't be insulted.

Mike: I know mom...

So, I feel much better now. We had a good conversation; I was able to reiterate rules, and demonstrate to him that I am human too and can revert to old behaviors just like he can.

NEVERTHELESS...

...as I read back over my conversation, I think I could have done my last comment better. It would have been something like this:

Max: Mike, I agree with you that I have a lack of trust. I also agree that you have been working hard and doing well, and because of this it seems unfair that I should want to test you, right?

Mike: yeah, it sucks.

Max: You got that right, it does. Nevertheless, I am going to test you. It's been a long road for both of us, and you being out with friends is a trigger for me sometimes. So I need to be honest and upfront about it with you, and not ignore my signals. Otherwise, I will worry more and trust you less.

If only we could have "instant replay" in life!

But since we can't, my general advice would be.....

Don't get WISSED...





...get PSST!!!



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